Should I Still Be Hoping My Missing Cat Will Come Home?

[sugarspacebunny]

Norachan I sure hope 2 weeks isn't very long for them. I am trying to keep hope up as my parents cat once came home after a week during a really heavy snow period--and he was an indoor only cat o_o! Fifi is an indoor/outdoor but she never strayed from our property. She always waited around to be let in multiple times a day..

 

[spycat29]

I'm so sorry S spycat29 What do you feel about the possibility of Shadow coming home again? Are you still looking for him actively?

I know you're still hoping to see him again, but I think we reach a point when we start to feel it's unlikely that our lost ones will ever come home.

It took me a year to accept I would never see George again. I tried to prevent myself from grieving for him, because I didn't want to make the fact that he was gone too real. I think that's part of the reason why his being gone still hurts so much now.

Would it help you to make a Crossing The Bridge thread for Shadow? I didn't ever make one for George, maybe I should have done.

I don't mean to suggest that Shadow won't ever come home, but maybe it will help you if you can create a thread in his memory.

You're in my thoughts. I'm very sorry for what you are going through.

Thanks, Norachan. I don't think I'm ready to do that yet. A memorial would make it feel as though he is dead and I don't want to assume that without any proof. It all seems so open-ended, not knowing where he is or if he is still alive. About two weeks after he disappeared, I received a call from a neighbor about three blocks away. It was during a snow storm. She said that she saw a gray cat run under a shed in the neighbor's yard. I went there and saw part of the cat under the shed. It wasn't possible to see more than a swatch of his fur. The color looked like Shadow. But, at the time, I was in shock and denial and thought it couldn't be him - he couldn't travel this far away. After trying to coax the cat out, we finally gave up assuming it wasn't him. We left. This is my biggest regret now. I think it WAS him...and I left him there. After that, other neighbors started saying that they saw a gray cat in the area so we started stalking the area with food and traps. As you already know, we weren't successful. So, I missed the opportunity to bring Shadow home when I could have and I think he moved on. We expanded our search with sightings from there but now the trail has gone cold. I think he's alive and still out there. I'm not willing to let go yet.

Thank you for replying to my post, Norachan. Your input is very much appreciated.

 

[catsknowme]

My commiseration - the not knowing and the "what ifs" are the worst.
Last year, spring 2016, my super-tiny kitten Polly went missing in broad daylight. A little over a week ago, a cat, possibly Polly, was in a patch of overgrown Virginia creeper, meowing. I tried coaxing her out but the ferals who dominate that section of our yard kept threatening her and she left again . So I must have a neighbor who offers food and shelter. My dad's cat disappeared for a few days recently and reappeared groomed!

 

[Margret]

1. It wasn't possible to see more than a swatch of his fur. The color looked like Shadow. But, at the time, I was in shock and denial and thought it couldn't be him - he couldn't travel this far away. After trying to coax the cat out, we finally gave up assuming it wasn't him. We left. This is my biggest regret now. I think it WAS him...and I left him there.

Please, stop right there. You are making a major assumption. I think that if it were Shadow he would have come out when you called. Please don't take on a burden of undeserved guilt on top of everything else.

Look, when a cat goes missing, our entire grieving process gets screwed up, because we don't know. The perfectly reasonable, life-affirming stage of searching and hoping gets all mixed up with the grieving stage of denial, and we don't know where we are. It sounds as if you're in that mixed stage right now -- you don't want to give up on Shadow, but some part of you is convinced (rightly or wrongly) that Shadow is gone for good and it's time to start grieving. And the so-called "stages" of grieving are always less orderly than we've been led to believe. It's quite common to cycle through several of them in a day, and then cycle through them (in a different order, even) again, the next day. It's even quite possible to be in two stages of grieving at once!

Right now, you're trying to balance the searching stage of having a lost cat with the denial stage of grieving after losing a cat, and it's difficult. But it's also possible. It's perfectly okay to grieve for Shadow now. At the very least Shadow is lost and in danger; of course you're grieving. Think about it for a minute. Assume that you continue to do everything you can to find Shadow, but at the same time you grieve for Shadow. There are two possible outcomes:

1. Shadow comes home.
2. Shadow doesn't come home.

So, if Shadow comes home, how has your grieving hurt him? Will you love him any less? Will you tell him "No, I don't want you any more because I've already grieved for you"? Of course not! The worst that will happen is that you'll be extra clingy with him a couple more days than you would have otherwise, and that may be exactly what he needs.

And if Shadow doesn't come home, you avoid the trap that Norachan fell into, of not grieving at the best time.

Your emotions aren't lying to you; they're telling you that you're confused and frightened. Honor them.

As to taking on undeserved guilt, this, too, tends to be a part of the grieving process, and it's the one place where your emotions might be lying to you, but only if you don't see the underlying message. Do you know why rape victims so frequently blame themselves? Partly it's cultural, of course; we live in a society that likes to blame the victim, especially female victims. But partly it's an attempt to protect themselves. If I was raped because, say, I was wearing a mini-skirt and that tempted him to rape me, then if I never wear a mini-skirt again I'll be safe. (The problem, of course, is that not wearing mini-skirts still won't make you safe, and believing that it does can lead you to do other things that are dangerous. And the other problem is that it's wrong to justify rape.)

Any time we lose a cat (in either sense of the word "lose") there's a tendency to do the same thing; to take on guilt as a protection against the bad thing ever happening again. To a certain extent this is healthy -- it might be wise to stop wearing mini-skirts, and there probably were things you could have done to keep Shadow more safe. But the time to decide what those things are hasn't arrived yet. That is best done long enough after the fact that you can look at things objectively, and you have a long way to go before that day comes.

I know it's hard, but try to be kind to yourself. I'm not a Christian, but there are certain things in the Bible that are very wise, and one of them is "Love your neighbor as yourself." And one of the wisest parts of the Golden Rule is the underlying assumption that you love yourself, and that it's right to love yourself. So before you beat yourself up over something you might have done differently, try thinking of yourself as your neighbor. If there are words that you would never say to someone else in your situation, don't say them to yourself. Love yourself as you love your neighbor.

Margret

 

[spycat29]

Please, stop right there. You are making a major assumption. I think that if it were Shadow he would have come out when you called. Please don't take on a burden of undeserved guilt on top of everything else.

Look, when a cat goes missing, our entire grieving process gets screwed up, because we don't know. The perfectly reasonable, life-affirming stage of searching and hoping gets all mixed up with the grieving stage of denial, and we don't know where we are. It sounds as if you're in that mixed stage right now -- you don't want to give up on Shadow, but some part of you is convinced (rightly or wrongly) that Shadow is gone for good and it's time to start grieving. And the so-called "stages" of grieving are always less orderly than we've been led to believe. It's quite common to cycle through several of them in a day, and then cycle through them (in a different order, even) again, the next day. It's even quite possible to be in two stages of grieving at once!

Right now, you're trying to balance the searching stage of having a lost cat with the denial stage of grieving after losing a cat, and it's difficult. But it's also possible. It's perfectly okay to grieve for Shadow now. At the very least Shadow is lost and in danger; of course you're grieving. Think about it for a minute. Assume that you continue to do everything you can to find Shadow, but at the same time you grieve for Shadow. There are two possible outcomes:

1. Shadow comes home.
2. Shadow doesn't come home.

So, if Shadow comes home, how has your grieving hurt him? Will you love him any less? Will you tell him "No, I don't want you any more because I've already grieved for you"? Of course not! The worst that will happen is that you'll be extra clingy with him a couple more days than you would have otherwise, and that may be exactly what he needs.

And if Shadow doesn't come home, you avoid the trap that Norachan fell into, of not grieving at the best time.

Your emotions aren't lying to you; they're telling you that you're confused and frightened. Honor them.

As to taking on undeserved guilt, this, too, tends to be a part of the grieving process, and it's the one place where your emotions might be lying to you, but only if you don't see the underlying message. Do you know why rape victims so frequently blame themselves? Partly it's cultural, of course; we live in a society that likes to blame the victim, especially female victims. But partly it's an attempt to protect themselves. If I was raped because, say, I was wearing a mini-skirt and that tempted him to rape me, then if I never wear a mini-skirt again I'll be safe. (The problem, of course, is that not wearing mini-skirts still won't make you safe, and believing that it does can lead you to do other things that are dangerous. And the other problem is that it's wrong to justify rape.)

Any time we lose a cat (in either sense of the word "lose") there's a tendency to do the same thing; to take on guilt as a protection against the bad thing ever happening again. To a certain extent this is healthy -- it might be wise to stop wearing mini-skirts, and there probably were things you could have done to keep Shadow more safe. But the time to decide what those things are hasn't arrived yet. That is best done long enough after the fact that you can look at things objectively, and you have a long way to go before that day comes.

I know it's hard, but try to be kind to yourself. I'm not a Christian, but there are certain things in the Bible that are very wise, and one of them is "Love your neighbor as yourself." And one of the wisest parts of the Golden Rule is the underlying assumption that you love yourself, and that it's right to love yourself. So before you beat yourself up over something you might have done differently, try thinking of yourself as your neighbor. If there are words that you would never say to someone else in your situation, don't say them to yourself. Love yourself as you love your neighbor.

Margret

Please, stop right there. You are making a major assumption. I think that if it were Shadow he would have come out when you called. Please don't take on a burden of undeserved guilt on top of everything else.

Look, when a cat goes missing, our entire grieving process gets screwed up, because we don't know. The perfectly reasonable, life-affirming stage of searching and hoping gets all mixed up with the grieving stage of denial, and we don't know where we are. It sounds as if you're in that mixed stage right now -- you don't want to give up on Shadow, but some part of you is convinced (rightly or wrongly) that Shadow is gone for good and it's time to start grieving. And the so-called "stages" of grieving are always less orderly than we've been led to believe. It's quite common to cycle through several of them in a day, and then cycle through them (in a different order, even) again, the next day. It's even quite possible to be in two stages of grieving at once!

Right now, you're trying to balance the searching stage of having a lost cat with the denial stage of grieving after losing a cat, and it's difficult. But it's also possible. It's perfectly okay to grieve for Shadow now. At the very least Shadow is lost and in danger; of course you're grieving. Think about it for a minute. Assume that you continue to do everything you can to find Shadow, but at the same time you grieve for Shadow. There are two possible outcomes:

1. Shadow comes home.
2. Shadow doesn't come home.

So, if Shadow comes home, how has your grieving hurt him? Will you love him any less? Will you tell him "No, I don't want you any more because I've already grieved for you"? Of course not! The worst that will happen is that you'll be extra clingy with him a couple more days than you would have otherwise, and that may be exactly what he needs.

And if Shadow doesn't come home, you avoid the trap that Norachan fell into, of not grieving at the best time.

Your emotions aren't lying to you; they're telling you that you're confused and frightened. Honor them.

As to taking on undeserved guilt, this, too, tends to be a part of the grieving process, and it's the one place where your emotions might be lying to you, but only if you don't see the underlying message. Do you know why rape victims so frequently blame themselves? Partly it's cultural, of course; we live in a society that likes to blame the victim, especially female victims. But partly it's an attempt to protect themselves. If I was raped because, say, I was wearing a mini-skirt and that tempted him to rape me, then if I never wear a mini-skirt again I'll be safe. (The problem, of course, is that not wearing mini-skirts still won't make you safe, and believing that it does can lead you to do other things that are dangerous. And the other problem is that it's wrong to justify rape.)

Any time we lose a cat (in either sense of the word "lose") there's a tendency to do the same thing; to take on guilt as a protection against the bad thing ever happening again. To a certain extent this is healthy -- it might be wise to stop wearing mini-skirts, and there probably were things you could have done to keep Shadow more safe. But the time to decide what those things are hasn't arrived yet. That is best done long enough after the fact that you can look at things objectively, and you have a long way to go before that day comes.

I know it's hard, but try to be kind to yourself. I'm not a Christian, but there are certain things in the Bible that are very wise, and one of them is "Love your neighbor as yourself." And one of the wisest parts of the Golden Rule is the underlying assumption that you love yourself, and that it's right to love yourself. So before you beat yourself up over something you might have done differently, try thinking of yourself as your neighbor. If there are words that you would never say to someone else in your situation, don't say them to yourself. Love yourself as you love your neighbor.

Margret

Thanks for taking the time to write, Margret. The last eight months have been very difficult. I will try to take your advice to heart.

 

[Margret]

Remember, I didn't say it would be easy; it won't. These habits can be very deeply ingrained.

I should mention that my Floppy has now been missing for nearly five years, and I'm pretty sure she was eaten by a coyote. And, yes, I have grieved for her. But any time Jasmine tells me that there's a cat outside that window I still go out and call for Floppy, just in case. She would be 18 now; the chances that she's alive are vanishingly small. But I still check.

Margret

 

[spycat29]

I'm sorry about your Floppy.

 

[Margret]

I'm sorry about your Floppy.

Thank you. And I'm sorry about your Shadow; I hope he comes home to you.

Margret

 

[Ninja's Mom]

Hello everybody.
First of all, I want to thank you, Norachan, for starting this thread. I spent weeks reading through all the entries and crying over all your lost cats and your broken hearts. It has given me hope, as well as allowed me to cry for my own loss. You probably know why I'm here. My baby Ninja is missing too and I don't know what to do.
I found her and her brother Sumo while walking my dog one night. They were around a month old, dirty and covered in fleas and all alone. I took them home, thinking how great it's going to be for my dog Lizzi to have company and made them indoor cats. That was two years ago and we were happy. I aways thought how lucky I was to be surrounded with such kind hearted animals. Lizzi accepted the cats like I knew a gentle soul like her would and the cats loved to bump their little heads to hers. Sumo is the friendly one, he is really cool and was always taking visits from my friends and their dogs very well. It's like he doesn't know he is supposed to be afraid of dogs. He is very relaxed and playful. In the evening he likes to run around the apartment chirping and likes to sleep a lot. Ninja, on the other hand, is a drama queen. She was always very timid, hiding from everybody she doesn't know well. Including me for the first month. But then, when she decided I was cool, it was like it wasn't the same cat. She became very gentle and affectionate, but only with me. She is not at all interested in anyone else. My ex boyfriend had been living with us for three months before she finally approached him on her own. He almost went out to get some champagne to celebrate the occasion. Some of my friends have never seen her and even though they know I have two cats, they only ever saw one. If they are closer friends that come over more often, she will eventually show herself, first from afar, darting from point A to point B, but after a while she starts to relax and after she knows somebody for about a 6 months or so, she might even jump on their lap for cuddles. Still, as soon as she hears somebody entering the hall in front of the apartment, she runs and hides. She has LOTS of hiding places. And I have a really small apartment. She keeps surprising me with new ones, she's creative that way. She likes to sleep in her hidden places and likes to make me look for her all through the apartment. She will never come when called, even if I start to worry. I already thought she was missing couple of times before. Not the case. She was just hiding and wouldn't come out or react to my calls. I had to find her on my own every time.
Well, one evening when Lizzi and I came back from the walk, she bolted through the door. Both cats liked to do that, it was more of a game in the end. They would both wait by the door, then separate and run to opposite sides of the hall. Then I would "chase" one and then the other with the door open and they would run away from me until they ran back to the apartment. It was a game and my baby was just playing. But it was late and I was tired and didn't even see her running out, so I just closed the door and went to bed assuming she was sleeping in one of her special places. I didn't even notice she was gone until the next day. I have been living in hell ever since. It's been almost three months now. I am so depressed I want to throw up every morning as I realize I have another day ahead of me. I am sad, worried, I miss her and I feel incredibly guilty. I just can't handle the thought of never seeing her again. Please help me. Give me hope. Thank you so much for reading this.

 

[Margret]

Oh, N Ninja's Mom , I'm so sorry to hear this! And I'm very sorry that it was such a traumatic thing that brought you to our site, though we're very glad to have you.

First, I really really hope that you have some good pictures of Ninja. Print the best one you have and put it on a Lost Pet poster, with her name and your phone number. It may be good to print your phone number multiple times, sideways, at the bottom of the poster and put slits between them so that people can just tear one off. (Someone at Kinko's can help you with this if you can't do it on your own.) Make multiple copies of this poster. I hope your building has a bulletin board, because that's the first place you want to put your poster. If there's no bulletin board but there's a security desk, ask whether you can put your poster there. Put more posters on light poles (or whatever your community uses for such things) all around your building and for several blocks in every direction. Check on them frequently and replace them whenever the supply of phone number tabs starts to run low. Also, many grocery stores have bulletin boards where you can put it.

Take posters to your local shelters and vets and ask them to be on the lookout for Ninja.

Knock on every door on your floor, with a picture of Ninja in hand, and ask whether they've seen your cat. Make a note of which doors weren't answered and go back at a different time of day.

Even though Ninja doesn't come when called, things are different when a cat is in distress. Wander through and around your building calling her; night time may be best (at least outside) because cats tend to come out at night.

And keep us posted. Our thoughts will be with you and your family; I'm sure you all miss her very much. Oh, yes. Maybe Lizzi can help? I realize that she's probably not a trained tracking dog, but when you walk her you may want to say something like, "Lizzi, let's find Ninja!"



Margret

 

[Norachan]

I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through N Ninja's Mom

I think Margret's idea about getting your dog to help you look for Ninja is a great one. Ninja might show herself when she see's her friend, or at least be tempted to follow you home.

Very shy cats usually stay hidden all day and only come out to eat at night. Ninja could still be close to your place but living the secretive life of a shy feral cat.

Is it possible for you to leave food out at night and see if she comes to eat? If you have a place that you could set up some cat food that won't be spotted by your neighbours she might be drawn to that. A trail camera is a great way to find out what animals are close by. Another thing you could so is sprinkle a little talc or baking flour on the ground around the bowls of food to see if you get any kitty paw prints.

Good luck, please keep us posted.

 

[Ninja's Mom]

Dear Margret and Norachan,

Thank you for welcoming me here and making me feel less alone in my quest. I live alone, my ex boyfriend moved out, so, sadly, I'm the only one missing her and looking for her. He said that I should let go and that she will be back on her own when I stop holding on to it so tightly. But if I stop looking, then how will she be back, considering she was indoor cat who's never even seen what our building looks from the outside and all the comforting smells she knows are inside as well? And it's not a house, but a building, we live on the first floor - not too high, but definitely not low enough for her to just climb back in. I live in a small European city, in a relatively quiet neighborhood with not much traffic, but lots of buildings (many of them have basements and some of the windows to the basements are open for air), it's very green, there are trees and bushes everywhere. Parking is free, so also lots of cars.
There are also many cats, some feral and some just outdoor, so there are bowls with food and water everywhere - it's a pretty cat friendly neighborhood. But I am worried because of her shy temperament. I can't imagine her trusting either a human or another cat. I put posters everywhere and replace them as they get taken down. I did foot searches during the night, every night for the first month, now not as often because I fell all the sleep deprivation makes me useless both at work and in my search efforts. Now I only search on the weekends and on days before my afternoon shifts, so I have time to rest a bit too. Also, her unwillingness to answer discourages me because I feel I could have passed her by a million times and not notice her. I am in contact with people who feed the strays, but as I feared, nobody has seen her, not even once. Which I can't say surprises me at all. I've been leaving food out, but I don't have the camera so I have to watch the bowls from my window and I only ever saw one big yellow cat eating it. Also, sometimes I find the food untouched. I did find some gray hairs in the basement, they looked like hers, but I went down there to call for her many times with no answer and the food I left was untouched too, so I feel like she was there for a while and then left. The basement is divided into many locked little compartments which each belong to a different apartment and there is no way I could thoroughly search it.
Unfortunately, Lizzi doesn't get "Find the kitty, Lizzi" at all. She can search for a ball, but since I haven't thrown it, she starts looking around excitedly but then looks at me all confused and I see she doesn't understand what I want.
I feel Ninja is still alive though, I just don't know WHERE. Before, when I would forget a bag of chips or something on a living room table and went to sleep, in the morning I would find it everywhere on the floor of the apartment. Bag thorn and pieces of chips everywhere. This doesn't happen anymore, which makes me think she was the one doing it. Which tells me that she is an opportunist and that she can find food. But food alone is not enough, who will love her if she doesn't find her way back to me?
Thank you for your inputs, they are much appreciated.

 

[Margret]

N Ninja's Mom , when I said "family" I was referring to Lizzi and Sumo as well; our pets are part of our families.

How is your sense of smell? (I ask, because some of us can't smell at all.) Do you smell urine or poop in the basement area? If not, then I think we can rule out the basement. If so, then you know where you need to search.

Is Sumo leash trained? Ninja might come out if she smelled or heard Sumo nearby.

Try changing the words with Lizzi. Instead of "Find Ninja" try "Where's Ninja?" or "I wonder where Ninja is." It's hard to tell how much of our language different cats and dogs understand; Lizzi probably includes "ball" in the meaning of "find." Try to get her to focus more on the "Ninja" part.

I'll keep thinking about it and post if I come up with any more ideas.

Margret

 

[Ninja's Mom]

Thank you Margret. Sumo is not leash trained, it's not very common here, but I did take him out in in front of our building in a transporter (am I using the right word?) but since he's not used to being outside, he was very afraid and cried the whole time. I brought him back inside because he sounded distressed and I didn't think that would help bring her back.
As for the basement, it smells like a basement, like, a dirty, kind of moist smell. I didn't smell anything in particular, even though she went missing on the 2nd of August when it's really hot and I think I could smell pee, poop or a decaying body more easily than now.
Do you think leaving familiar scents outside the building would help after so long? I did leave food, water, couple of my worn shirts and smelly sneakers that i used to walk in while searching (no socks - it was gross, but the Internet said that it would help) and some used litter, but there is no place sheltered from the rain while also being hidden so it got wet pretty fast and probably lost a familiar scent. So I stopped. Should I leave something out again? In case she is still close, but living a feral life like Norachan suggested she might be? She could have gotten a little less scared by now, so it might work? Because I'm losing hope that i will find her, so maybe I should concentrate on making it easier for her to come back on her own.
How long does a cat remember the familiar smells? Would she have forgotten how home smells by now?
Thank you so much for your time and support. My little family sends lots of love your way!

 

[Margret]

Not the basement, then. She may have been there once, but she isn't now. If there was no food or water for her down there this is good new; I hate to think of a cat locked in alone without sustenance.

Stinky shoes/socks are one of the scents that cats just love; it's as good as catnip for them, even better for some. That's because that stinkiness smells like Valerian, which most cats love (I don't know why), and it's why you'll frequently see a cat sleeping with her head in a shoe .

No, I doubt that she's forgotten what home smells like; scent is extremely basic to most creatures; ever noticed how a scent from your childhood can bring back whole experiences? I think it works that way for cats, too; I know it does for dogs. Try putting a sweaty tee-shirt down for Sumo to sleep on, so that it has both your scent and his, and put that out with some more used litter. You may want to include some of Ninja's favorite food. If you can get Lizzi's scent on it as well, so much the better. However, even if Ninja finds these you're still faced with the problem of actually find her afterwards. Maybe a trail camera so that you can see which direction she comes from? Norachan , could that work? I've never used a trail cam.

I have to go; may not be back on-site until Monday, but I'll keep thinking about this and I'll write down any ideas I come up with so I won't forget to post them.

Margret

 

[Norachan]

One thing that has worked to bring other lost cats home is leaving their used litter box outside. Even a litter box that Sumo has used would work as she will recognise his smell. Dust from your vacuum cleaner bag will work too. If you can't leave the litter box outside you could take some of the litter and sprinkle a trail around your house. Less likely to be noticed by other people that live in the building, but quite obvious to a cat, who has a much better sense of smell than we do.

The trail camera I have is only triggered when something moves about a meter in front of it. It wouldn't show you which direction that cat came from, but it would show you that she is still there.

Your area sounds perfect for cats. If people leave food outside and there are plenty of places to shelter there would be no need for Ninja to go any further away.

Does your building have CCTV security cameras? Is there any way they would let you check to see if Ninja was on them?

 

[Ninja's Mom]

Good morning everybody. Norachan and Margret, thank you for your suggestions.
Indeed, my neighborhood is perfect for cats - as time went by I reminded myself that she is more than capable of surviving on her own. As for the basement, she wouldn't be trapped there. Some of the windows are open and she could have left it the same way she had gotten in. But I too hate the idea of my baby being in a dirty basement.
Unfortunately, my building doesn't have a security camera - only some buildings have them, usually the ones in the fancy parts of town where rich people live. I am pretty poor - majority of the country is. Even the camera is a problem for me because I have a shitty computer that's like, 20 years old, so I would have to buy a new computer first and then the camera. There is no way for me to do that.
As for the familiar scents, I forgot to mention something. While looking for Ninja I found an abandoned kitten that I took home too. He was crying loudly underneath one of the parked cars and when I approached to investigate, he immediately came towards me to push his little head against my fingers. He hissed a little at Lizzi but when I told her to move away a little and she did, he came forward to cuddle again. So I knew he wasn't a feral, but probably someone's lost cat. I put his photo on Facebook (we have lots of strays and lots of organizations that try to help them - TNR some and adopt others) but nobody claimed him. So he stayed and is now using the same litter box and sleeps with Sumo. Sumo is a great guy and had accepted the kid cat instantly. He was also showing signs of distress when Ninja went missing - they were very close. So I thought that a new baby brother might help him cope with his loss and haven't tried to find new owners for the kitten. The little one is with us for about two months now. He still doesn't have a name though because I had doubts about keeping him - I was afraid that I am sending a message to the Universe that all is good - two cats, one dog - the balance is back to normal. I didn't want to accept him as a substitute and in some way make Ninja not come back. I was angry with him for the first week, just because he wasn't Ninja, but then felt guilty that about it - I really am an emotional wreck.
So the question is - will the litter box work now since it's not Ninja's smell anymore, but it's also not just Sumo's, it's a strange cat's smell now too? I still have one box that she loved to sleep in (it's hidden underneath a low shelf, she loved it) and two blankies and a coushin that smell like her and that I stored unwashed so that other cats wouldn't contaminate it with their smell but I am still keeping those, afraid if I let it get wet in the rain, I will have nothing that smells just like her.
Also, the vacuum wouldn't work as it's one of those that run with water. So I guess, no smells.

 

[Norachan]

OK, try this. Get a cat brush and give Sumo a good grooming all over so you have a handful of his hair and try sprinkling that around your building. It doesn't have to be something that smells of Ninja, just something that smells of home.

When I was looking for George I came across a lot of stray cats too. I think if you're putting that "Looking for Cat" energy out there cats come to you.

I'm glad the little kitten found a home, even if it might not be a forever home. At least he is safe now and that's good karma for you.

The camera I have doesn't need to be attached to a computer. It has a memory card, you can just play back what was recorded on the camera itself every time you check it.

Ltl Acorn Ltl-5210A Trail Camera 940NM

You can probably pick up a cheap second hand one. My camera still works even after being left out in typhoons, blizzards and sub zero temperatures. They're really durable.

 

[Ninja's Mom]

Thank you Norachan! I never thought that grooming Sumo will have the same effect! But it's only logical when I think about it! Also thank you for the link to the camera, I was looking at cameras but I'm not very techy and they all looked the same to me, now I have an idea of what I'm looking for.
As for the kitten, he is staying. I was just distressed to the point that made me superstitious. But the kiddo is very cuddly and needs lots of love. And we have lots of love to give.
I was also wondering how far can a cat smell a familiar scent? A mile? Less? More?
I saw a post on facebook by one of the TNR organizations (it's really just volunteers) and one of the cats looks like mine but they are pretty far from where we live. Not very far, but further than I expected and searched. I tried to contact someone from this organization and got no response, but a girl that lived in my building knows them so I will try to contact them again tomorrow and maybe get them to take me there. But it's got me thinking if I am concentrating my efforts on the wrong places holding tightly to the idea that scaredy cats must be close by, when it's quite possible that she was chased away - there are lots of dogs in my neighborhood too.

 

[Margret]

Cats can go much farther than you think sometimes, so that could be Ninja; I recommend a trip to the area shortly after sunset with Lizzi and some of Ninja's favorite food, and then call Ninja. As for how far cats can smell home, I don't know. Norachan ?

As for the new kitten, cats are all individuals, just like humans. You would never mistake Sumo for Ninja, or expect Sumo to take Ninja's place because that's ridiculous, and it's the same with the kitten. Love the kitten all you want, for his own self; that doesn't change the love you have for Ninja in any way. And don't expect the kitten to replace Ninja; he can't, and you don't want him to. Allow him to make his own place in your heart. Trust yourself. You have a limited amount of space in your home for cats, so you can't adopt every one you run across, but your heart has no such limitation. Your heart has room for an infinite number of cats; it will have no trouble accommodating three.

And thank you for rescuing this little mite; many people wouldn't.

Margret