One Year Since

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wt1964

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:grouphug2:Your video made me cry as your and Lucys story did when I first met you. Others here have expressed my feeling better than I can put words to. I just want to add that Lucy is still watching over you and can hear you speaking to her. I completely understand you not wanting to share your life right now but have you thought about visiting a shelter and sharing some quality time with other poor animals who would could use some affection? I think Lucy would approve. It's clear to see in your video and photos that she loved you as much as you love her and I think she doesn't want you so lonely. I can't visit this forum hardly at all, but I had to let you know how much you and Lucy touched my heart. Your video is a wonderful loving tribute to an extraordinary love shared. :hearthrob::rbheart::redheartpump::grouphug:
Thank you, Dusty...I appreciate your words and that you remember me. You kind sentiment made me cry...which these days is not particularly difficult. Thank you for watching our video. Again, I knew I could share things within this community that perhaps I can't share so openly with others, and the encouragement, compassion and understanding are helpful medicine.

I have visited the local shelter a few times. Sometimes there's a cat or two for me to keep company with, and sometimes there are none. It's kind of a paradox, in that I am all alone and lonely and missing my Lucy and am fairly aching because all of the love I have now has no place to go, except for what is released through my tears...And yet, even with my loneliness, I just do not want another pet. There are some well-meaning people that don't look at the bigger picture when they suggest a new pet. The bigger picture being the lifetime commitment. For twenty years I gave my all to my three girls who all lived to be old, and I was my Lucy's healthcare-giver the last couple of years of her life. My life became about watching over her. Daily medications, treatments and worry were the order of the day, and everything I did for them, and finally, for her, I did willingly. My only grievance was that I could not stop their aging and ailments. Now that all that has changed, I am trying to find my way in the world for my sake for a while, without the addition of another lifetime commitment to a pet. If I were pressed, I would say 'never again', because the eventual loss is just too great.

Thank you so much for taking a moment to let me know how my bond with my Lucy touched your heart. That means a great, great deal. In almost twenty years, practically everyone that passed through my life got to know my Lucy through me. This continues even today. Very recently, a member at the club where I work stopped in to let me know that she and her daughter just bought a batch of spring flowers to plant (begonias, petunias...something with 3 syllables). Apparently they have a funny habit of naming their flowers...and she wanted me to know that they named one of their flowers "Lucy". :redheartpump::angelcat::redheartpump:
 
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dustydiamond1

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Thank you, Dusty...I appreciate your words and that you remember me. You kind sentiment made me cry...which these days is not particularly difficult. Thank you for watching our video. Again, I knew I could share things within this community that perhaps I can't share so openly with others, and the encouragement, compassion and understanding are helpful medicine.

I have visited the local shelter a few times. Sometimes there's a cat or two for me to keep company with, and sometimes there are none. It's kind of a paradox, in that I am all alone and lonely and missing my Lucy and am fairly aching because all of the love I have now has no place to go, except for what is released through my tears...And yet, even with my loneliness, I just do not want another pet.

Thank you so much for taking a moment to let me know how my bond with my Lucy touched your heart. That means a great, great deal. In almost twenty years, practically everyone that passed through my life got to know my Lucy through me. This continues even today. Very recently, a member at the club where I work stopped in to let me know that she and her daughter just bought a batch of spring flowers to plant (begonias, petunias...something with 3 syllables). Apparently they have a funny habit of naming their flowers...and she wanted me to know that they named one of their flowers "Lucy". :redheartpump::angelcat::redheartpump:
That was so sweet of them to name their flowers after your dear Lucy. Are there any other animals at the shelters besides cats that you would feel comfortable spending time with?
 
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wt1964

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That was so sweet of them to name their flowers after your dear Lucy. Are there any other animals at the shelters besides cats that you would feel comfortable spending time with?
I'm sure there are. I guess it didn't occur to me. I should make it a point to revisit the shelter to see whom else could use a little temporary love.
 

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:yess: You Bet! Some places have poor rescued/abandoned bunnies, birds, horses, miniature pigs even bearded dragons and other critters as well as dogs and cats.:hellocomputer:
Maybe hanging out with cats is causing more harm than good right now, and spreading that around to other species that won't remind you so much of Lucy would be a good thing =)
 

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I'm sure there are. I guess it didn't occur to me. I should make it a point to revisit the shelter to see whom else could use a little temporary love.
IME...(in my experience)...
when I lose a loved pet, I still have loved pets that need and love me. When these numbers dwindle to few or none, the pain intensifies.
The "lifetime commitment" you mentioned earlier is a very real thing, and something to be considered.
It's hard enough working our current lives around a beloved pet, but even more difficult when our live abruptly change for the better (or worse) and that commitment is somehow more difficult. I've been there. It can be life changing and life destroying.
Growing up it wasn't a "thing". No matter what, my parents made sure our pets were cared for, as well as us kids, and it wasn't an issue. When I was a single young thing, it was a constant worry, and even now it's a concern. We make sure we have provisions, and back-up provisions should something happen to us.
Responsibly bred pets shall be returned to the breeder, and we have family and friends that we trust will make this happen. With rescue pets or unwanted pets that come into our lives, this situation gets sticky. It can be a worry to us, but if we have family or friends we TRULY trust, we can make provisions and make sure they are on the same page as we are when it comes to our pet's happiness. We're lucky; our provision families are as close to one another as they are to us, and it's been arranged that if something were to happen to us, we feel confident that they would be pragmatic and decent to sort out whom would be happiest where.
Keep in mind that any pet in a shelter that has been dropped off for silly reasons like "we're moving out of state, and everyone knows (state) doesn't allow pets" or "we're having a baby and babies and pets don't mix (a world class stupid thought process IMO, unless you own a man-eating Rottweiler that would surely be a danger) or "we got new furniture" (ugh, really?) right down to the elderly owner of the pet died/had to go into nursing care and the dog/cat/whatever is now in a shelter because the adult children couldn't make room for a cat or dog is probably feeling as lost, and as sad, and as unhappy as you are right now...as we've all felt after the loss of a friend. If you can donate a few hours a week to sitting with them, petting them, talking to them, or walking them (in the case of dogs), it might help you heal and help them realize someone still cares.
I've handled rescue horses and IME they're the closest non-cat like things you can get to cats. They're quiet, un-intrusive, and prefer calm and quiet company.
I'm not pushing you to volunteer, but if you do, you might find solace in helping horses or dogs with serious fear (non-aggressive) issues; dogs that are so wounded and damaged that they need someone who hurts as much as they do to help them come out of their shell. This can do wonders for our own pain and our own sorrow by taking those feelings and using them for good to help others that feel the same way we do.
If you don't volunteer now or never wish to do so, keep these thoughts in mind from this thread and pass them along.
Hugs..
 

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I am so terribly sorry you lost your boy. :bluepaw: I know how devastated you are. Thank you for sitting through my video, even though it made you cry. It is my way of sharing the pain of my loss, as well as the joy of the bond that my Lucy and I had. So glad that came through to you. Thank you for the compliment. :lovecat:
I can relate to you, your deep attachment to Lucy, and your heartbreaking grief. The crying, and the way you described it, yes, that's me too. It's a gut wrenching type of pain and sorrow from the depths of the heart. I felt that way this morning as I went outside to try to go to his grave. I was only able to stay there briefly. The music played, 'I Love Lucy', in your video really got to me. It's a hauntingly beautiful version. Did you play it yourself? If you did, it was very moving and profound, IMO.
 

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I can relate to you, your deep attachment to Lucy, and your heartbreaking grief. The crying, and the way you described it, yes, that's me too. It's a gut wrenching type of pain and sorrow from the depths of the heart. I felt that way this morning as I went outside to try to go to his grave. I was only able to stay there briefly. The music played, 'I Love Lucy', in your video really got to me. It's a hauntingly beautiful version. Did you play it yourself? If you did, it was very moving and profound, IMO.
:grouphug::hearthrob::rbheart::redheartpump::grouphug2:
 
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wt1964

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:hellocomputer::hearthrob: I Love the little charm of her and your beautiful words. :hearthrob::rbheart::angelcat::rbheart::redheartpump::grouphug::hugs::grouphug2::touched:
I haven't worn a piece of jewelry in I don't know how many years. Now, I only take this off when I shower.

The words are not mine. It's something I found on the Net...but it rang so very true, and I had enough pictures from over the years to back it up.
 
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I can relate to you, your deep attachment to Lucy, and your heartbreaking grief. The crying, and the way you described it, yes, that's me too. It's a gut wrenching type of pain and sorrow from the depths of the heart. I felt that way this morning as I went outside to try to go to his grave. I was only able to stay there briefly. The music played, 'I Love Lucy', in your video really got to me. It's a hauntingly beautiful version. Did you play it yourself? If you did, it was very moving and profound, IMO.
When we buried our last we made sure it was visible from every point on the house facing the south, and for awhile I was thinking "oh my God. I can't look out the window without being reminded. I can't walk outside without being reminded. This was a HUGE mistake."
2 years later I'm glad for it. I walk outside and I say hello to this pet. I keep the grave site cheerful as can be with flowers in the spring and summer, a cheerful garden flag on a shepherds hook, as well. I bring these thing in during the cold winter month,s but took care in weed-matting the area and keeping mulch there, as well as cheerful, bright solar lights that hang out year round. When the weather breaks, we put out fun things that remind us of their loves in life; toys, stones with sayings, etc. It doesn't necessarily "kill" the hurt, but it helps.
For a few months, the site was unable to be maintained due to weather. That hurt so deeply, but once the weather broke we gathered up our courage and spent a nice, lazy Sunday afternoon planting flowers, hanging out (and yes, having a beer or two, or 4! <g>) by this site. We reminisced about their time here with us and wondered aloud about what they are doing right now in the next life. We laughed about their silly things they did as babies and cried a bit.
It was an easy day, yet not easy, but healing. Tears flowed, but "stuff" happened to help us move on, and this "moving on" wasn't a way to "Forget" or "be ok with replacing" this pet. We let them move on, and moved on as well. Spiritually, it's hard to describe aside from we became OK with their passing and became OK with the knowledge that we'd see them again some day.
(Non-pet people will never understand this sentiment. They like to rank order love, as if humans deserve a certain percentage, and dogs deserve a percentage, and cats and others get the left overs. Poor saps, lol...real love is free, and unlimited and can be used for such good. I'd sure hate to be limited in that love...)
 

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I haven't worn a piece of jewelry in I don't know how many years. Now, I only take this off when I shower.
I have a charm I add too whenever a friend, human or pet, dies that I feel close to. A heart here, a cross there, and I wear it often but I'm so protective of it I rarely wear it outside of the home...and when I do, I constantly feel for this necklace to assure it hasn't fallen off!!!
I have a teardrop charm I got as a gift when my grandmother died, as well as a small heart when a very close friend of mine died, and a few crosses when pets died, etc.

As a side note, I've asked to be buried with this particular necklace whenever I should pass.
 
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wt1964

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I can relate to you, your deep attachment to Lucy, and your heartbreaking grief. The crying, and the way you described it, yes, that's me too. It's a gut wrenching type of pain and sorrow from the depths of the heart. I felt that way this morning as I went outside to try to go to his grave. I was only able to stay there briefly. The music played, 'I Love Lucy', in your video really got to me. It's a hauntingly beautiful version. Did you play it yourself? If you did, it was very moving and profound, IMO.
I have lost many loved ones, and certainly more than a few pets over the years, but is a type of despair I've never known. Sadly, it can sometimes have a hair-trigger. Much of the time I can stifle it if I feel I need to. Other times, not so much.

Yes, that is me playing the 'I Love Lucy' theme in the video. My girls always loved when I played my music, and when Lucy was tiny, she would curl up in my lap while I played my ukulele. I recorded that in her final months, with the idea of putting together the video after she was gone. It was also one of the songs I sang to her through my tears, in her final moments.
 

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This is beautiful.
For anyone "in" cats that hears "my cat is fat and lazy" will quickly realize these humans have unknowingly failed their cats due to doing NOTHING with them...building no relationship, no love, no nothing.
Your love for this cat brings tears to my eyes and I don't "just say that". Damn. You're so, so right on and could probably help a lot of owners who have no clue to bring a good relationship into the mix.
You rock. And I truly mean that.
I hope some day you'll find it OK to open your heart and life to another cat that needs you.
As a former foster parent I'd be elated to adopt a kitten or cat out to someone like you who shows such love.
 

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I have lost many loved ones, and certainly more than a few pets over the years, but is a type of despair I've never known. Sadly, it can sometimes have a hair-trigger. Much of the time I can stifle it if I feel I need to. Other times, not so much.

Yes, that is me playing the 'I Love Lucy' theme in the video. My girls always loved when I played my music, and when Lucy was tiny, she would curl up in my lap while I played my ukulele. I recorded that in her final months, with the idea of putting together the video after she was gone. It was also one of the songs I sang to her through my tears, in her final moments.
I actually have a work apron that has Lucille Ball's face with the "I Love Lucy" writing on it. I have never had a pet named Lucy, though I will say, I do love the simplicity in that name. We've thought about the name Lucy for our next dog or cat girl for years!
In our previously mentioned pets final moments, they were dying and we knew it. As peaceful as I feel about it now, 26 months later, I remember that impending panic I felt when the dying happened. I've heard it stated "like a piece of my soul was ripping away" but never experienced that until this particular pet died in front of my eyes. We read to him from one of our favorite books, "Intra Muros" by Rebecca Springer. (Intra Muros is Latin for "within the walls", or so I hear!!)
This book was written in the late 1800's and was one of the first NDE accounts I've read about.
The part we read to our pet was when she saw her long lost beloved dog in her vision of heaven, as well as a child that had died and had loved a kitten that had also died, and she spoke about how the two met in her vision of heaven.
When our dog was dying, it was a fast thing, thankfully, but it still brings tears to my eyes. We read these things out loud. We spoke to him and stroked him but didn't pick him up as there was no way of knowing if he was in pain or not. I still wonder if that was good or bad, but my senses tell me he knows we did the best we knew how to do and any mistakes made didn't matter, because our intentions were nothing but GOOD and we did all we could to ensure their happiness.

I'm sure some lurkers or readers out there are rolling their eyes at the NDE stuff and laughing at the "afterlife for pets" and that's fine. But until you've loved a pet so deeply, so dearly, and allowed them to knit their souls to yours and their death is like ripping a piece of yourself away....keep sneering.
 

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I have lost many loved ones, and certainly more than a few pets over the years, but is a type of despair I've never known. Sadly, it can sometimes have a hair-trigger. Much of the time I can stifle it if I feel I need to. Other times, not so much.

Yes, that is me playing the 'I Love Lucy' theme in the video. My girls always loved when I played my music, and when Lucy was tiny, she would curl up in my lap while I played my ukulele. I recorded that in her final months, with the idea of putting together the video after she was gone. It was also one of the songs I sang to her through my tears, in her final moments.
If I had been there to hear and see you and Lucy on her last precious day of life while you were singing to her, then I would have been sobbing I am sure.

When I was at work ( I only took a day and 1/2 off to process what had happened and mainly grieve) on Friday it was very hard. I couldn't stop feeling grief stricken all day about my sweet baby being gone, really gone. His life with me and his very last moments, the past 2 weeks, and me finding him at home when he had just passed, keep replaying like a movie in my mind and soul. I knew and dreaded that this would be my first weekend without him in my life. Knowing that I can no longer see him again. Ever. No more greeting me by the door or being in the front window when I come home each day from a long day. No more sleeping with me each night, being with me when I was sick, no more following me around as soon as I awaken each day.

I go outside now to my large privacy fenced backyard and he no longer is there to follow me outside, and he loved being outside, taking a sunbath, or laying in the shade under the gardenia or camellia bushes. I do have two other, unrelated, rescue cats that came to my home after being abandoned and I took them in to take care of, but I don't have that very deep, love, bond with either of them. They have never slept with me, only my other dear cat, 'D', who just died from terminal cancer, slept with me and had since he was an 8 week old kitten. My other two rescued cats have been a small source of comfort to me.
 

dustydiamond1

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I haven't worn a piece of jewelry in I don't know how many years. Now, I only take this off when I shower.

The words are not mine. It's something I found on the Net...but it rang so very true, and I had enough pictures from over the years to back it up.
:hearthrob: The words are apt and the photos beautiful.:redheartpump:
:rbheart: A friend had a ring in the shape of a heart with a little pawprint on it to hold a small quantity of her beloved dogs ashes when he passed. When she goes she will have it buried with her. I believe this is the website. There are some very lovely pieces.
www.memorialgallerypets.com :angelcat:
 

dustydiamond1

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If I had been there to hear and see you and Lucy on her last precious day of life while you were singing to her, then I would have been sobbing I am sure.

When I was at work ( I only took a day and 1/2 off to process what had happened and mainly grieve) on Friday it was very hard. I couldn't stop feeling grief stricken all day about my sweet baby being gone, really gone. His life with me and his very last moments, the past 2 weeks, and me finding him at home when he had just passed, keep replaying like a movie in my mind and soul. I knew and dreaded that this would be my first weekend without him in my life. Knowing that I can no longer see him again. Ever. No more greeting me by the door or being in the front window when I come home each day from a long day. No more sleeping with me each night, being with me when I was sick, no more following me around as soon as I awaken each day.

I go outside now to my large privacy fenced backyard and he no longer is there to follow me outside, and he loved being outside, taking a sunbath, or laying in the shade under the gardenia or camellia bushes. I do have two other, unrelated, rescue cats that came to my home after being abandoned and I took them in to take care of, but I don't have that very deep, love, bond with either of them. They have never slept with me, only my other dear cat, 'D', who just died from terminal cancer, slept with me and had since he was an 8 week old kitten. My other two rescued cats have been a small source of comfort to me.
:hearthrob::alright: :hugs: :grouphug::hearthrob::rbheart::redheartpump::grouphug2:
 

dustydiamond1

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I actually have a work apron that has Lucille Ball's face with the "I Love Lucy" writing on it. I have never had a pet named Lucy, though I will say, I do love the simplicity in that name. We've thought about the name Lucy for our next dog or cat girl for years!
In our previously mentioned pets final moments, they were dying and we knew it. As peaceful as I feel about it now, 26 months later, I remember that impending panic I felt when the dying happened. I've heard it stated "like a piece of my soul was ripping away" but never experienced that until this particular pet died in front of my eyes. We read to him from one of our favorite books, "Intra Muros" by Rebecca Springer. (Intra Muros is Latin for "within the walls", or so I hear!!)
This book was written in the late 1800's and was one of the first NDE accounts I've read about.
The part we read to our pet was when she saw her long lost beloved dog in her vision of heaven, as well as a child that had died and had loved a kitten that had also died, and she spoke about how the two met in her vision of heaven.
When our dog was dying, it was a fast thing, thankfully, but it still brings tears to my eyes. We read these things out loud. We spoke to him and stroked him but didn't pick him up as there was no way of knowing if he was in pain or not. I still wonder if that was good or bad, but my senses tell me he knows we did the best we knew how to do and any mistakes made didn't matter, because our intentions were nothing but GOOD and we did all we could to ensure their happiness.

I'm sure some lurkers or readers out there are rolling their eyes at the NDE stuff and laughing at the "afterlife for pets" and that's fine. But until you've loved a pet so deeply, so dearly, and allowed them to knit their souls to yours and their death is like ripping a piece of yourself away....keep sneering.
:hearthrob::alright: I know none of us TCSers are rolling eyes or laughing and if lurkers are on this site they are probably not either but if they are, well their loss. What make me shake my head are the idiots who claim animals can't go to heaven because they don't have souls. They have never looked deeply into the eyes of a beloved pet who loves you, for me it isn't heaven unless my four footed loved ones are there with me.:rbheart:
 
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