Overly anxious cat requires 24/7 hands-on attention - When is enough enough?

[dkb817]

MOD NOTE: This first post has replaced the previous one at the request of the member.

We’d LOVE to avoid euthanasia or rehoming (I mean, I’m even willing to get allergy tested due to an increasing allergy to cats rather than rehoming, which speaks volumes as someone notoriously hesitant about anything to do with needles )

Simon has, since we adopted him, shown minor signs of issues with anxiety - meowing when I‘m out of the room (or even just out of sight but still in the room), he’d occasionally work himself up to the point of throwing up if his food was late but this was so abundantly rare that we didn’t worry much about it. The vocalization did increase over the past year, but again, it was easily remedied by things like putting a blanket over his large crate (again, I’m aware cats aren’t meant to be in crates constantly but he seemed to feel more comfortable and I wasn’t going to fight him on it) or leaving the TV on when I wasn’t in the room so he’d have some noise or Christmas lights on for lighting that was enough to see but not as bright as a room full of lights. He did frequently meow a lot, I once measure him going for nearly an hour straight, but I thought that if I ignored the meowing, he’d learn that it didn’t get the reaction he’d wanted and he’d stop (this was advised by my vet who assured me back then that, medically, there was nothing wrong with Simon that would result in excessive meowing).

A couple of weeks ago, I had to spend a week upstairs (rather than in the downstairs room that Simon and I occupy 99% of the time) due to my Mom having surgery and needing frequent assistance. During that week, I was still going downstairs several times a day to feed and spend time with Simon - but his anxiety increased ten-fold to the point that he was now throwing up daily. At first, we thought maybe it was fur balls as his anxiety had never been so bad prior to this and some of the throw up DID have fur in them (and he had been experiencing some significant shedding for the prior few weeks due to weather changes). After about a week, I was able to move back downstairs and go back to being with Simon for the vast majority of the day, but his anxiety did not decrease; If anything, it worsened. He began to chew anything he could get his mouth on - paper, plastic, cardboard. He started trying to scratch at various items of furniture that he had NEVER expressed interest in before, and at one point, scratched the wall so hard that I now have a roughly 6” long gouge into the drywall near his crate (It’s not terribly deep, but yeah, a giant scrape into the drywall isn’t something I ever expected from a cat that had been fairly mild his entire time with us). He STILL works himself up to the point of throwing up if I am out of the room for longer than 20 minutes. I’m afraid to go take a shower or go upstairs to spend time with family because I don’t know what I’m going to be walking back into when I come back downstairs - and one can only clean up vomit so many times before enough becomes enough. Simon seems to be okay if he is getting constant, 24/7 hands-on attention, but that’s obviously not a long-term feasible option; I have to be able to comfortably leave the room and do things without him having such a strong reaction. I have had a slight allergy to Simon since the day we brought him home, but the allergic reaction (a slight hives-like rash on my face) was easily avoidable as long as I kept him from touching my face.....something that is next to impossible with him deciding he needs to be on me or next to me 24/7. I’ve tried most of the behavior modification tools that I’ve read online and none of it is working; When he gets in ultra-anxious mode, the only thing that soothes that is being on/petted by me for an undetermined amount of time - no toys or treats are enough to distract him. He gets hyped up and bolts around the room to the point that, between this and the tendencies to destroy/chew on non-food items, we’re afraid he’s going to wind up hurt if we can’t get this under control.

The vet no longer knows what to do and referred me to an animal behaviorist that offers Skype/FaceTime sessions at the cost of $150 per hour (Her normal sessions are apparently 2 hours, but I simply can’t afford $300 right now after spending $200 in the last two weeks alone on things to try and ease Simon’s anxiety/separation issues. I’m hoping she’s willing to work with that). I’m fairly certain that, if required, she’d be the one to recommend medication which is honestly at the point that we’re at as this cannot continue.

Has anyone been in this position with a cat and separation anxiety before? Have any of y’all had experience with an animal behaviorist before? What’s worked for y’all?

 

[ArtNJ]

Medication.

It is 100% known that sometimes human brains get so out of whack that behavioral therapy alone is woefully insufficient. Why should it be any different for cats? This sounds like a cat that needs medication. He might need some behavioral therapy as well, but I don't think there is anything you can try without pharmacuetical assistance given the severity you are describing.

Has he had a vet check recently? If not, that would be the first step even if you didn't need to talk to the vet about medication. Have to rule out medical causes for his behaviors.

There might be some things around the edges you could try. Like putting one of your old shirts in the crate with him so he has something that smells like you. Maybe others will have similar suggestions. We have one poster that suggest relaxing music, for example. But I doubt that stuff will do the trick on its own.

 

[di and bob]

I think he IS an anxious mess and like any other cat, this will take a while to resolve itself. You said it's only been about a week that you have moved back downstairs. It seems to have escalated during the time your mother had her surgery. Starting him on some kind of calming meds would help I think. Get hold of the vet that knows your story. Keep in mind some of them take a while to work.
I know you don't want to hear it, but cats are NOT meant to be crated. They are not dogs, they are much more independent then that. Is there a reason the door can't be left open and he can go in there to feel safe or to sleep? Losing you when your mom had her surgery put him over the top. I think you need to rehome him if at all possible. You said it could be dangerous, that the new people wouldn't understand? What could possible be more dangerous than euthanization?
Let him out and see how it goes. You are deflecting a lot of your fears onto him. Your panic disorder is making him panic. Start him on meds such as gabapentin and xanax are used. you can also get 'natural' ones on line from pet sites and Amazon.

 

[dkb817]

A ArtNJ - I’m definitely willing to try meds, the vet just automatically kicked it over to the behavior specialist when I mentioned meds, so we will see what she says.

di and bob - I KNOW cats aren’t meant to be crated. As I said several times, it was always where he felt the safest and seemed the happiest, so we let him do that. As far as letting him roam, like I said, he is chewing on literally everything, including electrical cables that cannot be moved. It is now too dangerous for him to be out, in case he chews through a live wire and either burns himself, electrocutes himself, or creates a fire hazard. Yes, euthanasia is dangerous, obviously. I did not go from zero to “kill him!”, and I’ve certainly considered other options and find it vaguely insulting that you would imply I was killing him all willy nilly due to my own anxieties, but should I not get to live in peace? Should I keep a cat in a situation where we are both clearly miserable, each of us having panic attacks almost constantly because we are both stressed out? I could rehome him, true enough, but taking a cat who is already on red alert ALL THE TIME from the only environment he’s known (other than a crowded cat shelter) and dropping him into an entirely new one, away from the familiarity of those who knows and loves, would likely make the situation even worse on any potential new owners. there are no rescues in the area and taking him to the shelter would likely be denied because of (a) the pandemic and ( b) he has separation anxiety which makes him a less desirable adoption, probably ending in him getting euthanized regardless.

 

[di and bob]

I agree with you. They also have cat chew toys and treats you might try at Walmart and pet centers. They also have cable protectors to cover electrical cords that cannot be made inaccessible behind furniture etc. He may be developing food allergy issues too, you could try some foods for allergies for a while and see if it helps. Is there any small room he can be confined to, like a utility room, extra bathroom, or extra bedroom so he does not feel so trapped in a small space? If he is working himself up to the point of vomiting, something is going on. Cats can pick up on their human's anxiety so I feel he IS picking up on yours. Are you taking care of your own anxiety? Maybe a change in meds is indicated or somehow leaving the house to get some peace several times a day. Everyone is on edge these days with all the restrictions. Being outside is much healthier then being indoors, as long as you stay away from others. Reducing your own anxiety would go a long ways to reducing his.

 

[Talien]

You and him are both feeding off the anxiety of the other and if you don't get that under control it's going to turn into a death spiral that neither of you may get out of. I'm one of the last people who would suggest medication as a long term solution to health issues, but yeah, some mental disorders can only be regulated with medication because they are themselves the result of a chemical imbalance. Talk to your vet about getting him tested for that sort of thing and see what medications would be viable for treating him.

 

[flybear]

I can sympathize about the constant worry ... I tend to foster and care for medically fragile animals and the constant worry if an animal are for isn't feeling good can get to a point where it makes me anxious as well ... Do you know the history of this cat? There ARE cats that need the company of other cats, there are cats that love a tranquil home with old ladies and some that crave a household full of noises and action, some might have an allergy against ...a certain smell or maybe there is a stray in the neighborhood he can hear ... It is also very possible that your cat has a medical issue that messes with his mental health ... something as easy as worms, a UTI, bacterial infections... can cause a cat discomfort and as animal rarely show symptoms ... just make them edgy ... However ... you are clearly at a point where you need a break! ( and I am not judging here ... you and your cat deserve a happy and stress free life!) I would reach out to all rescues you can get ahold of and ask them for help- even just a temporary stay in a foster home. Shelters are not all bad nor do they put down cats immediately ... some cats with these conditions do get adopted and do well - one of my cats was deemed un-adopatble due to anxiety and bowel issues and ... he bonded with my two kittens way back and we found a food he did well with and he was the easiest cat for us ( while being a HUGE issue for the foster home he was in previously ) ...I have a yorkie who was also un-adoptable ... the vet gave her less than 2 years to live and she has severe separation anxiety ... she is 5 now and lives in a pack of 4 dogs ... she is the alpha and clearly loves life ... :-) ... I would like to send you some positive vibes ... and encouragement ... There is hope ... sometimes a cat isn't a good match in a home and after trying to move heaven and earth to make it work ... that should be OK ... however ... I would not think about euthanasia yet... even if you decided to surrender this cat ... give him a chance to find another home ...

 

[flybear]

oh and about crating ... my cats sleep in a catio - built out of wire cube shelving ... it is rather large 6x6x6 ft maybe and has a cat tree, litter box and lots of sleeping/hiding spots ... just an idea for keeping a cat safe and bigger than a crate ... Our cats like their Catio and spend lots of time there even when the door is open over the day ... in a multi cat household it seems to be their safe spot where they relax ...

 

[ArtNJ]

Well, I'm glad there is a behaviorist in the mix, although I really feel like the problem described is too big to be touched without meds. Some vets just don't feel comfortable with behavioral issues and meds, and some do. It seems like its an area of vetinary school that some schools just don't teach. My concern though, is that your behaviorist might be anti-meds due to a bias of perspective. Have you had that conversation with them? If they are, then you are sort of caught in the middle you know? You might need a different vet that is willing to prescribe when appropriate.

I understand that your own anxieties could be an issue, but I thought your post was quite clear and thorough and TBH I think the others may be barking up the wrong tree. The behaviorist, assuming they come in your home and don't do a remote consult only, will be able to better assess that, but this just doesn't sound like your problem to me, even in part.

 

[moxiewild]

I’m a feline behavioral consultant.

I know it’s annoying, but can you list all of the things you have tried?

Include the duration in which you tried each thing, if any difference either way was noted, and whether you tried more than one thing at once or tried each one-by-one.

That’s great that your vet didn’t find anything wrong! But I have to ask, did you seek out a second opinion?

Also, it sounds like you haven’t gone the medication route yet, but just to clarify - were any prescription anti-anxiety medications tried (and which ones and for how long?)?

Sometimes medication is the only thing that works for certain cats. But like with human ant-anxiety meds, it can also take time and trialing different drugs and doses until you see improvement.

Consulting a behaviorist can never hurt (other than your wallet!).

Personally, I’d try to find a veterinary behaviorist in your area (which would also cross the “second opinion” off the list!). They usually charge specialist fees, so it’s still pricey, but can also be less expensive than a behavioral consultant (especially if other labs were recently done by your primary vet). Because they’re also a vet, they’ll have more advanced, comprehensive insight into what may be going on.

Either way, try to film your cats behaviors as much as possible and send them to your behaviorist prior to your appointment (even better if someone else can film the two of you interacting as things happen), Videos can be extremely helpful.

Lastly, can you expand on the crate situation? What exactly is your routine with that, how often, locked or unlocked, etc?

 

[fionasmom]

I had wondered about meds as well, in no way suggesting that you should not consult a behaviorist.

 

[dkb817]

As far as meds, we haven’t tried any yet. When I approached the vet about it is when he recommended the behaviorist as he was out of his realm of expertise (and I appreciate the honesty, rather than him blindly prescribing something he isn’t comfortable with or knowledgeable on).

in terms of things tried, I tried to redirect his behavior - when he would act up for lack of better term, I’d do some aggressive interactive play to try and tire him out (this did nit work, as when he wanted that hands on attention, that’s the only thing that would calm him. He didn’t pay the toys/play any attention). I tried some feliway plugs but had to discontinue after just a day as it was causing an almost asthmatic-like reaction to me and since his room is also the room where I sleep, that was a no go. I’ve tried adding another feeding on the off chance that this was all due to hunger, which he appreciated but it didn’t curb the behavior at all. I’ve tried one of those toys you can put treats in and he has to bat around to get the treats, but he just gave up and walked away, despite never getting the treats out.

Within the last few weeks, since showing the increased anxiety, we have been leaving him out of the crate as much as possible, but when he starts the destructive behavior or does something that puts him in harms way (a few nights ago, he tried to climb the curtains and we were concerned that he’d fall or rip the bracket clean out of the wall), he gets put back inside with the door shut. His water fountain and litter box, as well as a few toys and a blanket, are inside, so he never has to go without either; Once he calms down, we try letting him out again and seeing how it goes. He does get put into the crate whenever someone can’t keep watch, like when I am showering or sleeping. (I should clarify that by crate, I mean a large dog crate meant for a 100+ lb and up sized dog, so he has plenty of space to stretch out)


Im more than willing to try meds, and I‘d be curious to have the preliminary blood work I’m sure would have to be ran beforehand just to ensure that there’s nothing on the medical side that is causing this shift in behavior (I’m HYPOthyroid myself, so I can definitely see how being HYPERthyroid could cause such a shift in a cat)

 

[dkb817]

I had wondered about meds as well, in no way suggesting that you should not consult a behaviorist.

im still planning on at least doing the initial consultation, sent in the intake form earlier, but have been told that it can take up to three days to get a response from the clinician.

 

[fionasmom]

As I read this, I am more with A ArtNJ that meds have to be considered. Climbing the floor to ceiling drapes and falling, or pulling everything down on him could be disastrous. Now I am a little surprised that the vet so easily kicked this to a behaviorist when this sounds critical. Most vets would have some knowledge of some first line med for this, even if adjustments had to be made later on.