overreaction?

rad65

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Here's a little background before I get into my possible overreaction. I have two cats, 1 1/2 years and 3 months. I also have a roommate, though he does absolutely nothing for the cats, or even the apartment in general (we've lived here for four months and he has never taken out the trash or done dishes, and he only infrequently throws things away). The cats are mine alone, as I clean, pay for, feed, and care for them. Well, my roommate has a tendancy to claim ownership over things that aren't his, or more precisely, the power of attorney. For instance, in college I would be the one to buy a case of beer and would usually be gracious enough to let him have some, but then he would start offering those beers to anyone he saw throughout the night, without even asking me if it was ok. That is just one example, but he's been donig things like that since I've known him (6 years).

Now that you understand what I go through (he's not a bad guy, it's just that sometimes he does things and i think "there is no way he could do that without knowing 100% that I hate it"), I can explain the situation.

So, my cats sleep on my bed every night. That is one of the specific points that made me want to get cats. Obviously cats, and especially kittens, like lots of body heat. Here is where the dilemma comes into play. My roommate knows I am training my kitten so he will sleep on my bed every night and that I leave my door ajar so the cats can come in and out, yet last night he left left his own door ajar EXPLICITLY SO MY KITTEN WOULD COME IN AND SLEEP ON HIS BED WITH HIM AND HIS GIRLFRIEND! Not only is he willfully undermining my desires for my own kitten, but he is cheating because him + his girlfriend = more body heat than myself alone.

Am I overreacting about this, or am I justified? My feelings are that my roommate doesn't help out with the cats at all, and even constantly calls them stupid (not in a really serious way, more like when they knock over a water cup or do some cat-like thing that is odd to humans, but it still really irks me when he does it), yet now he is also trying to undermine all the work I do forming a good relationship with and teaching good habits to my kitten. He is constantly finding my kitten in our apartment, usually when he's asleep, then picking him up (waking him up in the process) and bringing him to the couch just so he can have a kitten laying on his lap. He also plays with my kitten using his hands as the only toy, so he is actively teaching him to bite people. I feel like leaving his door open for my kitten was the last straw, and I am going to have to have a serious conversation with him about my cats and his behavior. The only problem is, he refuses to listen to anyone telling him something negative. I could tell him this stuff, then he would literally sit there and pretend like I didn't say anything at all, or he didn't hear me at all. It sucks, he's a good friend and roommate 90% of the time, but the 10% of the time he's a bad roommate, he's an AWFUL roommate.
 

clixpix

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To be honest, the only thing you have a point about is that he's letting the kitten play with his hands. You're lucky that your roommate basically likes the cats. He does in a way have to put up with some things...fur, litterboxes, having stuff knocked over, so if he wants a kitten on his lap, why not? I've picked up sleeping kittens to put them on my lap. It's good for your kitten to be socialized with interactions with others.

Also, regardless of the reason for it, I believe he has the right to have his bedroom door open at night.


It sounds like you have other frustrations with him, but those issues are separate, and should be dealt with separately.

Just my
 
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rad65

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Originally Posted by stephanietx

Why are you still roommates with this guy? Get rid of him!
He's a good friend, even if he is an inconsiderate person. I have gotten mad at his foibles in the past, but now I mostly get even without raising my ire. Since he doesn't clean at all, I don't tell him that gas + electricity (what I pay for) is at least $50 less per month (even less in winter) than cable + internet (what he pays for). So I consider us even for everything except for the cat stuff.
 
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rad65

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Originally Posted by clixpix

To be honest, the only thing you have a point about is that he's letting the kitten play with his hands. You're lucky that your roommate basically likes the cats. He does in a way have to put up with some things...fur, litterboxes, having stuff knocked over, so if he wants a kitten on his lap, why not? I've picked up sleeping kittens to put them on my lap. It's good for your kitten to be socialized with interactions with others.

Also, regardless of the reason for it, I believe he has the right to have his bedroom door open at night.


It sounds like you have other frustrations with him, but those issues are separate, and should be dealt with separately.

Just my
This morning he got out of his room and told me, to my face, "Yeah, I left my door open all night so Tails would come in and sleep with me."

And the kitten doesn't go to sleep in his lap. He jostles it while walking, and 95% of the time, the kitten jumps right off his lap and goes to the exact spot my roommate picked him up from.

Also, there is little fur since I sweep the hardwood floors every other day and fur roller all of the couches. And the litterboxes are in my bedroom and the unused hallway closet, on the opposite side of the apartment from his bedroom.
 

clixpix

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Originally Posted by rad65

This morning he got out of his room and told me, to my face, "Yeah, I left my door open all night so Tails would come in and sleep with me."

And the kitten doesn't go to sleep in his lap. He jostles it while walking, and 95% of the time, the kitten jumps right off his lap and goes to the exact spot my roommate picked him up from.

Also, there is little fur since I sweep the hardwood floors every other day and fur roller all of the couches. And the litterboxes are in my bedroom and the unused hallway closet, on the opposite side of the apartment from his bedroom.
I gave you my opinion since you asked for it.
He's not hurting the kitten in any way, and seems to actually like it.
 

Willowy

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I'd just be glad the kitty was getting attention. . .who cares if he sleeps with you or goes somewhere else? I just don't see it as a problem, I guess
.
 
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rad65

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Originally Posted by clixpix

I gave you my opinion since you asked for it.
He's not hurting the kitten in any way, and seems to actually like it.
I know, and I appreciate your opinion. I was just responding to some points that you brought up.

I think my main aversion is that I got the cats mostly because I've been really lonely for a few months. All of my college friends except my roommate moved away after college (last one moved away fall of '09), but I stayed in grad school in Chicago since I'm mastering in finance, and Chcago has the second largest financial market in the country. I guess I'm mostly "mad" (frustrated would be a better word) because I have told my roommate that multiple times, and I've said awesome it is to finally have companionship (I'm home all day since all masters of science classes are at night, and I can't get a finance job until I graduate since I was a physics undergrad). He knows how excited I was the first time either cat slept on my bed, and how extatic I got when they both slept there the same night. I guess I figure he should be more considerate, since I know I would be in his situation. That's really the root of most of our problems, I always think (more like worry) about how what I'm doing effects others, while he never does.
 
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rad65

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Originally Posted by butzie

Yeah, especially since he isn't your boyfriend.
It all comes down to $$$ and cents. I have no real job, my parents pay my rent and other bills while I'm getting an education (minus cat costs, i do freelance photo editing on the side and a couple pictures fixed per month pays for the cats), and I am in grad school racking up $60k of debt in just over 1 year. I can't afford to live alone, and literally every other person I was friends with in college has moved at least 300 miles away.
 

stephanietx

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Why don't you get a job to support yourself or a part-time job to afford you the ability to live on your own, save up some money and then go back to grad school, or go part time? I worked 2 part-time jobs while in grad school and lived by myself.
 
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rad65

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Originally Posted by stephanietx

Why don't you get a job to support yourself or a part-time job to afford you the ability to live on your own, save up some money and then go back to grad school, or go part time? I worked 2 part-time jobs while in grad school and lived by myself.
I know I'm going to sound like I'm making excuses here, but I'm honestly only trying to explain my background. I never had a job in high school becasue I ran track and cross country, which was 365 days a year, and practice just happened to coincide with the schedule for any part-time job I would want. Also, I lived in a vry rural area, nearest possible employment over 5 miles away, and my parentsrefused to drive me, or let me borrow a car. I literally could not have had a job before 17, and that was senior year track when I needed to qualify for states to get a scholarship. Why did I choose to run instead of have a job? a) i was a kid still, and b) i ended up making my college cross country and track teams too, which garned me a scholarship. I then ran fo four years in college, which took up all of my time yet again. Even more so now, since almost all of my non-class and study time was spent in the atheltic center or out on a street somewhere, running.

I tried to find a job using my physics undergraduate degree for months, but you need to have a PhD to find anything in that field. So I went to grad school for finance, since I have the maths background for that.

So in reality I have zero job experience, which is the one thing part-time jobs look for when hiring. full-time jobs care about degrees, part-time cares about experience. Now that I'm out of college and not running, I do feel like I would have been better off with jobs instead of sports, but how many people get to have the experience of being a four-year collegiate athlete?
 

c1atsite

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I thought science-based companies appreciate people with degrees too, even part timers -- a chemicals company for example. They don't like dummies and who can blame them?
 
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rad65

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Originally Posted by c1atsite

I thought science-based companies appreciate people with degrees too, even part timers -- a chemicals company for example. They don't like dummies and who can blame them?
Most science-based companies offer unpaid internships to college students. It is rare to find a paying internship in the sciences.
 

tavia'smom

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Why not put just that in a job application that would explain the lack of experience and impress them that you are trying to better yourself and that proves you can handle pressure. And as for the overreacting I have to say yes it would be different if he was hurting the cats but he isn't and honestly that is kind of a petty thing imo to pick an argment over.
 

dusty's mom

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Fast food places don't care about degrees or experience, nor do most retail jobs. I don't have a finance degree, but I keep books for a couple small businesses using QuickBooks, and I work independently and charge by the hour, so I can choose my own hours. If you really WANT to work, you could find a way.
 
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