Question of the day, Sunday 22 December 2019

Silver Crazy

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We are really blessed within our family..we are all fun loving and slightly crazy and have a ball when we all get together.
As with friends/associates the activities and sports I am involved in the idiots either end up dead or in hospital so dont get bothered by stupid people.
I think I am pretty lucky to be free of knuckleheads in my life.
 

Elphaba09

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In theory, there is always the possibility. My husband does not care for one of his brothers. I do not care for one of his other brothers and that brother's wife. The brother he does not care for sometimes comes for holidays at his mother's, but he stays downstairs and watches tv, so we only really see him at dinner. To everyone's surprise, that brother and I have a love-despite-disagreeing-about-many-things relationship and enjoy talking with each other occasionally. My husband is avoidant but nice to him for the sake of their mother. His other brother and his wife have not come to a holiday dinner at their mother's since my husband and I got married three years ago. My husband does not like his brother's wife but loves his brother. I dislike both a great deal. Maybe it is because the one time in 10 1/2 years that I have met them, which was this past Sept. at their third brother's wedding, they exchanged three sentences with me and just seemed to be looking down their noses at me. Or, it could be that the first time I heard anything about the wife it was about her being nasty to my mother-in-law and making her cry. Or, it could be because they are closer to her family because they are upper-class and have money. Technically, they are always invited to his mother's house. Maybe one year they will show up. I really hope not. I promised my husband that I would never do anything to upset his mom during a holiday at her house, and, sometimes, my face just lets people know that I dislike them.

The third brother's wedding was particularly difficult because the brother, the wife, my husband's father, and his step-mother were there. It almost killed me to keep my face and mouth calm. Before the wedding and before my mother-in-law and sister-in-law showed up, His dad tried talking to me and his stupid-butt wife was giving me dirty looks. I put in my headphones and watched "Avenger's Endgame." They left me alone after my mother-in-law and sister-in-law showed up to sit with me. Thankfully, the only one left to get married is his sister, and she does not talk to their dad and step-mother. I will not have to see them ever again!

I do tend to needle my husband's step-grandpa a bit. (His grandma got married last year at 83!) He is a bit of a racist, which I abhor, so I like to remind him of his DNA test that shows that he had a trace amount of African and a 4% Jewish in him. He gets too upset after I remind him that he stops saying racist things for the night. I like to think that my husband appreciates it.

I am actually not a confrontational person.
 

aliceneko

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I am quite close to most of my family as we've always been tight-knitted, so I'm fortunate in that I've never had to deal with any really bad apples over the festive period. There are certainly some relatives I like more than others, but I get on well with nearly all of them, so that's good.
 

Jemima Lucca

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My husband goes to their daughters house; but it’s his brother in law. He’s critical, judge mental, self absorbed and arrogant. I refuse to be around him anymore. It’s difficult because we have problems that he judges and has never experienced. It’s really hurtful to me because we struggle and they never have. Our youngest son is on the autistic spectrum and has always been a handful. Now he’s grown and still struggling and is bi-polar also. He is very critical of Zachary; not cool 😡
 

EmersonandEvie

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It isn't so much that I dislike them. They are wonderful people and I genuinely wish their situation were different. I don't like the decisions they have made.

My in-laws. B is the only child between his two parents, but he has half siblings on both sides (his actual family is quite large, but have nothing to do with each other, so it's weird). His dad has been battling lung cancer since 2018 and isn't doing well, largely by his own accord. They are very under-educated and simply don't really understand half of what the doctors tell them, or realize that they could be receiving so much more help than they are getting. His mom, bless her heart, tries so hard, but you can only lead a horse to water...

FIL's birthday is on the 31st. We are going over to spend the day with them. I refuse to spend the night there anymore. The last time we were there was Thanksgiving and...yikes. His dad is (...still) smoking in the house and they have a litterbox that was so awful, B took it out back and dumped the whole thing. Apparently his mom "doesn't do" poop (how she raised three boy and "doesn't do" poop, I'll never know) and his dad is literally too weak to get down and clean it. So the entire house reeked of very, very, VERY used litter and smoke. It was awful and I told B I was never, ever going to do that again, that we would go for the day or get a hotel, but I was not subjecting myself to that again.
 

muffy

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I do not get along with my brother and B/L They just love to aggravate the hell out of me because they think it is fun. On Thanksgiving they had me so upset I almost fell down my sister's steps. I am partially handicaped and can barely walk.

They are all going to my nephews house for Christmas and I decided not to go. I don't need all the aggravation. I would rather stay home alone with my kitty. At least he loves me.
 

Boris Diamond

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Most of the family I have left locally drink heavily. Holiday parties seem to turn into a contest to see who can be meanest. And they don't remember all the rotten things they say and have a concept of themselves as wonderful kind people. Unfortunately, I remember it all. Years ago I decided I was tired of having Holidays ruined. I now stay at home with my loved ones. :clapcat::gingercat::bicolorcat: I am so much happier.
 

WillowMarie

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Nope, cause I'm staying at my house with my cats. Not worth the 12 hour travel to see my family, and after going home last winter break, never again! That was the last straw for me. Basically told my mom and my oldest brother and his wife staying at my mom's house to please not use scents because it is not good for Isabelle's asthma. My brother's wife kept using scents, and everyone looked at me like I was making too big of a deal about it and asking too much when standing up about it.

Similar to others in this thread, I've been weeding out negative influences/unhealthy people from my life. I'd rather be alone than choose to spend time with toxic people who tear me down or don't respect my boundaries/needs.

So just a quiet day with my cats. Looking forward to it!
 

mani

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denice

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I will put up with family members to keep the peace. Out of necessity I deal with people that I don't care for at work. A lot of people have issues doing that at work. The way I look at it I only have to deal with them at work, I don't have to live with them and I don't have to be friends with them.
 

FeralHearts

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Interesting question. Most of my family is in the UK. I spent a lot of time in the UK growing up, but we only managed a few Christmases - I love it. My grandmother and I had a tough time seeing eye to eye a lot. She was very traditional and we'd often go toe to toe - which would upset my Mom. Christmas was the one time, if we were over there, that I would suck it up as I knew how important it was for my Mom. As I aged and really got to know her - I understood why it was the way it was and that toe to toe - stopped. Our relationship changed a lot a result of that, and while we still didn't see eye-to-eye all the time, I understood and that made all the difference in our relationship. I think sometimes we need to take the time to understand each other.

Growing up people would complain about being dragged to aunts and uncles places for Christmas and I would respond with how lucky they were to have them - in spite of any differences.

I miss my family a lot.

In general people that are complete jerks - I tend to avoid. Life is too short.

If I get stuck with them in a situation, I try, not always successfully, to look at them and remind myself that this is another human being and I'm not in their shoes so I don't know what they are dealing with. Especially when someone is miserable all the time. I try to think of how unhappy it must be to go through life that way - but I try not to allow them into my life too much as unfortunately toxic tends to spill out on you in you're not careful. That old saying of "becoming what you hate" or "Show me your friends and I'll show you who you are." I consciously limit my time in their presence. While I'm stuck there though - I try to remain compassionate. Sometimes you'll see the walls drop when you do that - and the real person inside starts to shine a bit.
 

MoochNNoodles

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We don’t live close enough to family to have to deal with difficult relatives very often. But when we do see them it’s generally going out to eat or something like that. So I try to steer the conversation away from hot topics; like politics. I said it in another thread recently; but I’ll say things like “Lets not spoil our visit by discussing politics.” I say it firmly but politely; so I’m clear as I can be that I mean business. ;) If someone tries to keep is going after that I just stand firm. I don’t usually have to say anything else. My face says it all.

And then since we limit our visits it’s usually no more than a few hours. It really helps to try to introduce a safe topic. So I might ask about a trip they took or something I know they are knowledgeable about that isn’t awful to listen to. Most people love to talk about themselves anyway.;) There is usually something to like about everyone. So if we can find that we can keep the peace. And then walk away feeling positive enough.
 

Willowy

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We haven't had any family gatherings since my grandma died in 2017. We always met at her house and we really just can't manage to get things together since then.

But we were always very good at ignoring anything important or controversial. Glossing over nasty remarks. Pretending bad things never happened. And no drinking is ever allowed, because my dad is a recovering alcoholic, so that helps keep mouths from becoming loose. So we blandly and boringly ate dinner, chatted about the weather, and then went home and made snarky remarks to our immediate family members ;).
 

Winchester

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No. Even my sister, a decades long die-hard Republican, changed her stance and is now a Democrat. The only real Republican in the family now is my nephew-in-law and he's pretty much OK....unless he gets drunk, in which case he can get quite ridiculous. He and I have had more than one discussion on politics. Fortunately, when we get together, we agree to disagree and let it go. But should he start something, I'm not averse to jumping in. We can (and have) always take it outside to the back porch. My brother is a Trump supporter, but I think it's more of a bandwagon thing than anything else at this point.
 
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