Roomie neglects cat now wants to take him

Gunslinga

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I hope this is the right place to ask this. I found a couple of similar threads but none like this. I’m sick with covid right now so forgive me if I ramble a little bit.


My now old roommate moved out last Thursday and asked me if he could leave the cat for a day or two and I agreed. It’s been 5 days and I didn’t hear from him until Monday night. I don’t want to let the cat go with him, what can I do? I’m sorry this is so long but I need to show the depth of his neglect.

Under normal circumstances I wouldn’t be here, I’d just turn him over to his owner. However, these aren’t normal circumstances. His owner is mid-20’s and the most irresponsible, uncaring pet owner I’ve met in my 52 years on this earth. When he first moved in and brought the cat here, he was severely malnourished, skinny, had a coat like steel wool and covered in fleas. I could see there was trouble coming but I didn’t interfere, it was his cat. I was on medical leave from work at the time so I was here 24/7. I noticed he was t feeding the cat regularly but more like every 2-3 days when he remembered. His water was dirty for days at a time and his litter box wasn’t cleaned until he would pee in the floor by his litterbox.

A couple of weeks in the cat started coming to me for food because he wasn’t being fed. Being the animal lover I am, I approached roomie and attempted to explain that he needs to feed the cat regularly because he’s coming to me to be fed. Roomie went ballistic and told me to ignore him, he’s an animal, he will be fine. I said all I could say but it was to no avail. I couldnt walk through the house without the cat getting under my feet hungry, wanting to be fed. I can’t be cruel so I started feeding and watering him.

Later that week I was eating dinner and noticed him getting in position to pee in the floor. I couldn’t say anything with a mouthful of food so I could only observe for a few seconds. He wasn’t peeing, he was shaking all over and when I approached him he didn’t move, just shook. I bent over and touched him and every muscle in his body was tight from trying to force pee out. I knew what this was so I texted the roommate at work and told him he should take him into the vet in the morning because he had crystals in his urine, a UTI, or both. I offered to take him in because he’s a night worker and sleeps days. His response was I’ll take him when I get paid next week. He had no urgency over anything and was fine letting the cat suffer until then. No way, I took him and paid the bill. (Roomie did pay it back on payday). The amount of crystals in his urine was the most I had ever seen, it was more crystal than urine on the scope. The cause was old, stale, cheapest you can buy food and lack of fresh water.

Now you probably already guessed but yes I was the one giving him his medication daily. The roomie asked me three days in if I had been because he forgot. I said yes and would continue to do so because it was needed daily to be effective. Two days later he dosed him after I already dosed him that day so he got double dosed. Again I told the roomie “I got it” for the same reasons as before. He says, oh yea I forgot. He recovered from the crystals just fine.

A few months later the cat approached me and sat down in front of me for a few seconds, stood up and walked away. There was a thick, blood color discharge from his anus. I did the same as before and texted the roomie. I got the same answer as last time, I’ll take him when I get paid in 10 days. Again I footed the bill and while the roomie did make attempts to medicate him regularly, he’s that irresponsible and didn’t do it. I made sure he got his meds daily for two weeks. He recovered from the worms just fine. I purchased some flea meds and got rid of the fleas that caused the worms and they’ve never returned.

The roomie started buying more wet food which was nice but one day bought like 12 cans and the cat didn’t like it, he’d sniff it and walk away. I told the roomie to pick up a different flavor so he would eat and the response was he is an animal and will eat that shit when he gets hungry enough. Ok, well how long does he have to not eat before you realize he’s not going to? He’s not a wild animal any more, he became a pet when you brought him inside 2 years ago. He just scoffed so I basically started caring for the cat as if he were mine. The roomie noticed the litterbox being cleaned and started cleaning it more often but never daily. No matter how nicely I asked, how loud I yelled, this young man is a slob through and through. I came close to throwing him out after I found him throwing a weeks worth of dominos boxes, fast food wrappers and bags in his bedroom floor. I swear that’s no exaggeration

As the time passed the roomie began shutting the cat out of his room completely, even when he was home or sleeping. He spent no time with him, never groomed him, played with him, he did nothing whatsoever but clean the litterbox here and there. Now you have to understand that this kid did two things, he worked and played video games with his door closed. He was in his room at least 12-14 hours a day and the cat was never invited in. On his off days, he spent every waking moment playing games on his PS4. He would come out to use the restroom and closed the bedroom door when he went back in. He’s neglected him for almost 2 years.

Anyone with a cat knows what the cat will do in those circumstances, he bonded with me and the roomie was no longer of any consequence. Roomie would scrub him on head as he walked out to leave, if he saw him.

He told me a few weeks ago he had found a new place so I asked him to leave the cat, he was offended I asked and he said no, why would I do that? I didn’t really say anything but how about you aren’t mentally equipped or capable of caring for another living creature that depends on you for everything. Since he’s been gone, the cat has not gone looking for him, hasn’t given any indication that he’s no longer here, he’s actually more calm than ever before

I’m not just beating the guy up, I e tried to help him in every way possible, many, many, times but his IQ is on the low side and with that level of mental capacity he’s not capable. For him, it’s not a pet to be cared for and loved, it’s an animal he thinks about once in a while and nothing more.

I wish I could tell the kid what he could correct that would change his relationship with the cat but I can’t. I can say things but he doesn’t comprehend any of it and at that point he tries to deflect and turn it around on you, like I’m somehow responsible for his inadequacies. If you suggest something, he will do the exact opposite just so he does not do what you suggested but rather what he decided was best. Facts don’t matter, statistics don’t matter, the only thing that matters is him and doing what he wants to do. I’ve really never met an individual so poorly equipped for life; it’s unbelievable.

I can’t let the cat suffer through the neglect until it kills him, I won’t do it. Please help me if you can, I’m not sure what to do next. I live in Florida.
 

Kat0121

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I say keep the cat. Make sure you keep those vet bills because you can use them to prove that you are the one caring for him. This kid clearly does not care about the cat. I think that if you refuse to hand over the cat, he might protest a bit but then move on. I'd take the cat to the vet and have him microchipped with your name and info. He belongs with someone who will love him and care for him and that is you. Thank you for caring about him. He's lucky to have you.
 

Kieka

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Double check local laws, but in most cases the person paying vet and food bills is the owner. There are also laws regarding abandoned property. Unfortunately, cats are property in most areas. I'd be hesitant to return the cat too just know that he may call the cops and have documents in hand to prove you've been providing care.
 
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Gunslinga

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Double check local laws, but in most cases the person paying vet and food bills is the owner. There are also laws regarding abandoned property. Unfortunately, cats are property in most areas. I'd be hesitant to return the cat too just know that he may call the cops and have documents in hand to prove you've been providing care.
thanks to you both for replying! I really appreciate it.

Here’s where I made a mistake not knowing how things were gonna turn out. The kid had just moved here so I put the vet and everything in his name so “patches” (a name so I dont call him the cat) would have a solid medical history at the office. If I could have only had the knowledge then that I do now, I wouldn’t have done that. I think I paid the first one with my debit card, the second was cash for sure but I believe I still have both receipts. Oh I do have text messages where where we discussed me paying the bills. As far as food goes, I could prove I’ve been buying food through instacart.

If cats are considered property (Florida), what kind of attorney would handle these things? Does anyone know?

im so distraught over this, I don’t want to be “mean” about it because we have mutual friends and I risk damaging those friendships as well. The one positive to that is the people that are closest to me and him know how irresponsible he is and how he shouldnt be responsible for the care of a living creature. The timing of this is terrible, me being down sick rn makes it all but impossible to do anything, this covid stuff isn’t pretty. Patches is always with me though, if I’m out of the living room too long he comes looking for me. He will walk in the room, look at me like “oh, there you are” and go wait outside the bedroom/bathroom/garage door for me. I love him so much.
 

MackerelTabbyStripes

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I would not want to let your room mate have that cat, he would be cruel to it, and you love him. Can you offer to buy him?

Can you just delay and make getting the cat difficult? He seems like he doesn't have a lot of follow through on things. If you make enough trouble, he may just drop it. Although you say he's very stubborn, so buying the cat would definitely be the easiest approach. Do you have some really trusted friend who is NOT mutual friend to have the cat "disappear" for awhile?

I'd definitely risk damaging any mutual friendships that would be OK with a cat living in those conditions, but I don't know what your social network looks like or what you are relying on them for.

You probably don't have any photos of the cats original condition, unfortunately?

If everything does fail, maybe some of those other mutual friends could get photos of the cats conditions and get a welfare visit to his house? This isn't generally a police priority of any kind, so I wouldn't depend on that.
 

MackerelTabbyStripes

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Oh! I dunno! Cats can sometimes get covid! Just tell him he can't get the cat until you've recovered plus 2 weeks. You can't have it on your conscience to possibly spread the disease.

Then you've bought yourself at least 2 weeks, plus you'll be feeling better, plus he honestly might just forget about it all.
 

KittyFriday

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Do you own or rent your house? If you can, change the locks. Offer him a small sum of money to buy the cat, say you've bonded with him and you just don't want to let him go. But ultimately put the burden of proof on him to prove the cat is his. You have all of the receipts, keep those handy. If you can chip him under your name do so. But if he wants to get a lawyer involved that's on him.
 

fionasmom

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Report animal abuse | Animal Rights Foundation of Florida
https://aldf.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/01/Animal-Protection-Laws-of-Florida-2018.pdf
animal attorney florida - Google Search

The above links may help. I am not suggesting abuse, but those organizations may have answers for you.....or it may be abuse. I have used excuses, as was suggested, to save animals. I once told someone who was going to turn a small kitten out to be a ratter that I could tell that it was FeLV positive and would be best off with me. It worked.

Get all documentation together. You have a logical story about how the cat came to be in his name but you paid the bills.
 
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Gunslinga

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You all are so great! Cat lovers are such sensitive people.

There is no reasoning with him, again not beating up on the guy, he just doesn’t have the ability to reason. I’ve already changed the locks.

He texted me tonight and said he don’t care if I’m sick he’s tired of not seeing him. Mind you, he left him in another state when he moved here for 3 months. He’s leaving for out of state the day after tomorrow and straight doesn’t care it’s gonna stress him out in a new place with new people and new cats.

he said he’s coming in the morning and will wait on someone to get up until he gets him. I’m so sick I can’t leave or I would leave town for a few days.
I feel like I’m losing a part of me but it seems every way I try there’s a blocker.
 

MackerelTabbyStripes

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What if you just don't answer the door? Is he really going to call the cops, I don't really think so. Sounds like he can't exactly just wait forever since he's got to leave out of state tomorrow anyways....

I'm so sorry.
 

KittyFriday

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Exactly. I would say no, this is my cat. Either he will take X amount of money for the cat or he can take nothing and call the cops/a lawyer if he really wants to go that route.
 

Mamanyt1953

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DO not give this man that cat! How did you pay those bills? Cash, check or debit/credit? (you do not need to answer that here BTW) If one of the last two, you can pull bank statements proving that YOU paid the bills. Get your Instacart purchases in line so you can access them easily. When he shows up, tell him you will not give him the cat. If he refuses to leave, call the police and have him removed. I sincerely doubt he will want to go through small claims court (which this would be) to get possession, especially since you can get vet reports as to the neglect that YOU had to correct. And for goodness' sake, get that cat back into the vet under YOUR name, and have him microchipped, then immediately fill out the registration online! That will prove your ownership if anything comes up in the future.
 

Loving Mickey

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I am so sorry for what you are going through. No, he should not have his cat back.
He is not a responsible owner. In fact, I wouldn't even call him the owner. You are. You love and care for that cat. He never did. He may show up to claim the cat just out of spite. Maybe he wants you to offer him money. Money may be all he wants.
I really don't think he wants the cat at all. He is just being spiteful. He don't want the cat, but he don't want you to have what he feels is his cat.
Yes, it was a mistake not to put your name as the owner with the vet.
Try as change that, if you can. Also, get him microchipped and registered in your name.
For now, keep all your receipts, offer him money, hope he accepts it and goes away.
If you do that and he accepts, make sure he signs a note saying the cat is now yours.
Whatever you decide , please do not give that poor cat to that man.
The cat does not deserve that.
My heart feels for what he is putting you through.
Let's just hope, he doesn't show up. Hopefully he is all talk.
Let us know what happens.
We all care!
 
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Gunslinga

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Again, thank you all for the support, suggestions and best wishes; it means so much.

I was able to keep patches while he’s gone, not because he was reasonable with the fact cats are sentient beings but due to his work schedule and the long commute he now makes.

I’m too empathetic, really to a fault. I know deep down he cares for patches and would never intentionally harm him.

I have since learned through someone close to him why he has such an attachment to patches and me being empathetic or not, it’s quite heartbreaking. He was often abused as a child because his parents never acknowledged his low IQ, and adhd. Instead of getting him the right medical care, his parents would physically abuse him for being a “bad kid” who wouldn’t listen, etc, things that were out of the child’s control.

He received a puppy from his parents for his 8th birthday and a week later his mother simply give the puppy away to a family friend for reasons still unknown. Needless to say, it devastated an 8 year old boy. He didn’t get another puppy, cat, or anything else to call his own instead of that one, it was simply taken away and given away. Any other dogs the children were allowed to have didn’t stay around long before they became too expensive, or too much trouble for the mother so the children were often left with no pets and no idea why.

Now fast forward to a 19 yr old young man who rescued patches after finding him in a truck engine compartment where he was nearly killed by the fan belt. If the truck had started the first time that morning, patches wouldn’t be here.

Now that I know all of that, I understand why he has such a strong bond with him. The situation just became much more complicated for me. I really would like to find a solution where patches wouldn’t be neglected and I wouldnt make his childhood trauma worse.

I am so confused now.
 

Jcatbird

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Trauma or not, if you return the cat, the cat pays the price. Would you rather hear later the ending for Patches? I sympathize with the guys trauma but neglect is getting passed down. If this was a human child, would you report that he was not being fed, treated for medical conditions or given water? Would you protect him? I hope that makes this easier to decide. Every life counts. Human or cat, serious neglect is torture. The suffering you described when the cat was sick is heartbreaking. I get that he rescued the cat but unless he learns proper care, the cat is not really rescued. The guy needs rescuing himself. Too bad you can’t help them both.
 

Norachan

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I agree with Jcatbird Jcatbird It's very sad to hear what happened to this guy when he was a child, but sacrificing the cat won't solve anything. He is obviously unable to give an animal the care it needs and is in need of help himself. Maybe you could help him find a therapist or put him in touch with a support group for people with ACHD? But don't let him take the cat. It won't end well.
 

Kat0121

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He does not have a strong bond with the cat. Look at the way he has treated the poor little thing. He does not need A cat. He needs professional help to deal with his past. He clearly is not in a position to give an animal proper care. Patches needs someone who will make his health and happiness A priority. He needs you.
 

fionasmom

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This boy has had a tragic life, no doubt about it. However, even the low IQ and ADHD do not exactly explain a lot of his behavior. It is not typical of those who face challenges or a condition such as ADHD to necessarily abuse animals.....which is what he is doing, even if it is not under his own control entirely.

He rescued the cat but I wonder if that was even more of a spur of the moment reaction more than anything else. I also wonder if the cat is the recipient of all the anger he has for the way his life has turned out. Despite the miserable childhood, there is out and out cruelty here in regards to the cat, some of it seeming intentionally. Anyone who is rational knows that all creatures have to eat to live......but it was okay not to feed the cat?

You summarized him very well in the last couple paragraphs of your first post and that is the reason that he cannot have an animal.

Patches will lose his only lifeline once you are out of the picture and will be abandoned to this young man. Picture him hoping that you will turn up and feed him, or take him in, or help him to feel better as he suffers whatever he is left to suffer with no food and illnesses at this person's hands. As Jcatbird Jcatbird said, later on you will hear about the ending of Patches, unless you lose all touch with this person, in which case you can assume that he died shortly after the two of them left your premises.....one way or the other.
 

reba

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With all due, I’d ignore this kind of fear mongering. The owner doesn’t care about the cat but he’s going to file a police report and pay someone to go after you? Please he can‘t concentrate enough to feed the cat, not to mention you could file charges of animal abuse.

Put the cat in a safe house until he’s gone and then go get him. This cat is going to die a horrible death. You’ll never get to the bottom of why this kid is incapable of feeling empathy. Just do the right thing for the animal. You’ve got more of a case to stand on that this is animal abuse than anything.
 

catsknowme

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I agree with everything previously said. Since you are in quarantine, hopefully you can get a friend or relative to get Patches to the vet and microchipped - use the upcoming hurricane season as the excuse. Perhaps someone from a "rescue transport" group can drive him.
Please keep us updated!
 
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