Hi all I recently got a rescue cat who may have been through some abuse...not 100% sure but the person who is running the adoption place said that she thinks she may have been verbally abused... not sure if there was any physical abuse also. Anyways I think this cat is has some Siamese in her and another mix because she does have long hair so she’s a mix and and I’ve been trying to buy her a variety of food and she’s eating food (Although I have to hand feed her the wet food and she doesn’t finish it by herself) and I bought her toys but she barely plays and she’s not very affectionate. She rarely comes to me except for when she wants to eat in the morning... she is sure to wake me up then. Sometimes when I try to groom or pet her she hisses at me and seems a bit aggressive. I was looking for a cuddly,sweet affectionate cat and I realize a lot of cats are aloof and not that way but I’ve definitely seen some cats that are. I definitely want this cat to be happy one thing that concerns me is that it’s been over a month and she barely plays and when she hisses at me it stresses me out. I have a small place and try to get her to play but she barely does, which makes me think she may not be happy here. I’m trying to decide if I should see if she could find a better home that she would be happier in and maybe I can try with another cat. This time I would actually go to the shelter and see which cat chooses me because in this case the cat was given to me without us first meeting. I also don’t want her to continue moving from home to home and don’t want to cause her more stress so any advise that you guys have, would be appreciated. Is this something that is likely to change or is it that maybe we are not the right fit for her? I forgot to mention the person that gave her up ( previous owner) or the person that she had an issue with was a female apparently she got better along with the male in the house so I don’t know she just doesn’t like my female energy? She does get startled a lot but has gotten a lot better about that.
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Please advise
- Thread starter Jazzy925
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2 months is not that long when it comes to cats, and especially if there is some trauma and mistrust of humans involved. I won't tell you if you should give her back or not, but if it were me, I would give it more time. One of our last adoptees took over 6 months before she was comfortable in our home and even longer still to become her now feisty affectionate self....she's actually the boss now! LOL! (we have 3 cats) and is the biggest cuddle bug ever!
She responds to you when it comes to food, so that's great. As for playing...how do you try to play with her?
I would also stop trying to initiate petting and brushing...let her come to you. You can use treats and play to get her more comfortable with interacting with you. And only if she rubs up on you, stick you hand out and wait to see if she nudges or rubs on your hand, pet her a couple of times and stop. When she sees that you are a safe person, that you leave her alone without her having to hiss or swat, she should seek you out more and allow more physical affection from you because she will learn that you are trustworthy. I know it's hard, but patience is key.
If she's sitting around you, or even in the same room as you go about your daily activities, just talk to her...and sometimes offer treats (without petting her), she should start to get comfortable with your voice, with how you walk around the house ect...and again, start to realize you are not a threat to her.
She hisses not because she doesn't like you or is unhappy...she's just scared. You already mentioned that she used to startle easily and often, but it's gotten better....again that's a great step as she's feeling more secure in your home.
Some cats don't ever really become snuggle puss kitties, but I just don't think she's had the opportunity to fully trust yet...and so long as she is making progress, I think she deserves a chance...
She responds to you when it comes to food, so that's great. As for playing...how do you try to play with her?
I would also stop trying to initiate petting and brushing...let her come to you. You can use treats and play to get her more comfortable with interacting with you. And only if she rubs up on you, stick you hand out and wait to see if she nudges or rubs on your hand, pet her a couple of times and stop. When she sees that you are a safe person, that you leave her alone without her having to hiss or swat, she should seek you out more and allow more physical affection from you because she will learn that you are trustworthy. I know it's hard, but patience is key.
If she's sitting around you, or even in the same room as you go about your daily activities, just talk to her...and sometimes offer treats (without petting her), she should start to get comfortable with your voice, with how you walk around the house ect...and again, start to realize you are not a threat to her.
She hisses not because she doesn't like you or is unhappy...she's just scared. You already mentioned that she used to startle easily and often, but it's gotten better....again that's a great step as she's feeling more secure in your home.
Some cats don't ever really become snuggle puss kitties, but I just don't think she's had the opportunity to fully trust yet...and so long as she is making progress, I think she deserves a chance...
It's up to you if you are willing to work with your cat. There are cats who aren't big time cuddles even with those they love and trust. My boy doesn't cuddle often but every now and then he does want cuddles. My girl on the other hand is always looking for a lap and a pet. One of my rainbow kitties was abused as a baby, we always assumed he had some sort of brain damage and I did witness him be physically thrown in the street. He never wanted attention from people, he liked being near but never wanted pets or cuddles. It didn't make him any less loved or special it was just his comfort zone. If your cat isn't a cuddler right now, that doesn't mean she never will be but there is no guarantee she will be either. There is no shame in saying it's not a good fit but especially if she came from an abusive background it will take time if you want to earn her trust and affection.
If your cat is hissing or growling you are pushing her too fast and too far. You need to take a huge step back and let her adjust at her speed. Avoid eye contact and let her come to you when she wants. My girl was feral and I didn't make eye contact with her for nearly a year because eye contact scared her. I also didn't try to pet her, I put out a hand and let her pet me. I would sit in a chair or on the floor with a hand out while watching TV or reading a book. When she decided she wanted more active petting and rubbed my hand, I started moving my hand. Over the course of two years it got to the point where I could walk up and pet her without her running away. It took four years to be able to pet her with two hands at the same time. And just now after six years I can touch her tummy when petting her. It can be a slow process but it makes what your cat is willing to share all the more precious that you had to earn it.
Try sitting and reading a book aloud. Let the cat come up to you and dont react, don't try to touch her just keep reading and let her get comfortable with you. Talk to her when you feed her and stay nearby. Hold treats in your hand and let her eat them without trying to pet her. Give her time and space.
As to play, not all cats play. Active play is important but not all cats are play cats. Some are very food driven so toss treats to get them to run. Some only like feather toys, wand toys, track toys, catnip, etc. It could be you just haven't found her toy. My Moms cat doesn't seem to know how to play. We've found a few things that catch his interest but he isn't ever super interested. My boy on the other hand will tire himself out to panting chasing a feater wand toy but only if it is natural feathers.
If your cat is hissing or growling you are pushing her too fast and too far. You need to take a huge step back and let her adjust at her speed. Avoid eye contact and let her come to you when she wants. My girl was feral and I didn't make eye contact with her for nearly a year because eye contact scared her. I also didn't try to pet her, I put out a hand and let her pet me. I would sit in a chair or on the floor with a hand out while watching TV or reading a book. When she decided she wanted more active petting and rubbed my hand, I started moving my hand. Over the course of two years it got to the point where I could walk up and pet her without her running away. It took four years to be able to pet her with two hands at the same time. And just now after six years I can touch her tummy when petting her. It can be a slow process but it makes what your cat is willing to share all the more precious that you had to earn it.
Try sitting and reading a book aloud. Let the cat come up to you and dont react, don't try to touch her just keep reading and let her get comfortable with you. Talk to her when you feed her and stay nearby. Hold treats in your hand and let her eat them without trying to pet her. Give her time and space.
As to play, not all cats play. Active play is important but not all cats are play cats. Some are very food driven so toss treats to get them to run. Some only like feather toys, wand toys, track toys, catnip, etc. It could be you just haven't found her toy. My Moms cat doesn't seem to know how to play. We've found a few things that catch his interest but he isn't ever super interested. My boy on the other hand will tire himself out to panting chasing a feater wand toy but only if it is natural feathers.
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Thank you so much for your time to reply. By the way do you have any recommendation in terms of wet food? I purchased her something from Weruva, but I have to handfeed it to her otherwise she won’t finish it.
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Thank you so much for your time to reply. By the way do you have any recommendation in terms of wet food? I purchased her something from Weruva, but I have to handfeed it to her otherwise she won’t finish it.
Food is one of those picky things. Can you find out what the shelter fed?
Mingo was very stand-offish when I first got him, but mellowed out some during the year he was an only cat. I also believe he was abused, at least verbally, maybe physically. He still doesn't like to be "grabbed" and will fight you teeth and claw if you try. But then I got Lily, a real lapcat. He has watched her and followed her lead in everything, and he's as much of a lovebug as she is. So, I think you ought to consider getting another cat - one you have picked out and one you know is affectionate.
Two months is a very short time for any cat to settle down completey in its new home and become a cuddly cat! Do you really want a cat to carry around like a baby? I know there are such cats who seem to enjoy it, but a cat has other qualities, which it needs to survive and, at the moment, your cat is concentrating more on survival and is not yet able to relax as if she had not a care in the world.
I have a cat, Emily, who was unfriendly, hissing and swatting at me if I came too close. I never bothered trying to hold her, groom her or play with her. She was about 5 years old. Her kittens would play with all their potential new owners, but Emily would sit on the highest shelf just watching. She didn't find her new home so she was left alone in the cellar. I would just sit with her, did a jigsaw (she would knock a few pieces on the floor, so she knew how to play). No-one wanted such an unfriendly cat so I introduced her to the rest of the house and my own cats. She still hisses and swats at me if I surprise her but she also sits next to me, or on me, and I can handle her. She doesn't tolerate anyone else so I feel really honored!
Katy was a very shy cat - hid from me for 2 days. I used to just sit with her, knit or read and she would come and head-butt my feet. She is still not a lapcat - but she squeezes behind my back wherever I'm sitting and likes to sleep under my nose! Neither Emily nor Katy is "cuddly" as that would frighten them. But they are still 2 of my 4 lovely furbabies.
Sorry that I can't recommend any catfood as I live in Germany. Do you have any organisation in your country which tests consumer products? We have Stiftung Warentest which looks at and checks ingredients. As far as I know in the UK Which magazine bases its best and worst products according to customer satisfaction. At least such reports will help you decide which products you should try. Today, wet-food is generally considered to be healthier than dry.
Have you got a photo of your new princess?
I have a cat, Emily, who was unfriendly, hissing and swatting at me if I came too close. I never bothered trying to hold her, groom her or play with her. She was about 5 years old. Her kittens would play with all their potential new owners, but Emily would sit on the highest shelf just watching. She didn't find her new home so she was left alone in the cellar. I would just sit with her, did a jigsaw (she would knock a few pieces on the floor, so she knew how to play). No-one wanted such an unfriendly cat so I introduced her to the rest of the house and my own cats. She still hisses and swats at me if I surprise her but she also sits next to me, or on me, and I can handle her. She doesn't tolerate anyone else so I feel really honored!
Katy was a very shy cat - hid from me for 2 days. I used to just sit with her, knit or read and she would come and head-butt my feet. She is still not a lapcat - but she squeezes behind my back wherever I'm sitting and likes to sleep under my nose! Neither Emily nor Katy is "cuddly" as that would frighten them. But they are still 2 of my 4 lovely furbabies.
Sorry that I can't recommend any catfood as I live in Germany. Do you have any organisation in your country which tests consumer products? We have Stiftung Warentest which looks at and checks ingredients. As far as I know in the UK Which magazine bases its best and worst products according to customer satisfaction. At least such reports will help you decide which products you should try. Today, wet-food is generally considered to be healthier than dry.
Have you got a photo of your new princess?
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Yes I did, and this is what the foster parent said she fed her. For some reason she said she used to really like it and she talked about a salmon treat that she didn’t like but she seems to love that same year with me...so I don’t know I guess her taste changed?
