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Peace Of Mind?

Discussion in 'Crossing the Bridge' started by Catlover0507, Jan 12, 2018.

  1. Catlover0507

    Catlover0507 Thread Starter TCS Member Kitten

    Jan 12, 2018
    My cat Rosie, 7 yrs old, late last night began to meow very loudly so I scooped her up, and i placed her in the bathtub with a towel so she was comfy and secure while I prepared everything to take her into the emergency 24 hr animal hospital, I heard meows coming from in there and I shouted back as I was rushing around the house that I was coming..I was coming. I mean she was fine all day and I figured she was just hyped up and needed to calm down and relax and we'd get to the vet and by then she'd be fine.. but a few mins later once i had everything ready, and not even a min after the last howl she had let out, I burst in the room to retrieve her but she was limp and lifeless and unresponsive. Her tongue hung from her mouth and there was a puddle by her rear. I broke out sobbing. She was one of my babies! I scooped her up and im rubbing her chest and belly to maybe restart her heart or something idk and im panicking and i called to her and begged her but nothing..I knew she was gone and I have two very young children so I thought it unwise and foolish to wake them up and cart us all off to the vet just to have them confirm she was gone...but I couldn't bring myself to fully give up on her and let go yet so I just wrapped her in a nice blanket and put her in my room until I could bury her today. But when i awoke this morning I couldn't bring myself to do it. I couldn't. I kept checking on her petting her, loving her and being there with her just incase she somehow was still alive...but she became so cold and very stiff. Then light pink fluid began to leak from her nose and I thought at the time that that meant I needed to hurry bc she was gone and starting to wither away... and she deserved to be buried with dignity and respect and to be honored and appreciated how she was!! but now I'm like...was i wrong..did that fluid mean she wasn't really dead. Was is shock? Blood clot? Stroke? Paralysis? Did I bury my poor kitty alive? when I went to box her to bury I saw no breaths. She was Hard and cold. Her eyes were not responsive even when trying to close ..nothing at all...Its just so hard to believe she starts meowing and now she is gone? I've finally buried her a few hours ago. made her as comfortable as possible, wrapped her nicely and put her in a big roomy box. had a nice ceremony with my kids and they made some decortations to mark her grave...its just I can't help wondering what if she wasnt really dead. what if there was somethin else I could have done. What if it's my fault she's dead. I'm so heartbroken and it's even harder when you have to be strong for the little ones. Anyone have any info or anything similar happen? not that I won't still be a mess right now anyway. I miss her so much already. Ive literally cried for 24 hrs basically nonstop. She was my kid before my human kids. she was a kitty at the pound. i went with a friend to check out the animals but i swore id never get another pet after my childhood one passed..yet there she was.. sickly and unwanted by anyone. once I saw her I loved her and knew she was perfect and was meant to be mine we were made to be family. She will always be my number one pet and one of my kiddos. Thank you for your time.

  2. di and bob

    di and bob TCS Member Top Cat

    Dec 12, 2012
    Nebraska, USA
    If it was so sudden it was most likely an undetected heart problem that she was born with. It could have been an aneurysm, it could have been a hundred things. But all those whys, and could haves, should haves, will not change what happened and bring only heartbreak and pain. Try not to go there.
    I have gone through the exact same thing you have, thinking somehow they were not dead and that I had not done all I could. It is a natural step in the grieving process called denial. The fluid you saw happens after death, the rigidity and coldness means there was truly nothing to be done. I have stood by my little girls grave and sobbed my heart out, I couldn't stand the thought of her being so cold, she craved the warmth so much...... we all want what happened to change, but the past is final.
    You did everything right, you were trying to get her to help, but I truly believe it would not have helped. She died at home, surrounded by your love and all she held dear. The beautiful ceremony with those she loved so much was just right, I know the love that ties her tiny soul to each and every one of you will be a part of you now, the path she now follows will parallel your own until the end of your own life's journey. And she will be waiting, thanking you for her wonderful life and the love you shared with her.
    Remember, what you buried is just a physical vessel. The 'essence', the soul that was truly Rosie has left and is forever bound to you by the bond of love that you forged over the years. That is why of the deceased often don't appear to be the ones we loved, they are different somehow. What made them who they are, who we loved, is gone from that body. Although she is gone from this physical earth, Rosie will always be near. She will send what comfort she can to continue the love she has for you, she will use that piece of your heart she took with her to bring about comfort for herself as well. She has left you her legacy of love, you have your precious memories to remember and love her by. Try not to dwell on the end, but to celebrate sharing your life's journey with her for a while. She brought so much to your life, so much happiness and love, it would be a shame to mar her precious memory with sadness and tears, it is not what she would want for those she loved so much. Try to go into the future and one day pass on that legacy she left you, it would be an honor for her. Find the joy and sunshine that she loved so much once more, it is as she would want for her family, just as you would want for your own family if you were the first to go.
    I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers, I'll pray for you all to get through this time of grieving, and to offer a shoulder if you need it. I have found that to do something good in my own little girl's name helped to make me feel a little better about myself. A few times a year I pay for the adoption of the cat taht has been there the longest, to make it easier for them to find a forever home,and I know she is purring. Donate to your own local shelter, food and litter is always needed and appreciated. It helps to turn something horrific into something a little easier on the soul. Take care......RIP precious Rosie. Although your time on this earth was too short, the love you brought into the hearts of your family will be held securely there for eternity. You will never be forgotten. May the good Lord bless and keep you until you meet again!

  3. Catlover0507

    Catlover0507 Thread Starter TCS Member Kitten

    Jan 12, 2018
    Thank you so much for that. Just hearing the kind words you shared and knowing someone else has gone through this tragedy feeling the devastating pain while trying to be strong for your kids. They truely are a comfort during this time, even though they don't quite realize. Donating is definitely a great way to give back and help her memory live on. I really appreciate you taking the time to write and help put my mind at ease a bit. I am so sorry for your loss as well. It's amazing the tremendous impact these furry little creatures have on our life. Thank you very much. My heart will be broken for a while but atleast now I feel closure of some sort, I needed it. I wish for nothing but the best in life for you and your family. Take care.
    betsygee and Furballsmom purraised this.

  4. Furballsmom

    Furballsmom TCS Member Top Cat

    Jan 9, 2018
    Colorado USA
    Thank you for having given her such a wonderful love filled life.
    Catlover0507 purraised this.

  5. Mamanyt1953

    Mamanyt1953 Rules my home with an iron paw Staff Member Forum Helper

    Oct 16, 2015
    Havelock, North Carolina
    Rest you gentle, Rosie, dream you deep. Your pawprints are on someone's heart forever.

    No, you did nothing wrong, and everything humanly possible right. Something went amiss inside of Rosie, and her poor body could no longer support her great heart and gentle spirit. When this happens, we all, humans, cats, dogs...all of us, take off that mortal shell and continue on, just as loving as ever, but no longer physically present. She is with you still.
    Antonio65, Catlover0507, les26 and 1 other person purraised this.

  6. les26

    les26 Sylvester's daddy Super Cat

    Nov 19, 2015
    Emmaus, Pennsylvania
    I am so sorry that you had to experience that horrible situation, but like has been said you did no wrong, you only did right....the grief after witnessing things like that can make us so very fragile mentally, it is the stress and the grief and it can come out in many strange ways both mentally and physically. I remember holding Simon when the vet put him down and even though I felt his body go limp I had to ask "is he gone? Are you sure?", but he was...and when Sebastian died in my arms at home I rushed him to the vet who is just down the road, thinking maybe he was in shock not dead, but he was, but I just had to know for sure just like you did, but your sweet kitty was gone too.

    I hope that you feel better each day, it is so so hard and will take a long time to process and get over, but I hope your heart heals a bit more each day, God Bless.... :alright: :grouphug: :rbheart:

    "Their last breath on Earth is their first breath in Heaven" :rbheart:

  7. Kitty Mommy

    Kitty Mommy TCS Member Alpha Cat

    Oct 7, 2017
    I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your beloved Rosie. It is always so hard when we lose them and to have it happen so suddenly like that is a shock. I lost my Tiger about 3 months ago suddenly due to a heart problem. One minute he was fine and the next he was gone so I understand your pain and bewilderment. You gave her a loving home and she will always be in your heart. Give yourself as much time as you need to grieve for her and don't blame yourself. You did everything you could. Sending you hugs :grouphug2:
    Mamanyt1953, Catlover0507 and Furballsmom purraised this.

  8. nansiludie

    nansiludie TCS Member Top Cat

    Mar 14, 2014
    I'm so sorry about Rosie. I lost my first kitty nearly identically to the way you lost Rosie, it still bothers me to this day.
    I think when its a loss as sudden and unexpected like that, it's a different kind of grief. Its grief all the same but its more of a striking blow. You did all you could for Rosie and I think she'd much rather have passed at home with her blanket than in the hospital in a strange place with strange people. You didn't bury your kitty alive. She was gone last night. I do think its better you waited till morning to bury her, that way you kind of had a little wake, petting her, talking to her. I do believe there is something in the afterlife for our sweet kitties when they pass on.

    I don't ever know if peace of mind will ever come to you but I do know days will come when you can remember her fondly and without the striking pain of grief, there will be sadness but not as unbearable as it is now. Please take care of yourself and try not to think of her in her final moments but of her in better days, happier times.
    Mamanyt1953, PushPurrCatPaws, les26 and 2 others purraised this.

  9. Catlover0507

    Catlover0507 Thread Starter TCS Member Kitten

    Jan 12, 2018
    Thank you all so very much for your amazingly kind words. It really does mean a lot to me and is truly a comfort while attempting to process this tragedy and grieve. I do still find myself looking for her and tearing up when it hits me again she's gone.. It's still so hard to believe she's really gone, i keep replaying in my mind... what happened, how it all happened, what I did and didn't do... I can't seem to put my mind at ease, But I'm glad she is atleast at rest now. Again my condolences to everyone that has ever lost a animal loved one and has felt the immense pain of their passing and absence in your life after. My honest wishes for the best in life to you all. Thank you.

  10. di and bob

    di and bob TCS Member Top Cat

    Dec 12, 2012
    Nebraska, USA
    Hold on to those children and their simple professions of faith. They are perhaps better off then us adults who know the finality of what death brings and have all the complications that comes with it. They accept and go on with their lives. Their beloved friend is simply missing from their present life, they don't accept the permanence yet. It takes a lot of years to get back to that and know that you WILL meet again!
    Mamanyt1953 and les26 purraised this.

  11. VickyJ

    VickyJ TCS Member Kitten

    Jan 15, 2018
    Hi, I’m also really sorry for the loss of your beautiful Rosie. You’ve had some wonderful replies but felt I needed to respond too as this happened to my lovely boy Raisin almost 3 months ago. He was literally fine one moment, I went to bed and found that he had passed downstairs during the night. He had absolutely no symptoms and he was only 4, he was my special boy and the devastation of his loss, especially it being so sudden completely floored me. I couldn’t function for the first couple of weeks, I was just completely heartbroken. Like you, I kept replaying the last moments, when I found him, trying to resuscitate him, being hysterical, but knowing in my heart he had already gone.

    I just wanted to let you know that all you are feeling is completely normal whilst grieving. I know that doesn’t help you as it is so unbearably painful, but time does help a little. The horrible memories of when your kitty passed with start to fade a little and the grief will not be so raw. I’m still hurting, I always will, but I can live with it, it’s not so unbearable. I still cry every now and then, but not everyday. It sounds strange to some people, but I’m still unable to look at any pictures or videos I have of him, it’s still too painful but I know I will get there and hopefully it won’t hurt so much and I’ll feel strong enough to look through them.

    We buried him in our garden, I go out to him everyday, talk to him and I’ve put candles (led light) on his grave and I switch them on each night.

    The reason I’m telling you this is because it helped me so much reading other peoples stories and I took so much comfort from this. I hope this is of some help to you.

    Rosie will always be with you, in spirit and in your heart.

    Take care of yourself.

    Vicky x
    Timmer, Mamanyt1953 and Furballsmom purraised this.

  12. PushPurrCatPaws

    PushPurrCatPaws TCS Member Top Cat

    May 22, 2015
    I lost my first cat in very much the same way - my heart really goes out to you. :alright: :hearthrob:
    Reading your post brought back so many of the feelings and the deep grief I felt.

    I am never very good on this Crossing the Bridge forum; I can never find the best, comforting words. We will always carry heartache for our lost, beloved kitties. But RIP, dear Rosie, and again - my heart goes out to you in shared grief.
    Antonio65, Mamanyt1953 and Furballsmom purraised this.

  13. Furballsmom

    Furballsmom TCS Member Top Cat

    Jan 9, 2018
    Colorado USA
    yeah, me either, it's hard to type through tears. We love them to pieces, and they take a piece of our hearts when they go. RIP Rosie.
    PushPurrCatPaws and Mamanyt1953 purraised this.

  14. Antonio65

    Antonio65 TCS Member Top Cat

    Feb 27, 2017
    Orbassano - Italy
    These words made me cry, my Lola was so fond of warmth, she was always feeling cold...
    Our pets should never feel cold :(

  15. Antonio65

    Antonio65 TCS Member Top Cat

    Feb 27, 2017
    Orbassano - Italy
    I'm trying to avoid this forum lately. I am a bad moment, my pain for Lola is emerging again and I cry so hard when I read these stories, I really can't make it.
    I start reading the first post in each thread, then my heart breaks and can't reply... sorry! :bawling:
    di and bob and PushPurrCatPaws purraised this.

  16. Timmer

    Timmer TCS Member Alpha Cat

    Jan 10, 2018
    Cleveland, OH
    Antonio, as much as we need each other during this time, I do believe it is healthy to move on. If you are constantly around grief then it will seep back into your heart too.
    When I lost my cat Pickles back in 2008 I think I was on some form of online support and eventually, I stopped checking in, people had stopped responding to my original post about my loss, and I felt I couldn't help anyone else. I got another cat...actually 2 kitties, one of whom I still have today with me. This forum is fantastic though and there are great people on it. I sure appreciate you and everyone who has responded to me regarding my Timmer.
    Today is my first day back at work. It's going to be a week of "firsts." Really difficult.
    You take care of yourself.
    Antonio65 and betsygee purraised this.

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