Saying Goodbye...

  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #21

catladymary

TCS Member
Thread starter
Young Cat
Joined
Sep 1, 2017
Messages
29
Purraise
10
I utterly believe that they are waiting for us. Call it the Rainbow Bridge, call it Heaven, call it The Summerlands, call it what you will. But if those beautiful furry souls who share our lives are not there, then it would be a poor paradise, indeed.
Yes it would cause my furry friends made life worth living in some very troubling times...thank you!
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #22

catladymary

TCS Member
Thread starter
Young Cat
Joined
Sep 1, 2017
Messages
29
Purraise
10
I think these last two hit it on the head, but I want to say something along those lines too. When Simon was sick with stomach cancer, and we were there at the vets to put him down, I asked him several times "are you SURE that he needs to be put down, he looks so good?", but he said "yes he really does look good on the outside but in the inside he is very sick" and he was, a few days earlier he vomited green liquid all over the kitchen floor so I knew he was sick, but I didn't want to accept it that his time was up, and I can still remember feeling his body go limp in my arms and asking "is he gone?" and when he said "yes" me crying like a baby, still hurts to talk and think about it but it was his time. But I thought the same things "I should have seen this happening earlier, I should have done this or that", but they assured me that cats are masters at hiding illness until it is too late, so I learned about that.

When Sebastian died I thought similar things, "if I only I would have done this or that", but we did all we could, for some reason it was his time to go too.

When Skipper died suddenly last July I remember sitting on the edge of the bed saying " I wish I would have known him better, I wish we would have done more with him", but he didn't want that, he was happy just being inside with the others and if he wanted to be around you he would, if not he didn't want anything to do with us and that was what he wanted, he had all that he needed, all that he wanted, he was happy but it was his time to go, and had Deb not rescued him years ago after he was bitten on the leg he would've died years earlier, so we gave him several great years inside.

The current theme and my point here is it is NATURAL for us to blame ourselves, second guess, wonder about if we should have seen this coming or did this or that when in fact we do all that we can at the time with what we have, and when it is their time (and ours too for that matter) it is time to move on, out of this body and world into the next better one, so the grief is making you think like you are, but with time you will realize you did the right thing, and I think her whipping her head around is what is causing you to question it, if she would not have done that it may not be on your mind so much, but like they said go back and read where you talked about how poor her health was and you will realize that it had to be done, and that reaction of hers will fade and not be so "harsh" but it will take a long time, so give it time and stay on here as people are a HUGE comfort.

God Bless.....:alright: :grouphug: :rbheart:
Thank you for listening, you all are a godsend!
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #23

catladymary

TCS Member
Thread starter
Young Cat
Joined
Sep 1, 2017
Messages
29
Purraise
10
Thank you for listening, you all are a godsend!
I seem to be having a horrendous time with this. I just can't get past the fact that she was looking so good that day, no coughing, still eating, still waddling down to litterbox and most of all she trusted me. I don't think I could ever forgive myself for listening to vet and not asking more questions. She was at vets at least once or twice monthly, I don't know what made me give up, cause i loved hearing her meow, I never felt burdened by her care, and money was not an issue where her care was concerned. I went there with full intention of bringing her back home. I know I called and requested euthanasia after scary night of what sounded like crackling when she meowed, almost like she needed to clear her throat. But next day she was back to my little girl. I even called vet and said I thought maybe I just want her seen cause she's having such a good day. Why why did I go through with it. Her look when she was injected was so shocked. And she looked straight at me as if to say, mommy, I trusted you, why and then she went limp. Doc said her heart sounds were more diminished but how would he really know, it was a different vet as we always went to Vca, different vet all the time. Inked about heart melds but he told me cats don't do well with that...I didn't believe him but I took his word. I should've at least tried. I miss her so much. I try to be strong for my other cat but he keeps finding me off in another room crying my eyes out. I'm sure time will heal some of this pain but I just can't seem to get over my horrid mistake. I don't ever want trusted with another decision again.
 

les26

Sylvester's daddy
Top Cat
Joined
Nov 19, 2015
Messages
2,414
Purraise
4,862
Location
Emmaus, Pennsylvania
I can certainly understand how you feel, this can haunt you for a long time and it is understandable why it would. I had just replied to another post on here and suggested pet counseling or counseling, and as I told them I needed to talk to my pastor and a psychologist when Sebastian died in my arms one day after work, and it helped to be able to talk to someone in person, and they both told me it takes about 1.5 years to really start to get over things like this, and they were right. Perhaps you can speak to a pastor or minister or even someone at the vet, they might be able to help comfort you in this horrible time.

I fully know how you feel, it hurts just reading these posts but that is WHY we answer and try to help because we DO understand, you at times feel like you also will die and don't care if you do, it hurts that badly, but hold on, we are here to help, talk to someone in person which helps and with time it DOES get better, it doesn't seem like it right now but it does.

Please let us know how you are doing, we are here for you, God Bless...:alright: :grouphug: :grouphug2: :rbheart:
 

les26

Sylvester's daddy
Top Cat
Joined
Nov 19, 2015
Messages
2,414
Purraise
4,862
Location
Emmaus, Pennsylvania
I told Deb tonight about this story and how she whipped her head around and you took that to her being scared and upset, but right away she said "no, that was her saying thank you, I am in pain, but you are helping me and I want to look at you one more time, thank you for helping me...."

I can believe it, and I hope it is true. Hang in there....:alright: :rbheart: :grouphug2:
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #27

catladymary

TCS Member
Thread starter
Young Cat
Joined
Sep 1, 2017
Messages
29
Purraise
10
I told Deb tonight about this story and how she whipped her head around and you took that to her being scared and upset, but right away she said "no, that was her saying thank you, I am in pain, but you are helping me and I want to look at you one more time, thank you for helping me...."

I can believe it, and I hope it is true. Hang in there....:alright: :rbheart: :grouphug2:
Thank you so much. My husband said the same thing but he knows I'm so sick with guilt that I figured he was trying to snap me out of it. I am going to try and remember that and God knows I've been praying for her and just wish I knew she was in better place. I'm having such a hard time now with Toby my other 27 year old cat. I never thought they were that close. When I put their dishes down Annie would eat some of hers then push him over to see if his was better. He gladly let he run do it. Now when I feed him it's like he stares at plate, licks a few times and walks away. Yesterday I'm lucky. if he ate one half can of fancy feast. I kept opening new cans and the same thing, a few small licks and walks away. He keeps going in and out on the deck where Annie would sunbathe. Annie had her own litter box, he kept checking in there until I took it away. I have vet appointment for him tomorrow. I know he's not in the best of health as he already has issues with hyperthyroidism. He is on 7.5 mg of methimazole twice daily. Sometimes I watch him breathe and he seems worse than Annie only he is a much trimmer cat, Annie was 18 pounds, Toby is 12 pounds. I'm worried about his heart as I know hyperthyroidism causes heart problems. He hates his medicine so when he sees me reach for it he cowers or hides. To make matters worse my son and daughter in law are leaving the states for two weeks and I will be watching my granddaughter. Toby will be hiding that whole time on top of being depressed I am worried sick he will stop eating all together. Had I known I was going to lose my Annie and Toby would be so sad and lonely I never would have agreed to watch a three year old. I even thought of getting another cat to see if it would help Toby (and me) not be so lonely but my husband says absolutely not at our age (64 and 67). I honestly can't even imagine life without the love and purr of a cat.
Thank you for listening to me and wish me luck tomorrow at Toby's vet appt.
 

Purr-fect

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Apr 20, 2017
Messages
1,843
Purraise
5,563
I dont know if this is a good idea..it might pick up toby's spirits or make them worse.

Your husband doesnt want another cat at this time. Toby seems to be missing Annie. There are many people who need a cat babysitting service for a few weeks or month or two. If you had another cat in your home for that brief period, could it pick up toby's spirits and at the same time be accepted by your husband as its not a permanent situation? It could also help with your spirits as it might help take your mind off your situation.

Others here could give their advice on how it might affect Toby.
 

Mamanyt1953

Rules my home with an iron paw
Staff Member
Forum Helper
Joined
Oct 16, 2015
Messages
31,182
Purraise
67,784
Location
North Carolina
NO apology necessary. And I think that Purr-fect Purr-fect may have an idea, although I might suggest looking at rescue groups who might be glad to have a fosterer who was interested in senior kitties, someone who wouldn't be bouncing all over the place.
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #33

catladymary

TCS Member
Thread starter
Young Cat
Joined
Sep 1, 2017
Messages
29
Purraise
10
Will see how hubby feels about this but first have to take Toby to vets tomorrow to make sure nothing wrong with him as he's not much interested in food and seems to be pacing around for Annie.
 

Mamanyt1953

Rules my home with an iron paw
Staff Member
Forum Helper
Joined
Oct 16, 2015
Messages
31,182
Purraise
67,784
Location
North Carolina
Will see how hubby feels about this but first have to take Toby to vets tomorrow to make sure nothing wrong with him as he's not much interested in food and seems to be pacing around for Annie.
PLEASE let us know how Toby is!
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #36

catladymary

TCS Member
Thread starter
Young Cat
Joined
Sep 1, 2017
Messages
29
Purraise
10
PLEASE let us know how Toby is!
thanks for asking about tobes...he is sitting in my lap right now and I am hanging on for dear life...the vets just did senior wellness and I will hear about blood work tomorrow. he actually picked up a few ounces which I am thrilled with since he is not a big eater. since toby is 17.5 years, they just suggested lots of love and attention to get him over our loss of Annie, we console each other Toby did his usual at vets today, poops and pees all over the place..he hates leaving home. I will let you know and also see what you think of Toby's blood work. he is currently on 7.5 mg of methimazole out in ear pinna twice daily..Really wish he was not on such a high dose so I constantly get bloodwork done just to make sure its all ok
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #38

catladymary

TCS Member
Thread starter
Young Cat
Joined
Sep 1, 2017
Messages
29
Purraise
10
Toby is doing ok. His thyroid level is in medium normal range. They want him to stay on 7.5 mg twice daily still. He needs to return in about two months to see if his appetite has picked up since he seems a little depressed over Annie. Not eating much these days and still looking in places Annie used to rest. Toby does horrible at vets. It's always been an ordeal even when he was a kitten. He used to cry, throw up and lose tons of hair when he was small. Now he sounds like laryngitis from crying and poops and pees everywhere. I don't know where it all comes from. While holding cat carrier there is pee shooting out the back. When I get him inside it is pooping nonstop. Even when holding him. He is fine when he gets home. We are all stressed when he has vet appt. but we are done for a couple months if things go good. Thanks for caring about us. We will stay in touch.
 

Mamanyt1953

Rules my home with an iron paw
Staff Member
Forum Helper
Joined
Oct 16, 2015
Messages
31,182
Purraise
67,784
Location
North Carolina
Oh, GOOD news about the thyroid levels! I hate that he has to make those trips. I'll bet he is reacting to the scents of fear and pain from the animals who are recuperating or awaiting surgery. Poor Tobes, poor critters.
 

kitoneil

TCS Member
Young Cat
Joined
Aug 20, 2017
Messages
31
Purraise
23
Ive made the decision to put my Annie down and it is killing me. I made the appointment before and could not follow through, that was about two months ago. I took her to vet to put her down and I just couldn't do it. Instead, I took her for second opinion. She has declined a bit more and I feel I'm racing against time.Im
Annie is an 18 pound 15 year old sweetheart. She has always loved her food no matter how hard I tried to keep her on track, she would push her brother cat aside so she could have his food and then her own. One day she quit eating. I tried all day, nothing. she still wanted treats, but no food. I immediately called vet after one day of not wanting food. They did exam, took x-rays and they confirmed her chest was full of fluid. They suspected cancer although it could not be seen. I took her to specialty vet for heart tests to make sure it wasn't heart. Her heart was fine. They felt it also was probably cancer.
My feeling was how could that be, she was still so robust, never was one to run around a lot but just felt cancer would make her lose weight. I chose not to go the chemo route as there was no good outcome as it would maybe buy her a few months. This happened all back in April. They had put her on prednisone to see if that would buy her some time. She was doing well but little by little I noticed her not being able to move as quickly. She began eating ok, but now not so much. Still wants her treats everytime I pass the treat bag. She has begin dry coughing, almost like trying to cough hairball, but nothing comes out. sometimes I can hear almost like crackles in her chest. She is now at the point where she will take maybe ten steps and then sits for a rest and then ten more, until she reaches her littler box. She can no longer do steps. If she tries to rush, like when it storms, she would go behind couch or somewhere to hide, you can hear her breathing so heavy, it breaks my heart.
I have heard horror stories of cats that literally drown by respiratory distress when things get too bad. I have not slept in my bed for over a month as I don't want her to try and go upstairs cause she starts wheezing and panting and she wants to be with me. She can't seem to get comfortable, she will stay in one spot for maybe ten to fifteen minutes and then walk a few steps and sit again. Sometimes she will just stare at the wall, other times she will just stare at me.
My heart is breaking, I cant even imagine waking up and not seeing her anymore. I know I'm rambling but my nerves are shot and all I'm doing is crying.
Thank you for your kind words, I just got back from vets and it was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I tried to smell her and put her fur all over my face so that I could feel it and smell it forever, but it must not have been enough. My heart is broken and I will never forget her last look we shared. My precious baby, please understand I was trying to do what I thought would be right for you. I will never forget the rough times you got me through, you taught me how to love again and your mild manor and beauty will stay with me forever. I am having such a hard time, will it ever get better?
I'm sorry about your sweet Annie.
It really is such a hard thing to do, I struggled hard with it too. While the ending is so sad, it is the most honest, most loving thing you can give them. What a lucky girl to have such a caring momma. I wish I had some little gem of advice or something for you, but I can tell you that I understand you. "Did she have one more day?" "Could I have done more?" "Did I do something to cause this?" They've all raced through my head, 10 days later they still do. But we both know that we loved our girls, with all we had, and would of done anything to save them. And this was the last thing that we were able to do for them. Be kind to yourself, in a world full of so many lonely kitties, your Annie was special, and found you to be her momma.
 
Top