Overweight cat with LOW self esteem who becomes a bully if you're nice to her?

Aszira

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I've got this funky feline, Becca, who I've decided to take on as my next project. Becca has two sisters who are very outgoing. Her two sisters are doing just fine. Becca on the other hand, has had issues since the day I got her. She's now... 7? 8? And is the same way. She's VERY overweight. She can't jump a baby gate without climbing it. She also has what I can only describe as low self esteem. She gets chased by my other felines all the time. She doesn't clean herself, preferring to sleep in a bedroom with my brother all day. She's prone to overeating. As a result she has horrible chin zits.

I've been trying to get her to warm up to me. Whenever I see her I say hello. This has resulted in her running from me if I get too close, and freezing if she sees me. If she comes into a room and sees me, she's gone. HOWEVER, if I track her down while she's asleep and pet her/give her treats she warms right up. And thus the problems start. As soon as you're nice to her she becomes a bully. She'll chase my other cats around the house and fight all day. No amount of toys or treats can distract her. If you tell at her she gets depressed again and hides. No matter what I do she won't take care of herself.

Any ideas on what to do with her? I'd like to see her not be so terrified of people and roam the house without getting chased. But I also can't have her being a bully to my other felines. Even playing with her to lose weight triggers her. I've never had a cat burn hot and cold like she does.

As soon as I get my elderly cat stabilized from her jaundice and gallbladder/liver problems she's next in line to go to the vet. Ideally I'd like to work with her before then, though.
 

jen

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She doesn't groom bc she is overweight and cannot easily do it. She is overweight bc she has been overfed. I would start with a diet and something to entice her to move around. Like lasers or wand toys. Chin zits are usually from plastic or unclean food bowls, nothing to do with overeating. Get her on a better diet of canned food, this way you can give her controlled meals. Gradually decrease as she loses weight, nothing drastic at once, go slowly.

I would also get her to a vet for bloodwork and urinalysis. She is lethargic, not low self esteem. She needs a vet to make sure everything is going ok inside. Also to make sure she isn't pre-diabetic or anything.

She'll chase my other cats around the house and fight all day. No amount of toys or treats can distract her. If you tell at her she gets depressed again and hides. No matter what I do she won't take care of herself.
This sounds like her getting comfortable and coming out of her shell. Then you scold her and she retreats bc you scared her and stopped her from doing what is natural. Cats play by chasing each other, they are vocal with hissing and growling, and they need to establish who has dominance. This cannot be done if she is being yelled at, they need to work it out. Unless she is causing bloodshed or your other cats are so utterly terrified of her that they aren't eating/drinking, not using their litterbox,or hiding constantly. Vocalizing is communication. They are allowed to do this. What exactly is happening when she chases the others around?
 

Jem

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When she's "feeling better" and she chases and fights with the other cats, do they run and hide from her and in turn, become timid and hide for long periods? Or do they fight back and "come back for more"?
Sometimes, even though cat play fights can look viscous, sometimes you just have to let them be so they can "figure out" their own hierarchy in the household. Obviously, if there is blood and big chunks of fur being pulled out and if they become fearful then it has gone too far and the need to intervene may be necessary.
One way you can increase confidence in your cat and hopefully security so they don't become bullies is to encourage a normal cat behavior cycle.
1) interactive play (hunt)
2) then let her catch her toy (catch her prey)
3) feed her a small meal (eat her prey)
4) she will then hopefully groom herself then sleep.
When she's placated, at that time you could pet her (just a few times) give her a treat then leave her alone.
Do this cycle for all her meals and rest times, ignoring her for the rest of the time and she will hopefully learn that you are a "bringer of good things" (play, food, limited touch, and treats) and will learn to trust you at other times in the day and not be as fearful of you.
This will hopefully also create a sense of security for her as well so she doesn't feel the need to "be a bully" AKA - act out fear and territorial aggression, towards the other cats.
One thing to keep in mind that a bully cat is still not a confident cat, it is a cat the feels the need to claim territory from feeling insecure. So it seems to me she is not going from being fearful and timid to a confident bully, she is going between being fearful and timid to fearful and insecure fighting for territory....does that make sense???
Another thing you can do is to be sure all the cats have high perches to sleep/hang out on. Most cats like to be high up, it allows them to feel more secure in their environment.

Also, a cat who is overweight can't groom, well...because they can't reach. As she begins to loose weight she will probably be able to groom herself again.
A wet food diet can help with weight loss as they tend to not have any many carbs and fillers in them, which would also come in handy if you start the "cat routine".
Chin acne is almost always due to plastic dishes or ones that are not getting cleaned enough. So I would recommend getting ceramic or stainless dishes and being sure to wash them with soap and water daily.
If she over eats, then you will not be able to free feed (if that's what you've been doing). So hopefully, transitioning all the cats to scheduled feedings won't be an issue...I know its hard to have different foods and feeding schedules for cats...I went thru it, but hopefully they all take to scheduled feedings alright.
Does she (and all the other cats) like wet food?
Are there any issues with the litter boxes?....from any of the cats?

Sorry about your other kitty with the liver problems....how is that going?
 

Mamanyt1953

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Since you have gotten some excellent advice, and what I would have said, I will only add that, should you be able to handle her, the feline acne can be cleaned with Stridex pads. It works very well on it.
 
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Aszira

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Sorry late reply. Been down with a cold! I wash their dish weekly and changed to a stainless steel to avoid acne. She's the only one who gets it. :( wouldn't it spread to all the cats?

I can't do wet feeding or a strict schedule, sadly. This is totally on me. I have severe depression currently and wouldn't get it done. Currently I'm looking for healthier options that doesn't cost a fortune for a big bag.

We try to give her a workout when she's up to it. Mostly she swats at her toys for a minute and then loses interest. It happens with all her toys. She plays with cat mice if you leave them on the floor. I think the other cats make her insecure. I run into that problem with all of them.

No litter box issues. I've had to watch their poop for the kitty with liver problems. We've now found she has jaundice! She's doing well on meds though.


When she tussles with the other cats I'll let her go. I should have realized that, duh! I have chickens who do the SAME thing.

I'll get my brother to help her play more. She spends most of the day sleeping in his room. Maybe if I get healthier food that'll help. She's still super timid of me. She seems more scared of me than anyone else. It's gotten much worse since I've begun paying attention to her.
 

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Jaundice isn't a good sign at all! Did they vet say what caused it? Did she stop eating for a little while? Even 24 hours without eating can make a severely overweight cat go into hepatic lipidosis.
 

sivyaleah

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Sorry late reply. Been down with a cold! I wash their dish weekly and changed to a stainless steel to avoid acne. She's the only one who gets it. :( wouldn't it spread to all the cats?

I can't do wet feeding or a strict schedule, sadly. This is totally on me. I have severe depression currently and wouldn't get it done. Currently I'm looking for healthier options that doesn't cost a fortune for a big bag.

We try to give her a workout when she's up to it. Mostly she swats at her toys for a minute and then loses interest. It happens with all her toys. She plays with cat mice if you leave them on the floor. I think the other cats make her insecure. I run into that problem with all of them.

No litter box issues. I've had to watch their poop for the kitty with liver problems. We've now found she has jaundice! She's doing well on meds though.


When she tussles with the other cats I'll let her go. I should have realized that, duh! I have chickens who do the SAME thing.

I'll get my brother to help her play more. She spends most of the day sleeping in his room. Maybe if I get healthier food that'll help. She's still super timid of me. She seems more scared of me than anyone else. It's gotten much worse since I've begun paying attention to her.
The acne isn't contagious - think of it more like an allergy to the plastic. Plastic can develop scratches and pitting and if not cleaned properly will hold onto bacteria. Some cats are more sensitive than others to that type of dirt. Being you are only cleaning the dish once a week, which is entirely too little (I'm sure you would not like to eat out of a plate that has not been cleaned in a week) it's no wonder at least one of them have acne. Stainless steel won't have these problems, it is more hygienic. But please, clean the bowls daily. It's really necessary.
 

Willowy

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I've found that most cats seem to prefer glass bowls over stainless steel, and glass bowls are usually pretty inexpensive in the human bowl section. But of course if it has to be unbreakable, stainless steel is prime.
 

jen

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Jaundice isn't a good sign at all! Did they vet say what caused it? Did she stop eating for a little while? Even 24 hours without eating can make a severely overweight cat go into hepatic lipidosis.
The jaundiced cat and the overweight one are 2 different cats, if I am reading correctly.
 

jen

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To the OP, there are cheap canned foods, Friskies classic pates are like 65 cents at the grocery store. You can put her in a separate room at feeding time so she only has access to hers, and the others only have access to theirs.
 

jen

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I've been trying to get her to warm up to me. Whenever I see her I say hello. This has resulted in her running from me if I get too close, and freezing if she sees me.
This sounds like maybe your stress over her is making her stress out. They react to us, as their owners, so if you are tense or nervous or stressed out, it isn't going to help her any.
 
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Aszira

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I hadn't thought that maybe I was stressing out kitty. I say hello to all my pets whenever I see them. Heck, I say hello to my neighbor's animals whenever I see them. I made friends with my next door neighbor's cat that way. I've been making more of an effort to SEE Becca when she's around to say hello. Maybe after six years of being ignored it scares her too much. I'll back off.

The Strydex pads helped a ton by the way!! Her chin looks a thousand times better, I think. The zits are gone for now, but her chin is brown. (She's a white/gray cat). The pads come away filthy.


Is it possible to find a healthy dry food? I bought a brand new bowl for them I'm going to wash more often. I'm struggling with severe depression and can hardly take care of the jaundice cat. I don't know that I could add in a special feeding time as well. I'd try, sure, but I know a few days later I wouldn't be able to. Dry food for some reason is fine, though. Less work? I also moved the dish up onto a shelf where they have to jump up three times to get to it to prevent boredom snacking. They can still get to it when hungry, but they're eating MUCH less now. It also gives them a bit of a workout.


I know I probably won't be able to do much with Becca while I'm so depressed. But I'd like to do what I can to improve her quality of life. It's not fair that she thinks she has to stay in a bedroom all the time and skitters around. You can't even hand feed her chicken, she's too nervous. If she didn't belong to my austistic brother I might consider rehoming her.

At least she's not like her two short haired sisters who think cleaning involves ripping out chunks of fur! (We've no idea why. One of them has a back twitch. The other doesn't. They've done it since they were kittens)
 

Mamanyt1953

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There are dry foods that are better than others. Read ingredients...the higher the REAL protein is on the list, the more of it there is. The lower the grains are on the list, the less there is. That's what you want.

Hmmmmmm...those fur-rippers...that sounds like a nerve issue, and MIGHT be helped with chamomile tea, which is gently calming without being sedating. Buy the commercial bags at the grocery store, just PLAIN chamomile, no blends. Brew a cup, chill it, and give each of the 1-3 teaspoonfuls, three times a day, via syringe. I always buy the tea bags ready-made to make sure that I'm using GERMAN chamomile, which is medicinally active and safe for cats, rather than the ENGLISH variety that's popular in gardens, and is TOXIC to cats.
 
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