Remembering Krista

tarasgirl06

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For me, every happy memory is also tinged with sadness, because they are no longer here with me. There are SO MANY. And other things can trigger sadness. I found out last night that the community where we spent three amazing years before moving here is under evacuation orders. The Bobcat Fire has burned all the way from very near where my ex #2 lives to the other side of the Angeles National Forest and beyond. Many homes have burned to the ground in some of the little High Desert communities. They don't even know how many. And we had a jarring earthquake two nights ago that was centered almost directly where we lived two locations ago. These places have so many memories. Some of my loved ones are buried at each location. The house two locations ago was razed by the buyers, for some unknown reason; and looking at the place on Google Earth reveals -- nothing. They even ripped out every single plant, including a huge peepul ("Bodhi") tree that was a local landmark visible from the freeway.
I'd love to be able to post some "good" comments. Not feeling that right now, with all of this stuff going on. It's like waiting for the other shoe to drop, 24/7. But if there is a positive thing to be said, again, it is that our loved ones are or have been in our lives. They have graced our lives and brought so much love to us. Many never know love like that.
 
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daftcat75

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This Wednesday feels different. Instead of palpable sadness, there's anxiety. There's longing and loneliness. But I fear I've entered a new stage of grieving. Instead of the tears and emotions flowing more freely, I think it's going to ebb and flow. But mostly blow me apart at random times with landmines. I'm going to just flow with it today and see what happens. I might have to schedule in some grief time if the low grade anxiety continues (like a hum that won't go away except felt in the chest.)

I don't remember the grief progression with Cabbie because I don't remember spending much time grieving her. I was definitely devastated when I had her pts. But g/f at time took me to shelter for Krista within a few weeks. And well, you've seen that face and those mannerisms. I fell in love with Krista instantly and she with me. I didn't know a cat should have an introduction period to the home because Krista never needed it.
 

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This Wednesday feels different. Instead of palpable sadness, there's anxiety. There's longing and loneliness. But I fear I've entered a new stage of grieving. Instead of the tears and emotions flowing more freely, I think it's going to ebb and flow. But mostly blow me apart at random times with landmines. I'm going to just flow with it today and see what happens. I might have to schedule in some grief time if the low grade anxiety continues (like a hum that won't go away except felt in the chest.)

I don't remember the grief progression with Cabbie because I don't remember spending much time grieving her. I was definitely devastated when I had her pts. But g/f at time took me to shelter for Krista within a few weeks. And well, you've seen that face and those mannerisms. I fell in love with Krista instantly and she with me. I didn't know a cat should have an introduction period to the home because Krista never needed it.
That's how it was with Tarifa, too; and she was also adopted extremely quickly in the wake of the loss of our kitten who got wet-form FIP from the vax.
Yeah, I empathize -- I guess I could say I'm going through similar. There are times I just can't believe she's not here. There is such a void here that she used to fill. Suha and Elvis are still very aware of this void. I try to give them extra attention, play, etc. but you can't replace the love of one with the love of another. Each is unique. They know that what they received from being with Tar just isn't being given. I am so fortune that they are here! and I can't imagine living without cat. The times in my life when I've been catless have been my least happy times.
 
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That's how it was with Tarifa, too; and she was also adopted extremely quickly in the wake of the loss of our kitten who got wet-form FIP from the vax.
Yeah, I empathize -- I guess I could say I'm going through similar. There are times I just can't believe she's not here. There is such a void here that she used to fill. Suha and Elvis are still very aware of this void. I try to give them extra attention, play, etc. but you can't replace the love of one with the love of another. Each is unique. They know that what they received from being with Tar just isn't being given. I am so fortune that they are here! and I can't imagine living without cat. The times in my life when I've been catless have been my least happy times.
Rather than "catless times", I think of my life as "before cats", "between cats", and "after Krista."

I didn't have cats around until I was 20. My family was allergic. I was allergic. Cabbie was persistent. Two weeks of misery and medicine and I got over my cat allergy. I consider that one of my greatest life achievements. 😹😻 In college, there were many cats that came and went through that house. At its peak, there were six humans, six cats, one rabbit, two chinchillas, and a lizard living in that house. Even when I moved from that house to an apartment of my own, courtesy of roommates, cats came and went in that apartment too. It wasn't until my friend moved to a pet unfriendly place in the city with his fiancee that I got Cabbie full-time, my first cat of my own. Poor girl came over filthy and our first day together at the new place was taking a shower together. Thankfully for the both of us, the first and last time we had to do that.

Krista's last few years changed my relationship with cats forever. 200 pages of testimony shows that I can no longer be a hands-off cat friend and cat roommate. And while the next cat will hopefully not have illness for many years, I'm still PTSD'ed about that. As lonely as this is, I need a good long break to renew myself, to care for myself after caring so deeply for her. I have sleeping problems, fifteen extra pounds, and lots of aches and pains from putting her ahead of me. I don't even know how to eat anymore as for so long, it was, "whatever I could eat quickly and keep Krista out of." Everything about my life changed in the last few years. Now I need to sort through those changes and decide which ones I'm keeping and which ones need adjustment in the AK (after Krista.) There have been dozens of times in the last few weeks where I've thought, "I wouldn't have been able to do this with Krista around." Which is almost always followed with, "but I'd rather have Krista around."

I feel like if I rushed to take a new cat in too soon, I would probably grow to resent him/her for any challenging or difficult behaviors. Or for stunting a growth opportunity between cats. When I take in my next cat, I want to do that from a place of strength. If I want my next kitty to be healthy and whole, I want to be healthy and whole myself first. I want to negotiate my level of engagement with the next cat from a place of strength. I definitely did not want to be stuck into my next cat the way it seemed like things might go with OC. It's a shame the timing wasn't better. If he came around six months from now, I might be much more willing to do all the needful things and take him in myself.
 

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Rather than "catless times", I think of my life as "before cats", "between cats", and "after Krista."

I didn't have cats around until I was 20. My family was allergic. I was allergic. Cabbie was persistent. Two weeks of misery and medicine and I got over my cat allergy. I consider that one of my greatest life achievements. 😹😻 In college, there were many cats that came and went through that house. At its peak, there were six humans, six cats, one rabbit, two chinchillas, and a lizard living in that house. Even when I moved from that house to an apartment of my own, courtesy of roommates, cats came and went in that apartment too. It wasn't until my friend moved to a pet unfriendly place in the city with his fiancee that I got Cabbie full-time, my first cat of my own. Poor girl came over filthy and our first day together at the new place was taking a shower together. Thankfully for the both of us, the first and last time we had to do that.

Krista's last few years changed my relationship with cats forever. 200 pages of testimony shows that I can no longer be a hands-off cat friend and cat roommate. And while the next cat will hopefully not have illness for many years, I'm still PTSD'ed about that. As lonely as this is, I need a good long break to renew myself, to care for myself after caring so deeply for her. I have sleeping problems, fifteen extra pounds, and lots of aches and pains from putting her ahead of me. I don't even know how to eat anymore as for so long, it was, "whatever I could eat quickly and keep Krista out of." Everything about my life changed in the last few years. Now I need to sort through those changes and decide which ones I'm keeping and which ones need adjustment in the AK (after Krista.) There have been dozens of times in the last few weeks where I've thought, "I wouldn't have been able to do this with Krista around." Which is almost always followed with, "but I'd rather have Krista around."

I feel like if I rushed to take a new cat in too soon, I would probably grow to resent him/her for any challenging or difficult behaviors. Or for stunting a growth opportunity between cats. When I take in my next cat, I want to do that from a place of strength. If I want my next kitty to be healthy and whole, I want to be healthy and whole myself first. I want to negotiate my level of engagement with the next cat from a place of strength. I definitely did not want to be stuck into my next cat the way it seemed like things might go with OC. It's a shame the timing wasn't better. If he came around six months from now, I might be much more willing to do all the needful things and take him in myself.
Honesty with oneself should be top priority as it wouldn't be fair to you or a cat if there was resentment!
Good on ya! That WOULD be a greatest life achievement. I know people who know people who love cats and share life with them in spite of allergies. Fortunately I was born into a family "with cat" so, although I have a few allergic reactions to some substances, I'm absolutely great with cats. I've never had the pleasure of living with rabbits, though there were wild cottontails and jackrabbits in the Mojave and I loved seeing them. We bought rabbit pellet and I kept a couple of bowls full, along with water, for them. Chinchillas are so cute! There were quite a few lizards in the Mojave, including two collared lizards whom I named Liz and Big Liz (original, I know) whose territories seemed to be on either side of our back door. There were also big alligator lizards there.
My ex's cat used to shower with him, too. He liked it. He was an OC, very laid-back and friendly.
 
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Honesty with oneself should be top priority as it wouldn't be fair to you or a cat if there was resentment!
Good on ya! That WOULD be a greatest life achievement. I know people who know people who love cats and share life with them in spite of allergies. Fortunately I was born into a family "with cat" so, although I have a few allergic reactions to some substances, I'm absolutely great with cats. I've never had the pleasure of living with rabbits, though there were wild cottontails and jackrabbits in the Mojave and I loved seeing them. We bought rabbit pellet and I kept a couple of bowls full, along with water, for them. Chinchillas are so cute! There were quite a few lizards in the Mojave, including two collared lizards whom I named Liz and Big Liz (original, I know) whose territories seemed to be on either side of our back door. There were also big alligator lizards there.
My ex's cat used to shower with him, too. He liked it. He was an OC, very laid-back and friendly.
This is Sage and Cabbie.
sage-cabbie.jpg

Sage was a poop machine. I know some rabbits can be house-trained. He was not. When I moved out, he got my old bedroom and absolutely 💩'ed every inch of it. He was skittish. I think that was a once-in-a-lifetime staged photo above. Although if any animal in the house was going to get along with Sage, it would have been Cabbie.

My housemates loved animals more than they knew about them. I don't think they knew that chinchillas were nocturnal before they got them. We eventually built an enclosure in the garage for them because their nocturnal activities were keeping us up at night. Unfortunately, they either escaped or were stolen. But when they were in the house, they were much more fun than the rabbit. We would build makeshift chinchilla arenas to let them out of their cage without letting them gain full run of the animal menagerie. If they got full run, they'd hide. But if we built them arenas (stacks of books easy walls), they'd run around chirping their chirp. Occasionally we'd put a kitten together with the chinchilla in the arena just to watch two tiny furry creatures interact.

I never knew the lizard. He remained in his enclosure with the one roommate I didn't get along well with. We reached a cool detente. But we never spent any real time in each other's company or rooms.

I enjoyed it when there was six cats in the house. It seemed at any given time, I could just reach down and pick one up.
 
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tarasgirl06

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This is Sage and Cabbie.
View attachment 352080

Sage was a poop machine. I know some rabbits can be house-trained. He was not. When I moved out, he got my old bedroom and absolutely 💩'ed every inch of it. He was skittish. I think that was a once-in-a-lifetime staged photo above. Although if any animal in the house was going to get along with Sage, it would have been Cabbie.

My housemates loved animals more than they knew about them. I don't think they knew that chinchillas were nocturnal before they got them. We eventually built an enclosure in the garage for them because their nocturnal activities were keeping us up at night. Unfortunately, they either escaped or were stolen. But when they were in the house, they were much more fun than the rabbit. We would build makeshift chinchilla arenas to let them out of their cage without letting them gain full run of the animal menagerie. If they got full run, they'd hide. But if we built them arenas (stacks of books easy walls), they'd run around chirping their chirp. Occasionally we'd put a kitten together with the chinchilla in the arena just to watch two tiny furry creatures interact.

I never knew the lizard. He remained in his enclosure with the one roommate I didn't get along well with. We reached a cool detente. But we never spent any real time in each other's company or rooms.

I enjoyed it when there was six cats in the house. It seemed at any given time, I could just reach down and pick one up.
Wow, that must have been so much fun! I've always wanted a big communal family like that -- lots of people, and lots of cats and possibly other animals. I've always loved rabbits, but never experienced living with one. I know they are not at all like cats and that they require a whole different kind of setup. Never knew chinchillas chirp! That makes them even cuter. I can imagine them being VERY active, skittering around a lot. Lizards, to me, seem to be happier outside living their lizard lives. I really like them, though, and snakes, too; I'd never have them in the house as I believe they would rather live free as well.
Six cats is a nice small furmily. I WISH I could adopt more cats, but I can't with the roomies in the spare room and Baby Su being feral and Elvis being so territorial. I might try it if I had the spare room back.
 
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Chinchillas squeak and bark and many other adorable and sometimes loud noises. When you have two of them, they’re making some noise or another all night long.
 
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May 2013
81FBAFB1-2A66-4368-A68F-613C9C099417.jpeg
Against all cat behaviorist advice, I used to bury my face into that floof and try to raspberry her belly. Dogs appreciate that more than cats. But Krista tolerated this more than I think any other cat would. 😻
 
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View attachment 352088
Against all cat behaviorist advice, I used to bury my face into that floof and try to raspberry her belly. Dogs appreciate that more than cats. But Krista tolerated this more than I think any other cat would. 😻
I do that to cats a lot. Now, it's Elvis who's the recipient. I'm taking a huge risk with him, but so far, I'm unscathed. And I always explain to him afterwards that I couldn't help it. I tried. And failed.:insertevillaugh:
 
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This time last year, Krista enjoyed a staycation across town. There was a 5K trail run that Sunday morning that started and finished in the park next door to the hotel. This same hotel is walking distance to the tap room and restaurants. Wonderful location. Best of all, it accepted cats (with a fee, of course.) Since we were also battling fleas at the time, or rather I was (she had her Adv 2 and a Capstar before we left for hotel), I used that cat-out-of-home time to do a deep clean and premise spray. Unfortunately, the deep clean wasn’t dry at checkout which meant the premise spray was also not dry yet. Thankfully, the hotel let us extend our stay a night. She was such a great cat to travel with even if her luggage far exceeded mine. I can travel on a backpack. She came with three trips to the car worth of stuff: litter box, litter genie, litter, food, plates, toys, an air purifier (also used as a space heater instead of wall unit), cat gate, hand vac, cleaning supplies, etc.

Although not pictured on this trip. You can rest assured she made her way to the top of that hotel fridge. 😹😻
5C9B8771-9505-4CAF-972C-64436949E312.jpeg EF646815-0EF4-4433-9862-8DC80EBF6225.jpeg DC8B742B-6420-44DC-8F52-FEB1229F4EAA.jpeg 456ECC75-8A9B-460F-ABFB-6117152D5054.jpeg 107BBEC2-0F87-434B-A142-36C70FC65FB6.jpeg
 

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This time last year, Krista enjoyed a staycation across town. There was a 5K trail run that Sunday morning that started and finished in the park next door to the hotel. This same hotel is walking distance to the tap room and restaurants. Wonderful location. Best of all, it accepted cats (with a fee, of course.) Since we were also battling fleas at the time, or rather I was (she had her Adv 2 and a Capstar before we left for hotel), I used that cat-out-of-home time to do a deep clean and premise spray. Unfortunately, the deep clean wasn’t dry at checkout which meant the premise spray was also not dry yet. Thankfully, the hotel let us extend our stay a night. She was such a great cat to travel with even if her luggage far exceeded mine. I can travel on a backpack. She came with three trips to the car worth of stuff: litter box, litter genie, litter, food, plates, toys, an air purifier (also used as a space heater instead of wall unit), cat gate, hand vac, cleaning supplies, etc.

Although not pictured on this trip. You can rest assured she made her way to the top of that hotel fridge. 😹😻
View attachment 352150View attachment 352151View attachment 352152View attachment 352153View attachment 352154
That must have been a great little vacation for you both! Such a cute pic of her tail peeking out from the curtains.:loveeyes:
 
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daftcat75

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That must have been a great little vacation for you both! Such a cute pic of her tail peeking out from the curtains.:loveeyes:
I think she might have still had some poop issues from her clostridium infection. She may have also barfed on the carpet that stay. But ask me next year and I probably won't remember either of those. ;)
 

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I think she might have still had some poop issues from her clostridium infection. She may have also barfed on the carpet that stay. But ask me next year and I probably won't remember either of those. ;)
Remembering the good times makes those precious memories. The rest? Yeah, those happened. But may the good times take precedence.
 
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Remembering the good times makes those precious memories. The rest? Yeah, those happened. But may the good times take precedence.
My memory is not the greatest to begin with. I'm fortunate I have a lot of pictures and videos. I wish I had more videos. Especially more videos of her earlier, healthier years. But just scrolling through what I have helps me remember the good even as time washes away the bad. It seems unreal that I had her for 14 years. It feels more like I just woke up to her three years ago. Before her illness, I was cat friend and cat roommate. But when her teeth started to go bad and her IBD started to emerge, that's when I had to step up and become cat dad. And that seems to be where my memories and most of my footage begin with her. Only a few spotty memories, a handful of pictures, and a video or two from all the time before. 😿
 
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Found some older pictures in my dropbox. I estimate the first three to be around 2013-2014 timeframe based on the furniture. And the last one, is likely from before 2013 based on the cat tree and I can tell that was in my previous apartment.
Photo Apr 23, 5 00 59 PM.jpg Photo Apr 23, 5 01 11 PM.jpg Photo Apr 23, 5 01 16 PM.jpg Photo Dec 27, 8 31 08 PM.jpg
 

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My memory is not the greatest to begin with. I'm fortunate I have a lot of pictures and videos. I wish I had more videos. Especially more videos of her earlier, healthier years. But just scrolling through what I have helps me remember the good even as time washes away the bad. It seems unreal that I had her for 14 years. It feels more like I just woke up to her three years ago. Before her illness, I was cat friend and cat roommate. But when her teeth started to go bad and her IBD started to emerge, that's when I had to step up and become cat dad. And that seems to be where my memories and most of my footage begin with her. Only a few spotty memories, a handful of pictures, and a video or two from all the time before. 😿
I so know how you feel..:alright::catlove:
 

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Found some older pictures in my dropbox. I estimate the first three to be around 2013-2014 timeframe based on the furniture. And the last one, is likely from before 2013 based on the cat tree and I can tell that was in my previous apartment.
View attachment 352178View attachment 352179View attachment 352180View attachment 352181
A toothy, fang-y Krista! So cute. I really like the bottom pic. Adorable. Red was a really nice color to show off HER colors, too.
Yeah, it's so important that we record our loved ones! I wish I had more videos, too -- but because I told myself that I sucked at videos, I haven't made many until recently, when I decided to become determined to hold the phone as steady as possible and not care if my videos weren't professional quality. After all, they're for me, not Spielberg, right? ;)
 
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