Should I ignore my Cat?

Knight's Cat

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My recently adopted 3 months old male kitten, has become way aggressive.
But I think it is only towards me.
I believe that it might be because of me trying to stay with him.
I live in a family of 4, with my parent and brother.
My brother ignores my kitten most of the time since he is busy with his school, but the cat will go to him and sleep on his lap as well as never bite him. And while I try to make time between my schedule to play with him, He refuses to stay within my sight and if by any chance he encounters me he goes up in an arch up position with his ear stuck behind with full intention to bite me even if I retreat.
I have noticed in the 1 month that I have spent with him that those who ignore him the most are those whom he likes the most.
And while he sleeps with me in my bedroom at night he likes to curl up near me.
I just don't know what am I doing wrong or how can I make him like me?
So I am asking Should I ignore my cat?
 

Mamanyt1953

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Yep. Ignore him. Don't make eye contact if you can help it. This lets him make all the first moves. You've seen how well this works with your brother. I will tell you that if he sleeps near you, he does not hate you at all, but he may find you a little overwhelming. Ignoring him will allow him to find his own way to relate with the wide-awake you. I can't begin to tell you how many people have done this and seen a real change in their cats over a bit of time. Just be patient. While ignoring him, you might try sitting on the floor as you read or watch TV. That brings you down to his level, and you might, after a week or two, find that he climbs in your lap. This article may have some ideas, as well:

 

Caspers Human

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Do you wrestle with your kitten?

I wonder whether your kitten is actually behaving aggressively toward you. He might think you are the human to wrestle with and all the other humans in the house are the ones for quiet time.

If you wrestle with a kitten, especially if you let it attack your hands, it will learn that it's okay to attack humans for fun. When the kitten grows up, it thinks it's okay to keep playing that way.

Many people say that you should never wrestle with a cat so that you don't teach it that it's okay to attack people.
Personally, I don't agree. If YOU think it's okay for your cat to attack and play rough, that's YOUR decision but, if you teach a cat to behave that way, don't be surprised when it tries to play rough with you.

I wonder if that's what's going on with your cat. Have you taught him that it's okay to play rough?

If that's the case, the solution is to ignore him when he doesn't behave the way you want.

With cats, there is two kinds of "ignoring."

The first kind of "ignoring" means, "I'm cool."
Since cats are both predator and prey, they have to be on guard at all times in case something or somebody comes after them. Cats are almost always on guard for trouble or danger. If you walk into a room where there is a cat and it puts all eyes on you, that means the cat is trying to figure out if you're going to be trouble. On the other hand, if the cat looks at you as if to say, "Hey, wa'ssup?" then goes back about its business, ignoring you, that means that the cat doesn't worry about you and feels comfortable.

The second kind of "ignoring" means, "You're annoying me."
That's the look you'll see on a cat's face when it is "ignoring you on purpose." That's when a cat sees what you are doing, you are bothering him and he wants to be left alone. Think about a situation where there is a young kitten pestering an older, adult cat and the older cat gets that look that seems to say, "Leave me alone, you little upstart!"

Your mission, should you choose to accept, is to figure out when to ignore your kitten in "I'm cool" mode and when to ignore him in "ignore on purpose" mode.

When your kitten attacks you, ignore him on purpose. When your kitten is just chillin' ignore him like "I'm cool."

In the mean time, you should try to transition to playing only with wand toys or rope toys so that the kitten doesn't get the idea that it's okay to attack humans.
 

danteshuman

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You have a kitten & you need to train it! Despite the myth, cats require training. Once you get the kitten to stop attacking you & to let you sleep; you can clicker training your kitten to do tricks if you want! A firm toys not hands policy is needed. I would suggest slowly dragging a wand toy under a sheet or blanket, instead of wrestling.

If you see the kitten hunting you, toss a small mouse toy or crinkle ball away from you. If the kitten attacks you anyway, do a high pitch OW; then ignore the kitten for 5 minutes...... refuse to even look at the kitten! I did a high pitch wailing oooooooOOOOOoooooWWWWWwwww. It worked great on the kittens. The high pitch communicated that it hurt and the wailing was loud enough & long enough to startle them a bit. Now I did this every time I got a hint of fang or claw, I would say ow. If they tried to attack me or scratched me, I did the wail. I over reacted, play acting like they hurt me, when they barely did. Why? Because I wanted them to learn to be gentle & that humans were furless wusses. It worked to train the 3 kittens.

Now I will tell you what I tell my hyper niece “Be the furniture!” Whenever your kitten gets on you, stay sitting or laying down for 15 minutes. Don’t pet the kitten unless the kitten nuddex dddxc x Ted ges your hand, while it is on your lap. Some cats get over stimulated from to much petting (my mom has a cat that gets over stimulated. The cat wants be on or next to her people but she only wants a quick ear or chin scratch. That doesn’t mean the cat dislikes you; it means if you pet that cat to much it starts to feel irritating or painful.

So hang in there. This is the tough period of cat ownership. Your cat is as hyper as can be, the kitten needs to learn the rules of the house, the new schedule of the house, the kitten is getting used to it’s new family & plus the kitten will be testing it’s limits soon as it goes through it’s teenage phase.
 

sanfran_kitty_lady_21

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There are 2 reasons cat get aggressive: they are scared or they want to play. A lot of people think play aggression is their cat not liking them but that's not usually the case. Kittens at this age are learning to fend for themselves (ie: hunt). Without a playmate, you've become the play mate and with the running away, you've become the prey. Your sibling who ignores him has taken on the role of mama cat.

But first, how do you know if this is dislike or play?
  • Does your cat hiss or growl when you come close? If that's the case, that's an unhappy, scared cat.
  • Is their first move to scratch you or to bite you? In my experience a cat that doesn't like you is trying to keep you as far away as possible so scratching is the first thing they do. And they do it in a really particular way that's different from a play scratch - it's fast, claws fully out, intended to hurt you.
  • When your cat bites you, how hard is it? Play bites are usually not too bad...aggressive bites are bloody and deep. If you want to see examples of playing cats vs. aggressive cats, YouTube My Cat from Hell videos. You'll see a lot of examples of behavior of a scared, unhappy cat and examples of that same cat playing once they've solved the problems.
  • Hiding: some cats are tree dwellers and some are bush dwellers. Meaning, some cats feel great up above and some like to hide. My cat's a bush dweller; she loves to chill under the couch and when we play, she loves to hide and pounce. So is hiding part of the play or is he hiding out of fear?
Hopefully that helps you determine whether your kitten is scared or whether he wants to play. Based on your description, I think he wants to play.

So then, how do you play with your cat rather than your cat playing with you?
1) Stop acting like prey by running away. I'm guessing your kitten thinks that's part of the game. Hold your ground and stay still. Attacking and still items is really not that fun. Running after something is WAY more fun.
2) Buy wand toys and, at the beginning, keep them with you. When your cat starts 'attacking' you, pull it out, grab their attention, redirect their energy. A toy waving around (you have to move it) is WAY more interesting than you standing still.
3) Cats THRIVE on routine. Identify multiple playtimes during the day and over time (a few weeks) your cats energy levels will match that rhythm. I have a 6 year old cat and we play every day at 7:30pm before 8pm dinner. Play before eat is ideal.
4) Provide other toys to your kitten like balls and kickers. Places to redirect energy that's not you. When you can't play with them, they will know to play with those toys. Also, kittens are PLAY SLEEP PLAY SLEEP, there's little in between those energy levels. So you need other things that will keep them entertained.
5) Also, I love Jackson Galaxy's videos on play (YouTube) and highly recommend them and they go into WAY more detail. He has topics around everything and, assuming your family is new to cats, I think you'll learn a lot from them.

Overall, what you're trying to achieve here is to teach them that you are not a toy. And a really nice side effect - playing with your cat in a way that doesn't hurt you is SO MUCH FUN. They are adorable little hunters, my daily play time makes me laugh.
 
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Knight's Cat

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Thank you so much for your suggestions and answers.
Indeed I used to wrestle with him during the second week he was with us. But by the third week when he started to get rough I searched google for the reason and how to stop it, and after posting another thread about it and getting answer, I have been teaching him that hands are not toys. While I have seen some result I believe that it would take time.
I will definitely try ignoring him when it is required (which is extremely hard since he is such a soft little cute furball).
Also would like to ask, if I bring my hand close to him in a normal manner while he is not much active and he holds my hand before I can pet him and pulls it towards his mouth to nibble and bite on, is it normal, or should I not pet him at that time. And should I let him nibble it or implement Hand are not toy at that time too??
 

danteshuman

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Well like it was mentioned he could be teething or it could be play. Either way I would do a high pitch ow & ignore him for 5 minutes. That way he doesn’t up his game and start nibbling on you harder & harder.

This worked on all 3 kittens & all my past cats.

You also might try getting your kitten a large kong kickeroo or stuffing a pair or two of socks in an old gym sock that you tie at the end. That way your kitten can attack a more cat size object, grab it, bite it & bunny kick it to the kitten’s heart content! I have heard of people tossing the kickeroo away from themselves for the cat to attack.
 

di and bob

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Those kickeroos really work for distraction! If the kitten comes for you, throw it towards them and they will attack the toy instead. I get mine on amazon. Your kitten thinks you are his playmate and it is OK to attack you because you played that way before. You might try hissing really loud too, that is a language they understand. Cats gravitate towards people who ignore them because they feel no threat. People who stare into their eyes, or pay too much attention to them are considered enemies or predators. I still play rough with my grown cats at times by pulling down my sweatshirt over my hands and they wrestle and bite that. They see the covered hand as a toy, not the bare one. They DO NOT bite my bare hands but come running when I cover. If you distract your kitten with a toy and wail, say NO loudly, and hiss at times, your kitten will learn he is hurting you. Kittens learn how to play nice and get their manners between 6-12 weeks from their mama and siblings. If a kitten is adopted before 12 weeks they have to be taught by humans.
 

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Figured I was getting to be like a broken record (what are those, anyway?) about advocating kicker toys, but since others are doing the same, I'll get on the bandwagon. Get one. Kitty will love it and it will save your hands and arms.
 

Mamanyt1953

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Also would like to ask, if I bring my hand close to him in a normal manner while he is not much active and he holds my hand before I can pet him and pulls it towards his mouth to nibble and bite on, is it normal, or should I not pet him at that time. And should I let him nibble it or implement Hand are not toy at that time too??
IF the nibbles and bites remain soft, allow it, as he is initiating the contact, which is what you want. However, if he becomes too excited, and get hard, either HISS at him and remove your hand, or say "OW!" in a loud, high-pitched voice. Hissing always worked best for me. I have that "mom cat" voice down pat. At that point, you're actually teaching him very naturally what is an acceptable level of play, and what is not.
 

vince

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Cats "love bite," which is very soft nibbling. That's probably okay, but when it gets too hard, that's no good. You're the one that has to calibrate kitty's biting. If it's too hard, do the discipline routine ("OW," hissing, ending contact, or pinning kitty down at the shoulders. sort of like a wrestler). Be sure to be as consistent as you can. Also, do offer cuddles if the behavior remains satisfactory.
 
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Knight's Cat

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I have indeed made a kicker toy by stuffing a large sock and adding a bell to it, and he does love playing with it. As you have already mentioned the nibble starts slow but then gets hard, The problem with me was that I did not retreat my hand. Thanks to the advice given by you all I will start doing the same.
 

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...Cats gravitate towards people who ignore them because they feel no threat. People who...pay too much attention to them are considered enemies or predators...
This is true for cats with little human contact or are waiting for their Forever Home.

Once they get settled in their Forever Home, cats gravitate to and bond with those who pay the most positive (from the cat's perspective) attention to them.

With Belle, I found that it's best not to let her soft nibbles go on for long. When she starts, I simply disengage my hand enough to get away from her teeth. Same when she starts engaging her claws. That's been enough with her to get the message.

Sometimes, I play with her using a kicker. If she's on her back, I'll tickle her belly with the kicker and let her wrap her paws around and attack it with her teeth while gently roughing her up. Sometimes, she wants me to rough her up with my hands, but I use a kicker or some other toy she can sink tooth and claw into instead. I try to keep a good buffer between play and encouraging bad behavior.
 
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