Redirected aggression over new kitten

lmdisalle

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Hi everyone!
Before I even start, please only positive responses. I have had some horrible responses before (on cat facebook groups) that have just really hurt me.

Long story short:
-4 year old siamese with a ton of anxiety issues. I have tried everything to help- short of going back on meds. Right now I have been using Zylkene mixed in her food. Was working until this week.
-Husband and I will be starting a family soon. Having a baby around her gives me great anxiety.
-She turns her anxiety into aggression towards house guests (and us when she is feeling extra sassy)
-She is the love of our life. We have committed patience and time to helping her live a great life.

Our vet suggested a second cat that she could bond with (eventually) to help her separation anxiety, and other anxieties before we have children. I feel confident that she will accept this kitten eventually, and it will be really good for her in the long term.

However in the meantime: (it has only been a week)
-She is channeling her anxiety into redirected aggression towards my husband and I (hissing at us, smacking our feet when we walk by)
We are trying to ignore this behavior and to not yelp or yell at her.
-Still wants to be close with us most of the time because of separation anxiety.
-She may have stress induced colitis? Vet told me this. She has had diarrhea and some vomiting this past week. Or could be the large number of treats she has been given to try to make her feel special.
- She is not on any anxiety meds. Wishing that I had put her on some years ago now (but we had issues with this, urine retention and it made her a zombie for the short term she was on them)
-We have taken introduction EXTREMELY slow. The kitten has been locked in separate room until 2 days ago. Not forcing them to be in the same room at all.

Any one with experience on how to correct this redirected aggression?
I know I need to be patient and wait until she accept the kitten on her own terms.
I guess I just need to be reassured that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. It makes me so sad that she is feeling this way right now- even though I know she will love having a friend (eventually)

Once again, positive responses only. I am committed to my cats.
 

june6163

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my resident cat has been showing aggression to us sine intro of new kitten! no one has had similar experience. Vet says hes fine physically and to plug feliways back in and add calming collar. No change. She calls it hyper vigilance. My resident cat always feels on guard , on high alert. Dr stressed keeping his food bowl his and feeding kitten away. I get it but i dont. My cat plays and loves the kitten. Intro was fine. But my cat must feel high anxiety towards us since we brought kitten home.?
He growls when i go to pet him, hisses if i pick him up. All things we have done in past.. Im sad ive lost my guy.
its been 6 weeks with new kitten. he is still non approachable. So i guess i can only relate to your plight. If things ca,m down, ill keep you updated.
 
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lmdisalle

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I am so happy to hear that I am not alone!!! Keep up your head up. Things will get better for us!
 

ArtNJ

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We'll need a lot more details on the introduction process @Imdisalle. Are they allowed free roaming of the house now? What happens when they come face to face? In general, five days of isolation is not enough when the resident cat is still showing signs of stress like redirected aggression, but I don't want to give advice till we get the full story of how this week has been going. (P.S. No one is going to be mean here. Sometimes a little preachy on certain topics perhaps, and my sense of humor might cross the line once in a while, but people here try to help and are nice.)

J june6163 's cat's redirected aggression is of a more common lower end variety. A lot of times, cats even somewhat stressed by a new kitten are often in a state of hyper vigilance; basically on guard duty. While this lasts, the cat cannot be picked up or cuddled. You can't pick up a guard! He is on duty! I used to try and give my resident a break from guard duty with some closed door affection, but learned that letting him crawl onto my chest like normal was a mistake. Even with the kitten in the other room, guard duty was not completely ignored -- any noise would cause the cat to vigorously spring off my chest using claws! Unfortunately, when the resident is only slowly progressing towards toleration, guard duty can last longer than we would like, but its not a forever thing -- as your resident cat gets closer to tolerating the kitten, he will gradually relax and come back to normal when the kitten isn't too close or actively bothering him.
 
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lmdisalle

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Thank you SO much for your response and willingness to give advice :) I had asked people to be nice because once in a Facebook group, someone told me that I was a horrible pet parent and that I should re-home my anxious Olive :( I was so upset. I have worked so hard over the past 4 years to keep her happy.

The kitten (Fig) has been set up in my husbands office as her nursery. That is her space. My resident cat (Olive) has been given the rest of the condo and especially the bedroom (her favorite)

Fig was locked in the nursery for 6 days alone. Olive could only smell and hear her. At this point is was clear Olive was mad at us (we expected it). We have not been yelling at her for smacking us- just rewarding her for NOT smacking/hissing us when we walked by with treats.
She mellowed out a tad so we moved on to the next phase.
On the 6th day, we put up a baby gate so Olive could peek inside of the office/nursery if she wanted to. (She was on gabapentin at the time because of a vet visit that day). She just stared and observed. We did the same the next day.
At once point, Olive did hiss (as expected) and retreated.

On the 7th day, Olive started to have diarrhea and vomiting. Her energy is back to normal today and she is eating (8th day). I called the emergency vet (because I am such a helicopter pet parent) to ask advice, and she told me it could be all of the extra treats, or stress induced colitis. We are observing her eating and drinking over the weekend.

We did have Fig out in the living room (while Olive was locked away) to let her roam a bit. When Olive returned, she was not sniffing around, and seemed to be chill with the fact that Fig was in the living room.

She has always taken her anxiety out on us in the form of swatting and hissing- I constantly feel guilty for not having her on a medicine regimen as I want her to feel safe and secure at all times in her world.

Today (still day 8) she has hissed a few times at us, so we are not touching her, but is wandering around happy and more normal acting.

I appreciate your insight! My cats are my world and I want to make sure I am as informed as possible.
 
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lmdisalle

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I do want to add that Olive has not peed on the bed like she usually does when anxious. I consider this a small victory :)
We have feliway diffusers around the home. One in the bedroom, and one right by the door to the office/nursery.


I am going to keep mixing Zylkene in Olive's food and hope it helps. I want to stay away from drugging her with Gabapentin as much as possible as it makes her nauseous and will not help her upset stress tummy.
 
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lmdisalle

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Also- We have really worked to maintain our nightly routine with Olive. She thrives on routines. She sleeps with us in bed every night and is still doing that. She lets us love on her a little in bed. She is not a super lovey-dovey cat, but likes to be close to us.
 

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Hi! I am SO sorry you had to deal with the negativity elsewhere!!

Try some cat music if you haven't already - harp music has been shown to help cats relax. There's Spotify, Youtube has cat music, there's alexa if you have one, and RelaxMyCat and MusicForCats are sources.
 

Furballsmom

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I constantly feel guilty for not having her on a medicine regimen as I want her to feel safe and secure at all times in her world.
What kind of medicine are you referring to? Gabapentin?

There are other calming products that you could consider in addition to the diffuser, some have more effect than others since of course every cat is different :).

However, whether you utilize anything in this list below (the lickimat could be just the thing for your older baby), I personally think that your positive attitude will go a long way towards helping both cats, because they are sponges for our emotions.

Only Natural Pet has a calming product called Just Relax Calming spray with essential oil (catnip oil).

There's this one, be sure and scroll all the way down the page;
www.bachflower.com

Also, there is ThunderWunders calming chews, Richard's Organic Pet Calm drops, Naturevet Hemp, HomeoPet Anxiety Relief, Head to Tail Calming, Relaxivet Quiet Moments Cat treats, GNC Calming formula, and there is Calm-o-mile, Natures Miracle calming spray, Vetri-Science's Composure is another item to look at, Pet Remedy - UK (it has valerian) is yet another, as is Essential Pet Pet-eze, Pet Organics No Stress, Only Natural Pet (brand and website) has other calming products, Pet Naturals also has one I believe, and there are others.

Lambert Vet Supply is a website to look at, and of course chewy, also there's Petwishpros, animaleo, 1-800-petmeds, Petco and PetSmart, and other pet stores.

There is also a product called a lickimat which could be helpful, as cats can be calmed by the process of licking.
foodpuzzlesforcats.com
foodpuzzlesforcats.com

This post talks about some other products;
Calming Treats For A Very Picky Cat
 
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lmdisalle

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Hi! I am SO sorry you had to deal with the negativity elsewhere!!

Try some cat music if you haven't already - harp music has been shown to help cats relax. There's Spotify, Youtube has cat music, there's alexa if you have one, and RelaxMyCat and MusicForCats are sources.
YAY! Thanks! Going to try right now....
 
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lmdisalle

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What kind of medicine are you referring to? Gabapentin?

There are other calming products, some have more effect than others since of course every cat is different :). Some members have had great results with diffusers, feliway, Comfort Zone and Thundershirt all have these. My boy was completely unaffected and will literally leave the room when I had comfort zone plugged in lol

Only Natural Pet has a calming product called Just Relax Calming spray with essential oil (catnip oil).

There's this one, be sure and scroll all the way down the page;
www.bachflower.com

Also, there is ThunderWunders calming chews, Richard's Organic Pet Calm drops, Naturevet Hemp, HomeoPet Anxiety Relief, Head to Tail Calming, Relaxivet Quiet Moments Cat treats, GNC Calming formula, and there is Calm-o-mile, Natures Miracle calming spray, Vetri-Science's Composure is another item to look at, Pet Remedy - UK (it has valerian) is yet another, as is Essential Pet Pet-eze, Pet Organics No Stress, Only Natural Pet (brand and website) has other calming products, Pet Naturals also has one I believe, and there are others.

Lambert Vet Supply is a website to look at, and of course chewy, also there's Petwishpros, animaleo, 1-800-petmeds, Petco and PetSmart, and other pet stores.

There is also a product called a lickimat which could be helpful, as cats can be calmed by the process of licking.
foodpuzzlesforcats.com
foodpuzzlesforcats.com

This post talks about some other products;
Calming Treats For A Very Picky Cat
Hi there!
I have literally tried 90% of those over the past 4 years :(
I did have her on prozac but only lasted about 2 weeks before I couldn't see her zombied out anymore. I know that it really doesn't take effect until 6 weeks.
She has Gabapentin for when she goes to the vet or groomer- but it makes her so sick. I hate giving her something that makes her groggy.
She eats the RoyalCanin Cat Calm food- does nothing.
I just recently changed vets- my new vet is amazing. We just took her in about a month ago to get serious about medicine because we want to start planning a family and need her to feel comfortable before we do. Our vet recommended Zylkene- helped her a little feel secure at home until we got the kitten. Vet recommended kitten as well- she will eventually bond to kitten.
Vet said that if Zylkene does not make a big change after a month or so, we need to get serious about Prozac or something similar- which I know I need to commit to this time. No matter how unlike herself she acts.
 

Furballsmom

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Try a lickimat, it might bring about some good results :)

Just to mention, ask your vet about cbd if it's legal-ish in your area.
 
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lmdisalle

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Try a lickimat, it might bring about some good results :)

Just to mention, ask your vet about cbd if it's legal-ish in your area.
I have tried several kinds of cbd :( one of them has OK results (maybe?) , but would require me to give orally- do not want to stress her out any more & handle minimally. I am able to mix the zylkene in her food by some miracle..... she is such a picky eater!
 

ArtNJ

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It definitely sounds like its going ok and getting to baby gates relatively quickly hasn't backfired. Given the cat's general anxiety, you might try and continue this stage for a couple of weeks, see if you can get your anxious baby back to normal or pretty close before you allow supervised interaction. You'll likely get more hissing and perhaps other symptoms at that point, but thats normal. No matter how long you do the baby gates, face to face is a higher level of stress. What goes before is just to reduce the stress, not totally eliminate it. Some of it they need to work through with time together.
 
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lmdisalle

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Thanks so much everyone for the advice.
update: things are going pretty well. We backed things WAY up and had the door closed to the nursery for another few days.
Olive has responded SO well to the calming music. My husband and I love classical anyways, so I’ve had it playing all day, everyday. She has barely hissed at us, and has shown how comfortable she is. (Laying on her back, super playful, confident)

After getting Olive to this point and keeping her here for a few days, this morning we opened the nursery door, put up a baby gate, and covered it with a blanket.
She keeps walking over to investigate, but it still acting pretty confident. We will do this step all week long.
I just can’t believe how much the music has helped her!!! It’s crazy. I’ve tried so many different things for years. Eventually I will put her on a mood stabilizer again, but pilling her would just make things more stressful during this kitten time.
 

june6163

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Thanks so much everyone for the advice.
update: things are going pretty well. We backed things WAY up and had the door closed to the nursery for another few days.
Olive has responded SO well to the calming music. My husband and I love classical anyways, so I’ve had it playing all day, everyday. She has barely hissed at us, and has shown how comfortable she is. (Laying on her back, super playful, confident)

After getting Olive to this point and keeping her here for a few days, this morning we opened the nursery door, put up a baby gate, and covered it with a blanket.
She keeps walking over to investigate, but it still acting pretty confident. We will do this step all week long.
I just can’t believe how much the music has helped her!!! It’s crazy. I’ve tried so many different things for years. Eventually I will put her on a mood stabilizer again, but pilling her would just make things more stressful during this kitten time.
that is great news. My resident cat is still guarded and fussy. I will try the calming music!
 
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lmdisalle

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Hi again-
Does anyone have any advice for how to respond to Olive's redirected aggression during this time?

We have kept baby Fig in her own room. Olive has done okay with this. She has definitely improved in the last 2 weeks since getting baby Fig. Her reactions to Fig in the home have defiantly gone down when Fig is only in her own room.
We have let Fig wander around the living room when Olive is in the bedroom sleeping. Clearly she smells Fig and will lash out after we let Olive back in. I read that her getting used to Fig's scent is good. NO face to face interaction yet. We are conquering Olive getting used to Fig's scent first.

For example-This was just after Fig was let into the living room for a bit to run around, then put back into her room. Fig is crying to be let out again. Olive clearly hears her and is annoyed by her cries.
She goes to the bathtub because she likes to drink out of there. She waits patiently for me, and then when I go to turn on the faucet for her, she howls and tries to smack my hand. I do not yell. Just stop and back up and leave the room. Is this a good reaction? I know that I cannot discipline her in the same way like I would a dog.
Olive was totally fine this afternoon before this happened. I took a nap with her and she was cooing/purring and really enjoyed the extra time with me.

I just keep telling myself that it has only been about 2 weeks since Fig has come home. I need to be patient. I just feel guilt and anxiety over doing this the right way.


Thank you!!
 
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