Saying Goodbye...

catladymary

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I'm sorry, I'm new to this and seemed to have posted in wrong thread.
 
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di and bob

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Don't worry about it, if you are saying goodbye, this IS a right thread to get comfort and support. This site is the best for caring, supportive people.
 
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catladymary

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Don't worry about it, if you are saying goodbye, this IS a right thread to get comfort and support. This site is the best for caring, supportive people.
Ive made the decision to put my Annie down and it is killing me. I made the appointment before and could not follow through, that was about two months ago. I took her to vet to put her down and I just couldn't do it. Instead, I took her for second opinion. She has declined a bit more and I feel I'm racing against time.
Annie is an 18 pound 15 year old sweetheart. She has always loved her food no matter how hard I tried to keep her on track, she would push her brother cat aside so she could have his food and then her own. One day she quit eating. I tried all day, nothing. she still wanted treats, but no food. I immediately called vet after one day of not wanting food. They did exam, took x-rays and they confirmed her chest was full of fluid. They suspected cancer although it could not be seen. I took her to specialty vet for heart tests to make sure it wasn't heart. Her heart was fine. They felt it also was probably cancer.
My feeling was how could that be, she was still so robust, never was one to run around a lot but just felt cancer would make her lose weight. I chose not to go the chemo route as there was no good outcome as it would maybe buy her a few months. This happened all back in April. They had put her on prednisone to see if that would buy her some time. She was doing well but little by little I noticed her not being able to move as quickly. She began eating ok, but now not so much. Still wants her treats everytime I pass the treat bag. She has begin dry coughing, almost like trying to cough hairball, but nothing comes out. sometimes I can hear almost like crackles in her chest. She is now at the point where she will take maybe ten steps and then sits for a rest and then ten more, until she reaches her littler box. She can no longer do steps. If she tries to rush, like when it storms, she would go behind couch or somewhere to hide, you can hear her breathing so heavy, it breaks my heart.
I have heard horror stories of cats that literally drown by respiratory distress when things get too bad. I have not slept in my bed for over a month as I don't want her to try and go upstairs cause she starts wheezing and panting and she wants to be with me. She can't seem to get comfortable, she will stay in one spot for maybe ten to fifteen minutes and then walk a few steps and sit again. Sometimes she will just stare at the wall, other times she will just stare at me.
My heart is breaking, I cant even imagine waking up and not seeing her anymore. I know I'm rambling but my nerves are shot and all I'm doing is crying.
 

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You seem to have posted to me via PM, an easy thing to do on a new forum and through tears, at that. And I am so thankful that you did. HUGS, Darlin'. Check your mailbox.
 

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I am so sorry that you have reached this stage, it is never easy to "play God". Your heart and your kitty (and your vet) will tell you when it is time to peacefully let her go, I pray that it goes smoothly for you, she might leave you with her body but her spirit can never leave you.

I'll pray for strength for you and her, God Bless.....:alright: :grouphug: :rbheart:
 
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catladymary

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I am so sorry that you have reached this stage, it is never easy to "play God". Your heart and your kitty (and your vet) will tell you when it is time to peacefully let her go, I pray that it goes smoothly for you, she might leave you with her body but her spirit can never leave you.

I'll pray for strength for you and her, God Bless.....:alright: :grouphug: :rbheart:
Thank you for your kind words, I just got back from vets and it was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I tried to smell her and put her fur all over my face so that I could feel it and smell it forever, but it must not have been enough. My heart is broken and I will never forget her last look we shared. My precious baby, please understand I was trying to do what I thought would be right for you. I will never forget the rough times you got me through, you taught me how to love again and your mild manor and beauty will stay with me forever. I am having such a hard time, will it ever get better?
 

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You are going to be ok. Each day will get a little bit better. Many of us here have felt a loss similiar to yours and we have managed. You will also.

Keep busy, try to pamper yourself a bit, focus on the good times you shared together.
 

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Thank you for your kind words, I just got back from vets and it was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I tried to smell her and put her fur all over my face so that I could feel it and smell it forever, but it must not have been enough. My heart is broken and I will never forget her last look we shared. My precious baby, please understand I was trying to do what I thought would be right for you. I will never forget the rough times you got me through, you taught me how to love again and your mild manor and beauty will stay with me forever. I am having such a hard time, will it ever get better?
She understands that you did what you had to do, and it sounds like she wasn't having a good time here anymore, it was time to help ease her pain unfortunately. It DOES get better, but the first days or weeks after they leave us is the roughest, especially if you were so close to each other. Sylvester whom you see pictured represents Simon and Sebastian, the two last boys who passed in my arms, he looks like those two put together, and he helped me get over losing them because it was devastating to me to hold them while they passed, but time, love, Sylvester and God got me through it and over it, although you never really get over it you just learn to live with it and the pain and bad memories DO fade, I can think back on them and all the others that we have lost and while it still makes me sad it doesn't kill me like it used to, so it does ease up but will take time, you just have to endure the pain and ride it out, no easy way through it I'm sorry to say.

She lived a long life with you, you gave her all she wanted and needed, she is fine now no more pain, it is you who is hurting but it will eventually lessen. Visit here often, wonderful people who know exactly what and how you are feeling. God Bless....:alright: :rbheart:
 
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catladymary

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She understands that you did what you had to do, and it sounds like she wasn't having a good time here anymore, it was time to help ease her pain unfortunately. It DOES get better, but the first days or weeks after they leave us is the roughest, especially if you were so close to each other. Sylvester whom you see pictured represents Simon and Sebastian, the two last boys who passed in my arms, he looks like those two put together, and he helped me get over losing them because it was devastating to me to hold them while they passed, but time, love, Sylvester and God got me through it and over it, although you never really get over it you just learn to live with it and the pain and bad memories DO fade, I can think back on them and all the others that we have lost and while it still makes me sad it doesn't kill me like it used to, so it does ease up but will take time, you just have to endure the pain and ride it out, no easy way through it I'm sorry to say.

She lived a long life with you, you gave her all she wanted and needed, she is fine now no more pain, it is you who is hurting but it will eventually lessen. Visit here often, wonderful people who know exactly what and how you are feeling. God Bless....:alright: :rbheart:
I, like you had three cats. I lost Ted two years ago, he also was 15. He had lymphoma. He was wasting away so he had an outward appearance of sickness. That was also a horrible time for me. I held him in my arms as they gave him his injection intravenously. I thought I could never do that again but it was so important for me to be there for him as my cats have gotten me through many sad times. I actually felt his life leave him and it took me almost a year to quit crying over him. Now Annie, was very close to Ted and I sometimes wonder if she didn't get sick because her heart was empty without Ted. I held Annie and this time it was a little different, she actually turned her head around as I held her in my arms and looked me straight in the face with what I felt was fear. I hope she knew it was ok to let go and run to meet her dear brother over the rainbow bridge. Now I am home and my third cat who is my oldest, 17 years old, Toby who is hyperthyroid, keeps looking all around the house for Annie. I am not sure how he will handle all this. He is not eating well since he would always follow Annnie's lead. I am not ready to go through this again, please Toby eat. He sees me crying and I think that he knows something happened to Annie. I am going to try and relax so I don't scare him more than he already is. Thank you for your kind words and I will try and concentrate on how I hopefully gave her a better life.
 

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I'm so sorry. That's the most difficult decision a person ever has to make for their beloved pet. From your description, it really does sound like her quality of life had deteriorated significantly, though I know it doesn't make it any easier to make the final decision. This is a wonderful post by one of our members about 'when the moment comes'. It has helped many of us come to terms with doing what's right for our beloved kitties.

When the moment comes...

You and Toby are in my thoughts. :hugs: RIP, little Annie.
 
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catladymary

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I'm so sorry. That's the most difficult decision a person ever has to make for their beloved pet. From your description, it really does sound like her quality of life had deteriorated significantly, though I know it doesn't make it any easier to make the final decision. This is a wonderful post by one of our members about 'when the moment comes'. It has helped many of us come to terms with doing what's right for our beloved kitties.

When the moment comes...

You and Toby are in my thoughts. :hugs: RIP, little Annie.
Thank you for your much needed wisdom. I know one day this will pass but I guess I'm struggling with did I make this decision too soon? I know Annie had pleural effusion, never good, but the prednisone seemed to keep things pretty much under control. Annie's vet felt it was some sort of cancer but Annie was a big girl and never lost weight and X-rays did not show cancer although lots of fluid on films could be clouding such. I did take Annie to specialist to rule out heart problems but they felt her heart was good. Blood work all seemed ok. They never withdrew any fluid as I chose not to go the chemo route. I've just read too many stories that it didn't seem worth the hassle of putting her through something that wouldn't cure anything. So after all this I just did my best to make Annie comfortable on prednisone. And then one day she had dry cough and then moist respirations. Took her for more X-rays and all seemed pretty much the same, slightly more fluid but vet seemed surprised she was doing as well as she was. After all they advised me to put her down in April. So they gave me some hydrocodone for the times Annie would start coughing. I did rarely give to her, maybe five times in one month, as I read how deadly that med can be. Today when I went to put her down I made that decision as she would take several (2 or 3) rest stops just to get to her Litterbox that was maybe ten feet away. And that was her pattern, no matter where she went in house, only ten or so steps, then rest, and then be on her way. If she got nervous or upset she would start very deep respirations and that would go on until I calmed her and told her things will be alright. If I picked her up I felt like I was causing her pain as she would start panting again. At times her meow was so weak you could barely hear her. But today when I took her to vets I almost cancelled as she was having such a good day. After going over Annie's overall health the vet this time convinced me to put her down. I'm wrestling with my timing as she didn't move around much but she seemed to not be in much pain, still eating, still using litterbox. I don't know I guess it's too late to second guess myself but I miss her so and just wish our lives didn't have to change this way. My heart feels so empty right now and through all my tears I just can't get over the fact that I maybe should have waited it out.
 
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catladymary

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I'm so sorry. That's the most difficult decision a person ever has to make for their beloved pet. From your description, it really does sound like her quality of life had deteriorated significantly, though I know it doesn't make it any easier to make the final decision. This is a wonderful post by one of our members about 'when the moment comes'. It has helped many of us come to terms with doing what's right for our beloved kitties.

When the moment comes...

You and Toby are in my thoughts. :hugs: RIP, little Annie.
 

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Don't think of it as ending a life, try to concentrate on it as ending unending pain. You know in your heart she was not going to be cured, or get better, her future was one of pain and struggle, you could not let that happen to someone you love. It was a final, unselfish act of love you gave her, and she thanks you for that. You gave her 15 years of love and a wonderful home, that is all she ever wanted. She now would never want you to be in so much pain, she loves you too much for that. The bond you have with her is spiritual, so eternal, nothing can take that from you, not even death. Use it to bring comfort,to fill that void that comes with a broken heart. To begin to heal that heart by accepting her legacy of love and honoring that legacy through your memories and passing on what she taught you, how to love. Know she is near and that her love will always surround you and guide you from this day forward. Her new path will always follow yours. Go forward into the future secure in knowing that love, bring happiness and sunshine back into that heart just as she would want, just as you would want for her if you were the first to go.
My heart goes out to you, we'll be here if you need to release some of your pain to people who understand. We are all, family joined through our love of these little ones, take care.........RIP precious Annie. You will never be forgotten in this world, and will forever more be held in a loving heartt. Goodnight, sleep tight, little princess!
 
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catladymary

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Don't think of it as ending a life, try to concentrate on it as ending unending pain. You know in your heart she was not going to be cured, or get better, her future was one of pain and struggle, you could not let that happen to someone you love. It was a final, unselfish act of love you gave her, and she thanks you for that. You gave her 15 years of love and a wonderful home, that is all she ever wanted. She now would never want you to be in so much pain, she loves you too much for that. The bond you have with her is spiritual, so eternal, nothing can take that from you, not even death. Use it to bring comfort,to fill that void that comes with a broken heart. To begin to heal that heart by accepting her legacy of love and honoring that legacy through your memories and passing on what she taught you, how to love. Know she is near and that her love will always surround you and guide you from this day forward. Her new path will always follow yours. Go forward into the future secure in knowing that love, bring happiness and sunshine back into that heart just as she would want, just as you would want for her if you were the first to go.
My heart goes out to you, we'll be here if you need to release some of your pain to people who understand. We are all, family joined through our love of these little ones, take care.........RIP precious Annie. You will never be forgotten in this world, and will forever more be held in a loving heartt. Goodnight, sleep tight, little princess!
I cant get over the fact that I robbed her of some more time. I now know she could have gone on a little more. the vet advised us against heart failure meds as he said cats don't do well as it affects their kidneys, I wish I would have at least tried, I should not have taken his word. I wish you could've seen her face when that instant the med let her go..I was holding her and she trusted me and then when the med hit she whipped her head around as if to say, Mom, I trusted you..why I should've tried harder...my other 17 year old cat is looking for her, I killed his best friend I miss her somuch and Ive never felt such guilt I'm not even sure she was in pain, she was still eating, still using litter box, her only symptoms were chest fluid, needing to rest after ten or so steps, and panting heavily when stressed...I didn't think this through, I trusted my vet and I will never forgive myself Annie, I'm so sorry, you were such a good girl and you deserved more,,why did I do this
 

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Catladymary, its natural to second guess, No one can know the exact moment that crossing the bridge should best occur and even if one did know the exact moment, it couldnt be reasonably arranged for that exact moment.

You said: "I cant get over the fact that I robbed her of some more time. I now know she could have gone on a little more."

You are possibly right. Maybe she could have lasted a little longer............but would have it been for your benefit or hers?

You also said in a previous thread "they advised me to put her down in April." But you did not, you stuck with her and gave her more months. Be proud of yourself........YOU made that happen. You did NOT rob her of some more time, you GAVE her more time.

Its so easy to forget the reasons you made the timing of your difficult choice, but you noticed "she would take several (2 or 3) rest stops just to get to her Litterbox that was maybe ten feet away. And that was her pattern, no matter where she went in house, only ten or so steps, then rest, and then be on her way. If she got nervous or upset she would start very deep respirations and that would go on until I calmed her and told her things will be alright. If I picked her up I felt like I was causing her pain as she would start panting again. At times her meow was so weak you could barely hear her."

If you had waited longer I think she would had suffered needlessly.

Im not a counsller, a priest or physichatrist........heck I cant even spell it! But at 56 years of age I have learnt that with TRUE love comes responsibilty. You met that responsibility. Not everyone has the courage to do so. You held Ted and Annie in your arms when they needed you most. You did not run, you did not hide, you stepped up and did the right thing. The right thing to do is almost always the hardest thing to do. Be proud of yourself for being so brave and loving. Be grateful you were able to hold them when they passed. (many people dont get that opportunity). I had our little Motu cradled in my arms when she passed. 2 years latter, it still upsets me but there is NO way I would let her down and not be at her side at that time if I had a choice.

Now Toby needs your support and love. If he sees you upset or senses you are sad, it will affect him. Cats although often regarded as indifferent to others are in fact very much in tune with their surroundings.

Sorry for the lecture. Dont beat yourself up. You dont deserve it.

Give Toby a hug and some treats.
 
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catladymary

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Catladymary, its natural to second guess, No one can know the exact moment that crossing the bridge should best occur and even if one did know the exact moment, it couldnt be reasonably arranged for that exact moment.

You said: "I cant get over the fact that I robbed her of some more time. I now know she could have gone on a little more."

You are possibly right. Maybe she could have lasted a little longer............but would have it been for your benefit or hers?

You also said in a previous thread "they advised me to put her down in April." But you did not, you stuck with her and gave her more months. Be proud of yourself........YOU made that happen. You did NOT rob her of some more time, you GAVE her more time.

Its so easy to forget the reasons you made the timing of your difficult choice, but you noticed "she would take several (2 or 3) rest stops just to get to her Litterbox that was maybe ten feet away. And that was her pattern, no matter where she went in house, only ten or so steps, then rest, and then be on her way. If she got nervous or upset she would start very deep respirations and that would go on until I calmed her and told her things will be alright. If I picked her up I felt like I was causing her pain as she would start panting again. At times her meow was so weak you could barely hear her."

If you had waited longer I think she would had suffered needlessly.

Im not a counsller, a priest or physichatrist........heck I cant even spell it! But at 56 years of age I have learnt that with TRUE love comes responsibilty. You met that responsibility. Not everyone has the courage to do so. You held Ted and Annie in your arms when they needed you most. You did not run, you did not hide, you stepped up and did the right thing. The right thing to do is almost always the hardest thing to do. Be proud of yourself for being so brave and loving. Be grateful you were able to hold them when they passed. (many people dont get that opportunity). I had our little Motu cradled in my arms when she passed. 2 years latter, it still upsets me but there is NO way I would let her down and not be at her side at that time if I had a choice.

Now Toby needs your support and love. If he sees you upset or senses you are sad, it will affect him. Cats although often regarded as indifferent to others are in fact very much in tune with their surroundings.

Sorry for the lecture. Dont beat yourself up. You dont deserve it.

Give Toby a hug and some treats.
Thank you so much for truly listening to me. You should be a therapist because you are so awesome. I know Toby needs me and I am trying to concentrate on the good and not so much the bad. You are right about her struggling to get to her litter box, my heart would break every time I saw her try to rush and then pause and rest a few seconds on the way. My poor husband was so understanding as I've been sleeping downstairs on couch so I could be near her in case she would start coughing. It got to the point where I just wanted to be with her all day long, that's all that was important anymore. Heck I didn't even want my small grandkids around as I didn't want her stressed. She was having such a good day though and I felt I ruined it for her. Thank you again for listening and I will heed what you said about waiting may have caused unnecessary pain. I know she was passing her days away staring at the wall as she was afraid of moving too much, maybe chest pain? I will do my best to come to grips and one day I will accept it as a good decision to keep her from experiencing a heart attack or worse with all the chest fluid doc said was present. Again thank you for helping me through this.
 

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No, you didn't ruin it for her. You let her go gently during a good time, which is a far sweeter, if bitter-sweet, time to go, than waiting until she was miserable again. You saved her from even more fear and pain. You acted with such love and tenderness that I know her last thoughts were..."I feel GOOD again, THANK YOU! I love you. I will wait for you, we will meet again."
 
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catladymary

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No, you didn't ruin it for her. You let her go gently during a good time, which is a far sweeter, if bitter-sweet, time to go, than waiting until she was miserable again. You saved her from even more fear and pain. You acted with such love and tenderness that I know her last thoughts were..."I feel GOOD again, THANK YOU! I love you. I will wait for you, we will meet again."
I will remember that and when my time comes, I will hang on to those words cause if I could have the love that my cats give to me, it will make it all worthwhile if we get to meet again. I love my furbabies more than words could ever describe. Thank you for your kind support, don't know how I would cope if not for people like you.
 

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I utterly believe that they are waiting for us. Call it the Rainbow Bridge, call it Heaven, call it The Summerlands, call it what you will. But if those beautiful furry souls who share our lives are not there, then it would be a poor paradise, indeed.
 

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I think these last two hit it on the head, but I want to say something along those lines too. When Simon was sick with stomach cancer, and we were there at the vets to put him down, I asked him several times "are you SURE that he needs to be put down, he looks so good?", but he said "yes he really does look good on the outside but in the inside he is very sick" and he was, a few days earlier he vomited green liquid all over the kitchen floor so I knew he was sick, but I didn't want to accept it that his time was up, and I can still remember feeling his body go limp in my arms and asking "is he gone?" and when he said "yes" me crying like a baby, still hurts to talk and think about it but it was his time. But I thought the same things "I should have seen this happening earlier, I should have done this or that", but they assured me that cats are masters at hiding illness until it is too late, so I learned about that.

When Sebastian died I thought similar things, "if I only I would have done this or that", but we did all we could, for some reason it was his time to go too.

When Skipper died suddenly last July I remember sitting on the edge of the bed saying " I wish I would have known him better, I wish we would have done more with him", but he didn't want that, he was happy just being inside with the others and if he wanted to be around you he would, if not he didn't want anything to do with us and that was what he wanted, he had all that he needed, all that he wanted, he was happy but it was his time to go, and had Deb not rescued him years ago after he was bitten on the leg he would've died years earlier, so we gave him several great years inside.

The current theme and my point here is it is NATURAL for us to blame ourselves, second guess, wonder about if we should have seen this coming or did this or that when in fact we do all that we can at the time with what we have, and when it is their time (and ours too for that matter) it is time to move on, out of this body and world into the next better one, so the grief is making you think like you are, but with time you will realize you did the right thing, and I think her whipping her head around is what is causing you to question it, if she would not have done that it may not be on your mind so much, but like they said go back and read where you talked about how poor her health was and you will realize that it had to be done, and that reaction of hers will fade and not be so "harsh" but it will take a long time, so give it time and stay on here as people are a HUGE comfort.

God Bless.....:alright: :grouphug: :rbheart:
 
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