Our Beautiful Sweet Daughter Is Leaving Us........and Its Completely Destroying Us

[Jason607]

PLEASE IF YOU LOVE YOUR PET LIKE YOUR OWN CHILD I BEG YOU TO READ THIS WHOLE POST. Me and my wife are really hurting right now and would be beyond grateful hearing from anyone who feels as strongly as we do about our beautiful beautiful baby. Our whole world revolves around her and right now our world is crushing us to death.

I'm sorry if this post is very long and/or full of errors. But I can't help it, I'm too mentally broken up to care or concentrate. I know to almost everyone here their cat is a member of their family. However, for my wife and I; our Mew Mew is our daughter, literally. It makes no difference that she is a different species. Honestly, the only thing keeping us both from making plans to join her in the afterlife soon is our belief in god and hell. Yes, I'm 100% serious. We are that devastated. Everything we have/will have is COMPLETELY MEANINGLESS without her.

And we have a lot. By the grace of god we are in an amazing position in life right now (more on that below). But shes so important to us that EVERYTHING we have doesn't mean anything to us. We are already both very fragile people (mentally) because of the extreme difficulties we both faced when we were younger. So it takes very little to break us. And this is beyond just breaking us.....its the worst of the worst thing that could have happened.

My biggest fears for the last few years has always revolved around her getting a renal or cancer related illness. Therefore, I have been extremely diligent in making sure we do everything possible to detect any illness early and treat it aggressively. This includes semi annual check ups, annual full blood work, annual xrays, annual stool/urine samples.....you get the idea.

Yet today we confirmed our biggest fear. Even with all this screening she somehow contracted the rarest of the rare form of stomach cancer and it remained undetected until the very end. Stomach cancer is only 1% of all total cancer cases in cats. Out of the 4 or so different types of stomach cancer only one is not treatable in the advanced stage. And of course that is the one she has. There is nothing we can do but watch her pass in front of our eyes. We had our regular vet, a radiologist and an oncologist run a battery of extensive tests (total $1,700) to make sure this was really not treatable. Unfortunately they told us no amount of money will even give her a month to live.........We wouldn't feel this bad if this happened when she was older but she is relatively young (11), so we cant accept this without extreme grief.

Before this diagnosis we were prepared to do ANYTHING to give her a chance. If spending $10-20K would have given her a chance at life we would be willing. We love her so much that if we could even take years of our life to give her life we would do it without hesitation. But our beautiful daughter has NO CHANCE!! All we can do is make her comfortable and wait until the day she gets bad enough to put her down..........

She is the most unique cat ever. She is like a dog trapped in a cats body. She loves us so much that she cant stand to not be around us 24/7. In fact her need for us is so strong that we have cancelled vacation before because 2 of the only other people she loves couldn't watch her (we refuse to leave her at boarding houses or to any pet sitter).

Since she got sick our baby mostly just wants to be left alone. Now she sits on our screened patio and stares off into the distance as if she knows her time is near. Me and my wife have both had extremely difficult lives growing up. By the grace of god we have gotten to a point where we are well enough to where we will never work again by the time we are in our mid 40's. I'm mentioning this because even though we know are in a great position in life and it will continue to get better; its meaningless without our daughter.

Today we are 100% sure she is leaving us. But ever since yesterday when there was even a possibly that this may not be treatable I have been a complete mess. I'm a stereotypical "strong, silent, doesn't talk about his feelings" type of guy. I have had many many great difficulties in life but most of them I kept to myself. I usually never felt the need to share. In fact, this is the first time I have posted on any forum about how I feel. But I absolutely can't help myself in this situation.....I feel as fragile as a child.......

Since yesterday I can barely sleep, eat, my body/chest aches and I can't concentrate on anything. I'm constantly crying and I don't even give a damn if I type this for the world to see. And our baby isn't even gone yet......I can only imagine how much worse it will be when her final moments are here. My wife is doing even worse. I love our daughter so so much and there is nothing I can do to help her!!!! I would trade my life for hers if I was given the option. But at this point all I can do is make her comfortable till the end. I just sit near her as long as possible to spend every precious moment with her and just listen to a song on repeat that I always dreaded would become reality for me one day:

"There is nothing left of you,
I can see it in your eyes
Sing the anthem of the angels
And say the last goodbye

I keep holding onto you,
But I can't bring you back to life
Sing the anthem of the angels,
And say the last goodbye"

If you have felt this strongly for your pet or been through something similar please respond. Even a few words will give me and my wife some comfort knowing others can truly understand how strongly we both feel.

 

[maggiedemi]

I'm so sorry. It's hard because we do consider them our children and they only live 15-20 years. It's heartbreaking. We just have to try to go on and hope that we can see them again some day. My cats are only 3 years old and I'm already dreading when that day comes in the future, I know it will almost kill me. Please know that we are here for you and that we know how you feel. I wish there was something we could think of to make her better. If it was just constipation, I got tons of ideas. But cancer, that's a scary one. I wish they had a naturopath for cats, sometimes they can think of things to try for humans that have cancer.

 

[Jason607]

Thanks for your support and understanding Maggie. Since posting I have tried to sleep (with sleeping pills) and the best I can do is about an hour before I wake up. All I think about is her and how soon I wont even be able to see her. At the moment she is still eating so per the vet we can wait until she stops completely eating before calling for a home euthanasia. She hates the vet so much that we will never take her back again. I want her to pass away where she is comfortable. We are giving her pain and nausea medication to make her last days comfortable. She is also getting an appetite stimulants to keep her eating as long as possible. I truly wish the best for your 3 year olds. I hope they have a very long life. No one should ever have to feel what we are feeling.......I hope god will let us be together forever in the next life.

 

[di and bob]

Of course you feel as you do, after giving your heart and care, your life, to these special babies, it is impossible for the human mind to truly grasp that the end is near. I say babies because I felt exactly the same way, many of us do. I have seen death too many times to count by being in the medical field, it is never 'routine' and losing my little girl was the most traumatic experience I have ever went through and I have lost many human relatives and friends. Even 5 years later I relive the time as if it was yesterday. I still cry when I visit her grave, I still talk to her and remember her little quirks and attitudes. But I also know she would NEVER want me to be so sad, to live the rest of my life in grief. She was so full of life and happiness she would want the same for the one she loves above all else, that is what love is. Time is the only thing that helps. It softens the edges of grief and lets us remember them as they should be remembered, in happier times. You have to grieve, yes, for you will have lost a very important family member, and no amount of preparation will prepare you for the emptiness that invades your house and heart. But you have to go on, for that is what your little girl would want, you have to live as you you know you would want for her to live if you were the first to go. You have a bond with her, a bond that can never be taken from you, not even by death because it is spiritual. although she will follow a new path, it will always parallel yours until the day it once more will cross with your own, she will never be far. I can tell you from experience it helps to honor our loved ones by doing good in their name. I went to the local shelter and paid for the cat's adoption that had been there the longest, to help them gain the love and home they deserve. I still do this a few times a year. Donate food and litter to your local shelter or food pantry to help someone cope with their animals illness or to help them care for their loved ones and to let them have one less worry in their lives. It helps you to feel better about yourself, it definitely helps others, and it keeps your mind busy, too busy to dwell on something you cannot change. Keep very busy, it does no good to dwell on the end. Surround yourself with people who understand what you are going through, you need to let out teh pain. Don't be afraid to open your heart to another, it brings a welcome distraction, and you will learn to love again as a mother does with many children, each one different and precious. Your precious daughter walked with you for a while on your life's path, it may be time for her to go, but the loss to your life would have been so much more tragic to have never met her at all. Celebrate having her in your life, use your good memories to comfort yourself, she brought much into your world and the love you share will be with you forever. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers, may God bring peace to your troubled heart. Kiss that precious girl for me, and tell her how much you love her, that you will always have a special place for her in your heart. We all need more of that in our lives.

 

[inkysmom]

I am so sorry to read about your beautiful daughter and her tragic diagnosis at only 11. That's so sad. As of Monday June 5, on what should have been my beloved mom's birthday, my much beloved cat Inky went into cardiac arrest while I was driving to see him and try so hard to make the decision to finally euthanize him after a long struggle with cancer that had metastasized and so many other medical complications. He was the 5th cat I lost in two tears, since May 1, 2015, plus my beloved, true soul mate dog, Max, in February 2016. And my mom died in 2010 and several other cats made me proud 2015

 

[maggiedemi]

I love di and bob's idea. If you are feeling so sad, like you can't go on, try to do something positive like pay the adoption fee for an older cat at the shelter. And though it's too soon to think about now, maybe one day opening up your heart to the love of another cat, possibly rescuing a cat in need. Mew Mew wouldn't want you and your wife to be so sad that you give up on life. Yes, life is hard, but we have to believe that some day we will be rewarded for all our troubles and reunited with our loved ones, human and animal.

 

[Kieka]

I am so sorry for your loss and I know your pain. I lost my childhood cat many years ago to cancer at the young age of 10. We tried chemotherapy and surgery. Over $10k later and it didn't work. The mass came right back and took his life too young. I got a tattoo of him when he passed so he is always by my side even to this day. I encourage you to find a vet who is willing to come to you when it is time; that was the best decision we made because he went peacefully in his favorite chair at home.

 

[PushPurrCatPaws]

I have been where you are now. I lost my beloved cat in 2014, in the end to a very aggressive gastrointestinal cancer that had spread quickly (and this, after a year of bouts with pancreatitis, my poor kitty).

My own sleep did not matter, and I spent hours by her side, taking care of her and loving her... as I had done all of her life. You feel that there is nothing in life but the heartbreaking pain you feel, so thick you cannot see a way forward. I know you feel that life will be meaningless without her but, in fact, I know that without everything I shared with my cat for her nearly 15 years of life, the good and the bad, I wouldn't know the first thing about what a Meaningful Life is. I know my husband and I were a gift and a joy and a support for her, and she was the same for us. She gifted us with her joy and pain and silliness and steadiness and constancy and love and trust. The loss is intense, you feel it even before it fully happens - you feel like wailing into the dark night (and you do). But look at how loving and strong you have been for her all this years and, absolutely, how strong you are right this minute. Nothing can take that away, and you shouldn't allow it to fade and for life to feel futile. Mew Mew is your love and your strength. Your gift. Cherish every moment, and hold it tight... her soul will get you through the upcoming grieving times. She will never leave you alone in that way. My heart goes out to you and your wife. Spend time writing your memories of her in a journal, and that can help you move forward. And then you will always have those written memories, never to be forgotten.

 

[Jason607]

Di and Bob thank you so much for what you wrote. What you wrote about your grief is so close to how I feel and will feel when she is eventually gone that its as if I wrote it myself. It's truly comforting to know you feel my pain. And at the same time I'm extremely sorry for your loss and wish you didn't have to feel what I do. And thanks for what you wrote about what to do afterwords and how to go on. You cant even imagine how much your words comforted me. And your right she would want us to be happy and go on.

And even in her extreme pain and discomfort she showed that to us twice already. First time was Monday when I got the diagnosis that it might be cancer. As soon as I got home I tried to feed her. She started to eat but I was crying so hard that she stopped eating and wondered what was wrong. She is never bothered by loud noise and once before when I was this upset she came to comfort me so I knew she was worried. So I decided to contain my emotions around her and she ate.

Based on that me and my wife have acted happy around her because we knew it would worry her if we were upset. So yesterday my wife was crying, screaming and just letting loose upstairs because Mew Mew has stopped coming upstairs. We are guessing because it causes her extreme discomfort to walk upstairs now. Yet when she heard my wife crying she ran up the stairs and went right to her because she wanted to comfort her. That's what a beautiful empathetic baby she is. Even when she is dying she cares about our happiness. So yes we will try to go on the best we can for her. Your words of comfort meant a lot to me. I think reading your post again will help when she is finally gone. And I will be sure to give her a kiss for you.

I am so sorry to read about your beautiful daughter and her tragic diagnosis at only 11. That's so sad. As of Monday June 5, on what should have been my beloved mom's birthday, my much beloved cat Inky went into cardiac arrest while I was driving to see him and try so hard to make the decision to finally euthanize him after a long struggle with cancer that had metastasized and so many other medical complications. He was the 5th cat I lost in two tears, since May 1, 2015, plus my beloved, true soul mate dog, Max, in February 2016. And my mom died in 2010 and several other cats made me proud 2015

I'm beyond sorry for your loss. I cant even imagine how much pain you must be going through losing so many loved ones close to you in such a short time. You will see them again and be with them one day. I really really appreciate you reaching out to me and caring about me in this difficult time.

And though it's too soon to think about now, maybe one day opening up your heart to the love of another cat, possibly rescuing a cat in need. Mew Mew wouldn't want you and your wife to be so sad that you give up on life. Yes, life is hard, but we have to believe that some day we will be rewarded for all our troubles and reunited with our loved ones, human and animal.

Yes we will eventually want to give another baby or two the love they deserve. Though it will depend on my wife and I suspect its going to take her a lot longer to want to do that then myself. And I truly hope your right. I have to hold on to the hope that God will let us be together one day. I want to give up on life right now but God would never forgive me and most likely it will ruin any chance of us ever seeing our beloved child again. Though I wish that I didn't believe in God and hell because then we could all be laid to rest together and eternally. But I know that can't ever be because in my heart I cant ever get rid of my belief in God. I really appreciate your support.

I am so sorry for your loss and I know your pain. I lost my childhood cat many years ago to cancer at the young age of 10. We tried chemotherapy and surgery. Over $10k later and it didn't work. The mass came right back and took his life too young. I got a tattoo of him when he passed so he is always by my side even to this day. I encourage you to find a vet who is willing to come to you when it is time; that was the best decision we made because he went peacefully in his favorite chair at home.

Tattoo.....that's a good idea. That way I can have her close my my heart. As far as home euthanasia for us there is no other option. She will be allowed to peacefully pass on her favorite chair in the favorite spot of the house. I very sorry for your loss and thanks for the words of comfort.

I have been where you are now. I lost my beloved cat in 2014, in the end to a very aggressive gastrointestinal cancer that had spread quickly (and this, after a year of bouts with pancreatitis, my poor kitty).

My own sleep did not matter, and I spent hours by her side, taking care of her and loving her... as I had done all of her life. You feel that there is nothing in life but the heartbreaking pain you feel, so thick you cannot see a way forward.

Thank you just like di and bobs post, everything you said is exactly how I feel. Thank you for helping us cope with what you posted. We will try to be strong for her sake. As I said above, she has physically shown us that she wants that. She will be cherished forever. We will honor her memory and she will never be forgotten. Just as with everyone I'm so so sorry you felt the pain we are going through right now.

As of now she is still eating and drinking (but very little). However, she just threw up a ton a few minutes ago. It smelled like death......my world is continuously shattering. We are continually trying so make her as comfortable as possible. And when we see that she is in pain enough to where she is suffering we will call the mobile vet. Even in her pain she came upstairs to me a while before she threw up and sat on me to comfort me. She is such a selfless and good cat with a beautiful soul.......

 

[di and bob]

Bless you all.......I pray she will go quickly into the night, surrounded by the ones she loves so very much. Comforted and carried in the arms of angels to that special spot in the sun where she will peacefully sleep and wait for those she left behind. If only we were all so loved.

 

[inkysmom]

I had tried to write a longer response last night but most of it got cut off. My gorgeous cat Tiger, or Tigey was his nickname, died last October 2016 from a horrible cancer that had spread all over his stomach, intestines and liver. He was only 12 and had been in good health before that with no warning. About 2 weeks before that he had snuck out when I was taking out the trash and walking the dog very late one night and I had been so tired I hadn't noticed him sneak out, or that he wasn't home for breakfast the next morning. It wasn't until the next night that I realized I hadn't seen him all day and started looking for him. I finally found him at the top of my stairwell in my building and carried him back, after he meowed to me when I went in the hallway calling him. He seemed so traumatized by his misadventure and didn't want to eat that I brought him to the vet ER the next day. They examined him and did basic bloodwork and sent him home saying they couldn't find anything wrong with him. I wanted them to do more tests, fearing he'd been in a fight or attacked or kicked or hit by a car and had unseen internal injuries but they refused saying there was no reason to and to bring him back of needed.
The next 2 weeks he ate a little and was very loving and clingy to me but not his old self and didn't eat normally. I tried to believe he'd been scared and was readjusting and spent so much time with him hugging and patting him and just cuddling with him and trying to feed him all his favorite treats and tuna and baby food, and chasing the other cats away since he got stressed by them. One day I decided to stand on the scale holding him and realized he'd lost 3 pounds in just under 2 weeks since the last ER trip. That was excessive and a lot for a little cat. Back we went, and this time he got all the tests, and the metastasized cancer diagnosis. He stayed in the hosoital, finally on pain and nausea meds. I had tried to give him appetite stimulating meds and antacids at home but they weren't enough. He went in on a Thursday and I wanted to at least talk to an oncologist the following Monday so I spent time with him daily on the hospital. But that Sunday morning I got a call that he'd worsened and nothing they were doing could keep him comfortable anymore and he was in distress. So I flew down there and tried to be with him to euthanize him but had to do it quickly as he was too uncomfortable for a prolonged goodbye. In hindsight I should have done it the day before when he was so peaceful and loving and happy to visit with me.
Ironically I'd found him on the streets of a rough neighborhood 11 years before as a tame stray who was the leader of a group of feral cats. I took him in and gave him to my mom. I also took in my beloved Inky who died two days ago, and Inkys best friend, Fawn, who died 2 years ago at age 14 of liver cancer and failure. Tigey was the youngest of the 3. My mom loved that cat so much, he actually found her terminal advanced cancer that none of her doctors did. She managed to live 3 years with a metastasized stage 4 diagnosis and only a six month prognosis and outlived her whole survivor group. That sweet little cat gave me three extra years with her. When she died I took him and her other cat in as I'd promised. I had him almost 6 years after she died, and took care of him through a couple of health issues and loved him very much. I wish I could have given him an extra three years too. He died just 4 days before I had to have surgery so I never had time to really grieve him, it was so sudden
Your Mew Mew is so beautiful. I've learned from my Inky that had a hard time with oral meds, that antinausea meds and some painkillers and other meds come in injectable forms. It's so much easier to give a quick subcutaneous shot under the skin than force liquids or pills into the mouth of a sick cat, especially if they're nauseous and throw it up and you have to worry if they got the dose they need. Vets don't like giving injectable opiates but will gibe other pain meds and won't argue about nausea meds subcutaneous if you explain it reasonably to them. You and your wife sound so devoted, she's so lucky to have you taking care of and loving her. The one cat I knew had terminal cancer and hated going to vets or in the car and had a hospice vet come to the home was the best most peaceful experience. I also had her euthanized at home and it was the most peaceful for her. I got to pet and hug and kiss her and she put her little paw in my hand at the end and just went to sleep at the end. She was my mom's other cat, who we both raised from a tiny wild kitten and died at almost 16 from cancer that had gone to her lungs. She couldn't get stressed at all or she couldn't breathe. You'll know when it's time, she'll tell you, usually not wanting to interact and/or not eating or drinking anything, or having trouble breathing or moving are clear signs. If they won't eat even their most favorite treats or seem in pain despite pain meds or can't breathe despite breathing meds, call a vet to come out and help you with the decision. So sorry you're going through this. But your beautiful cat is so lucky to have the best most loving parents in the world. And she's already shown you that she doesn't want you to be sad or unhappy. She's devoted her life to making you happy, too and doesn't want all the joy she's brought you to be in vain.

 

[PushPurrCatPaws]

...

As of now she is still eating and drinking (but very little). However, she just threw up a ton a few minutes ago. It smelled like death......my world is continuously shattering. We are continually trying so make her as comfortable as possible. And when we see that she is in pain enough to where she is suffering we will call the mobile vet. Even in her pain she came upstairs to me a while before she threw up and sat on me to comfort me. She is such a selfless and good cat with a beautiful soul.......

My hearts breaks for you!

Just remember... the selflessness, the love and trust and happiness between the three of you... that is part of Mew Mew's legacy. It is worth living for -- through you, it continues on, through the darkness of pain and back into light, her legacy lives with you. Life is for sharing love.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

For what little it is worth, you are not alone in this. We know your pain because most of us have lived through it, although most of us have, perhaps, more reserves to call upon. And I know how fragile lives can be, and how they can shatter. But MewMew knows that she is loved, and she will never, really, leave you. I wrote the following for a friend a few years ago, and I offer it to you now, in the hopes that, when the time comes, it might help, just a little.

Pawprints in the Summerland

There are pawprints in the Summerlands,
For I have seen them there.
They flirt in the shadows along
Tumbling, laughing streams.
They pace majestically over
The Bones of the Mother
Thrust through the Earth
On mountain tops...

They flow gently through
Meadows filled with flowers
Or gambol beneath willows,
Dancing among the red-capped mushrooms
of Faery Rings lit by the full moon...

So often the footprints of children
Run beside them, these pawprints,
And the somehow slow footprints of the elders...
They keep company with our furred ones,
Our feathered ones,
And yes, even our scaled ones
Who shared our homes and share our hearts even yet.

Sometimes those prints turn back,
Back towards the Bridge
For they are mindful of us,
And await our coming
For us to add our prints
in joyous reunion.

There are pawprints in the Summerlands,
For I have SEEN them there.

 

[meelasmom]

Jason, I am truly so sorry for what you are now going through and for what you will go through. I cried and still crying after reading your story. I will post back to you probably tomorrow. It struck a painful memory for me and I can't type too much right now. God bless you, your wife and your daughter.

 

[les26]

I am just seeing this post and want to say how sorry I am that it has reached this stage, the down side of having pets and loving them so much, and I certainly know and understand the heartache you are feeling and will feel for awhile. I know I've told my story many times so I apologize to those who have heard it before, but I will relate it to you as you had asked us to do. I am now a 56 year-old man who has a soft spot for the little kitties, we have 9 now and all were strays, we have suffered through losing 5 over many years and each one hurts like crazy, but the two most recent ones affected me the most, probably because they were such great boys and I got them both from outside, and had a very special bond with them as well as all of them but these two were closer than most. We lost Simon, a black and white tuxedo to stomach cancer May 2015, he was like a dog, such a great personality, funny, everyone's pal, but he got very sick very fast and it was horrible at the end, but we had no choice to put him down and I held him as the vet did so, and it just about killed me, I wanted to have the vet inject me too to take me with him, I had anxiety attacks after that, I couldn't stand to be in the dark at night, I couldn't stand to be enclosed in the shower, that is how I reacted to losing him but it slowly passed, it was the grief taking a very strange path but I finally felt better. I realized that he must've been sick, we had him to the vet but cats are masters at hiding disease until it is too late which was the case with him, but with time and Deb and I moved on, heartbroken but our hearts slowly healed. Then in November 2016 Sebastian, a long haired black Chantilly had some issues, was constipated, not acting right, I took him to several vets and he and I got even closer throughout this ordeal, none of the vets thought it was anything horrible but it was something that they couldn't see, and 11/23/16 I came home to find him sitting on the back of a chair with his right arm caught in the mini blinds, he let out a couple of cries, I rushed over and tried to get him out of the blinds and I realized he was in peril, and I looked skyward and yelled "please God, not like this....don't let it end like this", but it did, 15 seconds after I released him he died in my arms, I rushed him to the vet to confirm he wasn't just in shock but he was gone, he literally "hung on" until I came home to hold him one last time before he died, and at the time it was horrible, but looking back now I am glad that I DID get to hold him, that he did not die alone, but that messed me up quite a bit mentally for quite awhile afterwards, I was having physical symptoms due to the grief and stress, thought I had heart problems, feel anxious etc., but I worked through it ever so slowly, and now even though I get choked up even typing this I can look back on it and deal with it, as you will too. But the biggest thing that helped me get over those devastating blows is the little guy in my avatar, Sylvester, who is a 50/50 blend of what a cat would look like if you combined Simon and Sebastian, I could not have sat down and designed a better mix, and he was in a bad situation and thin and flea bitten when I got him 3 months after Sebastian passed, but fate brought us together, we found each other, in the darkness, he helped me and I helped him, he is my joy and I love him dearly, and like you I am doing all that I can to keep him healthy and around for a long time, but I know one day I will lose him too and it will crush me, and it hurts so bad when you lose them who are held so close that you too feel like you are dying and don't care if you do, but somehow, with time, and love and the grace of God we go on, we never get over the loss but we heal enough to go on, and we usually find another kitty to pour our love on as the ones who passed on would love for us to do, and you will also all in good time.

I am so sorry for your upcoming loss and can understand how you feel, Deb and I have no kids so these cats ARE our kids, and we feel 100% responsible for them and blame ourselves when they die, "we should have seen this coming", "we should have done this or that" are all things that cross our minds, but I tried so many things on the boys to help them but I realized that despite my good intentions there was nothing to do, it was their time to leave this Earth and move on to the next life, God was calling them to be Angels, maybe for some poor child who died tragically or an elderly person who needs a kitty to love, but we will see them again one day and it will be glorious....

Please hang in there the best that you can, visit this board often as these people are WONDERFUL, I first joined when Sebastian was sick and about a week later posted on here that he had died and they helped me through the pain and grief, and I now try to do the same for others as I know how much it hurts. But you DO live through it, you will feel strange symptoms of grief but just let it out, cry if you must cry, yell if you must yell, be sad, laugh at good memories, do whatever your heart tells you to do, and with time you will feel better and even though you might not want to adopt another cat as you might think "it wouldn't be her" and it won't, you will come to realize that you have SO MUCH LOVE and good things to give a kitty (or more!) and you will do it; Sylvester is NOT a replacement for the two boys, he is his own cat but he is such a loving, wonderful tribute to them, when I look at him I see him first but also see and feel the presence of the others, we help each other and you will most likely help another one too in good time.

God Bless.....

 

[meelasmom]

Jason. Again, my deepest sympathies for you and your wife and for what you are going through and about to go through. I think that being here prior to, will be good for you. You have all of us to help you. You will grieve in your own way, of course. Don't let anyone tell you it was "just a cat" or that you need to "get over it". You deal with what you need to deal with, but try not to let it consume you. It can very easily. You know the end is near, so please spend every second you can with your precious girl. She needs you just as much as you need her.

I cry for you because I know how much this hurts. You will feel like it's unbearable and truthfully, it can be. But you and your wife have each other. Grieve together. Do what you need to do that's best for all of you.

Come here and post when you need to be consoled. We all understand. We wish we didn't in some ways, but we do. We know this heartache all too well.

I'm praying for all of you.

 

[zed xyzed]

I breaks my heart to read that your sweet girl is so ill. Please know that my thoughts are with you and your wife.

 

[Jason607]

Sorry for not responding to everyone for the last few days. Unfortunately, life obligations still continues for me while dealing with this ordeal. So I haven’t had time to reply to anyone until today. I have been spending every free moment I have with my little baby. Since I had to deal with other mandatory obligations; I gave up sleep to have more time with her. I have slept maybe 1.5 hours each day for the last few days.

Bless you all.......I pray she will go quickly into the night, surrounded by the ones she loves so very much. Comforted and carried in the arms of angels to that special spot in the sun where she will peacefully sleep and wait for those she left behind. If only we were all so loved.

Yes she will go quickly, peacefully and with us around her to show how much we love her. And I know that she will be happy and waiting for us in the next life. We got a sign of that the other night. First let me give a little background on that. My wife has had such a traumatic childhood and teenage years that she has a problem when she sleeps that no doctor has been able to resolve. In fact, they are so perplexed by it that they cannot even recommend a treatment.

Her problem is vivid prolonged nightmares. Imagine the worst of the horror movies you can think of. She has lived through them all. From a zombie apocalypse, to vampires, werewolves, stuck in a haunted house etc. And she doesn’t wake up from them either when they get to a point where she is about to die. Instead, she will be stuck in the dream for months if she doesn’t get killed in the dream (meaning in her dream months will have passed). Or if she’s being murdered or tortured she will experience the whole process. She almost never has any good dreams. They are very rare and random. On the other hand, the bad dreams occur on average 5-6 nights a week.

Most importantly, nightmares are the only thing she has when she is going through something tough. So it’s almost impossible for her to have a good dream when she is going through this experience with Mew Mew. Yet, not only did she have a good dream; it was such a specific dream that it cannot be a coincidence. In her dream she saw her dog Hercules who died years ago. In the dream he was happy, wagging his tail and barking to her in a friendly manner. Behind him was a beautiful white light that he walked towards and then looked back towards my wife to show her that he is going in there. I think that was him trying to comfort her and let her know that a wonderful place is waiting for Mew Mew too when she leaves us and that he will watch over her there until we can see her again.

The craziest part is that she had this dream just one day before we had the test results confirming Mew Mew's hopeless situation. Meaning my wife still had hope for Mew Mew's recovery. So this dream wasn’t just a result of her mind comforting her because she thought Mew Mew was going to die. At the time she had the dream she still thought Mew Mew would live. So I truly believe God let Hercules come to my wife in her dream to comfort her and let her know that Mew Mew will be in a wonderful place when she leaves us. Knowing this gives me some comfort.

 

[Jason607]

I also took in my beloved Inky who died two days ago, and Inkys best friend, Fawn, who died 2 years ago at age 14 of liver cancer and failure. Tigey was the youngest of the 3. My mom loved that cat so much, he actually found her terminal advanced cancer that none of her doctors did. She managed to live 3 years with a metastasized stage 4 diagnosis and only a six month prognosis and outlived her whole survivor group. That sweet little cat gave me three extra years with her.

Wow I’m so so sorry for your losses. Thank you for taking the time to help console me even though you just lost your beloved Inky just two days ago. I read every word of your story and I can feel your pain just from the words you wrote. Your Tigey was a superhero! That is the only way to describe her for what she did for your mother. All these doctors with decades of experience between them couldn’t cut it compared to Dr. Tigey! It was wonderful that you took all your mothers cat's in when she passed. I know that her time in Heaven is extra amazing knowing that her babies are taken care of on earth.

Your Mew Mew is so beautiful. I've learned from my Inky that had a hard time with oral meds, that antinausea meds and some painkillers and other meds come in injectable forms. It's so much easier to give a quick subcutaneous shot under the skin than force liquids or pills into the mouth of a sick cat, especially if they're nauseous and throw it up and you have to worry if they got the dose they need. You and your wife sound so devoted, she's so lucky to have you taking care of and loving her. The one cat I knew had terminal cancer and hated going to vets or in the car and had a hospice vet come to the home was the best most peaceful experience. I also had her euthanized at home and it was the most peaceful for her. In hindsight I should have done it the day before when he was so peaceful and loving and happy to visit with me. You'll know when it's time, she'll tell you, usually not wanting to interact and/or not eating or drinking anything, or having trouble breathing or moving are clear signs.

Yes our baby is amazingly beautiful. She's so photogenic that it’s almost impossible for her to take a bad picture. Even with all the pain she is going through she looks amazing in her pictures that we have been taking. I really wish I knew about the benefits of the shot over oral medication. Our baby hates taking meds by mouth so it’s heartbreaking for us to bother her with them when she is already sick. Luckily, we did consider everything you said regarding when it’s time for her to go. We definitely want her to go when she is comfortable and not in distress. So we have already set a date. I will make a separate update post with the details.

 

[Jason607]

My hearts breaks for you!

Just remember... the selflessness, the love and trust and happiness between the three of you... that is part of Mew Mew's legacy. It is worth living for -- through you, it continues on, through the darkness of pain and back into light, her legacy lives with you. Life is for sharing love.

Thank you. We are trying to concentrate on the positives. But its very hard right now. But based on the posts here I can honestly say you all know EXACTLY how we feel. So based on that I'm trusting what everyone has said about the healing process. I have comfort in knowing from everyone’s posts all that the pain will lessen as time goes on.

For what little it is worth, you are not alone in this. We know your pain because most of us have lived through it, although most of us have, perhaps, more reserves to call upon. And I know how fragile lives can be, and how they can shatter. But MewMew knows that she is loved, and she will never, really, leave you. I wrote the following for a friend a few years ago, and I offer it to you now, in the hopes that, when the time comes, it might help, just a little.

What a beautiful poem. I highly appreciate you sharing it with me. Yes it did help especially since my wife had that dream I mentioned. I hope that beyond the white light Hercules showed my wife in her dreams lies a place just like the Summerland you described. I hope my Mew Mew will find some wonderful people and animals there to keep her happy until one day we are together with her again.