Shocked and devastated- My beloved Sparkles

[Mia6]

I am so very sorry. It takes a long time to grieve. I lost my Vincie girl ten months ago and
I still wake up thinking she's here. Try to take it one day at a time or if need be, one hour
at a time. Let the tears flow......we've all been through it.

Love,
Mia

 

[les26]

Did you try the Ignatia Amara?

 

[Meowmee]

Sparkles was gorgeous I know how you feel. The first part of grief is very painful. I still miss my Sybil so much. It was two years this year May 11-12 she left me. I was so ill with covid pneumonia I didnt mark it the way I would usually. Miss my fluffy girl so much too. I still miss all of my Furries. Now I have injured my ankle and at the er. Lots of stuff in between.
It has been an overwhelming time. So I think the grief got pushed to the back. Have you tried writing a journal to Sparkles and having a ceremony for them? That has helped me.

 

[Antonio65]

As hard as it is to have to make that choice, I knew that was already dying her mouth had become pale and purplish, she was not going to make it for much longer, i know in my heart that this was the right thing to do, though I promised myself before I wouldn't let another vet convince me to do it, it would have been horrible of me to let her suffer further.

I'm so sorry for what you had to go through, in a way that reminded you what you had seen before.
Sometimes we have to do what we wouldn't like to do, what we promised not to do again, but despite our promises we have to choose what is in the best interest for our beloved ones, and putting them to sleep is what I consider the last gift we can give them, opposite to letting them suffer and struggle for hours.
Your Sparkles sent you the message she wanted to be freed from that pain and suffering, and you got that message. She is thankful for this, she would have liked to thank you on that day, but she couldn't, she was too weak to tell you how much she was appreciating what you were going to do. You know she thanked you, this must be your reward and relief, knowing that you spared her long hours of agony.

Sparkles was a very wonderful and beautiful cat, and she looks very much like a cat in my colony, which I am in love with.

When I see her I will think of your Sparkles.

RIP Sparkles, your mom loved you till the last second, and always will.

 

[Sa'ida Maryam]

The joy of kitties in the human’s lives is that we humans get a better understanding of the meaning of life even to the end.You definitely did the right thing when you realized what was happening,
I saw the health of my kitty decline, improve , then decline and as shocking as it may sound ,I recall praying to the Almighty GOD to take her . She died quickly & peacefully during the night. She was my calico gone at a young age.
Thanks to your post I have a better knowledge about signs /symptoms of metabolic,kidney disease .i don’t want you to re-live the sadness,Please know your shared post helps many.

 

[joyfulrose]

I can't believe it's been 7months since I lost my baby. Its hitting me real hard tonight. I keep replaying in my mind everything that happened in the days leading up to her last day and I am devastated. I looked up the report the vet emailed me after she was put to sleep and noticed her temperature that day was 96 degrees F. I am thinking back to what the vet told me and he never once mentioned anything about it wouldnt that temperature mean she was suffering with hypothermia? Why did the vet never say anything about it to me??? I am remembering the night before her last day I gave her a warm bath because she was constantly urinating outside of her litter box, and on herself. She kept spending most of her time in the bathroom on the tile or in the bathtub. Every time I would move her somewhere warm I would find her there in the bathtub again the next morning. She was doing that for a week or two before she began declining. I feel horrible and like maybe this was all my fault. She was having trouble walking and hardly eating the days before the bath and not urinating and defecating but Could the bath I had given her the night before have caused her hypothermia? It happened in may so during the summer when the weather is very warm. Is that what lead to her rapid decline? Could she have gotten better if we just brought her temperature up? Why did the vet never say anything about this to me I am heartbroken and absolutely devastated beyond belief. I was panicking trying to do whatever it took to help her and save her. I did my best giving her water with the syringe and force feeding her those last days when she wasn't eating or drinking but nothing helped. The vet told me he felt like she had cancer, kidney failure or multi organ failure or some type of metabolic disease. He said she couldnt get better and said that running tests wouldn't help. He said it would be best to put her to sleep. She really truly looked like she was dying so I did at the time feel it was best as the vet recommended. Bur thinking back now I am so sad why did I listen to him, what if all she needed was to have her to temperature brought back to normal. I havent stopped crying I am so devastated. I feel like every time I take one of my sick cats to a vet they are so quick to recommend Euthanasia. She wasnt moving at all that day, couldnt walk or get up at all. She wasnt eating or drinking, she was extremely thin and weak, i could feel every bone. Her mouth was frozen shut, her eyes werent moving, she was no longer alert and wasnt reacting to me or anything in her surroundings. the vet described her as obtunded in the report. I wasnt even allowed to be with her because this happened in the beginning of the pandemic. So I never witnessed the vet examining her. He just called me as I waited in the car and gave me his opinion on what could be wrong. Were all of these things symptoms of hypothermia or was there something going on? What if the vet was wrong, I feel so awful I'm so scared I made the wrong decision based on what the vet told me

 

[Antonio65]

Could the bath I had given her the night before have caused her hypothermia?

Your post is heart-crushing, and I feel for you, your words made me cry, but you're not responsible for anything. You gave her a warm bath, so what harm could have you caused to her?
She wasn't young anymore, and was having a few problems, she was just shutting down and you couldn't do more than what you did, and you certainly did a lot, you did everything you could, everything that could be done, much much more than the average people would do for a cat, so you have no faults in this, only credits.
Do not beat yourself up for something you didn't do, Sparkles knows that you devoted yourself to her till the last second and she wouldn't like to see you suffer for something that you didn't do.
Her time had come. Cats' time always comes too early, this is our sentence, to suffer over them several times in our life, but I think that every pain we feel for them is a step forward, a deserved step to the Rainbow Bridge, where we will all see our friends, never to part again.
Hugs!

 

[di and bob]

I am a retired RN. What you did had really no effect on the situation, except maybe giving some comfort. Your vet didn't say anything because he knew that a body shutting down many times causes a drop in temperature because the blood moves more slowly. He didn't want to add to your distress. I have seen this many times with people, their limbs are the first to get so cold and it progresses from there. You have probably known old people to complain of being cold when it is actually hot out, that is because their circulation is slower. Try to believe what the vet was telling you, they have seen so much and really know the signs much more than a loved one who is in shock. In the last days, cats move to totally weird spots to bring themselves comfort. Your little one wanted the bathtub, my Burt slept for weeks in his litter box. I believe their brains are not working right, they truly do not have any idea what they are doing.
Read your description of her, her mouth was frozen shut, her eyes were not moving, she could not walk, no eating and drinking, you could feel every bone. She was not living anymore, she was existing. You did the right thing. You have described extreme suffering, that could not go on, I know that you, like me, would NEVER want our babies to suffer.
I have attended death many times, of both humans and cats. I took comfort from the fact that when I asked the humans if they wanted pain medication, they said no, they were feeling nothing, kind of numb. When the brain starts to shut down, so does the awareness of what is happening and the capability to feel pain and fear. I believe your little girl was living on autopilot, she most likely felt very little, if anything at all.
When we go through such a trauma as to witness our little ones dying, it changes our brain chemistry too, I compare it to a brain injury. I'm sure I went through it, I had flashbacks that brought me to tears for many years. I'm sure you have it too. The first step to recovery is to not make her death more important than her life. That can never be, her life with you brought so very much more. It is one of the most important things there is in YOUR life, so don't let it change the memories of her to those of such pain. Try to bury those feelings of guilt, of grief, in the past where they belong. Ground yourself in the present and once again get back into life. Into finding pleasures and happiness once more instead of letting grief rule your world. In the years ahead, when you are stronger and more able to cope, you can always go back and try to make sense of what is incomprehensible now. If talking about your feelings with those who understand helps in any way, PLEASE come here anytime, we will try to help in any way we can. My grief is under control now, though thinking back can still bring me to tears, time honestly helps, it DOES get better. I have heard it said many times it takes at LEAST two years to come to some kind level in your life to start the path to healing. I believe it. You are very fresh in your journey to healing, be gentle on yourself. You can't accept guilt when there was absolutely no intention to harm. You have to have intent to do something wrong to have guilt. The absolute horror of what we went through will mess with your mind. I lost my little girl going on 9 years now, but still love her with all my heart, and miss her terribly.
Your little girl is at peace because she has your undying love. Let hers bring peace to your own heart too. Your world is shattered but it can be put back together, one-piece, and one day at a time.........

 

[les26]

You did nothing wrong, how could trying to help and loving on her ever be wrong?

It is the grief that has ahold of you and is playing mind games as it will and sometimes even physical games, but that is very normal. You just have to endure the pains for now, there is really no easy way around it, it has to hurt and get out of your system so that you can start to heal, but it is such a painful thing to happen, but the more that you loved her the more it will hurt, it just is that way, but one day you do get over it the best that you can.

I know how hard it hurts, and how hard it is to deal with. 3 months after Simon died we got Stanley, and 3 months after Sebastian died we got Sylvester. I think that time frame is significant to me for some reason, but getting them both did help me over the losses. Not saying that is what you should do, your heart will tell you what is right and when, but for me that was just about when I needed an "addition" to help me through it.

I hope that your heart heals a bit more each day, it takes time and we all know that and are ALWAYS here for you, God Bless......

 

[PuffandPercy]

Honey, this is hard, but I think di and bob is spot on. Please believe this is coming from a place of care for you, and kindness; I don't mean to upset you further.

She wasn't long for this world at this point, and you gave her a smoother passing than she would have had if she had been left to suffer.

When I'm struggling, and I can't dig myself out, I have to treat myself like I'm someone else. How would you comfort a friend, in this situation? Do you think, if this was your friend's cat, you would think that bathing her would have caused this? What sort of advice would you have given them?

I strongly, strongly believe you did the right thing; for her whole life, right up until the end. Show yourself the love that you have for Sparkles.