Opinions needed

[sugarsandz]

I hope things improve for you, it's hard enough living with someone who doesn't share your passion for animals and even harder when they are pig headed about things in general.

I live in a combined household with my husband, my parents and my sister who i also an adult. My sister always complains about my cats and dogs and also my parents cats and dog. She wants them gone because they annoy her and we would argue over them a lot until I told her that we weren't making her stay here and that has kept her quiet for the time being.

You might find that he will change one day down the line, sometimes it takes a hard situation to open peoples eyes as I've found out a few time in my life. Best of luck to you and your kitty, I hope you find a good therapist as that can help tremendously!

 

[posiesmom]

Thanks sugarsandz,

I appreciate your kind words!  I am sorry you have also had to deal with your sister's complaints about your pets.  I guess I have such a hard time understanding that there are people who don't feel the same way I do about animals (kitties in particular).

He has agreed to try to be more tolerant of her; only time will tell if this is going to work.  I will continue doing what I need to do for myself to lessen my stress and, in turn, hopefully Posies.

Thanks again!  Wishing you luck with your sister as well!

 

[ravencorbie]

Your story has really touched me, so I keep trying to come up with a good response. I feel like there are still things that haven't been said in this thread that need to be said. My mind keeps going back to that event where he told you it was the cat or him, and how since then, he's been using that as an excuse to blame you for "choosing" the cat over him.

You say he's apologized for it, but until he stops blaming you for your choice, he hasn't taken responsibility for it. For he's ignoring the most important thing: 1) Yes, you did choose the cat over him, and 2) That was not your *real* choice. I'm guessing that your real choice would have been to have them both, right? So the ONLY reason you chose your cat over him is that HE forced the issue. In fact, you could probably counter him with: "What if I had said that I'm keeping the cat and you, but you can CHOOSE to leave if you can't deal with the cat?" After all, that's essentially what happened. One of my rules is that if I'm caught in a decision between two people (or in this case, a person and an animal) that I love, I choose the one that's not making me choose. In your case, you were absolutely right to choose the cat. Your husband was disrespecting you by forcing you to choose between two loved ones.

It's obvious, too, that he's insecure, and that's something I haven't seen mentioned in this thread. He obviously feels threatened by your love for your cat, as if you can't love both the cat and him. What's sadly ironic is that it's his own actions that are leading to the result he most fears (you *actually* choosing the cat over him, and leaving him because of the cat). If he accepted the cat and was respectful about your choices concerning the cat, you wouldn't now be wondering if you would be better off without him. Already one person has suggested divorce in this thread, and it's not because your cat is amazingly adorable -- it's because he's acting like a jerk.

Finally, I don't have any advice about specific things to do, but I do have some advice about responsibility. As someone who has a tendency to take responsibility for everything, even if it's not my fault, I know that there are people in the world who do the opposite: who cannot seem to take responsibility for anything and are constantly trying to shove that responsibility onto someone else. Stay true to yourself and don't take responsibility for things that aren't your fault; among them, your choice of the cat, but also your cat's actions. Yes, cats have been successfully trained, but in the end, your cat's actions are HER actions, not yours. You might be legally responsible (for example, if your cat bites a stranger and they get rabies or something from it), but if your cat is acting like a normal cat, that is not your fault. It's also not your fault that your husband is feeling "neglected" when it is he who is deliberately sequestering himself away from you.

In the end that's all you can really do: stay true to yourself (and your cat!).

 

[posiesmom]

Thanks so much for your kind words and support RavenCorbie!  I appreciate it very much.  You are correct; I never wanted to choose anyone; I wanted us to all be able to live together peacefully and in harmony.  Yes, he has apologized but he has not come to terms with the fact that I love her and am not willing to give her up.  This is why every argument we have results in him complaining about her, no matter what the argument is about.

I do believe that he is insecure even though he goes out of his way to act "hard" and overly confident.  Like you, I am also one of those people that tries to take the world's problems on my shoulders and I "blame" myself for things sometime even though deep down I know they are not my fault (such as when Posie chews on furniture, etc).  I am working on changing this about myself.  Also, it was hurtful to me that he chose to spend as much time away from me as possible, avoiding coming inside the house and staying out in the shop until late at night; however, now I realize that this is his choice and I realize this is also not my fault.  This is one more thing that he can "blame" Posie for, saying that he can't stay in the house because of "her".

The last few days have been better, because we had another argument and I told him that I was going to talk to a counselor, with or without him, and that there was no way that I can continue to live the way we have been living.  We shall see what happens.

Thanks again for your response!