New Rules Of The Office..will be effective immediately...

nena10

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DRESS CODE:
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary,
if we see you wearing $350 Prada sneakers & carrying a $600 Gucci bag,
we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not
need a raise.

SICK DAYS: We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness.
If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

SURGERY:
Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you
need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We
hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of
employment.

PERSONAL DAYS:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called
Saturday & Sunday.

VACATION DAYS:
All employees will take their vacation at the same time every year. The
vacation days are as follows: Jan. 1, July 4 & Dec. 25

BEREAVEMENT LEAVE:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for
dead friends, relatives or coworkers. Every effort should be made
to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases
where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be
scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you
to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour
early, provided your share of the work is done enough.

OUT FROM YOUR OWN DEATH:
This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least
two weeks motice as it is your duty to train your own replacement.

RESTROOM USE:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. In the
future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order.
For instance, all employees whose names begin with 'A will go from
8 to 8:20, employees whose names begin with 'B' will go from 8:20
to 8:40 and so on. If you're unable to go at your allotted time,
it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your turn
comes again. In extreme emergencies employees may swap their time
with a coworker. Both employees' supervisors in writing must
approve this exchange.

LUNCH BREAK:
Skinny people get an hour for lunch as they need to eat more so
that they can look healthy, normal size people get 30 minutes for
lunch to get a balance meal to maintain their average figure. Fat
people get 5 minutes for lunch because that's all the time needed
to drink a Slim Fast & take a diet pill.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide
a positive employment experience. Have a nice week.

Have a fantastic Wednesday...
 

debby

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:LOL: That sounds like where I work!!!! :LOL:

If I dressed according to my salary, I would be going to work naked...now isn't that a scary thought!!! :laughing:
 

whisker's mom

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My boss had emailed this to me a while back with a note saying "Effective immediately" and "Please Post". I had a good laugh. Still do, especially when I read about the bathroom breaks and the bereavement a true display of compassion!
 

fuzzy317

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Originally posted by nena10
VACATION DAYS:
All employees will take their vacation at the same time every year. The
vacation days are as follows: Jan. 1, July 4 & Dec. 25
I need to join this company, my job only gets time off for Thanksgiving and Christmas
 

valanhb

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Originally posted by nena10
BEREAVEMENT LEAVE:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for
dead friends, relatives or coworkers. Every effort should be made
to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases
where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be
scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you
to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour
early, provided your share of the work is done enough.
Want to hear something truly pathetic? This almost happened to me. My mother passed away on a Sunday night/Monday morning. I wasn't at the hospital because I had to have a computer built and to the office on Monday morning (other reasons, too, mainly just denial that she wasn't going to die, but the computer played a big part too). I called the office, left a message, and then called again in the morning when the boss was there. I again told him that my mother passed away, but I would bring the computer in that morning.

Now get ready - this is what his response was: "So you're going to be in tomorrow, right?"

I almost quit right there. Looking back, I should have. If they could have legally implemented these rules, they would have in a heartbeat (as long as the rules didn't apply to them!)
 

debby

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Oh Heidi, that is awful!!!!!! To expect you to come into work the day after your mother died!!!!! What jerks!!!!! I guess I can't complain about that where I work...both when my mother and my father passed away, they gave me all the time I needed. I was off work over a week both times, and could have had longer if i needed it, but I had to go back, since only 3 days of it was paid, and I had to have some money coming in.
 

jeanie g.

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Quote: BEREAVEMENT LEAVE:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for
dead friends, relatives or coworkers. (Endquote)

I had a college professor who said no one was permitted to miss a test for anyone's funeral except their own. They would automatically be given an "F". He gave only three tests, and they were essay tests-no chance for getting answers because he told us what the subject of the essay would be- so it you missed one, your GPA was reduced considerably. An "A" became a "C" automatically.
 

spooky

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:LOL: I'm glad that where I work isn't anywhere near as bad as that. :LOL: I feel sorry for all of you who have to deal with anything close to this.
 

debby

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Originally posted by Jeanie G.
Quote: BEREAVEMENT LEAVE:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for
dead friends, relatives or coworkers. (Endquote)

I had a college professor who said no one was permitted to miss a test for anyone's funeral except their own. They would automatically be given an "F". He gave only three tests, and they were essay tests-no chance for getting answers because he told us what the subject of the essay would be- so it you missed one, your GPA was reduced considerably. An "A" became a "C" automatically.
That is horrible!!!! So even if someone's mother, father or child died, they were expected to take this test instead of going to the funeral or they could drop two points on their grade??? If someone was sitting at a B, it would become a D, just because they went to their parents funeral, like they didn't already have enough to be upset about....that is just CRUEL and HARDHEARTED!
 

jeanie g.

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There are quite a few professors who won't allow any make-up work regardless of the excuse. They say they want their students to learn the way life works; it's a matter of choices. It also keeps them from having to sort through the kinds of excuses college students come up with to find the exceptions. They make it a blanket policy. I understand their reasoning, but I still think it's cruel. I had professors who didn't say a word to people who turned in term papers days late--for no reason. They just put off the work. There should be a happy medium at work and in college.
 

debby

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I can understand their thinking, too...except when it comes to funerals of loved ones. There is no "choice" involved in that. Not in my book.
 

lilsfairy

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The bereavement thing also happened to my Aunt. My grandfather (her father) just died a few weeks ago. Her professor told her that she would fail if she didn't come to class. She's 50 years old and this is a master's class!!!! Her brother (my stepdad) called the Dean, who'd only been there 2 weeks, and suggested that he take dramatic action against this professor. How can people be so cold hearted!?!
 

debby

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That is just AWFUL!!!! To expect a person to miss their own father's funeral, or fail the class....for some reason this really makes me mad!!
There ought to be a law against that kind of thing!!

By the way, what did the Dean say?
 

lotsocats

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To take the cold-hearted professor's side....you wouldn't believe how many grandparents die on the day of an exam....I've had students whose grandmothers died three times in one semester (no joke)! It amazes me that grandparents only seem to die on exam day!


Despite that, I never penalize a student for missing class or an exam due to a death in the family (or even the death of a close friend). It always tell them that the last thing they should be thinking about right now is my class, instead they should be focusing on family and on getting through this painful time.
 

debby

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There should be more teachers like you, Renae!!


Also, one solution to the students using death as just an excuse to miss a test, would be to do what they do where I work...you are excused for a funeral, but only if you later bring in one of the little papers they hand out at every funeral, that has the person who died's name and history, who sang, the pallbearers, etc...can't think what those papers are called, but anyway, they are proof.
 

jeanie g.

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I hear you! My husband had his own garage, and when everyone had the same deadline for state inspection, the same man came in just before close for 3 years in a row. His grandmother had died all three times!

As a retired school teacher and still a piano teacher, I have heard every excuse in the book. I think the professors with a very strict policy on tests should state on the syllabus that proof of illness or death in the family will be required before any exceptions are made. In the case of a master's degree, many universities will drop a student who has more than a certain quota of B's, and that number is very low.
 

dawnt91

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When I was in college, my grandmother died during finals. I was in Texas, and the funeral was in Minnesota. I decided to take the exams I hadn't already taken early. One of my professors actually bumped my grade up since I didn't have as much time to study! There need to be more people like her!
 

valanhb

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Unfortunately, there are a lot of dishonest people (in work, college, etc.) that will take advantage of normally bad situations. I understand some of the professor's rules, although I think there should be some leeway, i.e. bring in proof. I also think that you can usually tell if the situation is real or not. Like in Dawn's situation, she was obviously willing to take the exams early to make the funeral. No one can doubt the validity of that one. I know when I went into work the day after Mom passed, I was almost incoherent, couldn't even talk to anyone without crying. It's really a shame that some people take advantage of that "excuse". How are they going to feel when the real thing happens and no one believes them?
 
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