Reasonable Affectionate but not Exactly Mushy.

[Meekie]

I've had Maple for ten months now. She was given to me by a friend who thought he wanted a cat but soon realized it wasn't working out. She's a bengal. The breeder he got her from advertised on Craigslist. She came with no papers and he paid $1000 for her. The exchange took place on the street. Luckily she's in very good health but I have no idea what she's been through where socialization is concerned. It took a very long time to gain her trust.

I think my first mistake was being too aggressive with my own affectionate gestures. I had spent the last fifteen years with two bottle babies who were unbelievably affectionate so it was hard to get out of the habit of being too touchy-feely with her. Once I backed off a bit with that she was more receptive to being touched.

Things have improved but I don't quite know where I stand with her at this point.

The positives: lots of slow blinks from her. She rubs against me a lot. In fact, when we're playing she constantly stops and jumps up on the back of the couch or a chair so she can rub against me or have me stroke her cheek. I'm not sure if all the rubbing is a sign of direct affection or if it just means she's comfortable with me.

Also, when we're playing and I'm kneeling down she likes to crawl underneath me and settle between my legs. So I know she's comfortable being that close to me.

She'll also jump into the computer chair with me sometimes and settle down, smushed between me and the side of the chair. She'll let me pet her, but she doesn't stay long. She only does this in the AM when the sun is very bright in the bedroom where I have my computer. She never cuddles up with me otherwise. Sometimes at night when I'm watching TV she'll jump on the couch next to me, but she won't settle down.

I also get some mixed signals; sometimes she'll come running up to me but stop short a foot or two away and slink away. She's also bitey. It's gotten better since I've trained myself NOT to pet her like I pet my old cats, but I think she's got a wild streak in her. Whenever she bites I get up and leave the room. The problem is that this is how any potential emotional exchange ends.

Reading over this it doesn't sound all that bad. I suppose my feelings have a lot to do with the fact that I miss having a mushy cat. All my other cats were extremely mushy, and despite getting her at six months old, it doesn't feel like she's bonded to me all that much. I love her dearly and am not unhappy with her, but in a couple months I will have had her for a year and I'm getting frustrated. I need to know where I stand with her, if I'm doing anything wrong, and what I can do to bring us a little closer. Bengals are supposed to be fiercely affectionate, but I'm aware that each cat is different.

Thanks for reading!

 

[FeebysOwner]

I don't honestly believe a breed will pre-determine a cat's level of affection; it is truly an individual cat 'thing'.

Feeby is not an overly affectionate cat - never has been. She is really not a cuddler; she will spend the night in bed with us - but in a place on the bed by herself. She can sit on the couch nearby us, but never on us. She will on occasion come up to ask for pettings but is not too crazy about being picked up and held. Feeby has been known to turn around and try to run from us if she thinks we are going to pick her up. She is more tolerant of such behaviors from us now that she is older (18+ yo). So, there is a chance that as your cat ages you may find her a bit more snuggly-like than now.

While Feeby is not 'bitey', sometimes cats will get that way when they get overstimulated. Usually, the way to resolve that is to watch their body language and demeanor and learn the 'cues' that tell you she is headed in that direction - and then stop petting her before it gets to the point of a bite. Also, some cats like to be petted on the head and neck area but would prefer to not receive the same on their hind quarters.

 

[Meekie]

I don't honestly believe a breed will pre-determine a cat's level of affection; it is truly an individual cat 'thing'.

Feeby is not an overly affectionate cat - never has been. She is really not a cuddler; she will spend the night in bed with us - but in a place on the bed by herself. She can sit on the couch nearby us, but never on us. She will on occasion come up to ask for pettings but is not too crazy about being picked up and held. Feeby has been known to turn around and try to run from us if she thinks we are going to pick her up. She is more tolerant of such behaviors from us now that she is older (18+ yo). So, there is a chance that as your cat ages you may find her a bit more snuggly-like than now.

While Feeby is not 'bitey', sometimes cats will get that way when they get overstimulated. Usually, the way to resolve that is to watch their body language and demeanor and learn the 'cues' that tell you she is headed in that direction - and then stop petting her before it gets to the point of a bite. Also, some cats like to be petted on the head and neck area but would prefer to not receive the same on their hind quarters.

Yeah, I know it boils down do each cat's individuality. But it's the mixed signals that confuse me. For example, she won't cuddle, but she's perfectly fine with me scooping her up from behind and mushing my face all over her head and back. I can even swing her side to side while doing this. Doesn't even bat a whisker. In fact, I think she likes it.

I think the problem lies with me. I need more practice with not petting or touching her in ways she's uncomfortable. It's just that after 15+ years of having cats that were so agreeable I could probably perform an enema on them, it's hard to get it through my skull that this one has boundaries.

I was thinking as well that in time she may come around. She's not even a year and a half old yet, and my experience has been that cats are pretty much maniacs fro the first two years, then they start to mellow out.

 

[ArtNJ]

Bengals probably aren't a great breed to buy in a street deal. If there even is a circumstance where paying $1000 for a cat in a street deal is a good idea, which I rather doubt. That said, I agree its probably not relevant. Some cats are just weird about the interactions they will or wont allow, especially early on. I agree they can expand greatly over time, if you pay attention to what they will allow and respect their boundaries. I've had several cats that have become much more relaxed and afffectionate over the years, losing these kinds of quirks.

 

[Meekie]

No, I was kind of horrified to learn about the street deal. That's part of the reason I agreed to adopt her: he was going to try and rehome her through Craigslist (which is where he found the "breeder"). He's not a bad guy, he's just not a pet person. He doesn't understand.

You know it just occurred to me that she might have been stolen. After all, this is New York City, she had no papers, and $1000 is awfully cheap for a bengal around these parts.

Anyway, I agree that respect is key. I've known enough cats to usually be able to tell if something I'm doing is annoying them. I think it will be a slow process, but I suspect she will loosen up.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Well, different people are comfortable with different degrees (and different expressions) of affection, and I've found that cats are the same way. I'd say she loves you, she's just not big on PDAs, unless the mood strikes her. I have a tortie who is pretty much the same way. I thought I wanted a mushy snuggler, but when Hek is affectionate it is SO special!

 

[Alldara]

That sounds like Maple likes you! Calcifer also loves to come over when we are on the floor.

Magnus doesn't really cuddle much. But he's really affectionate in his own ways. He sometimes jumps on us and sometimes asked to be picked up (mostly to go outside in the winter, he's wrapped in a blanke) but it's only recently (we've had him 2 yrs) that yes started laying on our legs for more than a moment or two. Never settles in the evening, too busy. He prefers if I run a toy across the couch at night so that he can roll and play while watching TV.
A big change from my late cat who barely removed herself from my body.

It's hard to adjust, but we just keep trying to notice the ways Magnus loves us, which is a lot! And he's slowly learned to trust us to do more things. Recently a friend pointed out the level of trust being high. It's hard to notice the daily progress, so it was so nice. I bet it's the same on your end!

 

[Arya Underfoot]

I think you just have to accept that Bengals are affectionate in their own way, all that rubbing on you is a clear indicator she likes you. Arya is always rubbing on me and she loves long firm strokes on her back. She never sleeps on our bed but will occasionally sit on my lap (usually in the winter), she seems to prefer sitting on the end of my legs for some reason, maybe because it gets very uncomfortable. Bengals love toys, more play time might help you bond more. I do remember it took a long time for the Bengals to fully accept us, maybe six months or more, so keep trying.