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Rip Minn Kota [4/20/19-5/20/19]

Discussion in 'Crossing the Bridge' started by Mamakitty&me, May 22, 2019.

  1. Mamakitty&me

    Mamakitty&me Thread Starter Autumn Young Cat

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    Jun 17, 2018
    McAlester, OK
    we adopted a kitten rejected by its mother. I knew there was a chance he had a medical condition as a reason for being unwanted, I just never suspected we’d bond before it took him. He was seemingly healthy at every check up (with the exclusion of needing to be dewormed).

    5/19 he stopped eating as much as normal. It caused concern, but only mildly as I assumed he must be eating the dry food I left out for him, and he was still eating enough of his KMR.

    5/20 he woke normally. He even seemed to have an appetite again and sucked down his bottle with a vengeance! I put him in his crate and had to run errands. He normally napped at this time any ways.

    I got home around 11 (3 hours after he was happily playing and had breakfast.) he seemed sleepy but I told my (responsible) daughter she could play with him in her room while I put my infant down for a nap.

    She came to me and said he was gagging and making a funny noise. I took him and he was gagging so bad his eyes seemed to bulge and his tongue forcefully almost looked swollen the way it came out. I tried to remain calm and asked her if there was any chance he ate something small from her room.. but she guaranteed me it wasn’t possible.

    I held him for 15 minutes seeing if it would pass but his breathing became shallow and rapid so I rushed him to the Er (fortunately there’s one 10 minutes from my home.

    The dr was in surgery but the nurses took his vitals and said his temp was low but his oxygen looked good so I could hold him while we wait.. by this point he was completely limp like his spine had broken and couldn’t even hold his head up. The dr got to us 15 minutes after arrival and listened to his heart and immediately said he had a heart murmur and potentially a growth or valve issue and recommended euthanasia. He checked blood sugar and said extensive testing won’t fix him and the most humane route is to put him down. I couldn’t bare to watch him suffer and the dr said he was struggling to breathe and likely in pain.

    We only had him for a month but I’m so devastated. I’m having nightmares that the dr lied and he was just dehydrated.. or that he broke his spine and that’s it.. the dr said he never noticed a heart problem at previous exams (he happened to be our regular veterinarian) so I think that’s why I’m having dreams.. but how do I learn to cope. Did I do the right thing? I miss him so much :(
     

  2. Mamakitty&me

    Mamakitty&me Thread Starter Autumn Young Cat

    83
    76
    Jun 17, 2018
    McAlester, OK
    Also, although my loved ones say things like”awww, I’m sorry”..no one really understands how I’m feeling. Which I try to understand. If my sons crawfish or Betta fish died I probably wouldn’t care, even though I’d care how he’s felt, I might not know what to say.. I know not-cat-people seem to think I’m over the top.. I’m just so sad about it and don’t know how to express myself or get relief.
     
    Leomc123 purraised this.

  3. Mamakitty&me

    Mamakitty&me Thread Starter Autumn Young Cat

    83
    76
    Jun 17, 2018
    McAlester, OK
    I want my kitten. I want him healthy. He’s gone. And the what if’s are driving me mad. What if the vet was wrong? What if he lied because he didn’t know? What if there was a simple fix but we didn’t figure it out. No kitten can ever replace him. He was perfect in every way. I wish I would have held him more. I was so busy the three days preceding his passing. Only giving him bottles, minimal cuddles and play time
     

  4. zed xyzed

    zed xyzed TCS Member Top Cat

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    Nov 10, 2015
    Toronto Canada
    It is crushing when a little one passes especially on ones watch. I am so sorry, trust me when I say that the people on this site understand the pain you are in and we grieve with you. You are right no kitten can ever replace him, but our hearts are big enough to love a different one.

    Run free sweet boy and know you are and will always be loved by your family.
     
    will2002, Leomc123, golondrina and 2 others purraised this.

  5. les26

    les26 Sylvester's daddy Top Cat

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    Nov 19, 2015
    Emmaus, Pennsylvania
    Oh I am so sorry that this happened to you, the grief has ahold of you right now and is playing mind games with you and it will and that is normal, I would think that your vet would have the experience to have made the right choice but I don't know, but it sounds like he was in very much peril and you were forced to "play God" which is weighing on your mind, but you made the best choice based on the information that you had at the time and he is fine now, just fine, not hurting like you remember him and you will see him again one day and it will be tears of joy not sadness....

    "Their last breath on Earth is their first breath in Heaven" :rbheart:

    I hope that your heart heals a bit more each day, God Bless.....:alright: :grouphug2: :rbheart:
     

  6. di and bob

    di and bob TCS Member Top Cat

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    Dec 12, 2012
    Nebraska, USA
    There was most likely a reason he was rejected by his mother. They instinctively know something is wrong. That doesn't change a thing about your heartbreak, it still devastates a loving heart. The reason why that tiny one died may never be known for sure, whatever the reason, knowing won't change the outcome. Of course you did the right thing, you couldn't let him suffer. It most likely was a birth defect or something genetic, and wouldn't become a problem until he was a bit older.
    He had someone to love him and that is what matters the most. You cared, you tried, and you had to rely on the vet's knowledge of such things to guide you. They see so much, and do know when it is the time to end the suffering.
    Caring for such an innocent brings about an almost instant connection. The bond of love you formed can never be taken from you. He will always be as close as your thoughts and prayers. Try not to dwell on his end, it changes nothing and only brings more heartache. You had already gave him everything he wanted, someone to love......it was for a much shorter time than anyone could imagine, but for him it was everything. To be loved and remembered is the greatest honor we can give, and he had that.
    Of course it hurts, and it always will. You learn to live with the heartache, and it teaches you to hold on to what you have, to love as hard and as much as you can in whatever time is given to us. You can't experience the full extent of what joy and happiness love can bring without knowing loss. That precious little soul would like nothing better than for you to spread his love, to let it grow with another when the time is right. To not feel sadness and let grief rule your life, but to remember the happiness and joy he brought to it and to seek it again.
    My heart goes out to you and your daughter. I give you my prayers to find peace. It helps to share your burden so it does not become too heavy to bear. Time is the only thing that helps with heartache, and it takes a lot of it, one day at a time......RIP precious Minn Kota. You will never be forgotten, you will always have a secure place in loving hearts. May the good Lord bless and keep you, until you meet again!
     
    will2002, Mamakitty&me, les26 and 3 others purraised this.

  7. golondrina

    golondrina TCS Member Top Cat

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    Nov 3, 2011
    Montevideo, Uruguay
    My heart goes to you Mamakitty&me. Mama cats are endowed with the capacity to realize when a little one cannot make it. You took care of him and in doing so he grew in your heart and you believed he could be saved. I understand the depth of your sorrow. May the fact that thanks to you he knew love and comfort bring some consolation to your heart. RIP little one.
     
    Mamakitty&me, les26, Leomc123 and 1 other person purraised this.

  8. Leomc123

    Leomc123 TCS Member Alpha Cat

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    Oct 1, 2018
    i am so sorry that you had to go through this, and i am sorry for the loss and turmoil that you are struggling with. It is the worst feeling when suddenly our fur kids gets ill so quickly and gravely ill that there is no remedy to help them, even when you do the right thing by taking your buddy to the vet to help him stay healthy at every check up and the last visit is to take him there so your buddy is cured only to have to make the only decision that god can make placed upon you to end your buddys life. I completely understand your pain and turmoil , and the decision you made is the hardest decision of all which is based on your trust in your vets diagnosis and your vision of your buddy laying there suffering and you wanting him to live.

    Its a catch 22 situation, in that moment of decision is that limbo of you dont want him to die and you dont want him to suffer any longer. And then when you have finally let your buddy rest peacefully, you find yourself doubting everything , from what the vet has told you the diagnosis and the answer is to put him down, its from hopefulness to hopelessness in a matter of 1 or 2 hours and its the shock of having to make a judgment on who lives and who dies, and its the devastation of going to the vet for a cure only to come home empty handed knowing that the brave decision was yours to make.

    I try to cope by telling myself that if my cats were suffering and i kept them longer their quality of life would have been miserable and i would of hated that.

    From what you explained in your post sounds like he was suffering a lot in that short amount of time and was dying a painful death, and it was the kindness by you to let him go peacefully instead of making him suffer a minute longer. Dont blame yourself , just understand that he loved you as much as you loved him and i am sure if there was anything more you could have done you would have done it. i am sorry that this happened, and i hope your heart mends and that your buddy is in a peaceful place with all the kittens who have passed on, were they are pain free and are not suffering anymore.
     

  9. les26

    les26 Sylvester's daddy Top Cat

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    Nov 19, 2015
    Emmaus, Pennsylvania
    This is beautiful....where's my tissues?:( :bawling2:
     

  10. Leomc123

    Leomc123 TCS Member Alpha Cat

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    Oct 1, 2018
    Its ok to be sad, and its ok to greive for him it is normal, when the emotion of sadness comes that you feel you need to burst out and cry let it out, give yourself space a quiet place to yourself , is there a place you can go where its quiet like a park, or when your daughter is asleep you are able to spend some quiet time to just let it out or to process it all, my family members are the same they didnt understand how i felt and i found that if i did speak to them about it i would hear "awwe he was going to die anyways or be happy that he is not suffering anymore. " I look at photos and videos of them when i feel sad and it helps a little, and i come here on the cat site and shared how i felt on the forum. It takes time to grieve some people its short and some its a long time. And you are not over the top with your feelings on this, dont listen to what they are saying because they were not there in that final moment.
     
    golondrina, Mamakitty&me and les26 purraised this.

  11. Mamanyt1953

    Mamanyt1953 Rules my home with an iron paw Staff Member Forum Helper

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    Oct 16, 2015
    Havelock, North Carolina
    Rest you gentle, Sweet Baby Boy, dream you deep. Your pawprints are on someone's heart forever.

    Such a short, short time! But, where there is love, even an eternity would not have been enough, would it? You did the most unselfish, loving thing possible...you broke your own heart to save your Baby Boy from living in pain. You helped him shrug off a heavy coat of flesh and fur that could never have supported his joyous spirit and loving heart. Now he dances on sunlight, surrounded by green fields, in a place where he is healthy and whole...and he blesses you for that freedom with every ounce of him.

    Dance on, Sweet Baby Boy, dance on!
     
    les26, golondrina and Mamakitty&me purraised this.

  12. Mamakitty&me

    Mamakitty&me Thread Starter Autumn Young Cat

    83
    76
    Jun 17, 2018
    McAlester, OK
    Thank you so much ❤️

    And thank you to everyone who has responded. When I told people what happened the responses I got varied from silence to “oh, I’m sorry to hear that... so what should I make for dinner? Chicken or beef?” And it’s just killing me. Everyone’s affirmation and genuine care in this forum has helped me so immensely. I try not to cry too much in front of the children. But I think I did need a good cry. I feel like my brain is stuck on stupid because on the inside I’m freaking out but the world just keeps going on like nothing happened and I go from devastated to angry.
     
    les26, Mamanyt1953 and golondrina purraised this.

  13. Mamanyt1953

    Mamanyt1953 Rules my home with an iron paw Staff Member Forum Helper

    18,878
    23,973
    Oct 16, 2015
    Havelock, North Carolina
    And you will for a little while. That's the most human thing in the world. Give yourself permission to grieve, and tell yourself over and over that those who say, "It was just a cat" are all the poorer for their own attitude, and that you are the richer for your own caring heart.
     
    golondrina and les26 purraised this.

  14. les26

    les26 Sylvester's daddy Top Cat

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    Nov 19, 2015
    Emmaus, Pennsylvania
    Google Holy Basil and the homeopathic remedy Ignatia Amara, the Basil is an herb that helps keep you centered and calm and helps you deal with the stress, you know it is still there but it helps you handle it, and the Ignatia is for acute grief, shock and trauma which helps you cope. They are NOT drugs but more natural remedies that help, I have used them and still do at times, they can help you cope while you are grieving.
     
    Mamanyt1953 purraised this.

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