Noodle doesnt like her sister.

[GreyLady]

Hi cat people.

So about a month ago, I went and adopted another kitty, who is the sister of Noodle, who we have had for about a year and a half. In January miss Noodle will be 2. We also have a 10 year old Male cat, Grey cat.

Our new kitty's name is Bonnie. She is very skittish but she. Iw enjoys hanging out with the humans and being pet and playing with toys. But she still has a long way to go towards being truly comfortable in her skin/home, I think.

Grey cat could care less about her and by all accounts does not seem very interested or alarmed by her, he sees her under the door and just walks away. Hes seen a lot in his years and seems ready to meet her.

However, Noodle does not... she growls at her from under the door and after we did a second site swap she hissed at her and batted at the door like of they were to meet they would fight

Noodles personality is loud and forward. She meows a lot and rushes into whatever she wants to do and is not scared of noises and new people, unlike her sister.

It has been hard to feed them properly on either side of the door because Bonnie doesnt run to get food at meal time. Grey and Noodle run in, eat their food or a little bit of it and save most the rest for later *their habit* and then Bonnie slowly finds her way over a few minutes later and they miss each other. Then hours later I see bonnie putting a paw under the door and mewing softly "mew" and then 10 seconds later "mew" and then Noodle is on the other side growling. Bonnie acts oblivious to this and keeps mewing.

Any suggestions fornhownto move it along? I have blocked off underneat the door now but they keep pulling it aside. Bonnie comes to the bedroom door and mews for me to come see her in the morning and moves the towel. Then Noodle growls at her...

Suggestions to fix the food issue? Should ingo back to square 1 with scent swapping and treats

Pic 1: Bonnie
PIC 2: noodle and grey
Pic 3:bonnie
Pic 4:Noodle
Pic 5:Bonnie
Pic 6: Noodle and Grey

 

[ArtNJ]

Personally, I think people worry about feeding on opposite sides of the door too much. Unblock the bottom of the door and let Noodle get it out of her system. After she does, proceed to the blocking the door with double stacked baby gates or cracking it with door jambs, and again give time for them to get as much of the attitude out of their system as possible. That is the whole purpose of the process, to let them get a bit upset, to growl and hiss, to see that nothing bad actually happens, and thus start to get over it.

I take it this is your first time with an intro that has some bumps in the road, because this sounds pretty normal and like it isn't going poorly. You just need to give it time. How long has it been?

 

[GreyLady]

Thanks for the reply. Yes, it's my second cat intro and the first time there were bumps. When I introduced Noodle to Grey the whole thing only took a week and went according to the book- I think Grey's laid back disposition helped, and the fact that Noodle was only 6 months.

It will be a month on Monday since we took her home. It took a couple weeks just for her to be consistently coming out from under the bed/couch. It's honestly good to hear someone say it hasnt been that long and Noodle hissing/growling from the other side of the door isnt that bad.

I could do baby gates but I think Noodle would climb over them if there was any gap at all and the only bathroom is in that bedroom so it would be extremely inconvenient for us people.. Door jambs could work though if I find some that dont slide on carpet. Thanks for the suggestions

 

[FeebysOwner]

Hi there! Sweet cats!! A month is not a long time at all! And, it would seem Bonnie is still getting acclimated in general to her new home. Are there any treats she likes/loves? That would help in getting them all to eat on each side of the door at the same time. The purpose of the food time together is to help create positive associations and 'desensitize' them to each other. This is most effective if they can see each other (not too close at first) while eating food or being given treats.

Aside from baby gates, you could try making your own separator by buying wire shelves from a home improvement store which you can generally get up to 12 feet or more in length. Set them on their sides and affix them to each other with zip ties to create a hinge. This makes for ease in opening and closing the shelves, such as a folding door. The height can the nearly be the same as the door, prohibiting Noodles from climbing over the top. See example below.

 

[cat nap]

Hi GreyLady ...your cats are beautiful.

Can I ask, when you did the site swap a second time....did Noodle's reactions to the scents in the room lessen?
Was she exploring the room thoroughly, sniffing everything? Was she alone in the room, or was Grey cat in the room with her?

Another idea is to use a wooden screen door, like you get at home depot, or if you are handy, you can make one yourself.
There are may DIY wooden screen door projects online.

https://www.homedepot.com/b/Doors-Windows-Exterior-Doors-Screen-Doors/Wood/N-5yc1vZbaedZ12l0Z1z0vir2?NCNI-5&experienceName=default&storeSelection=1287,1233,1234,1268,1228

'Safety hook and latches' can be used, but would have to be drilled into door and frame.
So rubber or wooden door stop wedges (as ArtNJ mentioned) would probably be easiest.

Here's some of the ideas mentioned in TCS Article:
How To Successfully Introduce Cats: The Ultimate Guide

 

[GreyLady]

Thanks for the reply FeebysOwner! Yes I would still say she is getting acclimated. She regularly comes out and just hangs out and asks for pets in the morning and in the evening, but by and large hangs out under the bed as her home base. I realize she may always just like hiding. She was returned to the shelter by a previous adopter for "running and hiding all the time." She gets more and more brave and outgoing every day though and she clearly likes affection, pets and being played with. I want to help her come out of her shell more. She is a "scaredy cat" though and she still runs if she hears a funny noise or if we move to fast. She is still nervous about standing people walking towards her but doesnt hide completely anymore, or comes right back out when you talk to her.

Interestingly, if the door is cracked and she sees the other cats she has her tail in the air and she just struts right towards them. She is not scared of them.

She does really like Sheba meat stick treats... i am actually going to the grocery store today and have them on my list. Maybe we can do treat sessions then instead of food sessions. If I get her near the door first I could have my boyfreind lure Noodle and Grey afterwards.

I really like the pic you posted of the shelf door. i could see how I could zip tie that to the hinges of the regular door. We rent so i dont want to drill in a screen door. I may try door jambs first but if it seems like it is not working well I really like that idea. Thanks!!!

Hi GreyLady ...your cats are beautiful.

Can I ask, when you did the site swap a second time....did Noodle's reactions to the scents in the room lessen?
Was she exploring the room thoroughly, sniffing everything? Was she alone in the room, or was Grey cat in the room with her?

Another idea is to use a wooden screen door, like you get at home depot, or if you are handy, you can make one yourself.
There are may DIY wooden screen door projects online.

http://[URL][URL]https://www.homede...fault&storeSelection=1287,1233,1234,1268,1228

[/URL][/URL]
'Safety hook and latches' can be used, but would have to be drilled into door and frame.
So rubber or wooden door stop wedges (as ArtNJ mentioned) would probably be easiest.

Here's some of the ideas mentioned in TCS Article:
How To Successfully Introduce Cats: The Ultimate Guide

Thanks for the reply. Yes, I would say she the reaction lessened because she seemed to spent less time sniffing and exploring than the first time. Each time they have both just sniffed the whole area and eventually gotten bored. Noodle seems more interested than Grey, he stops sniffing pretty quickly.

Grey and Noodle are always in the same area together. The kitchen, office, and living room areas do not have doors. Right now the resident cats are together in the main area and Bonnie is in our bedroom, which is a big room. Grey and Noodle seem to be cuddling together more since we took her home, not sure if it's bonding over the stress or just because they are forced to be closer together. There is plenty of space and cat spots for them to avoid each other if they wanted to, though.

Grey sometimes sees Noodle interacting (growling, playing paws) under the door with Bonnie and sometimes he watches, but he never cares enough to check it out. Most of the time he ignores it completely. I know he knows she's on the other side, he did look at her once, but then just walked away to go look out the window.m Kind of funny how he just doesnt seem to care...

 

[cat nap]

She does really like Sheba meat stick treats... i am actually going to the grocery store today and have them on my list. Maybe we can do treat sessions then instead of food sessions. If I get her near the door first I could have my boyfreind lure Noodle and Grey afterwards.

I think that's an excellent idea.
I would also take something of Bonnie's....say a cat bed, towel, or toy...and leave it in the 'common area' with Grey and Noodle.
Watch how they react to it.
Also, take something of Noodle and Grey's and put it into Bonnie's safe space. Just to get them more used to each other's scent.

I really like the pic you posted of the shelf door. i could see how I could zip tie that to the hinges of the regular door. We rent so i dont want to drill in a screen door. I may try door jambs first but if it seems like it is not working well I really like that idea. Thanks!!!

I think FeebysOwner ...idea is genius.
You can always re-purpose that wire shelving, later, when the cats are all settled.
Who doesn't like to re-purpose things.

 

[GreyLady]

Just an update on how it's going..

Took the advice to do treat sessions and I have been doing that for the last 4-5 days. I just open the door and dont let Bonnie out. Noodle eats up the treats and still growls, but I havent seen her hiss in a couple days. She growls as she noms on them "arr arr arr arrr"... kind of funny. Also started playing with them with the door open. They both go nuts for this worm on a wand toy, I play with one then the other and take turns and they stay far enough away from eachother. They both ignore eachother and dont growl or hiss while they're playing. They take turns and dont steal it from the other... I think this may be the key to Noodle's heart as she loves playing more than food.

 

[GreyLady]

Well we kind of had a bad night last night. Gave them treats at the door and then did a play session. Was all good but then Grey snuck in the shadows through the door and just waltzed right in to her room.

I should mention Bonnie and Grey have met a few times now and seem like they are on a path to getting along. Normal hissing and avoidance but no fighting and they eventually give eachother space and dont go near eachother, and then I take Grey cat out before bed time. They slowly check each other out.

But Grey just walked right into her room when she was all rowled up from playing and probably also because she can see Noodle. Grey just struts in there tail in the air going towards the bathroom like he's going to go sit in the sink (his favorite place....) but she flipped out and hissed at him twice and kind of.. spat? Made a loud noise. And ran away. Grey cat just turned around and left like wooooah thought we were cool.

Noodle freaked out even though she was in the other room she puffed all up and almost fell off the cat tree when she jumped.

Then this morning I caught her hissing at Bonnie under the door again.

I felt pretty dissapointed but maybe it's not that bad? We are going away for Christmas and it seems like they will need to stay separated.... (not too big of a deal because we have a close freind who Grey and Noodle know very well coming to take care of them)

 

[GreyLady]

Bonnie and Noodle still do not get along. They act like there is an invisible line beween the bedroom and the rest of the apartment. Noodle will not go in the bedroom. Bonnie goes wherever she wants but when she crosses the line Noodle will growl at her and even hiss at her. Bonnie just doesnt care. She doesnt act at all aggressive towards Noodle. Sometimes if Noodle growls for a long time she will lunge at her like "Do you have something to say? Im not leaving." but never hisses, growls, or actually does anything. Then she comes and gets her attention or plays and then flops on the floor while Noodle is brooding in her cat tree.

She does hiss less than she used to, no more (almost no more) tail poofing, but it is very dissapointing that Noodle just cant stand her sister. And her sister knows Noodle is all bark and no bite... she acts like she totally knows Noodle is the scared one and she wont be fooled with the growling and carrying on.

I feel bad for Noodle because I want her to stop being mad whenever she sees her sister and feel free to go in our bedroom again and play with me when her sister is out. God forbid they actually be freinds and play. They are both super playful but won't play with each other. Bonnie tries to play with Noodle sometimes and Noodle flips out because she hates her so much...

everyone just says to wait it out, it's only been 3 months. Or they say to completely cut them off again which is so hard to do in this space. Any suggestions or ways you have made 2 cats like each other more while they were cohabitating? They will not eat together.

 

[ArtNJ]

Sometimes, this is the way it is. I wouldn't say wait it out per se, because sometimes it doesn't ever go away, not entirely. But you should get *some* gradual improvement over time. At the very least, I would expect that eventually Noodle will stop growling and stop feeling stressed unless Bonnie gets really close or is actively paying attention to Noodle.

People may have some suggestions for you, and obviously can't hurt to try. But unfortunately, as far as I know, you can't get every cat pair to tolerate each other any more than you can every human pair. If there was some perfect solution, I failed at it, and others here have also failed at it. I saw gradual improvement until my older cat fully tolerated the younger unless he was very active or tried to play with the older, and even that was short lived irritation. Once or twice they even played a tiny bit. But it took years to get to that point of "mostly tolerates" -- for most of the prior period, the relationship was mild distaste, with the older cat sometimes leaving rooms the younger was in. Active/significant distaste -- which might be where you are at -- should hopefully not last too long, but its hard to say.

 

[FeebysOwner]

For some cats, 3 months is not long. It could take months longer for them to at least be relaxed around one another. When Bonnie is not in your bedroom, you could take Noodle in there with some blankets/towels with her scent on them, just so she knows that area doesn't entirely belong to Bonnie. Play with her and let her know that she too can come into that area when she wants. The first go-round or two might not be great, but it is worth a try - also, take some treats in there to give to Noodle while she is with you in the bedroom.

Hopefully, other members will have some additional tips for things you can try.

 

[cat nap]

That is interesting, in that it is Bonnie's confidence that grew, ...but Noodle is still feeling insecure.
It also still sounds like Noodle is not liking Bonnie in her territory, yet.

How is Grey acting in all of this?

It's true what ArtNJ and FeebysOwner said about 'getting some gradual improvements over time' and 'it could take months longer for them to at least be relaxed around one another'.

To build Noodle's confidence now...I think you'll have to do more 'room swaps' and use more play, treats, and foods that Noodle really likes to make her feel more secure.
If you can do what FeebysOwner suggested and place Noodle in Bonnie's room, so that Noodle gets her scent all over that room, and gets comfortable in it once again, so she feels like she has gotten back her territory...which she may feel she had lost to Bonnie.

You have to get all the cats to feel comfortable... and have eventual access to all areas of the apartment.

Even if they won't eat together, or close to each other, ...then start with the room swaps, and use Play to build confidence in each cat, wherever they happen to be.
Then feed them treats, or special food, afterwards,...so they get to feeling more relaxed and comfortable.

Do you also have plenty of vertical spaces for each cat to climb up to?
Try to create more vertical areas, with bookshelves, side tables, cat trees, so it creates more space for each cat to have.

Also, do your cats hang out in a common area, or do they all prefer to sleep and lay in their own areas of the apartment?
What's a typical day like, with your three cats?

 

[GreyLady]

ArtNJ, Thanks a lot for this message. I guess it is nice to know that sometimes it just doesn't work. I keep hoping it will get better but Noodle just seems to feel so uncomfortable around her. I'm hoping it at the very least her stress/irratation will fade with time. Going through the regular introduction process just kept... not working. Hopefully they just gradually calm down, that's really the best I am hoping for here anymore.

FeebysMom, thanks for the suggestion to bring her in the room while Bonnie isn't there. I will definately give this a go. Noodle used to sleep in a cat tree in the bedroom and now she just sleeps on the couch... the bedroom is also where the good window with the wide windowsill is so I do hope she can eventually feel like she can go in there again. She used always come cuddle in the morning and I miss that.

Catnap, Noodle definitely does not like Bonnie in her territory and has no interest in going into Bonnies. Bonnie doesnt seem to have confidence issues with cats.... just people. Bonnie goes wherever she wants and doesnt let any growling or even hissing really bother her. She even tries to hang out on the lower parts of the cat tree under Noodle and wont leave until she is chased out. Noodle wont always chase her out.. I think if she is sleepy enough she lets it slide. I have seen them share the cat tree maybe 3 times. Most of the time if Bonnie wont leave, Noodle will.

Grey ignores all of their drama. He goes wherever he wants and lets Bonnie go where she wants. They get along better and better all the time, they play together, share food, and touch noses. Grey and Noodle have a good relationship too- sometimes they cuddle and groom each other too.

I can do more "room swaps" but right now the door is left open- if I switch them with the door closed, which I have before, then Noodle just switches to only wanting to be in the bedroom. She just does not want to share space with her. If this is the case, would it be better to just do short term switches- like for a few hours, or just to play with them? They both love to play and eat treats so that shoulldn tbe hard.

They have plenty of vertical space- multiple cat trees, tops of couches and bookshelves, windowsills, beds, tables. I let them go wherever they can get to.

Bonnie likes to sleep under our bed. I think she spends most of her time under the bed when I'm not home. When I get home she wants to get attention and spend some time out, so she comes into the living room and hangs out with us, asks for pets and runs all around when she gets playful. Sometimes she plays with Grey or attempts to play with Noodle, which she does NOT like. If Noodle isnt in the cat tree she likes to go up there and nap. She's funny, she clearly likes spending time with everyone but she still will move away if someone stands up and walks in her direction too quickly- she acts like an animal that was mistreated in the past or never twas well socialized as a kitten.

Before Bonnie came Noodle and Grey would both sleep all over the place, but they had their favorite spots. Noodles favorite place was in the cat tree on one perch (still is) and Greys favorite was on a chair in our room (still is) but Noodle used to sleep at night in a cat tree that was close to the bed where I could see her. They used to sleep together on our bed but not anymore since Noodle won't go there.

A typical day for them is usally like, I will get up for work, Bonnie immediately comes out from under the bed and hangs out with me and wants pets while I get ready. Bonnie and Grey both hang out with me in the bathroom while I get ready and Bonnie will follow me around and watch me get ready. It's a small bathroom and they are fine being close.

Then I feed them all- refresh the dry food and give them their wet food. Noodle will make Bonnie leave with all her hissing and growling if i feed them together, so Grey and Bonnie split a bigger bowl of wet food (they wait turns and share, which Noodle and Grey used to do too) and Noodle gets her own in the kitchen. Sometimes Bonnie follows me to the kitchen while I get it ready and Noodle growls at her until I bring the food into the other room and Bonnie is gone. Then Noodle gets her food.

Then I go to work.... usually when I come home Noodle is sleeping on the couch. She gets up and trills and comes to greet me and I pet her for awhile and play some ball. Bonnie comes out and watches from behind the invisible line. Eventually she comes out and Noodle growls at her. But Bonnie ignores her. I try to go back and forth taking turns petting the two. Sometimes if Noodle growls for a long time Bonnie will run at her and make her back up so she can come into the room. Noodle just retreats to the couch and growls more until Bonnie leaves her area.

Grey cat is usally sleeping in the chair or sink when I come home. Eventually, in no hurry he will saunter out to say hi. My boyfreind feeds them wet food dinner around 6/7- same as in the morning. In the evening they all hang out with us in the living room and we play and give them treats and pets. We try to include Noodle in as much playing as possible, but Bonnie loves playing so she will come to play and then Noodle gets grumpy and goes in her car tree and watches Bonnie play. We try to throw the wand/toy up to her as much as possible to include her even though she is being a curmudgeon who doesn't want to let her sister play and be part of the group. I feel bad for Noodle because she is the only uncomfortable one.

Noodle will be growling in the cat tree at Bonnie and Bonnie is literally laying on her side on the ground looking at her and giving her friendly blinks. Bonnie tries to play with her. Noodle just wont give it up.

 

[cat nap]

GreyLady ...thank you so much for that detailed response.
It will help us all brainstorm together and think of more suggestions for you to try.

Your cats are actually at a better place than I thought.
Now you just have to do things to tweak the cat-introductions...to enable Noodle to become more relaxed, more accepting, and less stressed and annoyed.

Catnap, Noodle definitely does not like Bonnie in her territory and has no interest in going into Bonnies. Bonnie doesnt seem to have confidence issues with cats.... just people. Bonnie goes wherever she wants and doesnt let any growling or even hissing really bother her. She even tries to hang out on the lower parts of the cat tree under Noodle and wont leave until she is chased out. Noodle wont always chase her out.. I think if she is sleepy enough she lets it slide. I have seen them share the cat tree maybe 3 times. Most of the time if Bonnie wont leave, Noodle will.

This is okay.
You'll slowly re-introduce the territory that Noodle felt she has lost, and this will build up Noodle's confidence.

It's really great that you have already seen them both share the cat tree, since that tells you that even though Noodle is not totally relaxed about it,...she did not immediately get up and chase Bonnie away.
Noodle is still bothered by Bonnie's presence in her territory, so we will have to build some more trust there...between the two.

I know you mentioned that they don't like to eat near each other, but love treats.
Can you give treats to Noodle if she is close by to Bonnie...or does Noodle also hiss and growl, or chase Bonnie away from the treat?

Whenever you see that Bonnie is approaching Noodle, and Noodle is not making a sound...then try giving a treat to Noodle and calmly reassuring her that everything is okay. Give treats to every cat, in any positive situation you see happening.
After a good play session...treats.
After seeing them near each other...treats. (If you think that is too much treats...then just change it to favourite toys.)

I can do more "room swaps" but right now the door is left open- if I switch them with the door closed, which I have before, then Noodle just switches to only wanting to be in the bedroom. She just does not want to share space with her. If this is the case, would it be better to just do short term switches- like for a few hours, or just to play with them? They both love to play and eat treats so that shoulldn tbe hard.

Leave the door open, but use a soft bed sheet stretched between chairs, or cardboard with holes cut out, to block the door...temporarily...just to let Noodle have some private time in the bedroom with you.
Let Noodle explore, sniff everywhere, and scent-mark her territory with her cheeks and paws.
Distract Noodle with a good play session in the bedroom, give treats, and make it a fun place for Noodle to be.

Sure, you can keep the 'room swaps' short at first....like an hour, and then work up from there.
The goal is just to get Noodle to feel that all space in the apartment is hers once again.
And also to get her so used to the scent of Bonnie, that she'll become bored of it.

Bonnie likes to sleep under our bed. I think she spends most of her time under the bed when I'm not home. When I get home she wants to get attention and spend some time out, so she comes into the living room and hangs out with us, asks for pets and runs all around when she gets playful. Sometimes she plays with Grey or attempts to play with Noodle, which she does NOT like. If Noodle isnt in the cat tree she likes to go up there and nap. She's funny, she clearly likes spending time with everyone but she still will move away if someone stands up and walks in her direction too quickly- she acts like an animal that was mistreated in the past or never twas well socialized as a kitten.

Bonnie sounds adorable, and tough, too.
She might be more sensitive to movement and noises...and still needs more time to adjust to her humans walking around and moving. Adjustment always takes a lot of time.
But she could also be like so many cats, and just on a higher alert level.
Most cats get a little scared when we humans move too fast or towards them.

(My male cat does this sometimes, too, and I just chalk it up to our cats being more cautious and like they would be in the wild, where they'd have to be on the lookout. Sometimes my cat will duck his head slightly if I bring my hand over his head to pat him...so now I just talk to him beforehand and try to approach from the side.)

Before Bonnie came Noodle and Grey would both sleep all over the place, but they had their favorite spots. Noodles favorite place was in the cat tree on one perch (still is) and Greys favorite was on a chair in our room (still is) but Noodle used to sleep at night in a cat tree that was close to the bed where I could see her. They used to sleep together on our bed but not anymore since Noodle won't go there.

With some effort, planning and playing,...you'll get them all to enjoy the bedroom, cat trees and bed.
They may not all want to be on it...at the same time...but they won't be afraid of going into any room, either.

A typical day for them is usally like, I will get up for work, Bonnie immediately comes out from under the bed and hangs out with me and wants pets while I get ready. Bonnie and Grey both hang out with me in the bathroom while I get ready and Bonnie will follow me around and watch me get ready. It's a small bathroom and they are fine being close.

Then I feed them all- refresh the dry food and give them their wet food. Noodle will make Bonnie leave with all her hissing and growling if i feed them together, so Grey and Bonnie split a bigger bowl of wet food (they wait turns and share, which Noodle and Grey used to do too) and Noodle gets her own in the kitchen. Sometimes Bonnie follows me to the kitchen while I get it ready and Noodle growls at her until I bring the food into the other room and Bonnie is gone. Then Noodle gets her food.

Wow, that is pretty cool that Grey and Bonnie can split a bigger bowl of wet food. Taking turns and sharing...is just "wow".
How do you know how much each of them eats? Do they seem to evenly eat, and Bonnie will not push away laid-back Grey?

You might have to go to three bowls...if you want to relax them more, and make more positive associations with food.
Like having bowls 3-4 feet away from each other...but for now, start off how you're doing it...until Noodle gets a little less stressed around eating.

Take something that smells of Bonnie, say a cat blanket, t-shirt or sock that you have rubbed all over her, ...and place it next to the food bowl that you have given Noodle. Watch how she responds.
Also take something of Bonnie's with scent on it, and place it in the cat tree, that Noodle likes....so that she gets more, and more used to Bonnie's scent. Again, watch how she responds.

Then I go to work.... usually when I come home Noodle is sleeping on the couch. She gets up and trills and comes to greet me and I pet her for awhile and play some ball. Bonnie comes out and watches from behind the invisible line. Eventually she comes out and Noodle growls at her. But Bonnie ignores her. I try to go back and forth taking turns petting the two. Sometimes if Noodle growls for a long time Bonnie will run at her and make her back up so she can come into the room. Noodle just retreats to the couch and growls more until Bonnie leaves her area.

You might also have to protect Noodle from Bonnie, at times,...since you don't really want them to get to a place where all that happens is Noodle gets upset, growls and hisses, and then you're stuck at both cats having that same sort of scenario happening over and over again.

Can you take some videotape, for yourselves, at times when Noodle is growling and hissing...then play it back...and look for any body language that seems threatening to Noodle.
Sometimes you'll see things that Bonnie is actually doing to upset Noodle.
You'll also notice the things that Noodle does to upset Bonnie, too.

It's great to hear that Noodle acts the same way with you when you come home.
If you continue to use the positive patting, and playing....and ending every good encounter with treats or play/toys...then I think that will go a long way in assuring Noodle that everything is still good, and there is nothing to really fear from Bonnie.

Grey cat is usally sleeping in the chair or sink when I come home. Eventually, in no hurry he will saunter out to say hi. My boyfreind feeds them wet food dinner around 6/7- same as in the morning. In the evening they all hang out with us in the living room and we play and give them treats and pets. We try to include Noodle in as much playing as possible, but Bonnie loves playing so she will come to play and then Noodle gets grumpy and goes in her car tree and watches Bonnie play. We try to throw the wand/toy up to her as much as possible to include her even though she is being a curmudgeon who doesn't want to let her sister play and be part of the group. I feel bad for Noodle because she is the only uncomfortable one.

Noodle will be growling in the cat tree at Bonnie and Bonnie is literally laying on her side on the ground looking at her and giving her friendly blinks. Bonnie tries to play with her. Noodle just wont give it up.

You're actually really doing well.
In this short span of time, that you have gotten all the cats to this point is very encouraging.

I think that some problems are that Noodle has felt like her territory was invaded, she lost some of her space, her humans are now dividing 'her time' with this new cat. Then with some loss of territory/attention...comes the threat of losing food, and to Noodle her resources like territory/food/play have all been changed.

You'll build back her confidence through Playing, feeding/treats, and allowing patience/time for her to adjust.
Just remember that it might take longer for Noodle to adjust, because her 'established world' has had the most changes.

I'd concentrate on 'room swaps' and more 'scent swaps' for now.