Please help me mend my relationship with my cat (cat aggression)

LiarFire

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Hey everyone, This is going to be a pretty long post so I’ll try to be as concise as possible.

To give a bit of context, we’ve had our cat Rocco since March of 2021, he’s an 11 year old orange tabby, and he’s what we call our “foster failure” (in the best possible way, I consider his adoption one of the best things we’ve ever done). According to the organization we got him from, he previously belonged to an old lady, who somewhat neglected him before we got him. We don’t know how long he was neglected for, or what exactly this entailed. When we got him, he was immediately friendly, but had what seemed like periods of depression where he would isolate a lot. These have mostly ended.

To get to the actual situation, he’s a wonderful cat, very curious, smart, clingy, cuddly, playful (and also very loud and demanding but that’s okay). The main issue we have with him is that he also gets very aggressive. This has been happening for a while, but lately it has become a daily occurrence.

Sometimes it will happen because he’s sleeping on me and I need to move him, sometimes it will happen because he wants to play (the classic leg attack), sometimes it may be caused by over stimulation during pets. And I wouldn’t mind a small warning bite (I’ve lived with cats before) but when he attacks he bites extremely hard, claws at me, and he won’t let go. And when I manage to push him off, he doesn’t just walk away, he almost always comes back for another attack, and another one sometimes too. Usually, the best solution is to pick him up when he lets his guard down and take him to another room to cool down. After a few minutes he’s usually calmed down.

This is obviously a pretty bad situation, it seems like his aggression is getting worse, and it’s getting triggered by increasingly mundane situations. He’s tried jumping at my face twice now and I’m completely at loss.

I’ve watched many videos and read many articles on cat aggression but I can’t seem to figure out what’s going on with him precisely. I play with him everyday (save for some times where I forget) and it’s active play, he has enrichments in the house, places to climb, places to hide, places to rest and a bit of cat TV by the window. He’s an indoor cat. His food is the best quality I could find. We’ve tried Feliway and catnip toys but they weren’t really useful I think. He’s also been to the vet several times (two different vets) this year and he has no apparent health issues.


Some pointers to what may be going wrong:
- Things he has lived in the past before we got him, unfortunately we’re kind of in the dark with this.

- When we got him, I was teleworking so I was home pretty much 24/7 for several months. We developed a very strong bond, and we were together all the time. Now I haven’t been home as much and I don’t have a regular schedule so it may be disturbing to him.

- We struggle with his feeding times, he only eats in very small quantities throughout the day so we never really know when to feed him regularly. He always has keebles, and I try to give him wet food every night though sometimes he hasn’t finished the can from last night.

- For some reason, I’m his main target. He attacks my boyfriend sometimes, but not as hard or as frequently. He doesn't really attack guests.

- When he attacks, we sometimes have to grab him pretty strongly to get him off me (sometimes we have no choice but to scruff him for him to let go). Of course we never hit him but I’m afraid that even just these interactions can maintain a vicious circle of aggression. Our vet suggested we take him with a towel when he does that, which is pretty effective but not always possible.


This is getting pretty long but I hope I gave all the necessary context to get appropriate help. I love him infinitely, but his aggression has been taking a toll on our relationship. We’re not perfect owners but we really do our best. Please help me mend this situation, so that we can have a peaceful relationship with him, and so that he’s the happiest he can be.
 

Nice Loki

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Hello L LiarFire and welcome to the forum. I'm sorry that you're having a tough time with Rocco at the moment.

I have some questions for you.

1) It's not clear if Rocco is your first cat or if you are an experienced cat human?
2) Do you know how to read cat warning signals?
3) Have you identified if the attacks occur on a specific trigger or does it happen in a variety of different situations?
4) Is Rocco neutered?
5) Does Rocco go out or is he an indoor cat?
6) Who is in your household (both human and animal)
7) Is your house and the neighbourhood generally quiet or noisy?

Just trying to get a better feel for your experience and situation.
 

Cat McCannon

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Take Rocco to the vet for a complete check-up. Rocco is of an age the problem could be kitty dementia or other mental illness; or arthritis. Another possibility to look into is separation anxiety. Kitty dementia will exacerbate any anxiety Rocco might have.
 

FeebysOwner

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Hi. Not sure I can add much, but agree with pain (e.g., arthritis) and/or dementia as two good possibilities for his behavior. Insecurity can come from general aging, as well as dementia, which could also be part of the problem in terms of a possible separation anxiety issue.

X-rays are about the only real good way to determine if there is arthritis involved. And there really is no way to actually diagnose dementia. He may need some pain meds, and also some other form of calming agent. There are other OTC products you could try, as not all of them work on all cats - so Feliway isn't the only one. It might be worth discussing something like CBD oil for your cat should dementia be considered a possibility, rather than more potent drugs. CBD oil could help with arthritis too.

I don't know the extent of his vet checkups, but with a cat that age, they should not only have a thorough physical exam at least annually, they should also have blood work done (CBC & Super Chem panel). There are a lot of things the blood work might tell you about his overall health that aren't necessarily apparent through a physical exam only. Usually, a urinalysis is a good idea too.

As was mentioned above, other things to consider are outside triggers (such as other animals roaming about, unusual noises/activities), and while less likely, things like hormonal changes in humans brought on by medications/menstrual cycles, as well as new smells brought into the house from things like a job change.

As far as his food goes, it is generally safe to leave canned food out for 6 or so hours, but longer than that can cause issues with the food drying out or becoming contaminated with bacteria. There are motion activated feeders with lids to help with preventing dried out food and contamination, as well as ones that contain a compartment underneath where an ice pack can be inserted to help keep the food fresher. Older cats do tend to like to eat more often with smaller amounts at one time.

Maybe some other things to think about in these articles?
Health Concerns In Aging Cats – TheCatSite Articles
What To Expect As Your Cat Ages – TheCatSite Articles
 
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LiarFire

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Hello L LiarFire and welcome to the forum. I'm sorry that you're having a tough time with Rocco at the moment.

I have some questions for you.

1) It's not clear if Rocco is your first cat or if you are an experienced cat human?
2) Do you know how to read cat warning signals?
3) Have you identified if the attacks occur on a specific trigger or does it happen in a variety of different situations?
4) Is Rocco neutered?
5) Does Rocco go out or is he an indoor cat?
6) Who is in your household (both human and animal)
7) Is your house and the neighbourhood generally quiet or noisy?

Just trying to get a better feel for your experience and situation.

Hi ! Thank you so much for taking the time to reply. I'll reply to everyone, one by one.

1) I've lived with two cats before, at my parents' home. But I wasn't their main caretaker, they were mostly my mom's or my sister's.
2) Yes, and I think I'm still learning how to read Rocco's signals. But sometimes it happens very fast, and by the time I've noticed, it's already too late.
3) It happens in various situations as I've mentioned, to give some striking examples from the last few days: I was going into my bed, he wanted to play and attacked my leg pretty viciously and tried to jump on my face after. A few days ago, he was sleeping next to me, I moved his leg a little to have more room and he attacked my arm. Often, he will be sitting on my lap, and will attack me either for unknown reasons (overstimulation? petting an undesirable spot?) or because I want to move him off me.
4) He is neutered! I can check his medical records to check when he was neutered, if needed.
5) He has been an indoor cat his whole life (at least from what we were told). It seems sometimes he wants to go out, and we tried to train him to go outside supervised, but it went pretty badly every time. He would always try to go in dangerous places, and he would also get very aggressive during and after going out. The first time he attacked me badly was actually while I was leash training him. We have since gave up on that idea, and I just try to give him enough stimulation indoors.
6) I live with my boyfriend, but there are times where he or I will be away for a week or two. I think I may have noticed that he only attacks me really badly when my boyfriend and I are both home (even if not in the same room), but this could be coincidental. Now that I think about it, my boyfriend says he may tend to be calmer when I'm not home, but we're not 100% sure.
7) My house is relatively calm, we don't usually have many guests and we spend most of our time on our computers.

I hope this answers your questions, feel free to ask more if needed.
 
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LiarFire

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Take Rocco to the vet for a complete check-up. Rocco is of an age the problem could be kitty dementia or other mental illness; or arthritis. Another possibility to look into is separation anxiety. Kitty dementia will exacerbate any anxiety Rocco might have.
He was taken to a vet at least 4 times in the past year (there were things we needed to check for the adoption, and he also got his vaccines+booster), and the vet didn't notice anything. The only thing was that he had some healed up wound on his eye, but that's really it.

I've heard of cat dementia, this could be a possibility. I don't know if I mentioned this but he also meows a lot (though we think we have accidentally encouraged meowing by giving him attention when he did, we're trying to stop doing this). Apart from this, he never really seems confused or lost, he's pretty sharp and playful.
I will call my vet this week and ask for information though, thank you.
 
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LiarFire

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Hi. Not sure I can add much, but agree with pain (e.g., arthritis) and/or dementia as two good possibilities for his behavior. Insecurity can come from general aging, as well as dementia, which could also be part of the problem in terms of a possible separation anxiety issue.

X-rays are about the only real good way to determine if there is arthritis involved. And there really is no way to actually diagnose dementia. He may need some pain meds, and also some other form of calming agent. There are other OTC products you could try, as not all of them work on all cats - so Feliway isn't the only one. It might be worth discussing something like CBD oil for your cat should dementia be considered a possibility, rather than more potent drugs. CBD oil could help with arthritis too.

I don't know the extent of his vet checkups, but with a cat that age, they should not only have a thorough physical exam at least annually, they should also have blood work done (CBC & Super Chem panel). There are a lot of things the blood work might tell you about his overall health that aren't necessarily apparent through a physical exam only. Usually, a urinalysis is a good idea too.

As was mentioned above, other things to consider are outside triggers (such as other animals roaming about, unusual noises/activities), and while less likely, things like hormonal changes in humans brought on by medications/menstrual cycles, as well as new smells brought into the house from things like a job change.

As far as his food goes, it is generally safe to leave canned food out for 6 or so hours, but longer than that can cause issues with the food drying out or becoming contaminated with bacteria. There are motion activated feeders with lids to help with preventing dried out food and contamination, as well as ones that contain a compartment underneath where an ice pack can be inserted to help keep the food fresher. Older cats do tend to like to eat more often with smaller amounts at one time.

Maybe some other things to think about in these articles?
Health Concerns In Aging Cats – TheCatSite Articles
What To Expect As Your Cat Ages – TheCatSite Articles

Hi, thank you for your response, I really appreciate it.
I will talk to my vet about arthritis. Although, he is very agile and likes to jump and run everywhere, could he have arthritis still?
He had a urine analysis done but I don't know if he had any blood work done, thank you!

Considering the past few weeks of our lives, it's very possible that smell (and general habits) changes could worsen the aggressiveness he was previously exhibiting, I think he might be sensitive to that. If that's what's causing him to attack more, what can I do?

Also, thanks for the pointers about food. We have tried splitting his wet food cans in smaller quantities, and saving the rest in the fridge. However I was afraid that the food being too cold would harm his stomach. What do you think about this?
 

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Although, he is very agile and likes to jump and run everywhere, could he have arthritis still?
It is possible, but it is also somewhat typical for them to show signs related to the arthritis, such as limping or less jumping. So, maybe that is not part of his issues after all. However, a lot of cats can have some level of discomfort from arthritis without necessarily displaying signs or reducing their activity level until it gets worse.
Considering the past few weeks of our lives, it's very possible that smell (and general habits) changes could worsen the aggressiveness he was previously exhibiting, I think he might be sensitive to that. If that's what's causing him to attack more, what can I do?
You'd have to pinpoint some specific changes that you think might be behind his increased aggressiveness before you could determine what to do about them. For example, if it were due to some different smells being brought into the home from your clothes, you could change into something else, wash your hands, etc. to see if that were to change his reaction. Each potential trigger would have to be addressed individually in a similar manner.
However I was afraid that the food being too cold would harm his stomach. What do you think about this?
I wasn't sure of the routine you have for feeding him. If he gets small wet food meals over the course of day and night, that is good. As far as cold from the fridge, if you think that might bother him or make it less appealing to him, you can always try microwaving it for a very brief period, and then place the food in a different dish, stir it and check it to make sure it is only gently warmed, perhaps even just to room temp. Some cats don't like cold food, others don't mind. Also, don't store the food in the can, place it in a dish and cover it. Sometimes, cats are a bit picky if the food should pick up an odor or taste change by remaining in the can while stored in the fridge.
I've heard of cat dementia, this could be a possibility. I don't know if I mentioned this but he also meows a lot (though we think we have accidentally encouraged meowing by giving him attention when he did, we're trying to stop doing this). Apart from this, he never really seems confused or lost, he's pretty sharp and playful.
Everyone has to handle situations like this based on their familiarity with their own cat. But I know from my experience with Feeby (17+ yo) that ignoring her meowing doesn't help her to stop doing it. I do give her attention, because while she seems fully alert otherwise, I can't rule out dementia and/or what I call "old age insecurity" playing a role. So, for me, ignoring it is just feeding into it.

And, sorry for coming up with another possibility. - hypertension. Although I am not positive it would specifically cause aggression, it could explain sudden outbursts if Rocco's blood pressure spikes. Older cats should also be checked for high blood pressure, but they rarely are. And it is hard to do and requires several readings over a few different sessions to ascertain there is an actual issue.
 

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I can't respond with an in depth reply right now, but one thing that may be worth investigating is if Rocco is going deaf and losing eyesight. He could be overreacting to external stimulus if he can't see things clearly and if he can't hear when you approach him he might be responding due to a "fight or flight" reaction.

Try a simple hearing test by standing behind him when he is awake, but unaware of you and just make a noise like a cough or something, nothing scary. All you're looking for is ear twitches in reaction to a noise behind him.

Then try an eyesight test, a general one at first to see if he can actually visually track an item with his eyes - shine a light on the floor and see if he can follow it easily.
 

Nice Loki

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I was teleworking so I was home pretty much 24/7 for several months. We developed a very strong bond, and we were together all the time. Now I haven’t been home as much and I don’t have a regular schedule so it may be disturbing to him.
For some reason, I’m his main target.
he previously belonged to an old lady
Would it be accurate to say that you are the main care giver for Rocco? Do you always feed and play with him or do you share these roles equally with your boyfriend? Does Rocco mostly go to you for attention?

You were working from home when he entered your life. You were at home 24/7 with Rocco and formed a strong bond. Prior to living with you he was with an old lady who we can assume was also at home 24/7.

lately it has become a daily occurrence.
Now you leave home for long periods of time and Rocco is left alone. Does his change in behaviour coincide with your change in schedule?
It wouldn't surprise me if there is some separation anxiety happening here which is causing him stress. He has probably never experienced being left alone for extended periods of time.

I play with him everyday (save for some times where I forget) and it’s active play
How do you play with him and how long do you play with him?
The best way to play is to use a wand with a toy or feathers attached to a long cord for him to stalk and pounce. This style of toy keeps your body strictly out of the play zone and stops him from seeing your hands as fair game.
The other option is shining a light for him to chase, but these are best kept to very limited use because there is no "reward" when he catches his prey (the light) and this can cause frustration and then can cause behavioural problems.
Cats hunt for a reason, so when you play with them they need a reward for their efforts.
Cats natural rhythm is stalk/hunt - catch prey - eat prey - groom - sleep.
So try playing with him before his meal time, then feed him.
It is also important to not over stimulate them or play for too long - both of which are very subjective things. Every cat is different and you will need to learn the best way to play with Rocco and for how long. It's hard to know if you are currently not playing with him enough or too much or in the wrong way, it will be trial and error for a while.
Things to consider with regards to play time:
What time of the day
How many times a day
How long per play session
What kind of play

I have focused on things that you can assess and where indicated implement changes at home, as already mentioned above, dementia remains a possibility which you will need to discuss with a vet. Also consider getting his eyes and hearing checked.

I hope I haven't overwhelmed you with this and that it makes sense.
 
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Meowmee

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Hey everyone, This is going to be a pretty long post so I’ll try to be as concise as possible.

To give a bit of context, we’ve had our cat Rocco since March of 2021, he’s an 11 year old orange tabby, and he’s what we call our “foster failure” (in the best possible way, I consider his adoption one of the best things we’ve ever done). According to the organization we got him from, he previously belonged to an old lady, who somewhat neglected him before we got him. We don’t know how long he was neglected for, or what exactly this entailed. When we got him, he was immediately friendly, but had what seemed like periods of depression where he would isolate a lot. These have mostly ended.

To get to the actual situation, he’s a wonderful cat, very curious, smart, clingy, cuddly, playful (and also very loud and demanding but that’s okay). The main issue we have with him is that he also gets very aggressive. This has been happening for a while, but lately it has become a daily occurrence.

Sometimes it will happen because he’s sleeping on me and I need to move him, sometimes it will happen because he wants to play (the classic leg attack), sometimes it may be caused by over stimulation during pets. And I wouldn’t mind a small warning bite (I’ve lived with cats before) but when he attacks he bites extremely hard, claws at me, and he won’t let go. And when I manage to push him off, he doesn’t just walk away, he almost always comes back for another attack, and another one sometimes too. Usually, the best solution is to pick him up when he lets his guard down and take him to another room to cool down. After a few minutes he’s usually calmed down.

This is obviously a pretty bad situation, it seems like his aggression is getting worse, and it’s getting triggered by increasingly mundane situations. He’s tried jumping at my face twice now and I’m completely at loss.

I’ve watched many videos and read many articles on cat aggression but I can’t seem to figure out what’s going on with him precisely. I play with him everyday (save for some times where I forget) and it’s active play, he has enrichments in the house, places to climb, places to hide, places to rest and a bit of cat TV by the window. He’s an indoor cat. His food is the best quality I could find. We’ve tried Feliway and catnip toys but they weren’t really useful I think. He’s also been to the vet several times (two different vets) this year and he has no apparent health issues.


Some pointers to what may be going wrong:
- Things he has lived in the past before we got him, unfortunately we’re kind of in the dark with this.

- When we got him, I was teleworking so I was home pretty much 24/7 for several months. We developed a very strong bond, and we were together all the time. Now I haven’t been home as much and I don’t have a regular schedule so it may be disturbing to him.

- We struggle with his feeding times, he only eats in very small quantities throughout the day so we never really know when to feed him regularly. He always has keebles, and I try to give him wet food every night though sometimes he hasn’t finished the can from last night.

- For some reason, I’m his main target. He attacks my boyfriend sometimes, but not as hard or as frequently. He doesn't really attack guests.

- When he attacks, we sometimes have to grab him pretty strongly to get him off me (sometimes we have no choice but to scruff him for him to let go). Of course we never hit him but I’m afraid that even just these interactions can maintain a vicious circle of aggression. Our vet suggested we take him with a towel when he does that, which is pretty effective but not always possible.


This is getting pretty long but I hope I gave all the necessary context to get appropriate help. I love him infinitely, but his aggression has been taking a toll on our relationship. We’re not perfect owners but we really do our best. Please help me mend this situation, so that we can have a peaceful relationship with him, and so that he’s the happiest he can be.
Did he have a full check up with bw and xrays etc? That needs to be done with a cat who suddenly became so aggressive. I noticed you mentioned that it seemed to start when you took him outside for walks so I’m wondering if something happened then that could’ve started all of this?

Another thing I would ask your DVM about with a cat who is so aggressive is to put him on medication. It doesn’t have to be forever although he may need it, but at least it may hopefully help stop him from attacking you so much now. And maybe break the whole aggression cycle he is in. You may have to try different meds to find one that works for him.

I recently took in one of my outdoor cats who was very scared and even aggressive at first, he was in the cage for recovery and to help calm him for quite a while but we put him on gabapentin and it calmed him down tremendously- he’s become a real Luv bug now. He is still skittish but he’s not being aggressive at all now. He had never actually attacked me or anyone but he was not touchable at all and he was hissing, spitting lunging etc. in the cage. He also was not neutered so I think the neuter and the reduction in hormones has helped calm him down as well, but the gabapentin had an immediate dramatic affect for him. It allowed him to calm down enough to trust me and to become a touchable luv bug. I try to never push his boundaries though and let him set the pace.

So sorry you and your kitty are going through this, I hope something will help.
 
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Nice Loki

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Something else just occurred to me - did he get his thyroid checked? Cats with overactive thyroids can behave like this, including the picky eating.
I had a cat with an overactive thyroid and he was almost bi-polar with his behaviour.
He had radioactive iodine treatment and came home an entirely different cat.
 

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Nice Loki Nice Loki makes a very good point about thyroid causing aggression. My girl who struggled with it randomly started lashing out and sure enough, her numbers were VERY high. Once we had her on medication for it (she was not a good candidate for the iodine treatment) she was back to her sweet self. Please keep us updated!
 

Nice Loki

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My cat with the thyroid problem (named MadMax) had readings so high they were off the charts. We had him from a kitten, so knew all his story and we were fully aware of his "character". He was fine with us unlike Rocco, but like Rocco, Max was hard to feed. He would cry for food constantly, but then just pick at it.

When we emigrated from the UK to Australia with him and our other 4 cats, the first time we went to visit them in quarantine, the carer on his block admitted that she couldn't get in to his kennel because he growled at her so badly.
So I went to him, walked in to his kennel, called him and he leaped into my arms and turned into my normal baby. The quarantine girl could not believe the difference!

At this time we were unaware of his thyroid problem, it didn't get diagnosed for another 5 years.

Max was never an easy cat for vets, I always gave fair warning before opening his carrier. Then we moved house and registered at a new practice, Alex the owner vet just 'clicked' with Max instantly, I never saw anything like it. Max allowed Alex to groom him, stroke him, examine him and everything, it was Alex that identified his thyroid problem.
When Max went in for his treatment I was pregnant, so he had to stay at the hospital longer than normal because it was irradiated iodine treatment. Alex told us that the nurses at the hospital drew straws for who got to deal with Max because he was so grumpy! That still makes me chuckle to this day.
We got back a whole new Max, he was calmer and happier and easy to feed, honestly it was the best thing we ever did, getting him treated.
 
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