New Rescue Cat - Am I Doing The Right Thing?

[duncanmac]

A rubber glove is supposed to work very well in picking up hair - just stroke the cat tree.

Don't worry about the hiding - Barry disappears when the doorbell rings. It takes him about two hours to come out if I'm home, otherwise he stays hidden.

One very good and sort of disappointing fact about ferals: They typically bond to only one person. Drives my wife crazy that Barry is affectionate to me but relatively cool to her. He likes her, will follow her around the house and will occasionally sleep against her legs in bed but its not the same. Friends of ours who are cat-people were over last Boxing Day for a while before I got home from work. About 15 minutes after I got home Barry comes out of the room. Apparently he hid for hours before I got home. He's not mean to my wife, she's just on the B-List. But - if you are the feral's person, you're in and get to take full advantage of the cat's attention.

It takes time, but you two will get there. And don't let anyone tell you otherwise - Barry is a "complete" cat. He's not dysfunctional or broken, he's just picky. This is what you'll have to look forward to (Barry's on the left):

Paisley In A Box And Barry

• duncanmac
• Apr 16, 2019

Look at those bright happy eyes!! He's a happy boy.

Sorry - I go on about Barry, but he is very special to me. Maggie will be to you.

 

[rosegold]

Before I got Chai the one thing I remember researching extensively was whether I should a) leave her completely alone and let her come to me, or b) be gentle but persistent and pushy about interacting with her often. It seemed like people have had success with both routes depending on the cat. With Chai I ended up doing a bit of both... but closer to b). I did give her her space and respected her boundaries when she would hiss or warn me, but I made a point to approach her and challenge her just a tiny bit every day. You’ll have to see what works with you and Maggie, but I would say that if the moment feels right, try approaching her or offering your hand first! It might backfire at first, but a little gentle pressure to interact might help her work on her courage.

I was just watching a video of Chai, post-taming, where I patted her head and then waved my hand around in her face, including having it descend quickly on her face from above. She just sat there purring with half-closed eyes. Totally calm and content. When I first got her, she would freak out if a hand descended towards her! It was something we specifically practiced, over and over for many hours and many days: hands going veeeeery slowly around her face, while she got to eat a constant stream of treats. She would get nervous and hiss or flinch sometimes during that practice, and I would back off if she was upset. But the next day we would practice again with more treats. If I hadn’t pushed her in that way, I don’t know if I would’ve been able to pet her on the head like that! Just some thoughts. I think respecting the kitty and their boundaries is very important, but I think gentle pressure and tiny challenges every day are also invaluable to the process.

 

[pearl99]

One very good and sort of disappointing fact about ferals: They typically bond to only one person. Drives my wife crazy that Barry is affectionate to me but relatively cool to her. He's not mean to my wife, she's just on the B-List. But - if you are the feral's person, you're in and get to take full advantage of the cat's attention.

Learned something new! Waffles is the same way. When my daughter lived with me for a year while in school was the same way.

 

[rosegold]

One very good and sort of disappointing fact about ferals: They typically bond to only one person.

I live alone, so this doesn’t EXACTLY count, but I will never forget the day that my parents came to visit and Chai was very nervous and hiding with giant round eyes. Minutes after they left, her body relaxed and she started slow blinking at me. This was about a week before I could even touch her, but my heart melted! She already recognized me as her person, different than just another scary human. (She also meowed at me when I visited her the second time in the shelter, something she’d never done to any volunteers... but it might be a reach to say she recognized me from an earlier visit. I did feed her treats the first time, though. )

 

[thelittlewraith]

Some awesome suggestions about vacuum alternatives, thanks all! I'm going to try a few out and see how they work...

One very good and sort of disappointing fact about ferals: They typically bond to only one person. Drives my wife crazy that Barry is affectionate to me but relatively cool to her. He likes her, will follow her around the house and will occasionally sleep against her legs in bed but its not the same. Friends of ours who are cat-people were over last Boxing Day for a while before I got home from work. About 15 minutes after I got home Barry comes out of the room. Apparently he hid for hours before I got home. He's not mean to my wife, she's just on the B-List. But - if you are the feral's person, you're in and get to take full advantage of the cat's attention.

Good to know! I do live alone, but that's good to be aware of. At this point in time I'm fine (more than fine, really) with her bonding primarily with me, although interestingly she's shown some real progress around strangers - letting a friend give her a treat, for example.

And I'm not exaggerating, I truly love hearing about others' experiences with their semi-feral/strays, and your Barry is a dear.

Before I got Chai the one thing I remember researching extensively was whether I should a) leave her completely alone and let her come to me, or b) be gentle but persistent and pushy about interacting with her often. It seemed like people have had success with both routes depending on the cat. With Chai I ended up doing a bit of both... but closer to b). I did give her her space and respected her boundaries when she would hiss or warn me, but I made a point to approach her and challenge her just a tiny bit every day. You’ll have to see what works with you and Maggie, but I would say that if the moment feels right, try approaching her or offering your hand first! It might backfire at first, but a little gentle pressure to interact might help her work on her courage.

I was just watching a video of Chai, post-taming, where I patted her head and then waved my hand around in her face, including having it descend quickly on her face from above. She just sat there purring with half-closed eyes. Totally calm and content. When I first got her, she would freak out if a hand descended towards her! It was something we specifically practiced, over and over for many hours and many days: hands going veeeeery slowly around her face, while she got to eat a constant stream of treats. She would get nervous and hiss or flinch sometimes during that practice, and I would back off if she was upset. But the next day we would practice again with more treats. If I hadn’t pushed her in that way, I don’t know if I would’ve been able to pet her on the head like that! Just some thoughts. I think respecting the kitty and their boundaries is very important, but I think gentle pressure and tiny challenges every day are also invaluable to the process.

I really appreciate this, because I definitely think I'm erring on the side of caution at this point and I feel like it would do us some good to push Maggie's boundaries just a little. She tends to hiss if she's on the ground and I walk up to her (usually this is just to feed her, so I'm not exactly doing it on purpose), but maybe I'll give approaching her in the cat tree a try. I've also tried sitting on the ground more, and after an extended stay (and a sore butt!) she consented to walk over my legs veeery quickly. So that's something to work on, too. I definitely feel like I have a more solid base with her now.

Her current preferences are a bit strange to me - I'm definitely not complaining, but she seems to love my hands and loves to petted on her face. I introduced a brush to her this evening, and she took a while to overcome her hesitation to even sniff at it. If I reach for her sitting down, though...snuggle time!

 

[calicosrspecial]

WOW, a friend gave her a treat!!! AWESOME!!! You are definitely building her confidence and trust. AWESOME!!!

Cats don't typically like being approached from above so it is understandable that she gets "funny". Typically we want to approach from her level or below but that is not always possible. But more so with our hands. I am not at all concerned about her reaction, very normal.

GREAT. She walked over your legs. Another great sign.

Cats have scent glands on their face so she wants to get her scent on you and to own you. Another great sign. All is GREAT!!

Well done!!!

 

[thelittlewraith]

Hey guys, a combo of wire brush + rubber glove did the trick! Thanks for the great suggestions - I've got one happy kitty (and a cat tree that's finally more blue than white again)

 

[calicosrspecial]

FANTASTIC!!! LOVING the picture. SO heartwarming to see another life saved and happy as can be!!

Really well done!!

 

[Mamanyt1953]

That is one contented-looking cat! Well done!

 

[thelittlewraith]

Another week gone and I'm appealing to the collective wisdom again - things are generally going really well with Maggie! She is getting more affectionate and a little braver every day. I've had my mom and a few friends able to pet her, which is awesome! She's also started taking naps on the rug in front of me instead exclusively on her cat tree, which makes me happy. She loves to roll over onto her back and grab my hand with her paws (+very sharp claws, but she's pretty gentle). She hasn't hopped up on any furniture, but I'm thinking that will just take time.

However, she does tend to hiss at me if I walk towards her. This usually happens when she follows me to another room, maintaining a safe distance, but when I inevitably have to leave that room she hisses a few times and takes cover behind the nearest table or chair. It doesn't aggressive to me, per se, more like a "Hey, watch it!" thing, but is this anything to be concerned about? She's never growled or even hissed while I'm petting or playing with her. I've tried walking slowly, I've tried walking confidently, I've even tried walking one step a time. And I can't really avoid it - she's following me! Any thoughts?

She also seems to be pretty happy staying in the living room, and I'm feeling like she needs to gain some confidence in other rooms of the apartment in order to really be comfortable. Not sure how to (gently) push her boundaries a little?

Again, I think we're in an awesome place right now and I love this sweet girl to death. Three and a half months together and coming home to her is the best part of my day

 

[pearl99]

However, she does tend to hiss at me if I walk towards her. This usually happens when she follows me to another room, maintaining a safe distance, but when I inevitably have to leave that room she hisses a few times and takes cover behind the nearest table or chair. It doesn't aggressive to me, per se, more like a "Hey, watch it!" thing, but is this anything to be concerned about?

It sounds to me like "hey watch it," and with all the other progress she's made I would think that will disappear in time. It's very heartwarming to hear about her progress! We get over the moon don't we!

 

[5starcathotel]

However, she does tend to hiss at me if I walk towards her.

My thoughts are, there is something about your activities she has associated with something negative.....

My 11yo boy Hobo (also a former feral), will still cower in fear and run from me, pretty much every time I put on shoes. Why? Because 1 out of 365 days of the year, me approaching him, while wearing shoes, means he's going to the vet!

It doesn't matter that 364/365 days, of me wearing shoes, he doesn't go to the vet. He only knows that, he has never gone to vet, when I am not wearing shoes!

 

[duncanmac]

Hiss: Don't worry about it - its probably just a reflexive "hey, watch it" Just talk reassuringly to him and keep going. She'll figure out it is not a sneak attack soon enough.

Expanding her territory: Go into another room and draw her in there with play and treats. Playing in an area seems to give a cat a sense of ownership of the spot. Also, maybe try putting one of those treat dispensing balls in a different room when you go to work/school. She should find it and it should reassure you that she is moving around when you are out

 

[Mamanyt1953]

I agree that the hiss is just a "Hey, watch it!" and I think that it will slowly diminish over time, eventually disappearing when she is confident that you will neither step on her or grab her suddenly. THINK how big you look to her, coming towards her. This will be one of the last reflexes to go, I imagine.

 

[calicosrspecial]

Another week gone and I'm appealing to the collective wisdom again - things are generally going really well with Maggie! She is getting more affectionate and a little braver every day. I've had my mom and a few friends able to pet her, which is awesome! She's also started taking naps on the rug in front of me instead exclusively on her cat tree, which makes me happy. She loves to roll over onto her back and grab my hand with her paws (+very sharp claws, but she's pretty gentle). She hasn't hopped up on any furniture, but I'm thinking that will just take time.

However, she does tend to hiss at me if I walk towards her. This usually happens when she follows me to another room, maintaining a safe distance, but when I inevitably have to leave that room she hisses a few times and takes cover behind the nearest table or chair. It doesn't aggressive to me, per se, more like a "Hey, watch it!" thing, but is this anything to be concerned about? She's never growled or even hissed while I'm petting or playing with her. I've tried walking slowly, I've tried walking confidently, I've even tried walking one step a time. And I can't really avoid it - she's following me! Any thoughts?

She also seems to be pretty happy staying in the living room, and I'm feeling like she needs to gain some confidence in other rooms of the apartment in order to really be comfortable. Not sure how to (gently) push her boundaries a little?

Again, I think we're in an awesome place right now and I love this sweet girl to death. Three and a half months together and coming home to her is the best part of my day

I am with everyone else. The hiss is a "hey, watch it". Just act normal and confident as you walk by and maybe in a soft, calm, confident voice say "it's ok". The fact she is on her back with you tells me that she has no fear of you. Now, walking can be perceived differently. For example, I had a feral I fed for years and every day she hissed at me as I was walking to her with her food. I just bent down and fed her and she would eat out of my hands after hissing when I had treats or chicken etc. But she would do it the next day and every day thereafter. Go figure.

She could feel a bit trapped in the hall or the area she is hissing so there could be a reason but I wouldn't worry.

I would be a bit careful about associating your hands with toys. Cats can get a bit wild and I don't want you or someone else to be hurt while she thinks it is play. I would rather be using a toy when she is on her back but get her acclimated so as not to scare her.

I also agree with play as a good way to build confidence in other rooms. But I would start playing with her in her most secure and confident place first. Then use play in other areas. Just because some skittish cats can get afraid of toys and play until they get used to toys. I would use scent soaked items (bedding, scratching posts, cat trees, etc and put them in other rooms to give her that secure feeling that she "owns" something in there already. She is probably already exploring and going in there an it will just take a little time. Given all you have mentioned about her I think she is doing GREAT.

Oh, and it is REALLY AWESOME that others can pet her. That is SUCCESS!!! You must be doing a lot of rights right to get that result so quickly. That is usually rare. Well done!!

Keep up the great work. Feel free to ask any questions for clarification etc anytime.

 

[thelittlewraith]

Thanks all for reassurances and ideas!

C calicosrspecial I've been thinking about getting her one of those long "kicker" toys for those grabby moments she has, would that be a better idea? It generally seems more in the context of petting rather than playing, but my hands are a little scuffed up and I'm nowhere near being able to trim her claws (that's a other issue), so it might be best. I'm thinking of getting her another scratching post since she doesn't seem super keen on the cat tree ones (too short maybe), so maybe after she marks that one up a bit I'll move it to another room. I do think you're onto something about her feeling trapped - I've noticed that she likes to be able to move around easily when interacting with me, even if that means hopping down off her perch to the floor.

D duncanmac thanks for the reassurance! I've started doing as you suggested, since she seems keen to follow me from a distance. I've been luring her into other rooms with treats, but I'll give playing a try, too. (As a sidenote, I frequently think of you and Barry whenever I get to fretting too much over Maggie's progress - that pic of Barry napping on your legs for the first time is one of my faves.)

Our other project of the moment - I'm also working on getting her used to being picked up, with the understanding that she might never tolerate it. Right now I'm lifting her only a few inches off the floor, and while she definitely doesn't like it, her reaction is nowhere near what I thought it would be. She tenses up, but when I put her down she comes right back for pets. Attempting that same strategy for paw touching and eventual nail trimming, but that's not going nearly as well...

And pearl99 "over the moon" is exactly right!

 

[calicosrspecial]

Thanks all for reassurances and ideas!

C calicosrspecial I've been thinking about getting her one of those long "kicker" toys for those grabby moments she has, would that be a better idea? It generally seems more in the context of petting rather than playing, but my hands are a little scuffed up and I'm nowhere near being able to trim her claws (that's a other issue), so it might be best. I'm thinking of getting her another scratching post since she doesn't seem super keen on the cat tree ones (too short maybe), so maybe after she marks that one up a bit I'll move it to another room. I do think you're onto something about her feeling trapped - I've noticed that she likes to be able to move around easily when interacting with me, even if that means hopping down off her perch to the floor.

D duncanmac thanks for the reassurance! I've started doing as you suggested, since she seems keen to follow me from a distance. I've been luring her into other rooms with treats, but I'll give playing a try, too. (As a sidenote, I frequently think of you and Barry whenever I get to fretting too much over Maggie's progress - that pic of Barry napping on your legs for the first time is one of my faves.)

Our other project of the moment - I'm also working on getting her used to being picked up, with the understanding that she might never tolerate it. Right now I'm lifting her only a few inches off the floor, and while she definitely doesn't like it, her reaction is nowhere near what I thought it would be. She tenses up, but when I put her down she comes right back for pets. Attempting that same strategy for paw touching and eventual nail trimming, but that's not going nearly as well...

And pearl99 "over the moon" is exactly right!

You are welcome.

I think that is a good idea. Just anything so that she does not view hands as toys or "play things". Typically we want to use treats and food to make positive associations with hands while using toys for play. When they are on their backs that is a very vulnerable position for them so we want to be more cautious. Yes, it can be very playful and they will want to grab etc but we don't want anyone to be hurt. A toy typically is a better option in those circumstances.

When you mention "it seems more in the context of petting rather than playing" I would like to understand that more. I think you are saying when she is on her back you are petting her. If so, where are you petting her? And often times a cat can view that as playful. Since a cat is vulnerable in that position we want to be more cautious so we have to play it by ear as to what we can do and want we shouldn't. And we don't want to have a cat view hands as play things or threats.

Another scratching post is a good idea. They are great to help her claws but also to increase "ownership" by getting their scent on something (the post).

Yes, often times it is the situation that causes a cat to be more cautious. Multiple escape routes tend to be more comfortable for a cat then more enclosed areas. So that could be why she is more hiss prone in that situation. I am not worried about her hissing and I think that she will acclimate as time goes by.

It is very impressive she is letting you pick her up. The fact she comes back after for pets is GREAT. Also, you can use treats to reward her as well. It is a process and sometimes early on when they are less confident it is easier than later when they gain more confidence. It can be tricky. But keep trying, talk to her confidently and calmly and soothingly and after give pets (love) and treats to make that positive association. Same with her paws. Making positive associations. It is just a process. Some cats are better than others. We'll help you get through it.

Honestly, she is way ahead of schedule and you are doing a great job. Some cats are more cuddly than others. It often times has nothing to do with the human but it is all about the cat's personality.

Don't worry, your progress is amazing and you are doing great. We'll get you through the next steps.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Our other project of the moment - I'm also working on getting her used to being picked up, with the understanding that she might never tolerate it. Right now I'm lifting her only a few inches off the floor, and while she definitely doesn't like it, her reaction is nowhere near what I thought it would be.

Keep on keeping on. That's EXACTLY what I would have suggested.

Now, when she's more comfortable with touch, you can begin briefly stroking her paws, then when that is ok with her, holding them, progressing to gently squeezing to express the claws. You may eventually be able to trim them without too much difficulty. SOME cats NEVER get to that point. I bottle-reared Hekitty, and she STILL won't allow me to trim her nails. She goes to the vet, where a team of people hold her still...it's kinda funny...I gave up on it after the second ER visit for stitches. She never once attacked me, but she'd fight so hard to get free that I was getting ripped to shreds.