Saying Goodbye

greysalt

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This past Thursday I elected to put my sweet boy to sleep. He had been diagnosed with large-cell nasal lymphoma just under two months ago. I elected not to try chemotherapy. He was doing pretty well on just the steroids until about a week ago, when he started to have long stretches of time when he seemed very listless and out of things. I vowed I wouldn't let him go like that for more than a day but he would recover and seem better for the next couple of days. But on Thursday morning he absolutely refused to eat (not even tuna fish), meowed when I picked him up (he was normally a very pliant and tolerant cat), and had a steady stream of green discharge running from his nose. He did not seem happy although he was using the litter box normally and could walk normally. I decided to take him to the vet. The vet said I could try some small things, maybe a course of antibiotics, maybe an appetite stimulant, maybe a pain medicine, but that these measures a. might not work; and b. would only be temporary due to the underlying cause. He was clearly not comfortable at the vet and even hissed at her (not that many cats are happy at the vet but he was normally pretty tolerant and he had never hissed at a vet before, he barely hissed at all). The temptation to try something was strong, it was. But I decided I didn't want to start him on a roller coaster of treatment when the end result would still be the same. I also didn't want him to get worse, as can happen with nasal tumors because they can push into the brain. I would rather say goodbye to him a day early. I decided to let him go and said goodbye.

It's been very hard, a lot harder than I thought and I've done this before. I had him for ten years. He was with me through some very rough times. He was a warm and comforting presence. He was a big sweetie and always had a headbutt for me.

The worse part is the doubt. Should I have tried something? I'll never know. I just hope he's Ok now and that he forgives me.
 

jcat

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I just hope he's Ok now and that he forgives me.
He is and does. He knew how much you loved him and that you were giving him the last gift of love - a peaceful farewell to this world. I'm very sorry for your loss.
 

dalimili18

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Dear Greysalt,

I am so sorry for what you have to go through. I recently lost my beloved friend and I can feel exactly what you are going through.

Maybe this will ease some of your pain and doubts: we always feel guilt. It is just a horrible thing that eats us from inside, but obviously the guilt is a companion we can not ignore.

Even if your beloved friend went through a treatement and he somehow recovered and you  managed to prolong his life for another few weeks, months, in the end it would be the same. You would eventually still lose him, only at a later stage, and you would still doubt yourself, even though you did everything that you could. You would still question whether you had done enough...

Your decision to have him put to sleep was very brave. You did exactly what you thought was the best option given the knowledge that you had.

Blame is a natural process in life, he would never blame you. Heck he would never ever consider going to the vet. If it was up to him, he would probably just hide somewhere and wait for his last hours, perhaps in even more pain and agony. But he would not fear.

Cats do not fear death. They don't. The don't think about the fact that they will never see you again, or question our decisions, they don't ponder on those things. Cats live in the moment. And cherrish those moments that you two had. He loved you, you loved him. What more is there to ask for? All you did was out of friendship and love that you felt for him.
 

di and bob

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You absolutely did the right thing. You did not prolong a suffering that had no chance of being eliminated, it was inevitable. As Dalimili said, cats live in the present, and we must too. Your sweet boy would never want you to suffer so because of love, he would want you to share the legacy he left you, to remember the happy times, not dwell on his end. The past is unchangeable, no matter how much we would like to relive some of it, and the future is unknown. We all mourn the loss of something that is so much a part of our lives. The companionship, the unconditional love we receive with nothing expected in return, the very presence of a warm furry body in our lives, it is a blow to our very souls to lose something so precious, so irreplaceable. But remember, as long as we are alive, we will carry a piece of that sweet being in our hearts, love such as this will never die, it is a part of our very being. Treasure your memories and one day, in time, you will smile again, as your sweet boy would want. Take care...... RIP sweet boy, you were greatly loved and will be never forgotten!
 

Columbine

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I'm so sorry for your loss. If it helps, I would have made the same decision in the circumstances you describe. I truly believe that the last gift we can give our animals is a dignified end. On the occasions when things have been allowed to drag on for those extra weeks I have felt far more guilt than when I have made the choice to pts before the worst occurs. In some ways it's the harder decision. It takes great strength and respect to do what you did for your boy. It will get easier as time passes. My heart goes out to you. May your gorgeous boy rest in peace.
 

saraharizona

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I'm so sorry for your loss.  Please don't second-guess yourself about how you handled the situation.  We went through this with our Zampy just a few weeks ago.  He was 15 years old and insulin dependent due to diabtes.  When things stared going wrong, we took him to the vet, where he had, over 3 days, 2 ultrasounds of his abdomen.  They saw firat old blood in his belly, perhaps from an earlier trauma (although I can't imagine what). then, as his behavior got more bizzare, fresh blood in his belly.  The vet wanted to do exploratory surgery to see what was going on, but we sais no.  He was so weak, I think he might have died on the table.  If he were, say, 5 years old, that would be another story. So, we put him down on February 15, 2015.  I held him as he passed on, I will never forget it.  We also decided against a necropsy to try to find what was wrong - it seemed like too much of a violation of his body.  So now, we have his ashes in a beautiful little box, and can take him wherever we go.

II know, it's so hard. But, it sounds like you did everything you could for your little friend.  Please know that he knows and appreciates that you put him to rest before things got too hard.  You'll see him again some day...

Sarah Arizona
 

mema62

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This past Thursday I elected to put my sweet boy to sleep. He had been diagnosed with large-cell nasal lymphoma just under two months ago. I elected not to try chemotherapy. He was doing pretty well on just the steroids until about a week ago, when he started to have long stretches of time when he seemed very listless and out of things. I vowed I wouldn't let him go like that for more than a day but he would recover and seem better for the next couple of days. But on Thursday morning he absolutely refused to eat (not even tuna fish), meowed when I picked him up (he was normally a very pliant and tolerant cat), and had a steady stream of green discharge running from his nose. He did not seem happy although he was using the litter box normally and could walk normally. I decided to take him to the vet. The vet said I could try some small things, maybe a course of antibiotics, maybe an appetite stimulant, maybe a pain medicine, but that these measures a. might not work; and b. would only be temporary due to the underlying cause. He was clearly not comfortable at the vet and even hissed at her (not that many cats are happy at the vet but he was normally pretty tolerant and he had never hissed at a vet before, he barely hissed at all). The temptation to try something was strong, it was. But I decided I didn't want to start him on a roller coaster of treatment when the end result would still be the same. I also didn't want him to get worse, as can happen with nasal tumors because they can push into the brain. I would rather say goodbye to him a day early. I decided to let him go and said goodbye.

It's been very hard, a lot harder than I thought and I've done this before. I had him for ten years. He was with me through some very rough times. He was a warm and comforting presence. He was a big sweetie and always had a headbutt for me.

The worse part is the doubt. Should I have tried something? I'll never know. I just hope he's Ok now and that he forgives me.
i also made a decision 6 yrs ago and may be in that position again. i know that if they were a total outside cat they would know the time and walk away from us and die. there are so many ways to keep them alive but you made a loving unselfish humane decision. our furbabies depend on us to love them feed them but also know when its time to let go. i know he doesnt have to worry about pain or forgiving you anymore. i believe God loves his creatures and there is a place for their beauty in heaven. so smile and know you showed this pet love without boundaries.
 
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mnm

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I personally feel you absolutely did the right thing as we made that decision with our Minnie as well. She was 10 with a real battle ahead of her with no promise any of the treatments would work (chylothorax was her condition) and I didn't want for her to get to a point of suffering just to have some more time with her. I have complete peace of our timing... I'm so sorry for your loss but am thankful for your courage to do what was best for him.
 

riley1

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I am very sorry for your loss.  My kitty was very sick but still wanted to stay with me for awhile.  The time we spent together those last weeks was so hard.  He couldn't eat & I was offering 25 different foods per day.  The vet said that as long as he didn't lose weight, it was OK.  When I felt we couldn't wait any longer I had the vet come to the house.  I could have kept him a few more days or a week but as he was showing discomfort I went ahead with it.  I appreciated the time he gave me at the end but it is so hard knowing they are slipping away. You did the right thing.  It would have been hard on him to start new meds and hard on you to watch more decline.  I too, did not opt for more treatments after I admitted that he had cancer.  There was no reason to put him thru anything else in the hope of a few more months.  You saved your baby more unpleasant time on earth.  I am sure he is very grateful for your love & bravery. and in his mind there is nothing to forgive.   It is so hard to let go.
 

candieweb

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I am so sorry for your loss. My cat will be adopted out on March 25th because I can't afford her medical bills. It's really heart breaking... "(
 

nurseangel

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I'm so sorry for your loss.  I admire you for doing the right thing.  Too many times, I have waited too long.
 

riley1

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Candiweb:  have you already found a new home.  Some vets help with medical bills.  If she has a new family; can they pay for the medical bills for her.
 

clairekop1

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It is hard, but you did the right thing.  I, too, have regretted waiting too long.  As time goes by and you can look at it more objectively, you will accept your decision.  It is difficult in the beginning.
 
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