I am so very sorry for your loss. I absolutely know how you feel. You did what you thought was best. You will have your moments of guilt in wondering if you did the right thing or not. I feel so much guilt for my Meela that I will never get over. I will never, ever feel like I did the right thing because of the fear and the vets I took her to. My story was different from yours, as each person's grief is also different. No matter what, it hurts...it hurts a lot. I send hugs your way in hopes of comfort to you and a prayer for Morty.
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Overwhelmed With Guilt
- Thread starter unigeezer
- Start Date
- Thread Starter Thread Starter
- #22
Poetry seems to be the only way I can express my pain. So with your kind indulgence:
“Furry Friend”
Farewell to you, my furry friend
Soul mates were we to the very end
My broken heart may never mend
The pain’s too deep to comprehend
You’re still here, I must pretend
Most heartfelt words I’ve ever penned
A letter that I cannot send
Need someone with an ear to lend
In years to come I must contend
With a lonely life I can’t transcend
I know that now, until the end
To kitty heaven you will ascend
-T. Peterson
“Furry Friend”
Farewell to you, my furry friend
Soul mates were we to the very end
My broken heart may never mend
The pain’s too deep to comprehend
You’re still here, I must pretend
Most heartfelt words I’ve ever penned
A letter that I cannot send
Need someone with an ear to lend
In years to come I must contend
With a lonely life I can’t transcend
I know that now, until the end
To kitty heaven you will ascend
-T. Peterson
I am so sorry you lost your sweet boy. The poetry was beautiful. RIP Morty, you will always be loved and missed by your family.
One of the smartest, hardest things we did after losing Kitten was to adopt a little cat in need. One does not replace the other. A new one does not ease the ache in your heart. In the end the only way we could honor those years given was offer the same to another.
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- May 14, 2014
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Let me provide some perspective.
It sounds as though Morty was old and unwell. I euthanized a 14 year old cat some years ago who was dying from heart disease. After 16 months of treatment, medication no longer helped, and he was therefor dying. Nothing was going to save him, and it would have been very cruel to allow him to suffer while his life ebbed away. I was very, very sad when he died, but ultimately he was going to die regardless of my decision. I would not have been any happier had he lived an extra day of suffering, and I always remember that, once the decision is made to have a pet, the acknowledgement is also made that the pet will likely predecease its caretaker. I miss my friend, but I know that what I did was right.
On the other hand, what brought me to this site was the death of my best friend Back. His death was accidental and, ultimately, my fault, as I inadvertently set in motion a chain of events that killed him. His death was not inevitable, it was not out of love, it was a tragic accident. I was his friend and caretaker and I failed him; I deal with guilt and regret every single day.
This is very different from euthanizing an ailing cat -- when you do that you are not failing your friend, you are making the inevitable less painful out of love and concern, you are not failing your friend.
It sounds as though Morty was old and unwell. I euthanized a 14 year old cat some years ago who was dying from heart disease. After 16 months of treatment, medication no longer helped, and he was therefor dying. Nothing was going to save him, and it would have been very cruel to allow him to suffer while his life ebbed away. I was very, very sad when he died, but ultimately he was going to die regardless of my decision. I would not have been any happier had he lived an extra day of suffering, and I always remember that, once the decision is made to have a pet, the acknowledgement is also made that the pet will likely predecease its caretaker. I miss my friend, but I know that what I did was right.
On the other hand, what brought me to this site was the death of my best friend Back. His death was accidental and, ultimately, my fault, as I inadvertently set in motion a chain of events that killed him. His death was not inevitable, it was not out of love, it was a tragic accident. I was his friend and caretaker and I failed him; I deal with guilt and regret every single day.
This is very different from euthanizing an ailing cat -- when you do that you are not failing your friend, you are making the inevitable less painful out of love and concern, you are not failing your friend.
Test in peace beautiful Morty. You did the right thing. You gave him the grace to die in his sleep. You took the pain away. My boy cat died 5 days ago. I am heartbroken too but he died gasping for air. I could not take him to vet. My cat had cancer and the Dr. Said they were trying different things so we had hope. You should not feel guilty. He is at peace, which is all that parents should do for their child. God bless you. Take it a step at a time, a day at a time. That's all we can do.
I am so sorry you lost Morty. I was hoping this would turn out better. Let yourself grieve. It's not easy losing a friend for life. Peace.
- Thread Starter Thread Starter
- #28
“Lucky man”
Where have you gone, old friend of mine?
I look but you’re not there
Alone I sit here, lost in time
At the empty room I stare
My darkened world once shined so bright
With laughter, smiles and love
In you I found my guiding light
Like the Northern Star above
You left too soon; it wasn't fair
That we had to say goodbye
Our special bond was oh so rare
What a lucky man was I
- T. Peterson
“Lucky man”
Where have you gone, old friend of mine?
I look but you’re not there
Alone I sit here, lost in time
At the empty room I stare
My darkened world once shined so bright
With laughter, smiles and love
In you I found my guiding light
Like the Northern Star above
You left too soon; it wasn't fair
That we had to say goodbye
Our special bond was oh so rare
What a lucky man was I
- T. Peterson
“Lucky man”
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unigeezer
~ I have had a few cats that I loved die in my lap . Watching them pass away like that is awful. You did the right thing for your friend Morty . When the time comes euthanasia is always the better choice .
I do hope you adopt a new friend or two .
Best wishes to you .
~ I have had a few cats that I loved die in my lap . Watching them pass away like that is awful. You did the right thing for your friend Morty . When the time comes euthanasia is always the better choice .
I do hope you adopt a new friend or two .
Best wishes to you .
Morty understands that you loved him enough to let him go. He did not go to heaven mad at you -- quite the opposite. He was happy to have cast off his sick body. Many selfish people keep an animal alive much longer than they should. Their inability or refusal to admit it's time to let go results in suffering for the animal, misery and no quality of life whatsoever. It is a form of cruelty. You did the right thing for Morty, and he thanks you. He does not feel guilty, and neither should you. When it is time, Morty will bring a cat in need of a loving home, and it will please him immensely to do so.
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That is beautiful. I'm sorry for your loss.
I am so sorry for what you are going through. I think the truth is that you will have to come to terms on your own with the decision you made about Morty. Losing a pet is so devastating and so painful...when you add the fact that you had to make that decision, it absolutely makes it heartbreaking and you will often wonder if it was the right thing to do. i think even when people know it was the right thing to end suffering, it's the fact that it was them who made that final decision.
I had to do it nearly a year ago..(OMG, I can't believe it's coming up on a year) and my situation was different. I will always struggle with what I did, knowing that there could have been a different outcome had I not done it or had gone to a different vet. The truth is it could have all ended the same way.
You will need to acknowledge on your own why did it and it was because of your love for this animal. You will find ways to cope with this loss. It is painful no matter how you look at it and the grief and missing that part of your life is so hard to move on from. I didn't think I was going to live through that pain and guilt, but I did.
I started a letter to my baby and kept writing every day until it was less and less. I still look at her picture and whisper, "I'm sorry" and "I miss you so much". Neither you nor I can change what has happened, but we find our own ways to move on. I know my Meela would be wondering why I was just crying all the time. She wouldn't understand, but I know she could feel my love for her.
Not that everything works the same for anyone else, but the biggest thing that actually helped me was when a sister to Meela was born later. A sister who what white like her, had the same parents and was a girl. This one was not deaf like her, but had similar quirks like chasing the water when it was slowly coming out of the sink faucet. Or getting in my lap, like she claimed it only hers. She even lays where Meela used to lay on my bed. She does not have the odd green and blue eyes like Meela, but she has green eyes with blue on the inside of her eyes. She is not Meela, and I know this. But the love I had for Meela, i was able to pass on to another.
It sucks, there is no way around it, but you will get through this...I promise you will and Morty will be watching from above trying to guide you.
I had to do it nearly a year ago..(OMG, I can't believe it's coming up on a year) and my situation was different. I will always struggle with what I did, knowing that there could have been a different outcome had I not done it or had gone to a different vet. The truth is it could have all ended the same way.
You will need to acknowledge on your own why did it and it was because of your love for this animal. You will find ways to cope with this loss. It is painful no matter how you look at it and the grief and missing that part of your life is so hard to move on from. I didn't think I was going to live through that pain and guilt, but I did.
I started a letter to my baby and kept writing every day until it was less and less. I still look at her picture and whisper, "I'm sorry" and "I miss you so much". Neither you nor I can change what has happened, but we find our own ways to move on. I know my Meela would be wondering why I was just crying all the time. She wouldn't understand, but I know she could feel my love for her.
Not that everything works the same for anyone else, but the biggest thing that actually helped me was when a sister to Meela was born later. A sister who what white like her, had the same parents and was a girl. This one was not deaf like her, but had similar quirks like chasing the water when it was slowly coming out of the sink faucet. Or getting in my lap, like she claimed it only hers. She even lays where Meela used to lay on my bed. She does not have the odd green and blue eyes like Meela, but she has green eyes with blue on the inside of her eyes. She is not Meela, and I know this. But the love I had for Meela, i was able to pass on to another.
It sucks, there is no way around it, but you will get through this...I promise you will and Morty will be watching from above trying to guide you.
