Nighttime antics out of control...

[rosegold]

Warning: this will be long. I’m very sleep-deprived and kind of at my wit’s end, so hopefully this doesn’t come off as too rant-y. I just feel very frustrated and helpless with this cat right now and I need some support.

I’ve posted before about Clove, but basically, she is an *extremely* high-energy 1 year old cat who demands constant attention, stimulation, and exercise... more than I am capable of giving her, apparently. I have never seen her exhausted or sated for more than a few minutes, even after playing with her for literal hours. She’s just unbelievably energetic. It’s a very charming trait at times, and she can be very sociable and talkative. But at nighttime, it’s becoming a seriously stressful and draining issue for me to deal with her.

Some caveats:
1. Can’t shut her in another room, because it’s a studio apartment
2. I play with her intensively at least 45-90 min almost every day and interact with her as much as I possibly can when I’m home
3. She has every kind of toy under the sun
4. Already have a second cat, and the two play together 5+ times a day
5. I free-feed so she has food available at all times
6. I use a fan and white noise to muffle her sounds, but I’m a very light sleeper... and also it’s not just the noise that’s the problem, it’s the destructive behaviors
7. Don’t feel comfortable taking her for walks because I live in a very busy city neighborhood with high traffic and she is a skittish cat
8. Multiple cat trees, a huge window, many scratchers, etc...

Let me just recap tonight as an example... I went to bed around 10:30 because I need to wake up at 6am. It is now almost 3:30am as I write this and I have not slept at all. She did the usual walking around and crying for a while. Ignored it. I heard her chewing on my plant and throwing bark everywhere, then meow at me, like, “Can’t you hear me doing something bad???” But I ignored it. She gave up on the plant and started tearing the paper on my cupboards, stopping occasionally to meow at me. Gritted my teeth and ignored it. She was scratching and digging at the plastic storage container for the dry food (even though she has wet food available to eat), wailing, slamming herself into the container, etc... Ignored it. She kept running up the stairs to jump on me, dig at my pillow, eat my hair, and constantly scream in my ear. Ignored it completely and didn’t even open my eyes. She’s running back and forth at top speed, bothering Chilli, chewing on paper, purring while walking on my face, and screaming in my ear. Hours are passing but I’m still patiently ignoring her. The last straw is her literally trying to tear the wallpaper down next to my head, which I can’t ignore. I remove her as calmly as I can and put her down and try to sleep. Now she knows I’m awake, wants to purr and cuddle, but within five minutes starts up some insane behavior again.

I have tried putting her in her carrier for 10-15 minutes for a “timeout”/“reset”, which sometimes helps, but it’s not helping at all with my own sleep deprivation. She takes tiny naps throughout the night but wakes me up every hour. At some point, usually around 8am, she exhausts herself and sleeps.

Emotionally, I am just so burnt out. I love her, but every second that I’m awake, she is anxiously demanding something from me. Even when she sleeps it seems more like defeat than genuine contentment. It feels like a constant guilt-trip reminder that I must be a terrible cat mom because I’m failing to provide her with what she needs... even though I’ve tried so hard in so many ways. I honestly feel pangs of guilt and dread now whenever I hear her stressed-out sounding meow, because I feel so doomed that I can’t ever make her happy. Like trying to fill a bucket with water but the bucket has a hole in it... It’s done a real number on my self-confidence as a pet owner, to constantly feel like I’m failing my cats and not making them happy. I truly don’t know what she needs. I don’t even want her to be more low-maintenance or low-energy per se... I love that she is her own unique self... I just want her to be happy and content. But I don’t know what to do anymore.

I welcome any thoughts or bits of advice, even if it’s just “hang in there.” Sorry for the length of this.

 

[Furballsmom]

Would there be anything here?

How To Make Your Home Bigger (at Least For Your Cats) – Cat Articles

 

[ArtNJ]

You aren't a terrible cat mom. Look, many years ago the wife and I were living in basically a studio and got two kittens. That isn't an especially smart thing to do, ok? Especially for us light sleepers. Your in good company though. Its hard as heck sometimes, and that is with a normal high energy kitten, not an 11. YOU CAN'T DRAIN A SUPER ACTIVE CAT'S ENERGY. THAT ISN'T A REASONABLE GOAL. Its like trying to drain the ocean with a thimble. Sure, play with the cat. Its the right thing to do. But don't expect to drain the ocean or think you are a bad cat mom because you cant.

People will have tips. Maybe some of them work to some extent, or with some cats for some people. But I ain't gonna lie. If your daughter mentions wanting to get a kitten in a studio 20 years from now, you are likely gonna have some words for her.

Here is the thing, the lifeline of sorts: all cats get older, and less active as they do. Way too gradual for a full rescue, sorry, but it does happen.

This too shall pass.

 

[Furballsmom]

..everything A ArtNJ said

 

[rubysmama]

It's possible she'll get more laid back and sleep more once she's a bit older. Hopefully.

Is she like this every night? Including weekends when you're home more during the day?

 

[rosegold]

You aren't a terrible cat mom. Look, many years ago the wife and I were living in basically a studio and got two kittens. That isn't an especially smart thing to do, ok? Especially for us light sleepers. Your in good company though. Its hard as heck sometimes, and that is with a normal high energy kitten, not an 11. YOU CAN'T DRAIN A SUPER ACTIVE CAT'S ENERGY. THAT ISN'T A REASONABLE GOAL. Its like trying to drain the ocean with a thimble. Sure, play with the cat. Its the right thing to do. But don't expect to drain the ocean or think you are a bad cat mom because you cant.

People will have tips. Maybe some of them work to some extent, or with some cats for some people. But I ain't gonna lie. If your daughter mentions wanting to get a kitten in a studio 20 years from now, you are likely gonna have some words for her.

Here is the thing, the lifeline of sorts: all cats get older, and less active as they do. Way too gradual for a full rescue, sorry, but it does happen.

This too shall pass.

Thank you, I appreciate the reality check. It’s funny - when she was a young kitten, like 3-8 months old, she was actually MUCH easier to deal with. She never seemed stressed out, either... Very happy and playing like crazy, but she’d also conk out and like to cuddle on my lap. I hope that when she gets older she’ll be a bit more like that again.

It's possible she'll get more laid back and sleep more once she's a bit older. Hopefully.

Is she like this every night? Including weekends when you're home more during the day?

It’s worse some nights than others, but yeah, on average I’d say I’m woken up about 7 times a night. On weekends she seems almost more clingy. Daytime is okay, but nighttime is just always a struggle.

 

[rosegold]

I’m taking a 10 day vacation next month and having a cat sitter stay overnight at my house. I’m VERY interested to see what will happen then...

 

[rubysmama]

Daytime is okay, but nighttime is just always a struggle.

It's that whole cats being nocturnal thing. I do think when she gets a bit older, she'll be (hopefully) more likely to sleep at night. At least until she hits her senior years. Here's a thread with a 13 year old cat keeping their human up at night, if you want to read it. You know, in a "misery loves company" way. Can cats become too needy?

I’m taking a 10 day vacation next month and having a cat sitter stay overnight at my house. I’m VERY interested to see what will happen then...

Have a nice vacation. And, yes, it will be interesting to see how things go while you're away.

 

[ArtNJ]

LOL rubysmama you musta woke on the wrong side of the bed sharing that one! With the cats I've owned and reading the forums, it seems cats *usually* calm down quite a bit by age 2, so I don't think she will have to wait that long to see a difference. Months, certainly, but not years. Probably

...oh geez I'm guessing I'm feeling a little mean too. Well, its hard to resist when younger folks are going through something you dealt with...

 

[rubysmama]

So what I was trying to convey, is that after they reach 1 year, or maybe 2, cats will start to sleep through the night, like their humans.

And then years later, like when they're 13, they start doing the nighttime waking up thing again. Not that it would take 13 years for Clove to start sleeping all night !!!

In the thread I mentioned, the 13 year old cat had just recently started annoying their human at night.

All this talking about sleep, is making me sleepy. Hopefully Ruby doesn't decide to pay me a middle of the night visit or 2 or 3.

 

[Sonatine]

High grade earplugs? Assuming you're not worried that she'll actually destroy something or hurt herself.... which you honestly don't sound all that sure of. It won't help when she jumps on you, but at least you might make it through the meowing-and-messing-around stage.

 

[rosegold]

Assuming you're not worried that she'll actually destroy something or hurt herself.... which you honestly don't sound all that sure of.

I mean, I try not to be paranoid, and I’d say my house is very well kitten-proofed... but this IS the same kitten who, at 4 months old, tumbled less than a foot down from a shelf and somehow managed to break two bones in in her paw... and had to be on crate rest... for six... whole... weeks...

I’m not sure if I could sleep with earplugs but I have thought about getting some of those noise cancelling “sleep” headphones that are supposedly more comfortable.

 

[di and bob]

I, too, say they usually settle sown after they reach two or so. Doesn't help now, though does it? ignoring it is the best thing to do, cats think even negative attention is attention, which is what they want. it sounds to me like she needs more food to settle her down and get her sleepy. Try to keep her awake more in the daytime and get one of those 'cat puzzles' to keep her busy and provide her with a little dry food. i would bet if you start giving her some dry food at bedtime she will sleep better. You can always cut back, or cut it out when she is older. There are many high quality hard foods out there. It's just like feeding a fussy baby to get them to sleep....

 

[Maria Bayote]

I don't know how big your bathroom is, but can you contain her there at night, with litterbox and food and water? It may sound mean but there may not be another solution for a studio type apartment. I am fostering a cat now (name is Oreo, less than a year old) and at night he is contained there, although still there are slight sounds of him messing with the stuff inside during the night but not too loud. Graham, though, is another story as there is no other room to contain her (almost same age as Oreo). Graham would walk around like a mall supervisor, climb here and there, munch on paper, knock on vases, meow, etc. So what I do is turn on a noisy electric fan along with an equally noisy airconditioner (although it is freezing now here), get used to the sound of it and thus cover any other sudden noises that Graham would make. It would help me sleep, unless she would decide to pounce on me while I lay in bed (which also does happen once in a while!)

Goodluck. Hope things will be much better for you at night.

 

[ArtNJ]

Right, the bathroom would absolutely help in the long run. Unless you get up to go to the bathroom at least once a night like I have always done. That can be highly problematic, is why I didn't mention it. If you just aren't alert enough to keep the kitten confined and they get out . . . you are out of options, you aren't getting the kitten back in without getting back to full wakefulness, and the kitten just isn't going to let you go back to sleep. But not everyone has this same problem, so glad Maria Bayote mentioned it for you.

You could always go Old School. Let the kitten have the bathroom at night - you get the bucket. Or the sink. Ok, ok, sorry, being mean again. But did want to point out that the bathroom could be either a very good idea or useless depending on how often you need it in the middle of the night.

 

[Tobermory]

This might help only if Clove is bothering you in bed (and I know it’s not even close to what you’re going through). One of my 15-year-olds has suddenly decided that she needs attention several times a night. She walks repeatedly across me, tries to slither under the covers, and then tries to get into my face while purring, drooling, and head butting my jaw—and she packs a mean punch. I finally discovered that if I completely cover my head with the sheet, she gets discouraged after a bit and stops. Ignoring her doesn’t work and giving up and petting her makes it worse. I tried putting a pillow over my head, but she just worms under it to try to reach my face. Maybe if Clove can’t see you, she’ll move on to the next bit of mischief and leave you alone.

Regarding the noise, in our last house we had neighbors who liked to sit on their patio and talk very loudly beginning about 9 p.m. and lasting until 1 a.m. Our bedroom windows faced the patio. I downloaded a white noise app (I use myNoise) and used the rain sound to help me sleep. It wasn’t so much that it blocked the noise, although it helped a bit, but that it allowed me to focus on a soothing, continuous sound rather than their talking and laughter. I had to work at it...making myself really concentrate on the rain instead of the voices...but I got better at it over time. And I think it helped soothe the cats, too, who were nervous about the talking and explosions of laughter.

Might catnip cause her to chill or does it rev her up? And it seems like I remember someone here talking about giving cats chamomile tea for anxiety. Could have a calming effect.

I’m afraid these aren’t very helpful, but you could try them or they may prompt other ideas. I’m so sorry you’re going through this; sleep deprivation is extremely debilitating and stressful. Maybe chamomile tea for you! Or melatonin to help you sleep. It didn’t work for me but I have friends who use it.

 

[rosegold]

Thank you everyone so much for these suggestions. I tried a combination of everything last night and I do think it helped a little. I played with her for about two hours before bed while I watched TV (yup, 2 hours straight) and then gave her some dry food as a snack, then turned on my fan for white noise and took some melatonin. She woke me up only about 3-4 times, and the only mess she made was scattering bark from my plant everywhere... not too bad!

sounds to me like she needs more food to settle her down and get her sleepy.

Yes, usually I feed them a handful of dry food in the morning, but I think I will change it to night. They have wet food available at all times but she likes the dry food better.

can you contain her there at night, with litterbox and food and water?

I can, technically... I used to have her in there for a while when she was a kitten. It’s just kind of a hassle because their one litter box is in there right now, so I’d have to go find my other box and have available it for Chilli in the living room. My bathroom is pretty small so I’d really have to sacrifice all my bathroom space to have it set up for her. I guess it can work as a last resort, but I know she will be so unhappy in there that I don’t know if either of us could sleep.

white noise app

catnip

melatonin

Yes, I always sleep with either white noise or sleep sounds, and I take melatonin most nights! I also have some slightly stronger sleeping pills when I need them (I’ve had insomnia my whole life so that kind of worsens this whole situation!). Clove doesn’t really care about catnip and it doesn’t seem to change her mood at all, but she likes to lick it sometimes, so maybe I’ll sprinkle some down for her anyway.

 

[Tobermory]

Do you use the bark around the base of the plant? You might try marbles or rocks instead. I had to do that years ago with one of my cats who thought the bark was a blast to play with.

if Clove doesn’t react much to catnip, you might try her on silvervine. I’ve read that a higher percentage of cats react to silvervine than to catnip.

 

[Azazel]

I find that the best way to train my cats to be on my schedule is to have scheduled feedings. They get a meal right before bed and a meal when I wake up. They also get lunch and dinner. I use a timed feeder when I’m not home. Scheduled meals help cats build an internal clock. My cats all sleep through the night.