New cat in resident cat’s face

TardisDance

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I have been going through the cat introductions and I have been gradually letting my new cat Kirby (male,1.5 years old) out to be with Sango (female, 4 years old). However the problem is, Kirby is too much is her face. He tends to go to her face and lick her. She‘s okay with this, but then he sometimes bops her back side and chases her. I don’t think it’s aggressive and he’s trying to play, but she takes offense to it and runs under the couch in fear. I was actually in the middle of a play session with him in my office and she poked her head into the room when this happened. He licked her then proceeded to chase her. When this happens I raise my voice to alert him and put him back in his room.

Is this common with a cat his age? Any advice? The volunteers for the rescue told me he’s just learning how to play. He was a stray that got mixed up in a feral colony. I have at least 15 toys and have been trying everything to keep him engaged, but Sango distracts him quite easily.

I think at this point I need to play with him in a closed room but then that’s tough because all he wants to do is get out and doesn’t want to play.

Edit: I forgot to mention, there are times where they will lay near each other on the couch and be totally civil so I don’t think we need to start at step 1 again. However, he tends to always want to be where she is and she’s just not always crazy about it. Sometimes she hides and sometimes she‘s okay with it as long as he doesn’t try to play with her.
 
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rubysmama

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Reading your post reminds me so much of another introduction thread I'm following, that I'm going to post the link, so you can check it out. It's fairly long now, however, I think there should be some advice in it, that should help and/or reassure you that you're doing the right thing.

Here's the link: Help/Advice for introductions

Thanks for giving Kirby a home. Hopefully in time he and Sango will be besties. :catlove:

Oh ... is Kirby neutered?
 
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TardisDance

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I actually read some of the thread you mentioned. They are the much less extreme. Sango only hissed the first day and slightly on day 2. We've had Kirby for less than 2 weeks and they sit next to each other at times. I almost think I am being a helicopter cat parent and really need them to figure things out. Kirby was with other cats and I was assured he's not dominant. He was neutered back in August as a TNR and they realized he wasn't feral at all but a stray. He had a bite wound, my guess is because he got too much in the face of another cat or perhaps another animal. He's too friendly for his own good.
 

rubysmama

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Oh, 2 weeks is no time at all, in a cat's world. I was thinking it was much longer. In your case, I'd say things are going really well. A bit of hissing is fine. It's just the cats way of saying "back off". It's bloodshed or fur flying that you really need to worry about. Or if one cat seems really scared of the other one. Them sitting together at times, is really good. Probably you won't want to leave them together unsupervised for any length of time, till you're sure they'll not get into a fight. But otherwise just keep doing what you're doing.

As for helping Kirby learn to play, maybe something in one of these TCS articles will be helpful:

Playing With Your Cat: 10 Things You Need To Know – TheCatSite Articles
How To Choose The Best Toy For Your Cat – TheCatSite Articles
 

di and bob

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Kirby is still young and wanting to play, Sango is being a completely normal female and telling him to back off. They DO NOT want another cat, especially a young male, bothering their world, they are the manners teachers, the limit setters. This is all perfectly normal. I think you are extremely lucky to have them in the same room after only two weeks, that is marvelous! Two weeks is nothing in a cat's world, they are very set in their ways and do not like any change in their routine. Two boys can be buddies and roughhouse, females almost never join in, they reign in their domain. she will eventually accept him as family and is being kept entertained despite all her protests. They will accept each other's ways in time. As stated above, I wouldn't let them alone for extended periods of time, the only way Kirby will leave her alone right now is to have another brother to wrestle with! ;)
 
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TardisDance

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I just witnessed a great moment with Sango and Kirby. Sango's favorite spot to sleep (other than my lap) is a heated window perch where we have a bird feeder outside (yes, we spoil her). Every time she wants it, Kirby keeps taking it and she just lets him. This time, she saw Kirby and actually took it and stood her ground (no hissing but gave him a look and he backed off). I'm so proud of her! I've been a little worried about her being too submissive to him.
 

GustifursMom

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I think it actually sounds like it's going OK. Your older cat is just needing an adjustment time. And I think everything you're doing is great. Sometimes, I think the cats are OK and it's really just us humans stressing about doing our best for them, ya know? Just keep on doing what you are doing and everything will be OK in time, promise!
 
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TardisDance

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Thanks GustifursMom GustifursMom . I keep thinking that my husband and I rushed things but our guts told us that it’s going well. It’s so tricky to judge and stressful. They actually slept next to each other briefly on our couch tonight but later Sango hid again from Kirby when we let him out again. She’s so unsure about him. We’ve been giving him around 3-4 hour intervals at a time of supervised time with Sango and do put him in his own room at night.
 
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