Rest in peace, my sweet little Sara Bear

[donutte]

Time has gone by so fast. It's so weird, it went by so slowly for Lucky, at least that first month. It went by quickly after that.

Been shedding a lot of tears this weekend, especially last night. Someone posted a video about a dog last night, saying what the dog was probably thinking throughout its life, up to the end. I bawled. Absolutely bawled. It was so sad but also cathartic, I think. While I cried a lot for Lucky, I never felt like I truly mourned... enough, for lack of a better word. Sara was sick so she had to be my focus, even when tears were flowing uncontrollably. And now, they are again, but without someone needing my focus and attention.

This was the first weekend since Sara died that I had time to truly grieve. Nothing else on my mind, just this. Lots of crying, and thinking, and seeing things that make me think of my babies that I just lost. And then there are my kittens, whose personalities are blooming before my very eyes. Especially Oscar, omg, I can't believe how much his personality has been blooming.

Anyway, enough of that. I need to put Sara's hair clippings into a little baggie and then stick it in the can with her ashes. The CW at the vet's office gave me a little ceramic thing and put the hair in that. It was so sweet, but so scared the ceramic thing my fall (kittens, after all) and lose the hair. Granted, there is a TON of her hair that she had lost in my bathroom (I'm still finding pieces of it).

 

[donutte]

My dear, sweet Sara. Hard to believe it's been two and a half months already. I still remember everything like it was yesterday. I feel like I'm grieving for you all over again. I was grieving for your brother so much that I couldn't grieve for you. While I'm not done grieving for your brother, it is getting better, and the reality has been kinda hitting me hard this last week. That you're really gone. I knew already, but didn't really start to feel it until now.

You visited me the other night for the first time since you left. Early Friday morning, that's actually more appropriate. You were in my very weird dream.

In my dream, you were gone. It had only been a few days over a month. Not sure why I remember that detail, but I do. Our home was somewhere else that I didn't recognize. We had a storage room though that we'd not gone into for awhile. I opened the door, and you flew out! Your hair was grown out again, and you were happy and healthy! I was absolutely shocked. I remember wondering how I got your ashes, and then realized that must be why it seemed like there was so little of you - because you weren't really there.

I don't remember a whole lot of the rest of the details. The dream went on quite a bit, but the rest of it wasn't nearly as significant as that. I felt horrible that you had been locked in there for so long! But was so very happy to see you.

And of course, I woke up. And it took me a few minutes to remember that you weren't really there anymore.

 

[zed xyzed]

For Sara 

  I am glad she visited you to tell you she is healthy again and not suffering 

 

[angels mommy]

I understand how you feel. It takes more time, especially grieving for two, and some days are harder than others. It doesn't seem like it now, but it will get easier, I promise.  Sending you hugs!  

 

 

[ginny]

I'm so sorry about your Sara Bear and Lucky, and glad she came to visit you in the night.  I understand so well...."that you're really gone".  I don't know of a worse pain at the moment than that realization when it hits.  

 

 

[Loving Mickey]

Yes, time does seem to go by quickly, but for the one mourning the loss of a loved one, time seems to stand still.
I am so truly sorry that you are hurting so much. I wouldn't wish this pain on anyone. Yes, there will be good days and bad. Any little thing can trigger the pain again. It is not even a year yet for either Lucky or Sara. The loss is still so new and raw. I hope as time goes on, the pain will lessen some. May you one day think of your precious kitties with more smiles than tears. Sending hugs to you and your other kitties!

 

[goholistic]

My dear, sweet Sara. Hard to believe it's been two and a half months already. I still remember everything like it was yesterday. I feel like I'm grieving for you all over again. I was grieving for your brother so much that I couldn't grieve for you. While I'm not done grieving for your brother, it is getting better, and the reality has been kinda hitting me hard this last week. That you're really gone. I knew already, but didn't really start to feel it until now.

You visited me the other night for the first time since you left. Early Friday morning, that's actually more appropriate. You were in my very weird dream.

In my dream, you were gone. It had only been a few days over a month. Not sure why I remember that detail, but I do. Our home was somewhere else that I didn't recognize. We had a storage room though that we'd not gone into for awhile. I opened the door, and you flew out! Your hair was grown out again, and you were happy and healthy! I was absolutely shocked. I remember wondering how I got your ashes, and then realized that must be why it seemed like there was so little of you - because you weren't really there.

I don't remember a whole lot of the rest of the details. The dream went on quite a bit, but the rest of it wasn't nearly as significant as that. I felt horrible that you had been locked in there for so long! But was so very happy to see you.

And of course, I woke up. And it took me a few minutes to remember that you weren't really there anymore.

I'm just now seeing this, @Donutte. It's so very difficult, and I'm sorry your heart hurts so much. My thoughts are with you for continued healing.