Hi all. I'm feeling lost and incredibly guilty about this, so I hope you will be understanding in your replies.
In short - adopted 2 month kitten two weeks ago. Resident 10 month cat now timid, withdrawn and keeping distance from me.
I have had Bindi (female 10 month cat, spayed and healthy) for 6 months now. The moment I looked into her eyes in December I felt a deep connection. The very first day I let her into the house, she spent hours kneading me and cuddling. Over time, that bond has only deepened, I am as attuned to her feelings as she is to mine. When I am upset, she seems to know it and cuddles with me until I feel better. Before she came into my life, I really struggled with anxiety and depression, but since I got her, all that has improved greatly. I wouldn't know what I would do without her. She is also my first cat.
Over the past two months, she has shown signs of being lonely, especially when I go out. I work from home and spend a lot of time with her, but I need to go out for groceries, errands, meeting friends etc. Not to mention I am trying to improve my social life and get out more often. She has also become more and more playful to the extent that i couldn't keep up with her play needs, even after 1 to 2 hours of active playtime daily.
With all this in mind, I adopted a 2 month old kitten Oreo 2 weeks ago. Oreo is cute, but to be completely honest, I don't feel a deep connection with him. I was hesitant to adopt him, to be honest, because I just felt no love for him. But i told myself that since I love Bindi so much, what is important is that Bindi loves him. He is younger than her, a male kitten that had siblings for the first 2 months, he seemed like a good match for her, so I took him in.
It took one week for them to start playing together. They play a lot, it sometimes gets really rough with some sounds from both cats, but overall it stays playing. However, he has turned out to be a really dominant little guy.
During meals together, he gobbles down his food, then moves to her food bowl and pushes her out of the way while she is still eating. She doesn't react but just stands there as he eats her food. I've tried giving him more, but then he overeats and vomits. She is a slow and picky eater, he gobbles everything. He has also been guarding the water bowls. He insisted on drinking from all 3 bowls I have in the house, and I saw him hiss her away when she tried to access the water. I've added a 4th bowl tonight. (4 water bowls!!!!) He plays really rough, with all claws out, and during play he has even run over my legs leaving bleeding scratch marks.
I can still work on all of the above, but the absolute worst part that simply bothers me too much is this: When he sees her
coming for cuddles with me, he pounces on her and bites. They then become a rolling ball of biting. Usually Bindi tries to dominate him but she gives up because he bites back hard with all claws out. She then slinks away to a higher table that he can't jump on to (yet). Because of this, Bindi has started to keep away from me. She does play with him, and its nice to see when they play nice. But it is horrible for me to watch him repeatedly pounce at her at the exact moment she comes to cuddle with me.
The close relationship I had with Bindi is changing slowly. She is starting to keep her distance from me. She barely meows (used to be very talkative), doesn't respond to her name (used to come when called), lies around depressed when Oreo isn't chasing her and is overall acting scared and timid. She used to be a brave kitten, but in just two weeks she has suddenly become afraid of thunderstorms (used to watch the lighting from the window), afraid of strangers (used to greet the delivery guys) and is generally less confident. This is making me resent Oreo greatly. On his own, he can be a charming cuddly kitten, I feel so guilty to resent him. I often think how much better off he would be if his owner did not have another cat to think about. He loves people and human attention, and seems to hate it when Bindi comes to me. Bindi is not the type to stand up for her rights, she just slinks away and keeps her distance.
I know its only been 2 weeks, but I just can't take it to see her like this. I am extremely close to finding him another home. Should I go ahead and rehome Oreo? It doesn't help that even after two weeks, I still feel a lack of connection with Oreo. I just don't feel love when I look at him, and I don't look forward to seeing him when I go home. I feel horrible about this and almost regret adopting him.
The biggest complication of the situation is that - Bindi seems to actually like Oreo, despite his behaviors. He is still sleeping in his kitten room at night, and Bindi (who sleeps in my bedroom usually) has parked herself outside the door and meows for him. This is the main factor keeping me from finding him another home. Oreo was dumped at a local market at 4 weeks old, went through a foster home, and then ended up with me. I feel so bad making him move houses again. Bindi has been lonely before - on one hand, her new friend is a bit of a bully, but on the other hand, a friend is a friend?
I don't know what to do. Personally, this situation is causing me a lot of anxiety. Bindi was almost like an emotional support animal to me, and to lose her slowly in this way is affecting me. Ideally, I want a second cat who would be a friend to Bindi but without causing distance between her and me. Does this even exist? Or are my expectations completely off? Is she better off being an only cat? Am I being a completely selfish cat owner to want my cat to love me and pay attention to me?
Also, they are both healthy. She is spayed but he isn't neutered. Due to laws in my country, there is no chance of getting him neutered until he is at least 6 months old.
Thank you for reading this far and sorry for the ranty post. Just had a lot to get off my chest and would really appreciate the thoughts of more experienced cat lovers.
In short - adopted 2 month kitten two weeks ago. Resident 10 month cat now timid, withdrawn and keeping distance from me.
I have had Bindi (female 10 month cat, spayed and healthy) for 6 months now. The moment I looked into her eyes in December I felt a deep connection. The very first day I let her into the house, she spent hours kneading me and cuddling. Over time, that bond has only deepened, I am as attuned to her feelings as she is to mine. When I am upset, she seems to know it and cuddles with me until I feel better. Before she came into my life, I really struggled with anxiety and depression, but since I got her, all that has improved greatly. I wouldn't know what I would do without her. She is also my first cat.
Over the past two months, she has shown signs of being lonely, especially when I go out. I work from home and spend a lot of time with her, but I need to go out for groceries, errands, meeting friends etc. Not to mention I am trying to improve my social life and get out more often. She has also become more and more playful to the extent that i couldn't keep up with her play needs, even after 1 to 2 hours of active playtime daily.
With all this in mind, I adopted a 2 month old kitten Oreo 2 weeks ago. Oreo is cute, but to be completely honest, I don't feel a deep connection with him. I was hesitant to adopt him, to be honest, because I just felt no love for him. But i told myself that since I love Bindi so much, what is important is that Bindi loves him. He is younger than her, a male kitten that had siblings for the first 2 months, he seemed like a good match for her, so I took him in.
It took one week for them to start playing together. They play a lot, it sometimes gets really rough with some sounds from both cats, but overall it stays playing. However, he has turned out to be a really dominant little guy.
During meals together, he gobbles down his food, then moves to her food bowl and pushes her out of the way while she is still eating. She doesn't react but just stands there as he eats her food. I've tried giving him more, but then he overeats and vomits. She is a slow and picky eater, he gobbles everything. He has also been guarding the water bowls. He insisted on drinking from all 3 bowls I have in the house, and I saw him hiss her away when she tried to access the water. I've added a 4th bowl tonight. (4 water bowls!!!!) He plays really rough, with all claws out, and during play he has even run over my legs leaving bleeding scratch marks.
I can still work on all of the above, but the absolute worst part that simply bothers me too much is this: When he sees her
coming for cuddles with me, he pounces on her and bites. They then become a rolling ball of biting. Usually Bindi tries to dominate him but she gives up because he bites back hard with all claws out. She then slinks away to a higher table that he can't jump on to (yet). Because of this, Bindi has started to keep away from me. She does play with him, and its nice to see when they play nice. But it is horrible for me to watch him repeatedly pounce at her at the exact moment she comes to cuddle with me.
The close relationship I had with Bindi is changing slowly. She is starting to keep her distance from me. She barely meows (used to be very talkative), doesn't respond to her name (used to come when called), lies around depressed when Oreo isn't chasing her and is overall acting scared and timid. She used to be a brave kitten, but in just two weeks she has suddenly become afraid of thunderstorms (used to watch the lighting from the window), afraid of strangers (used to greet the delivery guys) and is generally less confident. This is making me resent Oreo greatly. On his own, he can be a charming cuddly kitten, I feel so guilty to resent him. I often think how much better off he would be if his owner did not have another cat to think about. He loves people and human attention, and seems to hate it when Bindi comes to me. Bindi is not the type to stand up for her rights, she just slinks away and keeps her distance.
I know its only been 2 weeks, but I just can't take it to see her like this. I am extremely close to finding him another home. Should I go ahead and rehome Oreo? It doesn't help that even after two weeks, I still feel a lack of connection with Oreo. I just don't feel love when I look at him, and I don't look forward to seeing him when I go home. I feel horrible about this and almost regret adopting him.
The biggest complication of the situation is that - Bindi seems to actually like Oreo, despite his behaviors. He is still sleeping in his kitten room at night, and Bindi (who sleeps in my bedroom usually) has parked herself outside the door and meows for him. This is the main factor keeping me from finding him another home. Oreo was dumped at a local market at 4 weeks old, went through a foster home, and then ended up with me. I feel so bad making him move houses again. Bindi has been lonely before - on one hand, her new friend is a bit of a bully, but on the other hand, a friend is a friend?
I don't know what to do. Personally, this situation is causing me a lot of anxiety. Bindi was almost like an emotional support animal to me, and to lose her slowly in this way is affecting me. Ideally, I want a second cat who would be a friend to Bindi but without causing distance between her and me. Does this even exist? Or are my expectations completely off? Is she better off being an only cat? Am I being a completely selfish cat owner to want my cat to love me and pay attention to me?
Also, they are both healthy. She is spayed but he isn't neutered. Due to laws in my country, there is no chance of getting him neutered until he is at least 6 months old.
Thank you for reading this far and sorry for the ranty post. Just had a lot to get off my chest and would really appreciate the thoughts of more experienced cat lovers.
