Painfully crossed the bridge

nikon71

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My boy Rey crossed the bridge yesterday. He was 15 yrs old. I had him since he was 6 wks old. His health was declining and his quality of life was so compromised. I mauled and mauled over the choice to have him put down. It was time. He was barely able to walk anymore (tripod w/arthritis) and beginning to go into kidney failure. I decided to have him put down at home. Just to keep his stress down and make this as peaceful for him as I could. His regular vet did not offer it and I found one that did that was local.

The vet arrived with an assistant. They explained the process to me. A medication would be given to relax him we would wait a few minutes then the final injection. They gave the med to relax him. He was scared an ran off to the bedroom.I laid besides him to calm him down. He got up and started walking back towards the front room I thought maybe he was going to the litter box but he went to his food bowl that in hallway off the living room where the vet was. He ate some of his food and after that got him back with the vet. They wrapped him in a blanket and shaved his front leg. He was really thrashing around, hissing, making noises I never heard before under this sedation medication they gave him. They were unable to get the catheter in his front leg so they attempted the rear leg. Again unable to get the catheter in . They gave another injection of sedation and tried his other rear leg. His cries, hissing were so loud, he wound up biting me in my arm while trying to place this cath. One more attempt for his other leg and still they could not get it in. I said enough. There has to be an easier way to do this. I said could this be finished at the hospital. The vet said she was going to suggest that. They took him back to the hosp and unfortunately I was unable to go with him. Vet said she would call when he crosses.

That was the most horrific experience my cat has endured. I feel as if I let him down while these blanks and towels were held over him and the pain and stress he endured. This was suppose to be peaceful for him and was anything but. I cant shake these images of his last moments from my mind and the guilt I feel from him having to endure all that.

His passing I know would be hard and I am going through the grief of that but it is so overshadowed by everything that happened to him prior that and not being able to be with him when he was finally put down. My heart is broken is so many pieces.....
 
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Jemima Lucca

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Oh there’s no words to express how much you hurt over this...I’m truly sorry it had to be this way and how awful you feel. It’s so, so hard to make this decision; how much we hurt inside because we understand why but they don’t. I’m sorry...you have my sympathy and prayers. 💔
 

di and bob

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My heart goes out to you......
I hope you can take some comfort in the fact that this would most likely be repeated if he died 'naturally' at home. They fight so hard against death, it is very painful to witness. I have never had one die at home peacefully and not struggling. I'm so sorry you had this experience, my vet does not insert a catherter, he injects directly into a leg vein and within a millisecond they are gone. Almost before he withdraws it. So what you experienced is not usual at all. The assistant should have took hold of the loose skin on the back of the neck to quiet him.
While it is stressful enough to have to go through this, you experienced a nightmare. He did have the sedative in him, so most likely was not much aware he was being moved. He was surrounded by your love, and that went with him. He will always have that. You did what was right, you couldn't let him suffer. Since love is spiritual he will always be as close as your thoughts and prayers. Try not to dwell on his end, I know that is impossible right now, but it changes nothing and only brings heartache. It also elevates it's importance above his beautiful life, and that cannot be. His life was too precious, too beautiful to have that happen. Please come back when you have had time to process all this and leave a tribute to that precious boy. We will do all we can to help you through this. Take care......RIP beautiful Rey. You will never be forgotten, you will forver have a secure place in a loving heart. May the good Lord bless and keep you, until you meet again!
 

les26

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I am so sorry that you had a terrible experience like that, bad things stay in our minds longer than good things so it will take some time to "wash" that away, but also that your little friend was at the end of his life here on Earth. You did what you could with what you had, it is a shame that it did not go as expected, but know that he is fine now, just fine, he isn't dwelling on the tragic end he is relieved to be out of his pain riddle Earthly body and he is whole and healthy and happy again, and if he could reach you now he would say "I'm fine....I'm fine....thank you for taking care of me and giving me a wonderful life with you", and one day you will see him again so you can hug and kiss and squeeze him and it will be wonderful.....

"Their last breath on Earth is their first breath in Heaven" :rbheart:

He is fine now, it is you who is hurting understandably, please check back here often so we can listen and help.

I hope that your heart heals a bit more each day, God Bless......:alright: :grouphug2::rbheart:
 

Sidewinder

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Catching up to this thread and this scenario sounds ugly, like the vet or assistant didn't have the right sedation chemicals at hand... :eek2:
 

Mamanyt1953

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Rest you gentle, Rey, dream you deep. Your pawprints are on someone's heart forever.

Darlin, even with what happened, YOU acted in the best way you could, trying to give him a peaceful crossing. We never know quite how a cat will react to medication, and a very few seem to become more hyper with some sedations. Poor Rey was one of them. But neither you nor the vet could possibly have known that beforehand. It is done, now, though, and Rey has begun his Next Great Adventure. Be very sure that HE knows how hard you tried to make things easy for him, and he blesses you for the trying. In the end, we are not judged by the depths to which we may fall, but to the highest our souls have aspired. This will go on the plus side for you, and Rey will be right there, cheering you on.
 

CatLover49

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My boy Rey crossed the bridge yesterday. He was 15 yrs old. I had him since he was 6 wks old. His health was declining and his quality of life was so compromised. I mauled and mauled over the choice to have him put down. It was time. He was barely able to walk anymore (tripod w/arthritis) and beginning to go into kidney failure. I decided to have him put down at home. Just to keep his stress down and make this as peaceful for him as I could. His regular vet did not offer it and I found one that did that was local.

The vet arrived with an assistant. They explained the process to me. A medication would be given to relax him we would wait a few minutes then the final injection. They gave the med to relax him. He was scared an ran off to the bedroom.I laid besides him to calm him down. He got up and started walking back towards the front room I thought maybe he was going to the litter box but he went to his food bowl that in hallway off the living room where the vet was. He ate some of his food and after that got him back with the vet. They wrapped him in a blanket and shaved his front leg. He was really thrashing around, hissing, making noises I never heard before under this sedation medication they gave him. They were unable to get the catheter in his front leg so they attempted the rear leg. Again unable to get the catheter in . They gave another injection of sedation and tried his other rear leg. His cries, hissing were so loud, he wound up biting me in my arm while trying to place this cath. One more attempt for his other leg and still they could not get it in. I said enough. There has to be an easier way to do this. I said could this be finished at the hospital. The vet said she was going to suggest that. They took him back to the hosp and unfortunately I was unable to go with him. Vet said she would call when he crosses.

That was the most horrific experience my cat has endured. I feel as if I let him down while these blanks and towels were held over him and the pain and stress he endured. This was suppose to be peaceful for him and was anything but. I cant shake these images of his last moments from my mind and the guilt I feel from him having to endure all that.

His passing I know would be hard and I am going through the grief of that but it is so overshadowed by everything that happened to him prior that and not being able to be with him when he was finally put down. My heart is broken is so many pieces.....
Im so very sorry for your loss ....my heart breaks for you n ure kitty..Rey..May God ease ure pain...Precious Rey isnt in no more pain...Hes in heaven...
 
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nikon71

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Thanks everyone for the responses.

My head is spinning and my heart is very heavy. I am trying to adjust to life without Rey and its incredible hard. He has been apart of my life for 15 yrs. It's hard being in certain areas of the house were I am used to seeing him in his favorite spots. Past few morning I been waking up in almost a panic to feed him. He used to tap me on me nose sometimes to let me know hey mom my dish is empty.

I am trying to take things one second to the next. It's all I can do. Those last few moments of his life I am trying so hard to block. I wanted his passing to be as peaceful as possible. Thats still really hard.

I started a notebook and every time I am missing him I write in it. I am going to need more notebooks.

again thanks everyone =)
 

les26

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Thanks everyone for the responses.

My head is spinning and my heart is very heavy. I am trying to adjust to life without Rey and its incredible hard. He has been apart of my life for 15 yrs. It's hard being in certain areas of the house were I am used to seeing him in his favorite spots. Past few morning I been waking up in almost a panic to feed him. He used to tap me on me nose sometimes to let me know hey mom my dish is empty.

I am trying to take things one second to the next. It's all I can do. Those last few moments of his life I am trying so hard to block. I wanted his passing to be as peaceful as possible. Thats still really hard.

I started a notebook and every time I am missing him I write in it. I am going to need more notebooks.

again thanks everyone =)
:rbheart: :grouphug2::alright:
 

Mia6

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I am so very, very sorry about Rey. everytime you want to block those last few moments, envision a huge, red stop sign. That is what
i do when I don't want or can't bear to think about something awful. Right now you are gutted and in shock. I'm praying and sending healing vibes your way, My Vincie girl crossed over on 26 August, don't fret, he'll be looked after quite well with Lola in charge and so many of our babies who are there.

Mia :rbheart: :hugs:
 

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You made a loving and compassionate choice to stop Rey's suffering and gently ease his passing. Good on you....be proud. You did not let him down.

But you did not and could not have control over all the other circumstances, people and events.

It sounds to me that the travelling vet could have handled the situation better, anticipated and been better prepared.

Rey is no longer in pain. He is no longer suffering. You stopped that for him.

Now let him stop your suffering.....by remembering the good times you shared together.

It will get better.
 
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Maria Bayote

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I started a notebook and every time I am missing him I write in it. I am going to need more notebooks.
Yes, writing helps, even a bit. Every time you feel that your heart will burst with grief just write it down.
Soon you will be surprised to know that somehow the pain has subsided.

I always believed that grief does not really go away, it just gets mellow in time. I always say this in this forum. Because I know it is true.

I hope one day you will remember Rey with more of a smile, than of tears. Hang in there. Take it one day at a time.

We are with you in your moment of grief.
 

Leomc123

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Nikon71 i am deeply sorry that Rey passed on the way he did and that the euthanasia didn't go as peacefully as planned. But Rey is at peace now in gods arms being loved and cared for by gods angels , and Rey is not in any pain or suffering any more. Your intentions for Rey to pass peacefully was a loving act and i am sorry your last experience and memories of Rey is him struggling. And its not your fault, you must remember this, you loved Rey and this was never what you intended his passing over to be like.

You are also experiencing shock and trauma from watching Rey be sick and doing all you can to cure him, and then to make that final hardest decision to end his life for him because you didn't want him to suffer anymore. And then you are suffering shock and devastation at how the ending happened and i feel for you and Rey so deeply that this happened.

You didn't let him down, you did your best to keep him healthy and alive for so many years, you loved him unconditionally for a very long time, he had a wonderful home with you and was loved by you every single day until his last day, and still this love for Rey will be with you always, it will never die. I think the vet didnt handle it well at all.

And i know the feeling of not being with them when they are put down, i made that mistake with my Leo ,on that day, i told my dad to take him. When they drove off i was in panic and crying for 30 minutes and then jumped in my car to drive to the vet to be with him, but i drove to the shop instead cause i thought i would be too late. I should have gone straight there, but i could'nt think straight and was having a panic attack and it was overwhelming that i decided to end his life. It is the worst feeling to make this decision, the hardest to make, because you want them to be alive and not die, but you know they will keep suffering if they are still alive :(

You are in shock and are experiencing devastation, sadness, hopelessness because you loved Rey so much, and Rey knows this as he is watching over you in heaven.
 

solomonar

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This is the story about a tiny cat, a willow and a Dragon.

One upon a time, there was no cat on Earth. It was tigers, panthers and all other big scary felines. But no cat at all. Needless to say that was a very boring world, I am right? So the Wise Man rested beneath of an Willow and was nothing to smile to. Because nobody can smile to a tiger, am I right? The Wise Man stared to the sky and to the clouds to find inspiration for a way to make world at least a bit more supportable. So He took a hand of dust and molded a little tiger, not bigger than His palm. The little tiger was, hum.., a tiger but so small than nobody could be terrified by this one. Nobody is afraid of a tiger who is the size of a spoon, am I right?

And the Wise Man smiled to the little tiger and made many of them and the whole Forest was full of Mews! The Wise man loved this primordial cat so much that He gave him so many days of life than nobody can endure, not even a small cat, am I right? Long time after the creation of the cat, the Wise Man sat again beneath the willow. That Day the tiny cat, now old and weak, went to the Willow to meet the Wise Man. And He saw the cat suffering from ageing. They both sat in silence, but the whole word was there in this silence. The Wise Man didnt know what to do for the cat, because the immortals cant understand the path of Life. And He stared to the sky and to the clouds and the willow suddenly bustled with heavy wings and fangs, for the Big Dragon was there.

The Dragon attacked the old cat and he fought back aggressively, for she is a little tiger, remember? At the end, the Dragon took the Cat with him, to the Home Cloud. The Wise Man told to Himself: "That was the mission of the Dragon: to take back the Cat. And that was the last fight -to remember of my tiny Cat, the little tiger. That is the foundation of the Love Realm, that nobody can nor move neither change !".

That was the story that the Old Willow tells to anybody who can read the Silence. For there is a Reason for the Dragon to take back the Souls and for the Souls to fright a last fight. This Reason is not for us to understand, am I right?

+++

Tears here for Rey the Cat and hugs and compassion for his beloved companion- Nikon71!
 
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