Should I Bring My Older Cat With Me When I Move...?

[samilinn963]

Hi everyone... I just discovered this website and made an account because I’m desperate for advice and figured fellow cat people are the only ones who can truly give me advice!

So I am 22 and graduating nursing school in about a month. After graduation, I am moving in with my boyfriend of 3 and a half years finally. I am very excited to finally live with him but I am also dreading the day I have to leave my beloved Oreo. She will be 16 and a half at that time and has been my little sidekick for a large portion of y life.. my entire memorable lifetime at least. Although she has lived in my family home her entire life with my parents, sister, and me.. she has always been so obviously attached me. Sleeps with me every night, wails at the top of her lungs throughout the night when I am gone, meows at me, sits on my lap, cuddles whenever possible, I mean she is completely my sidekick! Now she does sit on the laps of my other family members and let’s them play with her and pet her, but never does the other stuff with them. At first it may seem like it’s the logical choice to just take her with me, right? Well my family also has a 6 year old male tabby cat who is her friend. Oreo has lived with 2 other cats in her lifetime but has never played with them or interacted with them like she does with Ringo. Ringo is also a very skiddish boy who runs away when any strangers are in the hous and is frightened by a lot.. he completely depends on Oreo to make sure the house is safe. When our family Yorki died this past New Years, Ringo was very concerned and sad and pooped all over the house for weeks. He was really upset even though he barely interacted with the dog.

I apologize for the legit NOVEL I have written above but I just feel like my situation is weird. If I move with Oreo, it will be moving her from the only home she has ever known (reminder, she’s over 16 yo) and into a small apartment with a cat she’s never met but it will be with her human (me) but then I fear Ringo (tabby) will suffer serious stress. I suggested my parents get a kitten to interact with Ringo after a month or two of him adjusting and my mom is really against the idea. If I leave Oreo with my parents, I fear that she will stop eating or become overwhelmed with stress. She’s old but she’s healthy and playful and very active and I fear if I leave her she will become secluded and die. Not to mentioned I would just be so sad not to cuddle with her every night any more.. it would break my heart.


The current plan is for me to come over to my parents once a week after working three night shifts in a row at the hospital and sleep at my parents house for the day so Oreo will have that 6-8 uninterrupted hours with me while I sleep and then I can play with her and pet her when I wake up. The last three years I have spent 2-3 nights a week sleeping at My boyfriend’s so that’s kinda why I came up with that plan hoping she would be okay with that.


Any opinions or suggestions?? I’m such a crazy lover of my cat. She’s just an angel and I don’t want to do her harm or the tabby harm either... growing up is hard

 

[samilinn963]

I forgot to add that Oreo is not close to dying.. at least from what I can tell. Very healthy, I wouldn’t be surprised if she lived to see 22 or more honestly. Also, it’s likely we will move again in the future too so I guess that is to be considered. (As you can tell, I’m such a worrier it is crazy)

 

[rubysmama]

Hello and welcome to The Cat Site. Oreo and Ringo are beautiful.

After reading your novel (I've read longer ones on this site!) I'm hoping other members will reply with good suggestions, because I've not had to deal with a situation like yours, so don't have any advice to offer.

I will say, at one point in your "novel", I was about to reply "can you take them both when you move", then saw your boyfriend also has a cat, which just adds to the situation. BTW, congrats on your upcoming graduation, and good luck with your nursing career.

Until some other members reply, I'll post the links to some TCS articles that may have some helpful info:
Separation Anxiety In Cats

How To Move With Your Cat To A New Home In A Safe Way
Introducing Cats To Cats
How To Successfully Introduce Cats: The Ultimate Guide
The Multi-cat Household

 

[Timmer]

When I went off to college I left my cat at home and I drove home now and then, spent the night. Kind of like what you are thinking of doing. Things were fine for the cat, but I missed her like crazy and it was ME who did not adjust well, not her. I remember feeling guilty for leaving her and being depressed without her. I remember I couldn't stand it one night and got out of bed at midnight and drove an hour home to see her. HA! But I couldn't bring her with me.
16 is 16 and that's not young. I think I would probably leave her at the house she has known her entire life. If you have already been spending that much time overnight with your boyfriend, she will be fine with you not there all the time because you weren't there all the time anyway. And I'm sure you were in school all those days.
Anyway, that's what I would do. Leave her at your parents' house.

 

[susanm9006]

My vote is to leave her at your parents. With an older cat, it just isn’t about people, it is about routines that give them comfort. Where they sleep, how things smell, when the members of the household move around or come and go, what time they eat, where their litterboxes are located and how they smell etc. A new place, a new cat and a new human seem just too much for an older cat to adjust to. I would visit her as much as you can but leave her in the comfort of her “own” home.

 

[Furballsmom]

Hi - I'm sorry to hear about your Yorki and that Ringo was so upset!
I'm also voting to leave her at your parents, for her sake as well as the other cat that relies on her.
One thing that you might mention to your mom if you haven't already, is that to consider getting another younger kitty (as a foster possibly, I'm not sure) that also helps Ringo might not be such a bad idea. Aside from everything right now at the moment, as you've mentioned, she's 16 and Ringo is apparently VERY dependent...
You're not a worrier, you're looking at the big picture, which matters a lot when cats are involved
If you do find that she's becoming stressed or for Ringo as well and also for your new cat for when you move again, you could look into calming products - there are different styles and varieties on the market from collars to treats and sprays and diffusers, and different ingredient formulas by Vetri Science, Pet Naturals, Only Natural Pet et al so that it's possible to find something that will work for your furbabies.
Thanks for being such a caring cat person!

 

[neely]

Another vote to leave Oreo and Ringo in your parent's house. As other members have stated, cats are territorial and very regimented in their routine. It would be too stressful for them to be separated. You are fortunate to be able to visit and spend quality time with Oreo which will make her happy and complacent. There's an old saying, "let sleeping dogs lie," or in this case cats!

I'm glad you joined the forum. There are many Articles and resources that are helpful so please take a look around.
Best of luck on your graduation too.

 

[vyger]

I am not going to give you a recommendation, but I will share my experience. Not quite 3 years ago my daughter was making plans for her wedding. She was moving to another city some distance away and then getting married there. She had two cats and found that she could not take them with her because they couldn't find a place to live that would let them keep the cats. So the only apparent solution was for the cats to come with me and integrate into my crowd. One of them was the litter-mate to 2 that I have and sibling to 2 others (same parents, different litter) so I didn't see a problem. The other one was an older cat, 17 at the time, that my daughter had since it was a kitten that had lived here before the others were born before she moved away. So I thought fine, no problem. Boy was I wrong, major war broke out. Not only did they fight with the other cats but they even turned on me and I actually got bit by a cat that had always been my friend. It was a big education for me. I ended up with the two of them isolated in separate rooms for 2 weeks before they calmed down. The 2 brothers continued to have spats and never really became friends but did have a MAD policy that they stuck to (Mutually Assured Destruction) so they mostly sang to each other. But the older cat became and still is a problem because she hates all other cats and howls and attacks any of them that get close to her. She is going on 20 years now and continues to have brawls with some of the other cats. Some she now tolerates and ignores but there are a couple that set off the furry. An all out cat brawl on a cluttered counter top is not something I relish but these guys are not making friends. So, age doesn't appear to slow things down. Twenty years old and half the size and she is happy to pick a fight.
So bottom line is whatever you might plan the cats ultimately make their own decision and it's a good chance it will not be one of your options. And age doesn't have a lot to do with it. I know my geriatric kitty is still kicking everyday when I hear her greet the others with that howl that curdles milk.

 

[Furballsmom]

Oh my goodness!! Wow, and I hate to say it but I love your MAD policy description...

 

[foxxycat]

My old kitty Floey also could kick butt and take names up till she passed at 17.5 years-she too had that blood curdling howl that was her signature way of cussing at whoever was ticking her off... I vote for leaving the cat with your folks-sounds like there's plenty of people for her to cuddle with-so at least it's not a lonely existence plus with the other cat-she will be ok! I think visiting will be fine...sometimes it depends on the cat...some cats adapt well. My Honeybee is happy no matter where we go- Pumpkin Face will hide for 3 or 4 days under the bed but she slowly will come around. My deceased Floey had no issues with going to other houses-she was more dog like than cat like. I guess it depends on the kitty...if your kitty is outgoing and isn't scared of strangers or other cats-maybe it will be more of an adventure...hard to say exactly and yes age could influence decisions- but more so depends on the cat's personality.

 

[Purr-fect]

Im impressed that you are taking the time and effort to determine what is best for your cat. As a long time cat "owner", here are a few of my thoughts:

You will notice that not one response to your question, recomends taking Oreo with you. I agree with them. I also would not remove Oreo from her home.

-You are at an age where there will be alot of changes in your life; starting a new career, perhaps relocating again for your work, moving in with your partner, possibly buying a home, maybe relocating again for your partner's work, ect ect. While this is can be exciting, it would be stressful to a cat.......especially an elderly cat.

-you say "she has lived in my family home her entire life with my parents, sister, and me" and that she is 16 years of age. And while you are her favorite..."she does sit on the laps of my other family members and let’s them play with her and pet her." After 16 years of living with your family, moving her now would be very upsetting to her. She would not be happy.

-also, "my family also has a 6 year old male tabby cat who is her friend." If you move Oreo, she will loose her special friend. "Oreo has lived with 2 other cats in her lifetime but has never played with them or interacted with them like she does with Ringo."

-Ringo needs the company of Oreo. " Ringo is also a very skiddish boy who runs away when any strangers are in the hous and is frightened by a lot.. he completely depends on Oreo to make sure the house is safe. When our family Yorki died this past New Years, Ringo was very concerned and sad and pooped all over the house for weeks. He was really upset even though he barely interacted with the dog." You say yourself, if you move Oreo."I fear Ringo (tabby) will suffer serious stress." And you Mom doesnt want to get another cat to replace Oreo.

-You know that "If I move with Oreo, it will be moving her from the only home she has ever known (reminder, she’s over 16 yo)".

-Oreo will be now living "in a small apartment ", "with a cat she’s never met". Oreo wont be able to go outside, even on leashed outings. She will have few windows to look out of. She may not have a view of nature, birds, wildlife ect. Cats LOVE to look at the outdoors. She will have very little space to live in. She probably wont have any "quiet" places that are hers. Typically it is recomended that each cat has its own litter box AND one extra box in total. If you are in a small apt, you likely wont have room for 2 litter boxes, let alone 3 (as there will be 2 cats in the apt). Not all apartments accept pets and if they do, you may have to pay a hefty pet damage deposit, especially with another cat already in the apt.

-you are concerned about Oreo's health if you move her.........."I fear that she will stop eating or become overwhelmed with stress. She’s old but she’s healthy and playful and very active and I fear if I leave her she will become secluded and die." " It would break my heart."

-And as you point out, if you leave Oreo at home, you will STILL see her..............."The current plan is for me to come over to my parents once a week after working three night shifts in a row at the hospital and sleep at my parents house for the day so Oreo will have that 6-8 uninterrupted hours with me while I sleep and then I can play with her and pet her when I wake up." In fact you have planned and prepared for this option for several years: "The last three years I have spent 2-3 nights a week sleeping at My boyfriend’s so that’s kinda why I came up with that plan hoping she would be okay with that." Dont forget you will still be working night shifts at the hospital when you move and even if you have taken Oreo with you, she wont see you because you will be at work.

Im impressed by your commitment to Oreo and your maturity. So here some things l have learnt.

-The right thing to do is usually the hardest thing to do.

-And one of the hardest things to do............. is forgo your own feelings, accept the pain and loss you will feel and instead put the interests of those you love (in this case Oreo), ahead of your own.

You are right, "growing up is hard".

 

[ileen]

People who are much more knowledgeable about cats have already posted above. I won't contradict their advice other than to ask if it's possible to schedule time for Oreo and your boyfriend's cat to spend small quantities of time together at your new place (assuming you are moving in with your boyfriend, that you're not getting a place that's new for both of you)? What is the personality of your boyfriend's cat like? Also, is Oreo strictly an indoor cat, or does she have access to being outside at your parents' home? If she would have to switch from being indoor/outdoor to only indoor, definitely don't move her. If the two cats get along & Oreo is indoor only now, I would consider 'sharing' custody when you have your days off.

 

[doomsdave]

samilinn963 , welcome to the forum, and thanks for sharing your situation with us. We're all privileged to be able to help.

I agree with everyone who said to leave the cats with your folks. You can visit them when you visit your folks, who love and will care for them. I think it will be better for everyone in the long run.

This stuff about making adjustments doesn't go away, alas. It's a part of moving up and onward. I love my kitties, but, there may, for various reasons, come a time when I might have to move on in life without them. That happened before, thirty years ago, when I decided to continue my education, and I didn't know where I'd go, or where I'd be living, so I re-homed my 4 cats and a dog. I missed them, but I believed that I made the right decision; I knew all of the people I re-homed them to, and I was spared the problematic issue of finding affordable housing with a bunch of animals in tow.

Best to you and your boy friend, and if he likes cats, maybe get one of your own eventually. (Or get Ringo and Oreo with you, if that works.) If not, maybe he'll change his mind.

 

[1 bruce 1]

Since you know she'll be loved and well looked after, it might be worth trying your idea of a weekly day-visit as you originally planned. If she doesn't adjust, or acts off and can't recover, surely you and your family could arrange a trial time at your house and see if that helps.
I would miss my pets horribly if I moved away, but if they remained with the people they knew (other than me) and in the home they were accustomed to, I'd feel a little bit better...especially with 24/7 visitation rights! =D
Also, congrats on graduating!!

 

[doomsdave]

samilinn963 I hope this isn't the last good graduation you have in life!

 

[RufusGizmo]

I would leave her. she has her good friend now, and since you will be seeing her often that would be good for her. I think moving her at 16 into a strange place with a new cat might cause enough stress that she would not even be the same great kitty your leaving. I moved two cats recently into a house with two other cats, and the personality change, while its getting better, was great.

 

[sivyaleah]

I'm not going to write a long response because other members have covered the same points I would have made.

She is better, at her age, staying in the home she has always known. It would be very sad to move her only to find she and your boyfriends cat don't get along and can't live together. It happens very frequently. No sense in uprooting her. Let her stay where she is and while she will miss you, overall she'll be a happier and healthier cat for it.

Glad you found us. And best of luck in all the great new things coming into your life!

 

[doomsdave]

samilinn963 , I see your boyfriend has a cat, too. Sorry to miss that.

 

[MonaLyssa33]

I think leaving her with your parents and visiting would be best but be open to moving her if she struggles with the you being gone.

 

[walli]

I vote for leaving her where she is too! you are so fortunate to have that choice.
That will give you time with your new career, just come home like you said,
don't feel guilty she has a friend and family!!!