Oh, I'm often like that anyway, even if I haven't been through a loss. Not always good at talking. I guess that's why I pound a keyboard all day every day. It's much easier for me.The vet office sent her body to a third party. The vet office is supposed to be handling this. When they receive her cremains, they are supposed to call me to pick them up. I'm trying to believe that Covid is causing delays and not a vet office that I've already been having some doubts about. In any case, I don't think I can string a sentence together without losing it this morning. Calling the vet office is out.
Krista's been appearing in my dreams several times per week. Usually it's the last dreams of the morning (or maybe the only ones I remember) where I hear her using the litterbox and then wake and remember. There is no litter box. There is no Krista. Or I'll see her, in my dream, sitting on the media bench or jumping onto the bed or any number of perfectly normal sightings. Only to wake without a sighting. I don't give the after-life much thought. I don't know how to interpret these dreams. I don't know if she is visiting my dreams to tell me she's made it and she's whole and well again. Or if she's stuck between places and wants me to release her: to release the guilt and regret, to accept the loss, and help her move on. I wake up feeling comforted, more than distraught after these dreams. It may be the bargaining. But I feel like if I can see her in my dreams, maybe that's enough for now.
Well, I hope that whomever is handling the arrangements will contact you soon, realizing that anyone who has so recently experienced a loss will want to be updated ASAP.
I interpret all you have written about as memories resurfacing, not really messages. But I also believe SHE is definitely safe and has gone over. She will probably contact you soon via dreams. If there is any "between", it is YOU who is between and who is feeling guilt -- KRISTA does not "blame" you for being human and fallible (even though, as a feline, she was closer to perfection) -- but I do believe she wants you to examine your feelings and thoughts, and the history you shared, and come to terms, when you are able, to that fact. Not one of us is perfect! and no matter what we do, it will not be perfect, either. We could be the most highly educated scientist, cat vet, or spiritually educated person on the planet, and this would still hold true. In my belief system it is INTENTION that carries great weight. Krista knows your intentions. She knows you loved her and will always love her. She does not begrudge you your imperfections.
Watch and wait.