New Kitten, Ivy is not happy, PLEASE HELP?

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SlightlyIvy

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So, Star just chased Ivy under my roommates bed. She’s not eating and drinking properly. I don’t think I have the time to dedicate to a proper re- introduction. I think sending surrendering Star back to the shelter (which is a no-kill) might be the best option.

she won’t come out now. I knowa Star didn’t mean anything by it, she was just playing, but I’m so worried for Ivy, and I don’t think this is going to work out. I love Star, but she would be very easy to rehome, being so young and cute, and I owe Ivy a good life.
 
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SlightlyIvy

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I’m sobbing guys, I really wanted this to work, but Ivy won’t come out and it’s like she just shut down. Stars a good girl but I have to think of what’s best for Ivy.
 

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Need to contain Star in a room so there's no contact with Ivy, and no visual and keep her there. And be very vigilant that no escapes happen. Kittens chasing resident is totally expected. They love love love to try to play with other cats.
Ivy will come out once Star is contained, after awhile or maybe sooner. You can put food, water in the roomate's room. How long has Ivy not eaten? Ivy can pick up on your anxiety- not your fault! Totally normal and human for us to feel anxiety in intros when we haven't done a lot before. So try to be calm- deep breaths, relax. Many of us go through this.
I wouldn't have them together until Ivy is comfortable (and has been for a bit) at the door- or covered gate of the room where Star is- and eating and looking comfortable. It will let things calm down and give Ivy time to do more adjusting.
I usually close doors to rooms with beds in them also to prevent two cats under a bed who don't know each other well yet.

If you decide this is not a good fit for you and Ivy and your situation, and are not able to do your best for them, then it may be best but only you can decide. Star is a real cutie and will win someone's heart. You have to do what's best for all.

Keep us posted! Take heart, things happen!
 
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SlightlyIvy

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Need to contain Star in a room so there's no contact with Ivy, and no visual and keep her there. And be very vigilant that no escapes happen. Kittens chasing resident is totally expected. They love love love to try to play with other cats.
Ivy will come out once Star is contained, after awhile or maybe sooner. You can put food, water in the roomate's room. How long has Ivy not eaten? Ivy can pick up on your anxiety- not your fault! Totally normal and human for us to feel anxiety in intros when we haven't done a lot before. So try to be calm- deep breaths, relax. Many of us go through this.
I wouldn't have them together until Ivy is comfortable (and has been for a bit) at the door- or covered gate of the room where Star is- and eating and looking comfortable. It will let things calm down and give Ivy time to do more adjusting.
I usually close doors to rooms with beds in them also to prevent two cats under a bed who don't know each other well yet.

If you decide this is not a good fit for you and Ivy and your situation, and are not able to do your best for them, then it may be best but only you can decide. Star is a real cutie and will win someone's heart. You have to do what's best for all.

Keep us posted! Take heart, things happen!
Ivy hasn’t eaten a full meal in three days, and she’s only using her litter box once a day which is not normal.
I really do think I’ll have to surrender Star, because she deserves better than being in my room all the time, and Ivy deserves better than being afraid to come out from under the bed or couch. It looks like she’s an only cat kind of cat.
 
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SlightlyIvy

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Ivy is now eating a bit and walking around meowing pitifully so there’s that?
Just like, long low meows, and she ran up to hiss at my door when it was time for Stars playtime. I think she was pushed too far today. she did eat and all but she’s also very upset and fractious. I’m just freaking out. Because it’s an intake shelter Star might have stay with us for awhile.
 
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Furballsmom

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I'm so glad she's eating, that's a very good thing! Are you using any calming products, for example Bach's rescue remedy?
 
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Feliway multi cats.

update: Ivy continues to lurk and hiss and she FINALLY did eat, but I can tell this is stressing her out even so. No more or less than it already was but her not eating and drinking on the regular worries me.
star is sad and not getting why she can’t go and play with anyone. that is also killing me because I can’t win here. No one is happy
 

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From other similar situations I've read, her eating is an indication that things are getting better. Tiny steps but steps nonetheless.

Are you able to love on them both, and try very hard to be calm yourself, that will help because cats are sponges for our emotions.
 
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From other similar situations I've read, her eating is an indication that things are getting better. Tiny steps but steps nonetheless.

Are you able to love on them both, and try very hard to be calm yourself, that will help because cats are sponges for our emotions.
I sit with them and pet them and generally try to spend time with them. I’m just naturally stressed so there’s that. Ivy is eating but not drinking, which concerns me. The only thing she really wants is dry food.
 
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Update to all following my deteriorating situation:

ivy eats but doesn’t drink, I’m going to be putting more coffee mugs (which she prefers to drink out of) around the house. Whenever she walks into my room, whether or not Star is in there, she hisses. She had a moment today where she was just sitting and observing Star without any hostility (Star continues to escape inspite of my best efforts, as she is small enough and flexible enough to just slither around any blocks I put up) until my
Roommate came home and she ran to greet her.

I love them both and it’s killing me that neither cat is happy. Ivy is quickly beginning to worry me with not drinking enough. I intensely regret adopting Star at this point.
 

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Because it seems that you're super focused on negativity, and that you're almost denying any forward steps that occur. This is just my opinion.
 
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SlightlyIvy

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Because it seems that you're super focused on negativity, and that you're almost denying any forward steps that occur. This is just my opinion.
Possibly. I have a number of other concerns about this process that I haven’t listed here that are also weighing in on my outlook.
But observing Ivy’s behavior: the random caving, decreased appetite, and hiding from Star makes me think that this is not going to work out. Ivy continues to display anxiety and general upset about the whole process and has since day one. Her foster mom said she isn’t a cat that enjoys other cats, to the point where she would actively leave the room if anotherc came in. I had hoped that since she was a mom herself, a kitten wouldn’t be as much a threat to her territory/personal space.
There’s not really anywhere for Ivy to go in this apartment.
i probably am very negative, but I really am worried that she (Ivy) would spend the rest of her life with me, not as happy as she could be, because I was selfish enough to get a kitten that hogs all the attention just existing.
Fatalistic as I probably sound about this whole thing, I want what’s best for all involved.
 

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I'll let you in on how I handle preventing fast kitties getting out of a room- I volunteer at a shelter and when I have to visit in a colony room full of 10 lively kittens I have a large paper bag folded- or a piece of cardboard- or my bag of kitty supplies.
What I do is bend down and crack the door with the barrier at the door, then move the barrier thing forward as I open door wider and go in- keeping bent down.
Then when leaving I reverse, bend down with barrier at the floor and my butt at the door and my front side facing into the room, slowly open the door and back out with barrier in hand. No escapees yet! Have as big of a barrier as you need.

Is Ivy eating any wet food? Can add extra water to it to get more water into her. Does she like toppers to the dry food? Will she eat dry food a little moistened?
 
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Furballsmom

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I really am worried that she (Ivy) would spend the rest of her life with me, not as happy as she could be, because I was selfish enough to get a kitten that hogs all the attention just existing.
Bless your heart!❤ the kitten will of course grow and mature, and even given what the foster person said, you could end up being right after all 🙂
 

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Bless your heart!❤ the kitten will of course grow and mature, and even given what the foster person said, you could end up being right after all 🙂
This is true. Also sometimes cats don't like certain cats, but will adjust to others. Example- in my household Ziggy (my newest one) is still adjusting to Moo and Waffles, but has no problem with Gracie.
 

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I am tempted to go against the grain here and be the person no one likes. As I believe re-homing Star could be a viable option

I think you really have to consider what your end goal is. I know you 100% want both cats to have their best life possible and I can totally see the bind you are now in. 1st whatever the outcome don't blame yourself for trying to bring another cat in, no one really knows how 2 cats will get along until they try.
If your goal was for Ivy to have a companion other than yourself then it does ,to me, look unlikely, (maybe not impossible, but Ivy is giving the impression of not wanting a best friend). Maybe tolerance of each other is a more realistic goal but I am getting a feeling you don't consider that the best life for either cat.

As for Star, it's her kitten-hood a time that should be full of fun new interactive things, which you are doing the best you can but you feel she is missing out. This is possibly an 'us humans transferring our emotions to our fur-babies'. However its not the picture you had in your head when getting Star. ( If this is not the case and I am wrong then please disregard)
Yes Star is much easier to re-home and you have a bigger responsibility to your resident cat. It is still hard to say yes to re-homing her thought as you don't know if the next humans will care so much that she has her best life. I know the pain here, I have had to re-home 2 wonderful whippets in the past and it was only because the rescue I used allowed me to have the final say on which home they went to was I able to do it knowing my dogs were going to be very well cared for. It's now 4 years later and I still get whatsapp updates a few times a year....I know the dogs are living their best life.

I get the impression that you keep changing your mind or keep doubting which is the best step forward so you keep going hoping that the next day will help bring you to a more decisive route forward.

So my advice to you is to consider what you want for both cats and then look at what is the most likely route to give them that. Then make your decision as to if to re-home star or keep going with the introductions based on the facts you have in front of you and listen to your gut feeling regarding what is best for them.

If you are really unsure, maybe you could give yourself and the kittys a reasonable time frame to try the introductions and then commit to it fully and ride it out as see what the result is. Sometimes having a plan of action ca help ease the negative feelings and gve you a sense of control over the situation.

Everybody on here will be supportive whatever you choose I am sure, as there really is not a wrong choice.

I hope I have not offended anyone, truly sorry if that is the case, I do not have a lot of cat experience myself, but have owned animals all my life. I know there are many people on here with the experience and knowledge they can offer in the way of support.

I hope this helps you in some way, and if not then please disregard.
Everyone on here can help and support you with any direction you choose to go.
 

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hello i'm currently in the process of integrating my small apartment with two new kittens, and an older adult cat (11 years, even) so while my kittens have each other to entertain each other i completely understand the stress of Ivy.

my kittens were for myself and for my resident cat, Chansey, because her behavior changed after her previous "roommate" left the apartment -- crying, yelling at me, becoming more clingy than usual. figured since she was capable of at least tolerating other cats, she might want a new companion after a lonely year.

she's gone through the same stages as Ivy. growled, hissed her angry wet hisses, neglected the litter box, eaten less, and retreated to her own safe spots for hours. heck, i have a cat flap that goes to my enclosed patio and she would isolate herself out there so long she'd puke up nothing but bile and her white fur. i had her inspected at the vet during her regular vaccinations and they told me it's a normal response for some cats under stress, so long as these behaviors (esp the food and litter) didnt go on for too long.

it doesnt seem like you've had Star for very long, and it can be a lengthy process. my kittens have been around since early June, and have only started sharing the apartment space under supervision for a couple weeks now, while still being regularly contained in a separate room. Chansey still gets a little hostile, mostly when she's hungry, and she's definitely had to smack my One Brain Cell kitten quite a few times to send a message, BUT shes capable of sitting in the living room with them so long as they dont try to harass her, which is when i intervene with toys.

still, when i intervene it's usually with a firm voice and i reprimand both/all cats. or when Chansey has a little angry episode bc the babies are also waiting for lunch in the same space, i just verbally chide her, usually with a "cut it out, you big baby". maybe it doesnt actually do anything, but I figure that reacting with less urgency doesnt freak her or the kittens out. i let her put the kittens in their place when they deserve it as long as she's not chasing them more than a few feet or smacking them more than a few times at once. however, her aggression is starting to come back out again for whatever reason, so she's been swapped with the kittens quite a few times recently.

kittens take a LOT of work for sure. that One Brain Cell kitten would cry her lungs out if i didnt wear her out before bedtime. and at this point, i've just decided to let them get into whatever, so long as it isnt poison or garbage, so that they can sate their curiosity and need to teeth. they're slippery as hell, mine leap the baby gate to their room as soon as i open the door if i'm not careful. tbh it's just there to slow them down at the point.

this has been more of my experience rather than just plan ol advice, but i hope some of it helps, and i'm totally open to any questions because i'm basically new to apartment life with kittens too, oof⁰
 
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