Not clicking with kittens

[chellen2]

I posted before because I already have cats but my oldest and favorite cat passed away over the summer. I realize that no other cat can replace her.
However, due to the fact that my other cats were semi-feral, I would really like to have a normal cat again.
I looked at adults at the shelter but nobody really "clicked." I realize that it's very difficult under those circumstances to assess a cat's personality. However, I also looked at kittens, from rescues. I didn't have the opportunity to be with any of them one on one. However, they were not very interested in me at all.
They just wanted to run around and play and act like kittens. So, I didn't really get anything out of that, either. I don't want to end up with just another cat in the house, that isn't really bonded with me. A lot of people have suggested that getting a kitten will give me a better chance but the volunteers with the rescue told me that, that isn't true.
I'm not sure how to go about finding a cat, at this point.

 

[FeebysOwner]

Hi. There is no blanket statement that fits kittens or cats into a 'category' about how they may or may not bond. A mature cat who has lost their owner could bond with another person very well, due to the need to replace what they once knew. It could take time, of course, because they have had changes in their life that they need to adapt to. Kittens will be kittens and can bond just as easily, but anyone who adopts a kitten knows that they will have to endure kittenhood first. But bonding can occur during that time too.

I am sure others will have different ideas, but personally speaking, I think you will 'feel' something when you come across the 'right' cat/kitten. Tbh, there isn't much of a way to go about it otherwise. How a cat or kitten responds to you during a single interaction may or may not have any bearing on what happens once you bring them home. You really should try to spend some one on one time with any of them that you are interested in - not sure why the rescues weren't enabling that.

If you are not feeling something with any of these kittens/cats, don't rush into taking one home just for the sake of doing so. You may just need multiple trips to rescues/shelters before you find one that somehow 'speaks to you' in some manner.

Some might suggest you try fostering as a trial period with a kitten or cat. I normally don't suggest doing that because, if it were me, once I brought them home, I couldn't bear to take them back.

 

[Furballsmom]

Hi
Speaking of volunteers, can you do that for a while, or foster?

Foster fails happen all the time, but on the flip side it gives you the opportunity to allow that cat(s)/kitten(s) to be out of the shelter for the time until they're adopted, and it opens up some space in the shelter/rescue.

 

[susanm9006]

It’s a slower way but consider looking at places like Nextdoor that have posts regarding rehoming. This would allow you to meet a cat in a setting they are more comfortable in and find a cat that has already been a loved household pet. It also gives you the opportunity to ask current owner about their personality.

 

[Alldara]

Wait until something "clicks" for you.

You may not be ready to bond or you may not have found the ones yet!

 

[Caspers Human]

You may not be ready to bond or you may not have found the ones yet!

I wanted to say almost the same thing... Maybe you just aren't ready to have a cat, yet.

I suggest just chilling out, for a while. Don't worry about getting another cat until you're good and ready.
Don't worry. When the time comes, you'll know.

 

[Alldara]

I wanted to say almost the same thing... Maybe you just aren't ready to have a cat, yet.

I suggest just chilling out, for a while. Don't worry about getting another cat until you're good and ready.
Don't worry. When the time comes, you'll know.

Exactly.

And don't worry about it being a kitten, C chellen2
Older cat will be more set in their personality. You'll know from thr foster or from your visit if they'll be a lap cat or similar. With a kitten some is taught and some you just hope it'll happen. Both our adopted kittens went through stages of not cuddling. Magnus isn't a lap cat but is very affectionate. We got Ghost as an adult. He was cuddly at the store and has remained so (as long as its not too hot).

 

[Hellenww]

You may not be ready to bond or you may not have found the ones yet!

I was going to say this also. Meeting cats the way you have is a good way to test when your ready. Don't go in with the idea that your going to take ne home, just go for the show, a nd one day you'll know.

 

[di and bob]

I have found over 60 years that males seem to be more affetionate, but there are those special females.....I, myself, would get an older cat, just because i know what bringing up a kitten entails, and I just don't have the energy. Don't go by how they act in the shelter, a shy one may be just that. get to know them if you can. my cats run and hide everytime a starnger comes over but are all very affectionate. An outgoing one at the shelter may be a handful, you never know. I gravitate more towards cats that have sad stories, like the owners died, etc., they need homes through no fault of their own, so ask for their stories.

 

[Caspers Human]

An outgoing one at the shelter may be a handful, you never know.

When I was a kid, I was taught that, when you're looking at a litter, watch which ones come for attention, first.

The first one to come up and greet a stranger are, often, the most outgoing and the last ones are usually more skittish. IF you like an outgoing cat, pick the first or second one to come. If you want a quiet cat, pick one of the later.

The ones in the middle of the pack are usually the ones that adjust to new homes and get along with their new humans a lot easier.

Of course, this isn't the only reason to pick a particular kitten from a litter but it's one thing to watch. Everybody is different and every cat is different. Who knows which kitten will be "the one." It's all up to individual preferences.

For instance, if one of them just hops up in your lap and starts purring and you just fall in love, that's probably "the one."

 

[di and bob]

I agree!

 

[LeiLatte]

If you want to be that saint of a person, adopt an elderly cat or one that is less likely to be adopted. If you want kittens, I would definitely get a bonded pair or siblings who get along. They keep each other company and take some of the need for playtime off of you.

I have tried adopting kittens that were more outgoing because that translated to me as healthy and less likely to get sick, but you just never know what you’re getting lol. A few I chose like that ended up being territorial and didn’t get along well with others. And the quiet kittens may be more independent or less affectionate. You can’t really assess in a shelter setting and the cats take a long time for their personality to show. From my experience, the boys are more affectionate and like to cuddle but not every cat is the same.

 

[chellen2]

As far as males and females, I've had the opposite experience. My females have been very affectionate and the males just want to eat all day long.

 

[Biomehanika]

As far as males and females, I've had the opposite experience. My females have been very affectionate and the males just want to eat all day long.

For some reason there is a belief that males are more affectionate with people than females. That is totally untrue IMO, it all depends on the individual cat mostly. My old boy Bentley (male) who passed away was extremely affectionate and wanted to be with me constantly, but his bonded gf who he left behind, Bitsy, is also very very affectionate. She sleeps cuddled up with me in my arms like a baby every night and has only become more attached to me since he passed.

On the other hand, my two young boy cats could care less about cuddling me and give me a couple crumbs of love a day if I’m lucky

I do generally believe most cats get more affectionate as they get older though, but that doesn’t mean you can’t find an extremely affectionate young one in a shelter environment. If there are any cat cafes near where you live I’d definitely go visit them, the cats are usually comfortable enough there to show their true colors and if they love human attention they’ll come seek you out. I’ll never forget the first time I went to one and got literally swarmed by people obsessed kitties lol. One little guy b-lined across the room to sit in my lap.

 

[chellen2]

This whole cat search has been very depressing. I have seen a lot of cats but, in the environments that I've seen them, I am not making any connections. Being in a room at Petsmart doesn't seem to be conducive to finding the right cat nor does being in a room at the shelter. The cats in those situations are too scared and too hyper, and out of their element to want to interact with people. I saw cats in foster care. One bit me, more than once, and the others were young kittens that were running around like a bunch of kittens. Ideally, I would have liked to have time alone with one kitten but that wasn't possible. I did have some time alone with a few shelter cats but they were too interested in playing or looking out the window.
Maybe I will never find a cat because I do expect to have some connection, at least, have a cat come up to me and want to be pet. If I didn't have any cats already, then getting a cat because I wanted a cat would be fine but I have other cats who ignore me and hide under beds all day long. I want a cat that will interact with me.

 

[Kris107]

After my cats have passed it has taken a while of searching and even when I went ahead, I wasn't exactly super excited. It was more the feeling of "I guess we'll get this one". And, to be honest, it took me about a year to form a really tight bond with the cat. And I think it probably took that long for the cat to fully trust me as well. Now, I love both new cats to pieces. But it took me a bit. Do I love them all a little different, yes. So, I'm saying you may not have a connection right away. Find one who is playful - like that is their primary motivation. They'll be more likely to seek you out to entertain them.

 

[Caspers Human]

Don't forget that fifty percent or more of the relationship between a human and a pet is made organically.

Yes, you can (and should) choose a pet that acts friendly toward you. Yes, that first meeting is important. As they say, "First impressions..." Right? Once you've gotten past the introduction phase, taken a pet home and settled in, the rest of the relationship is built over time.

A pet that you seem to like at the pet store or animal shelter could turn out to have problems, later on. You, as the owner, are going to have to learn how to shape your relationship and overcome behaviors that aren't desirable. On the other hand, that shelter cat you thought didn't measure up might turn out to be the sweetest cat you ever knew. You also have to put in a lot of work to make your home a happy home for you and your cat.

Take our youngest cat, Elliot! We took him in from outdoors. He had been abandoned. He was living under our back porch and came up on our patio deck, at night, for food and attention. We caught him, took him to the vet to get neutered, to give him his shots and fix up his injuries. We did it with the intention of putting him back outdoors and letting him be our "outdoor cat." When we brought him home from the vet and let him out of the pet carrier, he hopped up on my lap and started purring.

Since that day, Elliot has been a 100% indoor cat. He's been happy, healthy, he loves both of his humans and he sleeps in bed with us almost every night.

To look at Elliot, before we brought him in, with his nose and two glowing eyes peeking up over the porch railing in the middle of night, you never would have thought he'd be such a sweet and loving cat. A year and a half later, and he greets us at the door when we come home and follows us around like a dog. It's almost like there were two different cats!

Bottom line: Picking the "right cat" at the animal shelter or pet store is important but also remember that good pets are made, not bought.

 

[Alldara]

This whole cat search has been very depressing. I have seen a lot of cats but, in the environments that I've seen them, I am not making any connections. Being in a room at Petsmart doesn't seem to be conducive to finding the right cat nor does being in a room at the shelter. The cats in those situations are too scared and too hyper, and out of their element to want to interact with people. I saw cats in foster care. One bit me, more than once, and the others were young kittens that were running around like a bunch of kittens. Ideally, I would have liked to have time alone with one kitten but that wasn't possible. I did have some time alone with a few shelter cats but they were too interested in playing or looking out the window.
Maybe I will never find a cat because I do expect to have some connection, at least, have a cat come up to me and want to be pet. If I didn't have any cats already, then getting a cat because I wanted a cat would be fine but I have other cats who ignore me and hide under beds all day long. I want a cat that will interact with me.

A kitten won't be the best bet for that anyway. Kittens are very busy and most go through a stage of lower cuddling in teenage years.

An older cat who is a lap cat would be best.

We found a cat outside once and put up found posters. She was easily at least 10 years old. We had her about 5 years afterwards. She was so cuddly that you could watch an entire movie and she would still be mad when you got up afterwards.

Watch for postings that say lap cat.

 

[Hellenww]

I know I said to go and just enjoy the show but it sounds like the search is causing more stress. It's ok to take a break.

When my Yoshi passed, I made a plan to get 2 kittens. Every kitten I saw I loved but Ithat's different than the click. Logic got these 2 home. We had a senior that didn't like people and prefered cats. If not for Sqeeker I would have waited. My plan was 2 kittens raised in foster with there Mom. I looked on petfinder and went to petsmart. Leo liked me, everybody he saw, and tried to rub on the other cats. I thought he's very friendly, good for Sqeeker, and took him. His littermate Luna was trying to get under and behind the cages.So I took her since I thought she needed her confident brother.

2yrs later Luna is the confident one and my shadow. She is also high energy and into everything and prefers play to cuddles. Leo is more easily frightened and seeks us out when cold or hungry. Both have times that they cuddle but neither has the personality I would have expected when I met them.