New Ragdoll Kittens won't be touched or held - help!

[lukeh1986]

I brought home two beautiful pedigree ragdoll cats 5 days ago, a boy and a girl,and I'm worried they don't want to have anything to do wthi me except play or be fed. They are 14 weeks old. I have their documentation etc and I know they are legit from a proper breeder. I visited them a few times and held them before taking them home and they always seemed relaxed and fine with being held.

When I try to pick them up or even remotely go near them, they back away and hide under their cat tree. They are eating, playing and using their litter tray fine, but won't let me barely pet them and certainly not pick them up. It's weird because at the breeders they were very relaxed and would let me hold and stroke them with no fuss. I've tried coaxing them and have the girl VERY reluctantly eating out of my hand, but they just will not be handled [emoji]128549[/emoji] I researched the breed and chose this one because of their docile and affectionate characteristics and I'm worried that things won't change.

I've read a lot of conflicting advice - Should I try and pick them up every day when they are sleepy to get them used to it (even though they'd wriggle away immediately!), or should I keep to their routine and wait for them to come to me? I'm trying to be patient but it feels like I'm not making any progress and if anything they are getting even more distant!

On a separate note, the girl is very quiet and sweet, but the boy is SO loud when he cries! I know it's normal for a week or two after a move, but does anyone have any advice? I don't want to upset my neighbours! I have been playing gentle cat music a lot which seems to be reducing the duration and frequency of his crying "fits" but when he gets going it honestly is agony not to mention heartbreaking!

Thanks in advance for the advice, I'm a complete novice and just want to do the right thing while they're still young!

 

[red top rescue]

It has only been five days, and you are a stranger to them and they are mourning the loss of their home and their human family.  At their breeder's home, they were in the only place they had ever known, and with the only family (or person) they had ever known.  If the boy is crying, he is probably very homesick and was probably very attached to the breeder.  Ragdolls have Siamese inthem and Siamese become extremely attached to their Person and may not like anyone else.  While some Ragdolls are very laid back, others are very sensitive and emotional.  Like the Siamese, they need love and affection strongly -- they can truly die of a broken heart if separated from their owners.  If you have the love and patience to court these guys, comfort them and help them through this difficult transition, they will probably be your devoted companions their entire lives.  It is going to take awhile, however.  They showed their potential by the way they were at their breeder's home, but it will take more than five days for you to become their human and your home to become their home.

If you can let go of what you want right now and try to see what THEY want and need, your heart will probably melt and you will instinctively start giving themthe love and patience and compassion they need.  You will bond with them and they will bond with you.  My Siamese hated me for two or three weeks when I first got him as a tiny baby, but after that, he was my devoted companion and bed partner for 19 years.

I would say yes, gently approach them, lure them with treats and special foods, tease them with toys, like a feather wand, talk gently to them, and maybe sit on the floor with them and gently put one or the other on your lap for a few minutes frequently, several times a day.  You will be a lot less scary to themwhen you are down on their level and being with them.  Lie on pillows on the floor and watch TV with them.  Keep them with you in your bedroom at night, whether they choose to sleep on the bed or not.  We do this with little feral kittens we are trying to socialize.  They start out hating us but end up loving us, nd then we ask to poor little things to go to their forever home and learn to love someone else.  But that's how it goes.  Unlike kittens brought up in family chaos with kids and dogs and lots of activity, many of these breeder-raised cats have a quiet safe life and the newness of a strange place and person is overwhelming. 

Cats and kittens are like mirrors, they reflect what we put into them.  Unlike dogs and puppies, who usually love us first, with cats and kittens, we have to love THEM first and then they learn to love us back.

 

[lukeh1986]

Hi, thanks for the advice!

It's been a week now and still no change. The boy has mostly stopped crying and they both play beautifully. One or two "accidents" on some pillows in their room but otherwise fine. They still won't let me touch them though and I've spent as much time as humanly possible! I've tried treats, lying on the floor, ignoring them, but as soon as I remotely go to touch them they back away. They'll go near me but they just won't be touched and it's very sad as I've spent a lot of time playing, looking after them, and just being in the room with them.

The boy seems ready to leave the safe room but I don't want to let them have the run of the house until I can pick them up.

I'm a bit worried because I have to take them to the vets in a couple of weeks and I don't want to have to forcibly pick them up if they're not ready. I can't try putting them in my lap repeatedly because I can't pick them up to do that! Any recommendations?

 

[handsome kitty]

My daughter waits until the cat is sleeping or laying on a blanket or pillow, sits next to it and slowly slides it onto her lap.

 

[ellag]

a week isn't much at all in cat time and moving is one of one of the most stressful things a cat can go through--and changing servants on top of that has to be very scary. when we moved to our house last year one of our cats (who we had for 7 years) hid in a closet for a month! when we got our oldest cat that we had to pts a few months ago we didn't see him for 3 weeks. he would come out at night to eat and use the litter box. we got him from a rescue when he was in a petco and even tho he seemed friendly at the store it took months before he would show any affection. he was never a lap cat but he would sit beside us. he remained afraid of strangers his whole life. anyway, i wouldn't expect much at all after only a week. the fact that they aren't hiding under the bed when they see you is a very good sign!

 

[gardenandcats]

I agree a week isn't very long. Plus they are babies. Just continue to interact with them.. Don't force them to be held ..Just try sitting down on the floor with them and play get them comfortable. Give them time..

 

[lisahe]

 
I agree a week isn't very long. Plus they are babies. Just continue to interact with them.. Don't force them to be held ..Just try sitting down on the floor with them and play get them comfortable. Give them time..

Sitting on the floor with our cats when they were new to us was the best thing we did. I agree with the others that a week isn't very long. Some cats take a long time--many months--to really become lap cats or enjoy being picked up. And some never do: I had a great cat who didn't like either but she loved being in the room with me, sleeping by my feet, and just generally hanging around.

I also agree that there are lots of good signs in their progression! With our two, the biggest thing was to be patient: they were extremely skittish when we first got them and it took a long time to win their trust (they came from a minor hoarding situation) but are now, two years later, wonderful lap cats.

 

[lukeh1986]

Thanks guys for the advice, I will stick with it and see if we make any progress. If I sit on the door with them and play with a wand I can get the girl to stand on my lap. The girl also lets me gently pet her while she's eating. I'm trying to do it as much as possible while she's eating so she'll learn not to be afraid of my touch - good/bad idea?

Any ideas about the vet? I need to take them in a couple of weeks, and I don't want to traumatise them by having to pick them up and put them in the carrier (it will be as traumatic for me!!)

 

[red top rescue]

Very good idea with the girl.  You can often lure them into being touched by playing with them with a toy like DaBird that gets them running and jumping or other stimulating toys that make them forget all else but catching the thing.  If the vet is not a rush, I wouldnt worry about it yet,  Start feeding them treats in the carrier so they will associate it with jumping in to get treats. 

 

[lisahe]

 
Start feeding them treats in the carrier so they will associate it with jumping in to get treats. 

Our vet also recommended leaving the carriers out all the time with comfortable blankets or sweaters in them so the cats will visit them. It really helps: one cat likes to sleep in the carriers, we sometimes find them playing in them, and it's not too bad getting them in the carriers when it's time to go to the vet. I do toss in treats every now and then, too. (Our vet also recommends training cats to get in their carriers at a single command -- good for emergency -- but we haven't tried that!)

And yes, that the girl will stand in your lap is good progress: that was one of the first friendly things our cats did, too.

 

[plan]

I second the advice about leaving the carriers open and putting bedding in them. I did this when Bud was a kitten and he has no issue at all with going into the carrier. It was a nice nap spot for him.

Petting them lightly while they eat is a good idea, as is reaching out when you have treats. They will come to associate touch with happy moments and food. Just keep an eye out for body language, and back off if they start showing signs that they're annoyed.