Not yet ready to adopt...

[jlc20m]

I visited the Vancouver SPCA today just to view some cats/kittens today. I couldn't handle being there more than 10 minutes before running out of the shelter crying my eyes out. I'm not ready to bring a new baby into my life yet. I need to still do more grieving over my baby Bella's loss. Also, knowing that many of those beautiful fur beings I seen today won't get a home and will be euthanized made me cry even more. I need to wait and do more mourning. I guess I'll know when I'm ready. Those that got or will get adopted, I hope go to loving homes. I'm still shaken and teary from this experience. I'm wondering if anyone has gone through something similar. By no means is my grieving situation unique. However, it's only been three weeks and two days since my baby died suddenly and suffered horrendously. Thank you for reading.

Jlc20m

P.S. Did I betray my Bella by seeing kittens today??? I hope not...

 

[kittymommy3]

You didn't betray her in anyway 

 Some people just take longer to adopt a new furbaby than others. I myself didn't adopt another cat after my beloved Tom for nearly 7 years and I don't think I could ever handle having a black and white baby in my home again, reminds me to much of my first friend and its painful.

Then when my baby Galaxy passed I swore I'd never get another cat in my life no matter what. But Nova appeared in our lives and I just couldn't say no to that sweet little kitten face begging for love. Once again I swore no more, but Leo was so small and helpless and needed our love so badly so we took him in without a second thought. Once again, we swore absolutely no more but Mercury was going to be put in a shelter (one I later found out was a kill shelter) if we didn't take him and he's the most loving cat I've ever seen.

Just take your time, you'll know when the time, and cat, is right for you to help you start healing. Good vibes your way so that you may begin to heal from your loss and spend your love on another little furbaby in due time. 

 

 

[melhomer]

My beautiful cat winston died last week he was only about two and a half I took him in as a stray he developed breathing problems and died in my arms at the vet
It totally traumatised me and I miss my black and white boy
I think some people thought I was being a bit silly crying so much about a cat but I loved him so much and miss him terribly
It's been helpful reading this site and knowing other people love their cats as much as I loved winston
I wish he would come jumping over the fence and cry every day
I am going to the cat rescue centre today as want to adopt a kitten or two

 

[jcat]

You'll know inside when it's time to welcome a new cat or kitten into your life. For some people, it might be a matter of days, while for others it could be weeks or months. The new little family member won't replace the one you lost, but will help cheer you up while you're grieving.

 

[rosiemac]

If anything,  Bella possibly played a part in you going to the shelter?.

Adopt when your ready, but  when you do finally make the move it doesn't mean you won't forget Bella

 

[jlc20m]

You didn't betray her in anyway   Some people just take longer to adopt a new furbaby than others. I myself didn't adopt another cat after my beloved Tom for nearly 7 years and I don't think I could ever handle having a black and white baby in my home again, reminds me to much of my first friend and its painful.

Then when my baby Galaxy passed I swore I'd never get another cat in my life no matter what. But Nova appeared in our lives and I just couldn't say no to that sweet little kitten face begging for love. Once again I swore no more, but Leo was so small and helpless and needed our love so badly so we took him in without a second thought. Once again, we swore absolutely no more but Mercury was going to be put in a shelter (one I later found out was a kill shelter) if we didn't take him and he's the most loving cat I've ever seen.

Just take your time, you'll know when the time, and cat, is right for you to help you start healing. Good vibes your way so that you may begin to heal from your loss and spend your love on another little furbaby in due time.   

Thank you for your reply and sharing your story with me. You are right...readiness can't be rushed. At this point, I'm wondering if I'll be able to adopt another kitten. My heart continues to ache for Bella. This is hard...


Jlc20m

 

[jlc20m]

You'll know inside when it's time to welcome a new cat or kitten into your life. For some people, it might be a matter of days, while for others it could be weeks or months. The new little family member won't replace the one you lost, but will help cheer you up while you're grieving.

Please accept my safe hugs for your post. Your support is appreciated beyond words. I would love to love another kitten but I'm still at the point in my healing that I want Bella in my life not another. I know this sounds ridiculous but this is where I'm at. I hope I can move beyond this as I know there is a baby out there somewhere needing love and a home. Thank you...

Jlc20m

 

[jlc20m]

If anything,  Bella possibly played a part in you going to the shelter?.

Adopt when your ready, but  when you do finally make the move it doesn't mean you won't forget Bella

Thank you. In going to the shelter I was "testing" myself to see if I'm ready to accept another little baby into my heart because I want to love a kitten irl not just in spirit as I am now doing with Bella. I love animals so much and want to save a little one. I hope I can do this as soon as I'm ready. Yes, I think Bella would want me to share my heart with another baby. She was extremely loving and sweet. I miss her so very, very much. Thank you...

Jlc20m

 

[peaches08]

I adopted these 3 cats 8 days after putting my dear Grey to sleep. I figured that it would be a nice tribute to her life to give 3 cats a home. I didn't want to deal with kitten antics so I adopted a 1-1.5 year old, and two 8 month old cats. There were days that I still locked myself in the bathroom and cried my eyes out over missing Grey, but I knew that it had nothing to do with the new cats. I just simply missed Grey. Still do. But I love these new cats too. It's just a little different. And that's OK. It took years to develop the love I had for Grey; it will for these too.

Give yourself time to grieve.

 

[melhomer]

I am going to adopt two kittens end October
They will never replace winston but I can't stand being without a cat it's sad missing him

 

[di and bob]

When my Chrissy died, my husband and I went to the shelter a week later and paid for 3 adoptions in her name. We weren't ready for another cat, but wanted to do something. It gave 3 cats another chance at life, and helped 3 people to adopt that maybe couldn't have, perhaps an elderly person or a young one just starting out, but who had a lot of love to give. It made us feel a little better. Also, I don't know what I would have done with out my 'boys' to keep my mind from dwelling constantly on my loss. Other cats in the house DO help in dealing with your loss. They'll never replace her, or bring her back, but they can make you smile, and they do demand attention. The only way I can live day to day is to keep my mind and my heart busy.

 

[melhomer]

I miss winston terribly he's only been gone a week it seems eternal
My children are desperate to have another cat though and I have put my name down for two kittens who are 3 weeks old from cat rescue and will be ready end October
I am thinking of cat mommy and a kitten though
They will not replace my lovely furr ball but most people think getting another cat will help heal

 

[dan32]

I had to go out many, many times to look at possible candidates after the loss of a long time companion.  I even volunteered at a shelter for several months afterward as if doing some penance for my loss.  It did expose me to many cats at once so I could at least see that I wasn't ready..

At first, maybe you are looking for your departed companion in those eyes, but know that each is unique in their own way.  Some little darling will melt your heart when it is time.

 

[jmeeko10]

yeah its not easy .. I have been there in 2 yrs ago ... I had my jasper cat for 4 yrs till found out he had bladder infection it got me hit my heart down so badly! been cried lots cause Jasper is my best friend and love him it is hard not want to let him go and want to take care of him but vet tried to unblock his urine for 2 or 3 hours but nothing work cant take him home to take care or his bladder will be burst in anytime so I hold him in my arm and died in my arm when vet put him to sleep it got hit me so hard to cry lots and been everyday cried and I couldnt sleep very well cause seeing my cat was around in my home when I live with my mom it hard for me everyday for a month till my mom thought why not get a kitten and make me feel better so she got me new kitten name is Meeko and I was smiling new kitten but still not so happy to see my Jasper was passed away it was so sad!! and when finally I got good sleep and I felt from my leg that must be my Jasper was in spirit beside my leg and I thought he tried telling me that he is okay now no more suffer painful in his bladder and he want me feel better around with new kitten and turned out I was fine now and spend with my Meeko who is now 2 yrs old .. yes I still miss my Jasper ..He was so smart guy

 

[sonadora]

First,  Jlc20m, I am so sorry for your loss. Our felines are our friends, and as my childhood friend continues to age (over 15-16, now) I dread the day when I will face the same pain you are going through right now. 

Just one more thought...I work with many volunteers doing pet rescue, some of which who are still grieving but find solace in helping care for fostered/homeless cats. Shelters always need help cleaning kennels, as well as local rescue organizations. Again, just a mild suggestion. I agree with the others who have posted here, take all the time you need. We are all here to help and support! So much love going your way <3

 

[lilin]

It is completely ok for you to not be ready yet. I'm sure Bella would be happy that you want to keep giving all the love you gave her, but you also shouldn't feel bad if you aren't there yet. None of us can save them all, and that's why it's important that we pick the ones we do save carefully -- make sure we're ready, make sure we can give them the kind of home and love that particular cat needs, etc.

I adopted Pia about a week after Pearl died. And honestly, I hadn't really intended to adopt so soon. I have some shelters on my Facebook, and I see adoptable cats all the time. I saw plenty in the days after Pearl died. But something was just different about Pia. There was a video of her, and even just from that, I knew I was supposed to adopt her.

I was still grieving hard, and I was worried that I would be tempted to think, "But that's not how Pearl did it," or that I wouldn't be able to bond to Pia while still missing Pearl. But for me, I was able to keep those things pretty well separated. It didn't make me stop missing Pearl -- not at all. But the fact that I was grieving just made Pia's high degree sensitivity that much more special.

But for a lot of people, it can take months or even years to be ready to take in another animal. We all grieve in different ways, and there's no sense in adopting a cat when you aren't ready. There will be a cat there for you when the time is better, and no lives will be lost because you aren't ready now. If you adopted a cat now, that's a cat you wouldn't adopt later, so it's not any different. We can only do what we can do.

If you are really feeling the drive to help, but are still not ready, I think sonadora's suggestion might be worth giving thought to. You can help kitties without taking them home.

 

[takhana]

After Snowball died this September we were offered about five kittens from various friends and distant family (still not entirely certain who feels that's appropriate... but I guess they were trying to help) but we turned them down as we felt that we would be replacing both of my girls. Which we aren't, and will never do, but it was just too soon. It still is. I figure you'll know when you know. Don't feel guilty about the kitties you saw, I'm sure they'll find loving homes - and they'll make someone else very happy.

 

[betsygee]

When I lost my 'only child' Skittles at age 17-1/2, it was so painful I didn't think I'd ever be able to have another cat.  I was surprised as anybody else to find myself at the SPCA three weeks later, adopting not one but two kittens.  I just couldn't stand the house without a cat in it.  It's been almost four years now--I love my new kitty family to death but I still miss my Skittles.  

 

[stewball]

yeah its not easy .. I have been there in 2 yrs ago ... I had my jasper cat for 4 yrs till found out he had bladder infection it got me hit my heart down so badly! been cried lots cause Jasper is my best friend and love him it is hard not want to let him go and want to take care of him but vet tried to unblock his urine for 2 or 3 hours but nothing work cant take him home to take care or his bladder will be burst in anytime so I hold him in my arm and died in my arm when vet put him to sleep it got hit me so hard to cry lots and been everyday cried and I couldnt sleep very well cause seeing my cat was around in my home when I live with my mom it hard for me everyday for a month till my mom thought why not get a kitten and make me feel better so she got me new kitten name is Meeko and I was smiling new kitten but still not so happy to see my Jasper was passed away it was so sad!! and when finally I got good sleep and I felt from my leg that must be my Jasper was in spirit beside my leg and I thought he tried telling me that he is okay now no more suffer painful in his bladder and he want me feel better around with new kitten and turned out I was fine now and spend with my Meeko who is now 2 yrs old .. yes I still miss my Jasper ..He was so smart guy

You made me cry. Lotto died in May Also in my arms. He was 18-1/2 and had all sorts of things wrong. I had to let him go for him.
About 4 years ago my gentle died. The vet put her down and she also died in my arms. The vet brought me a chair and left me alone in the surgery. I held her so close to me. Something she would never have allowed. My tears soaked her fur. I cried so much. I carried on crying all the way home and still am. I still hady lotto though for another few years. I still miss her. She had such a personality. She could be so funny but not meaning to be. My lovely tabby baby.
I was very ill after I lost lotto.
But in June I got my whisky and in august my blighty.

 

[jmeeko10]

oh really?? that so sad hate being lose .. I still have my Jasper's ash in the little vase in my bedroom just like wont let him go and want him stay around with me thats how I really miss him alots! since 2 yrs .. 

last week I was took a nap on the couch not really couch itis futon and I sleep till I thought it was my cat Meeko walk then laying down as I CAN FEEL! heavy then I woke up OHH!!!!!?? my cat Meeko is sleeping on the floor and how can I can feel heavy walk and it make me think must be Jasper in sprite and I was feel happy that Jasper is still around yes Jasper is my very best friend