Remembering Sebastian 11/23/15

les26

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I knew that the anniversary of that horrible night that I came home to find Sebastian tangled in the mini blinds trying to escape his pain and me untangling him only to have him die in my arms was near, but I thought that today was the 23rd but it is the 24th. But last night I picked up Sylvester and the thought of "the day we lost Sebastian is near" and I hugged him so very tight and it felt like I was hugging "Seebs" again, so something in the back of my mind knew it was the day. But when I saw the date today I thought "it was yesterday" 5 years ago since that happened and 5 years since I joined this wonderful website and have been helped by many people and I hope that I have helped some too.

And again Sylvester looks like Sebastian and Simon who passed 5/15/14 combined, he helped me as I got him 3 months after the loss of Sebastian and he was in a not very good situation where he was so we helped each other, I used to tell him "we found each other, in the darkness...we helped each other" and I think he knows that and agrees.

We will see you on the other side one day Seebs, and Simon, and all of the rest one day down the line, and we know that you are fine now, just fine..... :rbheart:
 

CatladyJan

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I knew that the anniversary of that horrible night that I came home to find Sebastian tangled in the mini blinds trying to escape his pain and me untangling him only to have him die in my arms was near, but I thought that today was the 23rd but it is the 24th. But last night I picked up Sylvester and the thought of "the day we lost Sebastian is near" and I hugged him so very tight and it felt like I was hugging "Seebs" again, so something in the back of my mind knew it was the day. But when I saw the date today I thought "it was yesterday" 5 years ago since that happened and 5 years since I joined this wonderful website and have been helped by many people and I hope that I have helped some too.

And again Sylvester looks like Sebastian and Simon who passed 5/15/14 combined, he helped me as I got him 3 months after the loss of Sebastian and he was in a not very good situation where he was so we helped each other, I used to tell him "we found each other, in the darkness...we helped each other" and I think he knows that and agrees.

We will see you on the other side one day Seebs, and Simon, and all of the rest one day down the line, and we know that you are fine now, just fine..... :rbheart:
So very sorry many hugs to you.
 

di and bob

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You are such a good, caring person, have helped people and cats alike with their feelings of abandonment and grief......
The horror and pain of those first days when we lose our loved ones can somewhat lessen over the years, but I know that it can come back in an instant and explode our heart with an intensity that can take your breathe away. It replays itself like a nightmare that repeats itself over and over again. Though we can somehow get on with our lives eventually, it hovers in the background with the shadows, always present, always menacing. It takes strength and perseverance to overcome horror like this, and though it never leaves us it can be bourne and withstood. I began to live again when I realized that that is what my little one wanted. They all loved life so much and drew such happiness and joy from it, I finally realized that what happened was in the past and life was meant to be lived in the present, with joy and seeking its beauty, not dwelling on my own grief and sadness and making myself and everyone else's life miserable. We can't change the past, but do not make what happened more important than their lives, that can never be. Their lives were important, were beautiful and we need to remember and honor that, not make their end what we remember and overshadow what they really meant to us. That makes remembering their lives as painful and full of sadness, instead of what was important, that sharing their lives with us was so important and meant everything to us.
It's hard to live again, it was and is the hardest thing I have ever done. But as you get older and know that life is finite, and you see other's you love die, it makes you wonder if this is what you want. You need to live, truly live and love in this world, because life is precious and we should be grateful for every second of it and for every bit of love that joins with our soul.
Our little ones are at peace. Because they have our eternal love and thankfulness for sharing our lives, and they are tied to us and live on through us. Do not let grief be the only thing you send, send happiness and more love his way, you both will be the better for it. May God bless you and bring peace to your heart, may Sebastian send you a sign that it is OK to let go of your sadness, that though he is gone, he will never truly leave you......
 
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les26

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may Sebastian send you a sign that it is OK to let go of your sadness
Oh I know that he is just fine now, and he did send me a sign that he is okay because when I was in the beginning stages of getting Sylvester from these people who were dragging their feet a bit (well the son was) I had a "vision" which I get at times, they are like a video being played in my head and all I can do is pay attention and observe what is being told to me, my grandmother used to get them a lot more than me but I get them too, and in this "vision" I "sensed" two I guess you would call them entities, almost like two small clouds and the one was black like he was and I am assuming the other grey one was my grandmother most likely there to make me understand what was being said, and this black cloud vision started coming closer to me and twice I heard the words "do it.......do it" which I took to be him telling me to adopt Sylvester, and I remember saying in my mind "I will buddy, I'll get him".

And I did, and as I said we helped each other, me being upset over this loss and him being kept inside a bathroom for most of the time because the cat who was his father wanted to attack him all the time, they got along okay inside for awhile and then they had a fight when they both wanted to look out the window one time and that was it, his father got so mean and ugly to him that he wanted to attack him all the time. Neither one of them was neutered so that didn't help, but Sylvester whom they called "Charlie" spent most of his day inside the bathroom, they would let him out at times and put the father cat down stairs but when I got him he was so skinny and because of fleas had loss of hair on his back and butt and was bleeding from flea bites, when I saw that at the vet I started to cry and the vet tech was so kind and touched my arm and said "this is all treatable" and I said I knew that but I explained the whole story to her about how I lost two great boys and how he looked like them put together and she looked at him and said "your new daddy loves you very much" and I sure do....and he loves me. We were sent to each other, and Sebastian had a BIG part in making that happen I am convinced.

He is a constant reminder to me of Simon and Sebastian but he is his own cat too...but I know a piece of the other two are in there too. :rbheart:
 

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How lovely your boy's who crossed looking out for you. :rbheart: Sylvester hit the jackpot when you was sent to save him. My husband feels that way about the kitten he looks nothing like our Tik did. But has the same cocky attitude and loves my hubby so much just like Tik did. I'm sure they do send a piece of their heart's back to us. Your kind words helped me so much when we lost our boy and sharing your Sabastian's story will help more people I'm sure. Thankyou.
 
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les26

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Thank you all so much for your kind words, they are much appreciated. I know that Sebastian is just fine now, no doubt in my mind. It was just a terrible ending at the time, he had not been well and the vet thought it was kidney issues but didn't think it was the end of the line for him but it was, he for some reason was trying to climb up the mini blinds and when I came home and found him I quickly ran over and as I was untangling him I looked skyward and pleaded "please God, not like this....don't let it end this way", but it did....a few seconds after I untangled him he just drifted away, and I remember rushing him to the vet seeing if maybe he was in shock, but he wasn't, he passed. But the vet and I both thought that it wasn't from him trying to climb up the mini blinds, that it was his way of trying to escape the pain or something, the vet said they get a surge of adrenaline at the end and can do strange things but it was horrible, and I couldn't go near those mini blinds for awhile after that. But as awful as it was at the time I now am glad that I could hold him one last time, that he didn't die alone, in fact he held out as long as he could until I got home, I think he knew I was coming home soon and waited so I could hold him when he died so he didn't leave this life alone, and I am glad that I was able to do that. He is just fine now, for sure....

And Sylvester was in a really bad situation like I said. The woman who had him has a heart of gold, she tries to take care of all of the strays in the neighborhood and was at her wit's end because she knew she couldn't keep him inside because his father wanted to kill him and she didn't want to put him back outside because she said he was so lost out there, not knowing where to go or what to do, and he was so skinny. They contacted the Cat Shack, a local shelter, but they didn't have the room to take him in but they did do a courtesy post where they put his picture and information online, you can see it if you Google Charlie*'s Web Page-The Cat Shack, Inc.-RescueGroups.org it's the one with his picture in my Avatar so you can match it up to make sure it is him not another Charlie they have up for adoption, and I immediately saw that he looked EXACTLY like Sebastian and Simon combined which is what I was looking for so I contacted them and I got him. Virginia, the woman who had him, was so happy and relieved that I wanted him, she was at her wits end what to do with him and prayed so hard that someone would adopt him, she even contacted a nun in New York that she knew from when they used to live there and told her and she also prayed for him, and we met as I am sure was already planned out. :rbheart:

Thank you...as we all know the date of the anniversary is always very difficult, but the sting and pain of that horrible day is long gone, now I just think of him and know that he is just fine, healthy and happy, and we will meet again one day and it will be wonderful....
 
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