Our Beautiful Sweet Daughter Is Leaving Us........and Its Completely Destroying Us

[Jason607]

Jason, I am truly so sorry for what you are now going through and for what you will go through. I cried and still crying after reading your story. I will post back to you probably tomorrow. It struck a painful memory for me and I can't type too much right now. God bless you, your wife and your daughter.

Jason. Again, my deepest sympathies for you and your wife and for what you are going through and about to go through. I think that being here prior to, will be good for you. You have all of us to help you. You will grieve in your own way, of course. Don't let anyone tell you it was "just a cat" or that you need to "get over it". You deal with what you need to deal with, but try not to let it consume you. It can very easily. You know the end is near, so please spend every second you can with your precious girl. She needs you just as much as you need her.

Come here and post when you need to be consoled. We all understand. We wish we didn't in some ways, but we do. We know this heartache all too well. I'm praying for all of you.

Thank you for your sympathy and prayers. It pains me to know that you cried from our story because it shows me just how much you loved you baby that passed. Trust me, no one will ever tell me that my daughter was “just a cat.” Her memory will never be allowed to be dishonored in that way. Being here has helped me beyond my own expectations. So thank you everyone for all your support. I will return the favor to all of you b helping others here when I feel well enough to find my path out of this dark and wild storm that I’m currently lost in.

I breaks my heart to read that your sweet girl is so ill. Please know that my thoughts are with you and your wife.

Thank you Zed for thinking and caring about us during the most tragic event of our lives.

 

[Jason607]

We lost Simon, a black and white tuxedo to stomach cancer May 2015, he was like a dog, such a great personality, funny, everyone's pal, but he got very sick very fast and it was horrible at the end, but we had no choice to put him down and I held him as the vet did so, and it just about killed me, I wanted to have the vet inject me too to take me with him, I had anxiety attacks after that, I couldn't stand to be in the dark at night, I couldn't stand to be enclosed in the shower, that is how I reacted to losing him but it slowly passed, it was the grief taking a very strange path but I finally felt better.

Please hang in there the best that you can, visit this board often as these people are WONDERFUL, I first joined when Sebastian was sick and about a week later posted on here that he had died and they helped me through the pain and grief, and I now try to do the same for others as I know how much it hurts.

What a beautiful post. I read every word and it really really helps us during this tough time. Simon sounds like he could be a twin to our Mew Mew. They have the EXACT same personality. I always refer to Mew Mew as my “doggie kittie!” I always liked cats because they arent as clingy as dogs but go figure Mew Mew turned out to be a dog in a cats body. Now as she passes I would give anything to have another “doggie kittie” that clings to me because I have come to love her personality so much. I'm very sorry that Simon had to go through the same experience that Mew Mew is going thorugh.

I also wish the vet could inject us when he injects Mew Mew. It sounds like you had a lot more distress then even I'm having after Simon passed. So hearing that someone so loving to their cat's can recover from the loss gives me hope that we will too. Your story about Sebastian just about killed me. What a horrible way for such a loving cat to go.....but it also shows just how much our babies love us. He literally stayed alive just to lay eyes on you one last time. I bet people who say cats arent loving and just “use humans for their needs” would have a change of heart after reading a story like Sebastians.

Anyway your absolutely correct, this board has been a godsend. I never expected to find this much comfort when I posted here. I expected a few “sorry for your losses” or a short story from some people. But you all have wrote things so wonderful that I would only expect these responses from a friend who I have known for decades. I'm the type of guy that doesn’t really feel better by “talking about his feelings.” But the level of understanding and compassion I found here is even helping someone like myself. As soon as I get over my grief of losing my daughter I plan to return the favor 10X to anyone who comes across this board searching for comfort.

 

[Jason607]

UPDATE: With great difficulty and after a lot of thinking we decided it was best for Mew Mew if we let her go to heaven sooner rather then later. We want her around us for as long as possible but her well being comes before what we want. Our decision was two fold. It was based on figuring out how much pain she was in and how good her quality of life was at this point.

Before she threw up on Wednesday she hadn’t meowed in 4 days nor did she make a trilling noise that she loves to make. She is usually a vocal cat when it comes to expressing her needs or trilling to say hi. So she was obviously in pain. However, it was probably mild to moderate pain that caused discomfort but not agony. This was confirmed by the fact that a few times that we needed to pick her up she never made any cries that a cat would make when they are hurting badly. Also she was trying to eat occasionally and eating about 10-15% of her usual amount. If her stomach cancer was causing her too much pain she wouldn’t eat at all. Plus her pain medication was helping to control the pain.

However, we saw one sign of extreme pain that helped us towards our decision. On Wednesday she was given her pain medication around 7am. By 8am she was feeling well enough to where she ate about 30-35% of her regular morning breakfast. We were ecstatic. However, around 10am she starting making “howling” meows. It was a painful distressed howl that she has never made before. It was obvious that she was in extreme agony. We were panicked because we didn’t know what we could do. All we wanted was for her pain to stop. Luckily the pain was apparently caused by her stomach reacting to the food she ate. Because as soon as she threw up she got quiet.

But I though to myself what if she gets to this level of pain at night or during the weekend when a home vet may only be able to visit us in 12-48 hours?? It ripped my heart to hear her pain for even 3 minutes. So I couldn’t bear for her to be in pain for even 1 hour much less 12-48 hours. Since her condition got so bad so suddenly; we didn’t want to take the chance that it may happen again and she ends up suffering for hours before she can be put to sleep. I even thought about risking it and rushing her to a vet if she was in pain. However, she hates the vet so much that if I did that she would not only be in extreme agony for 45 minutes-1 hour but she would also die terrified. I could never do that to my child.

I may have even been willing to risk that if her quality of life was good enough. If she was eating a bit more, playing even 2-3 minutes a day, being herself and being somewhat active that would be a good sign that she still enjoys life. Unfortunately, most of the time she sits in one place with a vacant stare that looks into nothingness. Normally she loves us so much that she watches us from where she is relaxing. It also seems like she doesn’t close her eyes and get sleep anymore. There are occasional moments throughout the day where she snaps back to her old self for a few minutes. But mostly shes just sits in one spot and seems dead already. So where quality of life is bad.

Because of all of the above we are sure that its best just to let her go while she is in relative comfort. We have a home vet visit planned for tomorrow. Mew Mew will be with the angels and happily playing with my wife’s other beloved pets by 12pm tomorrow.......waiting for us until one day we are all happily reunited in heaven.

 

[inkysmom]

Thank you for your kind reply in the midst of your stress. I do believe that they go to heaven or the rainbow bridge or somewhere ideal and peaceful to wait for us someday. Decades ago when my first horse died suddenly of a unexpected severe illness, he came back to visit me in a dream that same night that he died. I had been completely devastated by his sudden unexpected death and couldn't eat or sleep several days of his illness or after he suddenly died so he might have been worried about me somehow not eating or sleeping for several days.
But when I finally did doze off I had the most amazing dream that I was riding him through the most brilliantly bright green fields I'd ever seen, too bright green to be possible and was thinking of all the amazing grass he could forever eat after our ride. We were galloping and effortlessly jumping many huge cross country jumps, which was his favorite thing to do in real life. He felt so happy and pain free and no fear at all and absolutely joyous I just knew he was showing me his new home so I wouldn't be sad. That was absolutely the best dream I ever had I wish all my pets had come back to show me dreams like that.
That horse has come back for many dreams over the years and even picked out my next horse. Who I've had for over 20 years now. So he's got great judgment.

 

[inkysmom]

I'm so sorry to read that your beautiful Mew Mew is so much worse. But you know her best, and the one sweet cat that I did get to euthanize at home with a hospice vet I can honestly say had the most quiet and peaceful passing with me holding her and her favorite cat brother cuddling against her
In retrospect I wish I'd been able to do that for my other pets but many of them were too sick to leave the hospital and I didn't want to chance making them suffer needlessly in the car or at home.
Praying for you all!!!

 

[les26]

As hard as it will be, you are making the right decision, and you should be commended for not letting her suffer if it has gotten to that point now. I remember when Simon was sick, the vet pretty much knew that he didn't have long to live but offered us to bring him home to see if he by some miracle did respond and get better, but he didn't, so we had to make the call to have him put down which was horrible but needed to be done, he wasn't getting any better and in fact one morning he threw up a lot of green liquid in the kitchen, thankfully Deb was not home to see it but I did, and I knew then that he was gravely ill so we did what we had to do quickly. And I remember questioning the vet, asking "he still looks so good, are you SURE that he won't get better?", but he just said "on the outside he looks good, but on the inside he is very sick" and they were right, and he was way too good of a cat to have suffer so I held him as he put him down. I still remember like yesterday feeling his body go limp and me kissing his head and crying and asking "is he gone, are you sure that he is gone?" because for some reason I guess I still clinged on to hope that he wouldn't die, but he is fine now and happy, same with Sebastian, who like you said stayed alive to see me so I could hold him one more time, he knew that I would be coming home and he held on with all that he had left just to see me again. But they are fine, we planted plants in their memories and have cat statues by them, and they are doing well, the one in memory of Simon was HUGE this year with yellow flowers, never has it been like that, and the one for Sebastian is coming back stronger than before too, and I said to Deb "it shows the boys are happy, and they are happy that we got Sylvester", so they still live on in our hearts and memories and through him.....

Last night I held Sylvester and kissed his head and said "you say a prayer for that kitty and those people now, okay?" and Deb and I did too. We will pray that God strengthens you to do one more very important act of love for your Mew Mew, and we KNOW that she understands that and why you are doing it, and she LOVES YOU FOR DOING IT, she would say "THANK YOU" if she could, and you must grieve and give yourself time to do so, it will hurt like crazy but you will endure it.

And I have a feeling Simon and Sebastian will be there in line to greet her at the Rainbow Bridge, and tell each other stories about us....

God Bless.......

 

[blueyedgirl5946]

I have no words, only that she knows and feels how much you love her. Hold her, love her, talk to her. Enjoy every minute. We have buried seven. It still hurts. In time, memories are sweet and you go on. But you never forget them.
Sending you hugs. I pray God will strengthen you and give you the peace that only He can give.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

You and your wife AND MewMew will be deep in my heart tomorrow.

 

[misty8723]

Jason, I feel your pain and I'm totally in tears right now. That is exactly how we felt about our beautiful Cynthia, she was so sweet and so special, she was my husband's "girlfriend," followed him everywhere. And the day the vet told us she felt a mass in her stomach was like a hammer blow to the heart. We did spend time and money (probably over $20,000) getting surgery (twice), chemo, acupuncture, we tube fed her when she was losing weight just to get her to maintain. We had her for 22 months after initial diagnosis and count ourselves blessed. But there is not a day that goes by that we don't think of her and miss her. It is devastating. She passed in our bed on the blanket she loved to sleep on.

The night after Cindy left us, she sent us a sign. We both heard it at different times. It was the sound we would hear when she was eating her dry food off the mat. I would always say when I heard it, Cindy Lou is here! There is no doubt that she was telling us she was safe.

I would like to say it gets better with time, and I guess it does, but it still hurts a lot. I know that your little Mew Mew knows how much the two of you love her, and I know there is a place in heaven for animals and that she will be there waiting for you.

 

[di and bob]

My heart goes out to you and your wife. It sounds to me she is having Night Terrors, much more intense and horrifying than nightmares. To not be able to go to bed at night and actually sleep peacefully is exhausting just to think about it. At least you have each other for comfort, it helps to cling to someone in a time of grieving. Time is the only thing that helps to get your life back into perspective and learn to cope with your loss.

 

[Jason607]

I do believe that they go to heaven or the rainbow bridge or somewhere ideal and peaceful to wait for us someday. Decades ago when my first horse died suddenly of a unexpected severe illness, he came back to visit me in a dream that same night that he died. But when I finally did doze off I had the most amazing dream that I was riding him through the most brilliantly bright green fields I'd ever seen, too bright green to be possible and was thinking of all the amazing grass he could forever eat after our ride.

What a wonderful dream! And he has visited you multiple times. That's really amazing. Tell your horse to guide Mew Mew to the best fields of cat grass he knows of. Since he's been there a while and can travel great distances he probably knows exactly where my little girl can get her favorite treat! Btw how did he help you pick out your next horse?

I have no words, only that she knows and feels how much you love her. Hold her, love her, talk to her. Enjoy every minute. We have buried seven. It still hurts. In time, memories are sweet and you go on. But you never forget them.

Sending you hugs. I pray God will strengthen you and give you the peace that only He can give.

I cant believe you had to go through this seven times, thats horrible..... I'm very sorry for your losses and thanks for the words of comfort.

As hard as it will be, you are making the right decision, and you should be commended for not letting her suffer if it has gotten to that point now.

Last night I held Sylvester and kissed his head and said "you say a prayer for that kitty and those people now, okay?" and Deb and I did too. We will pray that God strengthens you to do one more very important act of love for your Mew Mew, and we KNOW that she understands that and why you are doing it, and she LOVES YOU FOR DOING IT, she would say "THANK YOU" if she could, and you must grieve and give yourself time to do so, it will hurt like crazy but you will endure it.

And I have a feeling Simon and Sebastian will be there in line to greet her at the Rainbow Bridge, and tell each other stories about us....

God Bless.......

Yes was very very tough to make the decision for it to be done today. But we have always done everything for her benefit and that’s not about to change now. I really appreciate your payers and well wishes. I pray that Sylvester and all your future babies that you haven’t met yet all have wonderful, happy and fulfilling lives. And I know they will because they have you and Deb as parents.

I also believe your Simon and Sebastian will help Mew Mew out in a few hours. By meeting you and Deb through this forum, I believe we have a connection that will let our kitties have a bond in the afterlife. They will keep each other company until we both can be reunited with our babies one day.

 

[Jason607]

Jason, I feel your pain and I'm totally in tears right now. That is exactly how we felt about our beautiful Cynthia, she was so sweet and so special, she was my husband's "girlfriend," followed him everywhere. And the day the vet told us she felt a mass in her stomach was like a hammer blow to the heart. We did spend time and money (probably over $20,000) getting surgery (twice), chemo, acupuncture, we tube fed her when she was losing weight just to get her to maintain. We had her for 22 months after initial diagnosis and count ourselves blessed. But there is not a day that goes by that we don't think of her and miss her. It is devastating. She passed in our bed on the blanket she loved to sleep on.

The night after Cindy left us, she sent us a sign. We both heard it at different times. It was the sound we would hear when she was eating her dry food off the mat. I would always say when I heard it, Cindy Lou is here! There is no doubt that she was telling us she was safe.

I would like to say it gets better with time, and I guess it does, but it still hurts a lot. I know that your little Mew Mew knows how much the two of you love her, and I know there is a place in heaven for animals and that she will be there waiting for you.

I'm really sorry that you went through what I'm experiencing now. It seems like an extended version of our ordeal. But I'm glad you, your husband and Cynthia got another 22 months with each other. I'm sure all that time was priceless. We unfortunately had only 5 days with Mew Mew but my wife and I literally spent almost every moment of that 5 days with her. My wife has been off work since Monday night. I only worked Wednesday and Thursday. I went to my doctor and based on the physical symptoms I had; she told me to take 3 days off work. So we have had pretty much every minute of these 5 days to show her how much we love and care for her. It is now less then 4 hours before our daughter leaves this world and leaves an empty hollowness in our hearts. Luckily, I know she will be in a better place. It cannot just be a coincidence that we have all had these signs of our pets after they have passed away.

 

[inkysmom]

Jason607 I believe all my beloved deceased pets are at the rainbow bridge right now and will happily welcome your beautiful daughter Mew Mew when she arrives. I'm truly sorry that it has to be so soon. I admire you and your wife's courage in planning it out so far in advance, I've never had the strength to do that but have always held on literally minute by minute and then euthanized when I finally realized I really had to. I'm just terrible at letting go because I always think what if they want to stay a little longer? But then I wait too long and regret it because I feel like I cause extra suffering. I need to learn from that.
I have no control over when my amazing first horse visits me, I wish I did. But the next time he does I'll ask him to point out some awesome kitty grass for Mew Mew and some catnip for everyone!!! His name was Echoes Windsong, or Windy and he was one of the animals I had a true soul mate connection with from day one. From the very first day I rode and handled him. I felt comfortable and clicked. We were meant to be. I was in college brushing up on basic skills and learning to jump and trying to advance to get into the competitive riding team. The school horses were mainly green and untrained and frankly dangerous. Every time I rode Windy I felt safe and relaxed like I was with an old friend that would protect me no matter what. I fell off him numerous times and he pulled tricks and took off with me but never hurt me. Other horses sent me to the ER.
We showed together after I bought him, and after I started riding him and giving him treats he threw off or refused to work for other riders. Always willing and happy for me though.
I was so devastated when he got so sick and died right after surgery. When he was very sick, other people had to use many whips just to get him to get up and walk as he was giving up. Once I was there no whips je hot right up and walked with me.
I already mentioned the beautiful dream he showed me when he died. A couple of months later I was looking for a new horse and had tried many. None were a good fit and I was starting to give up.
I has booked one more look at a thoroughbred racing farm. I was getting discouraged that I'd never find a horse that I clicked with and felt comfortable with again. Strangely the weekend I was to go to this last place I was all alone with no friends or social plans at all and the place was a few hours drive away from me in a town and state I'd never been to before.
The night before my scheduled visit I had a weird dream that I was riding my old horse bareback up this long path in a mountainous area I'd never seen before that for some reason I knew had volcanic ash in it. It was a calm uneventful dream and I just felt like he was taking me somewhere that he wanted me to be. This many years later I don't remember any more about it except the next day when I drove out there to see the horse, the landscape and markings were exactly like in my dream. DistInc and I'd never been there before. I kept feeling like I'd been before yet never had. And the horse I went to try wound up not being right but when the woman heard that my first horse had died and how sad I was without him she brought out her husband's horse who wasn't really for sale. This horse I clicked with right away, she was sweet, willing and agreeable and pleasantly did anything I asked. It was only after I'd ridden her twice and watched her jump and had a pro ride her and wanted to buy her that they told me that she was very particular and they had never seen her so pleasant and happy the first time a stranger rode her but usually she acted out and trI'd to throw strangers quite violently. The woman didn't want to sell her but her husband was too tall to safely ride her and felt she looked happy with me and wanted her to have a good home. At 7 years old she still had many scars from her own mother attacking her until they had to be separated early and she then stayed aloof and never really bonded to anyone, person or horse.

It took more than a year for us to fully bond but I felt like my old horse picked her to protect me and I've had many dreams over the years with both of them in it. We did bond finally and she's literally pushed me back into the saddle once to keep me from falling off and kept me safe through many riding adventures. I've had her 20 and a half years now, she's 28 and I love her more than words can express. The day my mother died, when I left the hospital I went straight to the stable and just hugged her as she was the only one I wanted to see. She's been a huge blessing in my life.

 

[maggiedemi]

Are you doing okay, Jason? Give your wife a hug for us. Thinking of you guys...

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Rest you gentle, MewMew, dream you deep. You were, and are, loved beyond measure.

 

[misty8723]

I'm really sorry that you went through what I'm experiencing now. It seems like an extended version of our ordeal. But I'm glad you, your husband and Cynthia got another 22 months with each other. I'm sure all that time was priceless. We unfortunately had only 5 days with Mew Mew but my wife and I literally spent almost every moment of that 5 days with her. My wife has been off work since Monday night. I only worked Wednesday and Thursday. I went to my doctor and based on the physical symptoms I had; she told me to take 3 days off work. So we have had pretty much every minute of these 5 days to show her how much we love and care for her. It is now less then 4 hours before our daughter leaves this world and leaves an empty hollowness in our hearts. Luckily, I know she will be in a better place. It cannot just be a coincidence that we have all had these signs of our pets after they have passed away.

I'm so glad you got to spend Mew Mew's last days with her. I hope you can be at peace, but I know it will take time. The Mew Mew sized hole in your heart will never be filled no matter how many more cats you love in your lifetime, but that's as it should be. When you are all together at the bridge it will fill back in.

 

[Jason607]

Thanks for continuing to check up on me guys. Mew Mew left this world yesterday at 11:20 am. Her last days were spent with all those who love her being around her almost 24/7. I know she appreciated it because after food, being around people was her favorite activity. She also got to try many many different types of food. Even though she could barely eat, each time she got a new flavor she would try to lick to for the taste. We eventually figured out that she could lap up a bit of broth so we started squeezing the gravy out of the wet foods for her to eat.

Yesterday about an hour before it was her time, more of our family came to say goodbye to her. She had 6 people who really loved her to support her as she passed. One of my friends bought her a bouquet of flowers which she loved so much that she actually got up, smelled the flowers and gave him a rub as a thank you. This is HUGE since she barely left her sitting spot since this illness much less give someone affection. She hadn't gone to the patio (her favorite spot) in the last 2 days but after smelling the flowers she decided to go rest there. So thankfully she got to be in her favorite spot when the vet came.

Finally when the time came she got her first shot and became very sleepy. Everyone said their goodbyes and were in tears because its so hard not to be. I tried and succeeded in being strong for her because I know she does not like to see us cry. When she moved into the house she picked me as her favorite person. And one of her favorite things to do was just to watch me in whatever I'm doing. When the time came for the second shot I sat in front of her so her final moments could be spent watching me before she leaves me forever...............

Surprisingly I'm doing better then I thought. I think a lot of that has to do with the support I received from all of you in preparing for this. So from the bottom of my heart I thank each and everyone of you. I still feel physically weak, negative and feel like I can't do anything but just sit here. But hopefully with time that will pass. I still see my daughter in every corner of the house. I still catch myself about to do things for her. Like when I got up a few minutes ago my first thought was to give her breakfast and then I realized she is gone.........

 

[les26]

I was thinking of you all often yesterday, and have tears in my eyes as I just read your post, but I am glad that she passed peacefully, she was ready to go. I know when we had to put Sassy down the vet said "don't be scared if she jumps around or gets upset" but she didn't, she was so ready to go that she just peacefully passed in Deb's arms, she was ready to leave the pain but not us, so when they pass so peacefully it is them saying "we're ready to go, it's okay", although it crushes us to say "solong."

You might feel okay now, but you may get hit later on with the grief and issues, but I hope that you don't, but that hit me with Sebastian; I was very upset when he passed for awhile, then I seemed "better", but probably because it was going into Thanksgiving and then December and I was busy with the Holidays and all, but then it hit me hard about 5 weeks later and I started having all of the anxiety issues and all and I talked to my psychologist friend and my pastor about it and they both said it can hit like a huge wave later on like that, and could take about 1.5 years to fully lessen, so please just be aware of that delayed reaction, but I wish you the best and YES this board is like a team of psychologists who fully understand and can help so stay around here!

And when the time is right you will know when to adopt another kitty to love and take care of in Mew Mew's honor and memory, and God will work in mysterious ways like he did with Sylvester. A few months after Sebastian passed, I saw a picture of a little kitty in the paper up for adoption, just a black and white picture but the description and picture made me say "it looks like a little Simon"; it wasn't until the next night that I looked up "Dexter" on the rescue place's website and my jaw dropped as the much better color picture showed that he looked like a miniature Simon AND Sebastian combined which is what started this whole thing rolling last year! I called the place and told them we had 8 cats right off the bat but are well cared for, but they wouldn't let us get Dexter "that's too many cats, what about money etc.", so I realized I wasn't going to get him, but then she said words which came true "perhaps one will come along that needs help more than him", and with time I thought "he can't be the only cat that looks like that" so I did a cat search for "long haired tuxedo cats" in my area, and the result you see in my avatar, my baby boy Sylvester, so the woman WAS right, he DID need more help than Dexter who also DID get adopted, so it was a win-win situation as they both got good homes. So be aware, you also might be surprised how one will come into your life, but it will be when the time is right, right now is time to grieve your sweet girl and let things settle, but perhaps it is already in the works that you will someday get another in need just like I did!

Please know that our prayers and love and well wishes are with you in this very sad time, she will live in your hearts and memories forever, and she had a GREAT life with you, but she was ready to go physically and is relieved she has no more pain now.

God Bless.....

 

[maggiedemi]

Jason, I don't think you told us the beginning of your story with Mew Mew, how she came to live with you. Was she a stray or did you adopt her from a shelter? I would love to hear the rest of her story if you would like to share. RIP sweet Mew Mew.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Yes, we would love to hear MewMew's story when you feel up to telling us.

And we will be here with you for as long as you need us to be. That's just who we are, and what this place is.