Old cat terrified of new kitten

[kyrie]

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• kyrie
• Nov 5, 2014

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• kyrie
• Nov 5, 2014

Hello!

I have 2 older cats Madison (tabby to the right) and Victoria (tabby on the left). They were strays I rescued after their mom abandoned their litter and didn't cut the umbilical cord so all 5 from the litter were all entangled & sadly one of the cats died due to the cord being wrapped tightly around him
Any who my M & V are now about 5 1/2 years old & the most perfect cats a girl could ask for!
I recently took in a stray kitten who must be around 8 months old that I call Binx. Found him curled up in the cold & me being the cat obsessed gal I am had to take him in! I wasn't planning on keeping him but he's grown on me & I would feel heart broken to give him to another home. My problem is that he and my Madison do not get along. Anytime he even hears her down the hall he immediately takes off after her. She's so terrified that she will only eat if I'm in the room able to keep him away from her. He doesn't do this with Victoria & loves to cuddle with her but for some reason he's always going after Madison. She's had cuts from him doing this to her. He has plenty of toys & I try to spend a few hours playing with him hoping this will help but so far it hasn't. I've tried putting them in separate rooms which he ends up scratching on the door so bad & crying I have to let him out. I also read somewhere to grab the back of his neck gently and hiss at him when he does this but again this doesn't work. I thought that it would work itself out but it's been over 1 1/2 months & it seems to have gotten worse. I hate seeing Madison so afraid and scared since she's been my baby for so long. Its so heart wrenching when she refuses to come out in the open except for a quick food time when I can shield her. I don't want to have to find a home for Binx but I dont think I can put Madison through anymore of this if there is no hope it will get better for her.

Is there anything else I can try? Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

 

[silmarien]

Can you separate the kitten from the scared cat? I'd do so if you can. 

Usually they work this stuff out on their own, and it can take WAY longer than just 6 weeks to resolve.  Expect 6 months to a year for them to figure out the pecking order.  I'd give the scared kitty time away from the kitten and a safe place she can go to get away when the "playing" becomes too intense if you cannot just separate them completely.

 

[MoochNNoodles]

Welcome to TCS! 

Have they all been spayed/neutered?  

We usually recommend separating the newbie from the residents and reintroducing them.  It is normal for it to take even several months to get through the introduction process.  For some cats; patience is essential.  It's hard if you live where space is limited (and because Binx is used to having free reign) but it's not impossible either.  

You can also try Feliway diffusers or calming collars.  They might help 

 

[kyrie]

She does have errors that she can go where Binx isn't able to jump up to since he's a kitten but she's such a mommas girl she just stares at me so sad like wanting to cuddle but can't because of him. I do take her aside & try to give her attention just us but I can tell how sad she is.

M & v are fixed but I haven't taken Binx to get done yet since I'm not 100% on his age and our local vet has an age requirement of 10 months.

I just find it odd that he wouldn't go after v only m. I will definitely have to get my hands on the feliway diffuser and see if that helps!

 

[starbuk]

I know this sounds simple but if you made a big loud fuss in scaring the cat away from your girl, I would be very surprised if the kitten didn't take off running and if this went on regularly that the kitten wouldn't eventually stop. Please let me know your thoughts.

 

[MoochNNoodles]

She does have errors that she can go where Binx isn't able to jump up to since he's a kitten but she's such a mommas girl she just stares at me so sad like wanting to cuddle but can't because of him. I do take her aside & try to give her attention just us but I can tell how sad she is.

M & v are fixed but I haven't taken Binx to get done yet since I'm not 100% on his age and our local vet has an age requirement of 10 months.

I just find it odd that he wouldn't go after v only m. I will definitely have to get my hands on the feliway diffuser and see if that helps!

10 months is much older than I have always heard.  May I ask where you are from?  I know practices can vary greatly depending on what country you live in.  The minimum I have heard is 2 pounds and at most 6 months of age.  If he is sexually maturing that will increase this sort of behavior as well as your chance for problems with spraying and aggression.  Is there another vet you can get a second opinion on this from?

I know this sounds simple but if you made a big loud fuss in scaring the cat away from your girl, I would be very surprised if the kitten didn't take off running and if this went on regularly that the kitten wouldn't eventually stop. Please let me know your thoughts.

I would be afraid this would scare the already scared cat more.  It may take some level of intervention in the end; but I'm not sure this alone would solve this sort of problem.

 

[kyrie]

I guess I worry that if I just made loud noises he would just become afraid of me which is something I dont want since he already is a pretty skiddish cat. That's why I figured I would do the whole hiss & gently grab his neck like a mom cat would hoping he would start to respect me as his mom or as an alpha cat if you will. That's also why I don't want to use a spray bottle like I've seen some people suggest.
When I first took him in he purred for 4 days straight & he hasn't left my side since. As soon as I get home from work he whines until I pick him up and hold him for a bit then he's pretty much attatched to my hip & won't leave my side. Anytime I have guests over he immediately runs to his favorite hiding spot under my bed & won't come out until they leave as he's afraid of everyone but me.
I find it's worse in my bedroom so today I've been trying to just seperate them by putting Maddie up on a dresser where he can't jump up but she's just as attached to my hip as he is, or at least she was and still wants to be, so she just jumps down wanting to be next to me.

 

[kyrie]

10 months is much older than I have always heard.  May I ask where you are from?  I know practices can vary greatly depending on what country you live in.  The minimum I have heard is 2 pounds and at most 6 months of age.  If he is sexually maturing that will increase this sort of behavior as well as your chance for problems with spraying and aggression.  Is there another vet you can get a second opinion on this from?

I'm from a small town in Minnesota, we are pretty much Canada where I'm from, and there is only the 1 vet around. I could drive a couple hours and see if the vet there would be able to help me.

 

[sue1966]

They will work it out between them so try not to worry! [emoji]128522[/emoji] Iv got a 5 year old and about 3 months ago we got a 12 week old ginger Tom. My older cat Eddie is my baby, very cuddly and loving , he's that spoilt iv even sat on the floor and fed him out of my hand as sometimes he won't eat out of his bowl! [emoji]128563[/emoji] Anyway we got Burt the ginger Tom, well what a nightmare, the past few weeks have been hell. He started attacking Eddie all the time , biting his neck and head, even pulling his fur out. Eddie was scared to come indoors, he stopped giving me cuddles, I was so upset. We got Burt neutered 3 weeks ago, he's still a little monster but seems to have calmed down a tad as the last 5 evenings Eddie has started coming back indoors and they've both been curled up on either end of the sofa, I still have to tell Burt to leave Eddie alone sometimes and he's started to take notice where as before he was so vicious. And the best thing ever is that my Eddie has started giving me cuddles again and is curled up on me at the moment! I know it's upsetting but be patient and eventually things will get better [emoji]128522[/emoji][emoji]128512[/emoji]

 

[MoochNNoodles]

I'm from a small town in Minnesota, we are pretty much Canada where I'm from, and there is only the 1 vet around. I could drive a couple hours and see if the vet there would be able to help me.

It may be worth calling places to see what can be done and then you can weigh the costs and your options.  

 

[Anne]

That is very sweet of you to take in a third rescue, and I have to say, all of your cats are beautiful!

Introducing a new cat is almost always a challenge. I agree that the best strategy is to separate them and then go through a gradual introduction process as described here - 

http://www.thecatsite.com/a/introducing-cats-to-cats

If you don't do that, they may eventually learn to tolerate each other's presence, but it will be a very stressful period for them, so keep your eye open for any other stressors and potential stress-related problems. More about stress in cats - 

How to Tell if Your Cat is Stressed Out

Six Surefire Strategies to Reduce Stress in Cats

Potential Stressors in Cats - The Ultimate Checklist

Last, but not least, when they're having a negative interaction, you need to stay calm. I'm afraid it's never a good idea to shout at a cat, least of all when that cat is in an agitated state. Shouting at the aggressor is only likely to make both cats even more scared of one another. To quote from this article about breaking up cat fights - 

Yelling and screaming to break up a cat fight is not recommended. Cats react to our stress level. If you are upset and anxious, making a lot of noise, look for the cat fight to accelerate not diminish. Staying calm tends to work the best.

 

[Margret]

You definitely need to call around and find someone who will neuter Binx. Waiting until you think he's ten months old basically means that he will always be masculine, with all of the spraying and aggression issues that tom cats have. There is no good medical reason to wait that long. But do your research by telephone; doing it in person would cost you a lot more in gasoline than a few long distance charges would.

Margret

 

[minxmcleod]

My reply is going to be a little different then all the other replies you have received and heres why: I have had a cat and/or cats all my 56 years of living so far and one of the first things you do, if you want a really great loving gentle kitty, is to get it spayed or neutered at 4-months of age which is the approximate age the normal average usa vet recommends (adopting from a shelter it's done at 8-weeks). But above everything that needs to be done in order to maintain a "happy home" environment is for you to always make sure that each and every kitty that you have become a part of your life and your family understands and knows that you above anyone else or any other kitty is The Alpha Kitty and the Boss and that there are house rules that need to be enforced. Once you've established yourself as the Alpa Cat then in a manner of speaking all the cats in your household will look to you for order in the group. It takes patience, kindness towards your cats, love, affection, respect, taking up for a kiity in the home that's being picked on or bullied, sometimes a stern look if a kitty is being to aggressive one day or a stern low toned noooooo, but it never takes shouting, anger or physical spanking or anything like that. Doing anything physically harmful to a cat like hitting, slapping or spanking immediately destroys any trust and or bond you might have with that cat as the bond you once had is immediately severed. Cats are not forgiving like Dogs are or can be. Once you hurt a Cat that Cat will forever try to escape from you and once it does, if it ever does, it will never come back. But showing your Cat or Cats that you're the Alpa Cat of the Family Home will gain you the respect you need and require in order to maintain a happy place for all your furry felines. Just make sure you always get them spayed and/or neutered as a Top Priority or there will be cayoss untill you do and also one more real quick thing: most female cats will only like one male cat at a time in the family of her choosing and as long as that male cat she chose is around she is not going to be nice to or cozy up next to a new male cat. Now maybe not all female cats are like this but this has been my lifetime experience of having both male & female cats and watching the interaction by both all these years. I'm speaking entirely upon experience with domestic indoor cats, not outdoor cats of any kind. Good Luck with Binx and M & V.

 

[maui cheetah]

Minx great info.  I'd like to add that it will help if you trim Binx's claws (usually only front claws are necessary) it will help wear and tear of your little girl cat.  I've had many cats and had to introduce kittens into established households and it is a process.  Sometimes they don't ever get along but Binx is showing aggression because of his testosterone and he needs to get fixed.  The procedure is snip, snip.  No big deal.  Seriously I've watched them do it and it takes like two minutes and the cat is out and about the next day.  Once this happens you'll have to start over because he will smell like vet and cats hate vet smell.  Keep him in a kennel when you bring him back from the vet because the pain meds will make him loopy and he can hurt himself.  You do have to show them all who is boss but always, each and every cat on the planet has its own personality (or cat-ality).  The number one thing they are after is your attention so best is to separate the two instead of putting Binx in the room, take the other cat in and sit with her till she's calm and you're calm then leave her there.  And the number one important thing to remember is to stay calm.  When you get stressed, the cats reflect this and it only makes matters worse.  I used the routine of holding my kitten down by the back of the neck and growling like a momma cat and it worked well but he was only a few months old.  He slept in a kennel until he was fixed. When he went after my male and got too agro I scooped him up and tossed him in my bedroom for a time out.  If he scratches and cries let him.  If you relent because he scratches and cries he will know that he can get away with it (and trimming his claws will help wear and tear on your door).  Males are different than females.  They are very affectionate and possessive.  When my kitten went after my female she just growled at him and he left her alone.  When he was overpowering my male Yoda I told him he could teach him a lesson just once but I didn't want to see it or hear it.  The next day my kitten Obi had a cat bite which caused several trips to the vet to drain the absess and antibiotics then probiotics. I told Yoda no more lessons but it worked like a charm.  Now they are best buddies.  My female doesn't like either of them but we all manage to co-exist.  Good luck!

 

[minxmcleod]

It's so funny how all our cats become like our children on one hand and our best friends on the other. I have the distinct pleasure of being the owner of 6 male indoor cats that range in age now from 6-mo's to about 10-years and they all provide me with great joy and fun and laughter everyday and altho most days are wonderful one of my Cats is very protective of me to the point of growling (like a dog) and moaning and circling any strangers that might come knocking on our front door that we don't know which is why I have a red & black warning sign above my front door that states "Attack Cat". All my other 5 cats just run and hide but not my Ziggy Cat. He can be very intimidating to anyone we don't know that's not family, so sometimes he gets a little aggressive with my elder cat inflicting pain on my elderly cat which I don't tolerate so all I have to do as the Boss and Alpha Cat is intervine by sternly speak to the Aggresser, state his name and tell him nooooooooo in my Momma Alpa Cat stern voice and then I point my finger towards the other room telling the Aggressor to go in the other room and to leave the elderly kitty alone, that he is being ugly and needs to leave him alone and go to "time out". Now to some people this may seem weird but I've owned cats all my 56 years of life (females & males) and I have always been able to train my Cats to live very wonderful harmonious lives together with me and my family with simple verbal commands without ever having to raise my voice or get angry or lose my temper. I've always shown my cats great respect and tons of love and affection so they are extremely sensitive to the fact if I get upset with one that might try and pull the "Aggression" or "Bully" card one day because if and when they do I'm able to shut it down very quickly letting them know their behavior is not making me happy and therefore agression usually lasts no more than a few minutes and then our happy home goes back to normal.

 

[kyrie]

Thanks everyone for the replies! I tried the feliway diffuser & it worked wonders......for the first week. Binx was extremely calm & just wanted to cuddle all the time. Then all of a sudden it just seemed to revert back to the old way. I do trim his front nails & I've been trying to give them more separate attention. Madison loves to be in the bathroom with me because I think she likes the sound of the water. As soon as the shower turns on she runs to the bathroom & starts purring. I've been just shutting her & I in there to give her some extra attention. Or she really likes to play fetch with pony tails so I try to keep Binx distracted while I fling a pony tail across the room for Maddie. I have noticed that Binx has gotten much more whiney. As soon as I get home he whines until I pick him up. Then when I set him down continues to whine. Even if he lays on the couch with me he will start meowing.
I was able to find a vet that would neuter him however he is booked for the next month. I was so excited when the feliway started working. I put it in one night & by morning I noticed a huge change. I thought this was the miracle product & was ready to buy in bulk! I really wish it would continue to work so Maddie wouldn't have to be under such stress until he goes in.