Please help...cats fighting after I came home from a long trip

revenwyn

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Long story short, my husband had a major medical emergency, wasn't expected to survive and was life flighted to a better hospital an hour from where we live. I have been gone since January 15th and just got back home today. My husband is currently in a rehab facility.

My two cats are tamed up ferals. I had my neighbor downstairs come up twice a day to feed them, scoop the litter boxes,and pay attention to them. Mostly they would just run and hide when he came.

He had to break up some fights occasionally. My two cats have never been real friends but they usually tolerate each other.

But now? I can't even sleep because they started a fight on my bed. One cat was super clingy when I got home and wouldn't get off my lap for an hour (and she has never been a lap cat,) the other is super skittish and wouldn't leave the bathroom cabinet until I took a bath. This caused the clingy one to call frantically through the apt for me and she found me in the bathroom. Well the skittish cat wouldn't have her usurping her space and time with me.

So I go to bed leaving my door open because I know that they would tear it apart if I didn't. Two hours later I awake to a cat fight ON MY BED because skittish kitty wanted more time with me and was there first, and clingy cat wanted up too. There's plenty of room for them both and before I left they were sharing the space.

So now I can't even sleep or pay attention to either of them because if I do, they end up going to antagonize the other. I hope things will calm down when they realize that I am staying home (I don't think that I should even visit my husband in the rehab center tomorrow because I am afraid that they will feel abandoned again)

I just want to be able to sleep without nearly getting my face clawed off like earlier...
 

ondine

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I imagine they are also picking up on your stressß. What a month you've been through. First thing I would do is find some Feliway plugs in. They will help calm the cats down.

You can also get some Spirit Essences to put in their water - also helps calm them down.

Is there a way you can separate them for a few days? At least until you are back home and able to pay more attention to them?

Perhaps your vet can suggest something to help them through the transition. Them fighting is not going to help you relax and you need as much calm in your life as possible now.

Sending calming vibes and prayers your way! So glad you husband is coming through this.
 
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revenwyn

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I have tried feliway and spirit essences and bachs before, none of it really makes a difference for my cats it seems.

Skittish kitty took a while to come out of her cave (as a person with autism she to me seems very autistic in many ways, not just this) and then when she did she wanted attention from me butthe other cat was monopolizing my time and lap.

I did end up getting some sleep around 5. Skittish kitty went back into her cave and clingy cat slept on my bed. When I woke up skittish kitty asked nicely to come up, and did on the other side of me. I pet them both at the same time then swapped hands that I was petting them with. There was almost a fight when I went to use the bathroom again though.
 

ondine

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They are proving that cats do love and need you and aren't always the independent cusses everyone says. Hope things calm down soon
 
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revenwyn

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Things are starting to wind down. However, my aunt whom they have never met is coming to stay with me for a month to help with my husband's care (she's a retired nurse and has been the caregiver of my grandparents for the past 17 years) and rehabilitation since the facility he is in is not really going to work with him. Since she's staying for a month, putting her somewhere else isn't really an option. I'm just afraid that the situation will stress them out and cause fighting again. 

She's not hateful of cats or afraid of them, just indifferent. She had a cat of her own but he was unfixed and she just let him wander and he got FIV and died pretty early.  
 

msaimee

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I think things will improve in the next few weeks when they realize that you're not going away again. Right now they're clingy and stressed because you were gone a while--cats are very sensitive and get upset when their humans are away. As long as you're there, I doubt they'll start fighting again because a new person is in the house. If anything, the presence of a new person might make them more shy.  

My two young alpha male cats, both rescues, often fuss with each other and sometimes get into little fights, and most of the conflict stems from jealousy and rivalry over me (thankfully, my other two cats are calm and not a part of the fracas). Feliway has never had an effect on my cats, but I've heard others report success with it.  The problem I have with plug-in products, besides the expense and need for regular replacement,  is that long-term, it's not going to change the behaviors. I try to curb the aggressive behavior of my two alpha cats by feeding them their special treats and wet food together, and I try to give them equal play time when I have the time. I use a laser toy because I can play with them both at once. When their fighting escalates, I clap my hands together and raise my voice (sometimes I even make a hissing sound), and sometimes I spray them with a water mist bottle. They get the message and settle down. I've been through this before with alpha cats, and eventually cats living together do settle down into a truce. It really will get better for you!

One thing you might try is to provide them with some new toys (mine love catnip toys) or a new scratching post, or something to occupy their attention, or give them extra play time. I know it's difficult with so many other stressors going on in your life right now, but any extra little thing you can do for them will help things  get back to normal. Good luck, and I hope your husband has a speedy recovery.  
 
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revenwyn

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OK so maybe things aren't winding down. 

Each time I come home I have found my skittish cat in a cabinet. I have wondered why. Until tonight I saw them fight, the other chased her into a cabinet and then shut the cabinet door on her. 

There's a stray outside that someone is feeding and it has recognized that I have cats inside and has been looking longingly through my window. This has set my cats on edge too. I need to get something to put up to block their view. But then they can still hear the poor kitty crying outside. 

I am at my wits end. I'm about to be really busy; my husband will be coming "home" (well to my downstairs neighbors since he won't be able to get upstairs for a while) and I'm going to be taking care of him. But I'm afraid I'm going to have to give up on the cats if they keep fighting like this. 
 

msaimee

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I hope you don't give up on the cats. It can be very difficult to find new homes for tamed ferals because they often have difficulties bonding with humans other than the ones who tamed them, and shelters often euthanize them because they're not friendly.  Do you have a family member or neighbor who would be willing to take one of them, at least temporarily? It sounds as though they are fine individually. Are the cats fighting to the point of wounding each other, or just fussing and taunting each other? If no one is getting hurt, is there a way you can ignore their behavior? When I've tamed some of my ferals/strays, I've slept with wax ear plugs at night for a bit until they calmed down--a lot of meowing really drives me crazy.  However, for me, dealing with the meowing and behaviors for a few weeks was less stressful than if I had put them back outside and had to worry about caring for them as outdoor cats, which I find infinitely more stressful (I currently only have one outdoor feral I take care of, and I worry about him constantly). I can only imagine how much stress you're feeling with caring for your husband right now, and obviously you have to put your husband first and do what you feel is best in this situation. You might consider, though, whether getting rid of the cats might add to your stress rather than reduce it. Would you find yourself worrying about them after they're gone, and wondering if you made the right decision? I hope you can hang in there at least a while longer to see if things improve. 
 
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sunnykew

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@revenwyn I cannot imagine the stress you would be going through right now.. but I do pray that your husband gets better soon... I hope that you don't give up on the cats as well... I somehow find a lot of calm and composure by just looking at them...
 

castle cat

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What I understand from what you have written so far is, that both cats wants to ‘own’ you. They are not only fighting for the territory but also claiming ‘ownership,’ of you.

To add more problems you mentioned about a stray outside looking longingly through the window. The cat outside has seen how you take care of your cats and it also wants to come inside. Many people have mistaken assumption that cats come for food and nothing else. My experience with cats shows that it’s not true. Cats understanding the true meaning of love and care. They are blessed with that intuition. When a homeless or stray cat discovers how a ‘owner’ looks after his/her cat, it also longs for the same. I put owner in quotation marks because we do not own cats. They own us.

MsAimee mentions in her post: ‘It can be very difficult to find new homes for tamed ferals because they often have difficulties bonding with humans other than the ones who tamed them, and shelters often euthanize them because they're not friendly.’ This also true.

If you spend more time with them, perhaps they’ll stop fighting.

Wishing your husband good health! 

With regards,

Castle Cat (Late Jethro’s humble servant)
 
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