New and First Time Kitty Owner..

[msbedelia]

Scolding a cat never helps. And at this point, its still normal/healthy to hiss at Jax, and to be expected. It feels bad to us, but its not "wrong" behavior. Continue to leave them separated (don't let them interact except through the door). If you want, you can click/treat or praise/treat Bunny when she relaxes around the door, ignores it, etc. Cats learn better through positive reinforcement.

If Bunny & Jax get scheduled feelings, you could feed them each about a foot from the door so they learn to associate food time with each other. You can slowly move the food closer to the door each day, until they're able to eat near each other through the door.

It's important to give cats a reason to like each other, for example through learning that play time, feeding time, etc gets to happen when the other is around.

 

[txcatmom]

Yeah, definitely don't scold for hissing or swatting or growling. She's just saying, "I want space. Stay away." I'd keep them separated with only under the door interaction until her under the door hisses die down a bit. Our third and fourth cats stayed separated from the other cats for a month. (Of course they both had health issues that required isolation, so I couldn't be tempted to rush introductions even if I wanted to.)

 

[jb521]

Just to be clear, when I said scold I meant saying "no".  Bunny responds instantly when I say "no".  At the same time, I don't want to discourage what is normal cat-like behavior and hissing/spitting/growling is normal as she's making her point that this is HER house, etc.  It's just so hard when I hear baby Jax crying by himself behind the door... and why the heck is he so unaffected by her hissing? When he was out and she was right here she hissed and he STILL walked straight up to her nose... this morning she was looking outside my sliding glass door at the chipmunks and he walked up behind her and sniffed her butt and she flipped into psycho-kitty mode and swatted the crap outta him... that was the first time I think Jax was scared of her. I was sitting on the floor watching TV and he ran straight to me and went inside of my pant-leg (I was wearing sweat-pants) and he stayed there for like 2 minutes until I finally shook him out!

 

[txcatmom]

Aww, little Jax running up your pants leg sounds cute. Bunny may have been extra annoyed with him because she was "hunting" that chipmunk. She was in "the zone."

My cats also aren't very affected by the hissing of other cats. They usually respect it, but it doesn't seem to upset them. I think it bothers us more than them. He'll learn what it means, but may not ever be too disturbed by it.

No, I wouldn't even say "no" to the hissing. I'd just ignore it and reinforce friendly or peaceful behavior.

If you want to let Jax out there are other options than letting the have face to face contact before they are ready. You could do room swapping, where they trade living spaces for a little while. Or Bunny could hang out in a favorite room that has a door that shuts while Jax has some time to explore the house. One great in between step for us was to let the new cat out for a while whole old cat(s) were napping. When old cat started to wake up they would be too groggy to care about new cat and would just watch for a while while new cat explored. Then when he were fully awake and hisses started we decided if new cat needed to go back to their room. It slowly desensitized old cat to new cat. Just some ideas....

 

[msbedelia]

It's just so hard when I hear baby Jax crying by himself behind the door... and why the heck is he so unaffected by her hissing? When he was out and she was right here she hissed and he STILL walked straight up to her nose...

I can relate.

We're in the process of a relatively prolonged introduction with two adult females, and we're having some issues. (Don't be afraid- I don't think you will go through such a long intro process!) Our girls are still separated, though they switch off who is in the sanctuary room each day. Whoever is in there on a given day certainly makes a lot of pitiful noise, and it is heartbreaking. 3 However, its so that they can eventually get along and we can keep both of them!

I also know what you mean about not respecting the hiss. If allowed to, Gracie will continue to bother Squeak- despite growls, hisses, and eventually swats- until Squeak gets really mad and aggressive. We joke that Gracie likes/wants to make Squeak hiss, and we also joke that Gracie is like "The last 300 times I bothered her she hissed; I wonder what she'll do this time?" So I think we have to work with Gracie on respecting boundaries, lol. Sounds like your boy Jax is learning more quickly that that.

 

[jb521]

I want to say thank you to you txcatmom, msbedelia, and everyone else for your advice and input. Bunny has not eaten since yesterday morning and is in hiding under my bed now for 2 days. I put her food, water, and her favorite blankie under there but it appears she still hasn't eaten. I don't have it in me to continue this introduction any further..... seeing her this way has stressed me completely out. I called baby Jax's foster Mom and let her know the 3 week trial ends here even though it's only been 4 days. I can't do it. She'll be getting baby Jax tomorrow evening after work. This was a good lesson for me in more ways than 1. I said to myself "self, you didn't only want a friend for Bunny... you wanted a kitty that would be the type of kitty that did all the things YOU want him to do and be" Lap kitty, snuggler, etc..   NOT that there's anything wrong with wanting that in your cat......  but the fact is that Bunny just isn't a lap or a pick me up type kitty. So. it's over... Bunny won and I have no regrets other than I'll miss sweet Jax's squeaks and kisses. Life goes on, and maybe one day in one or 10 years she'll surprise me and plop down on my lap or snuggle into bed... not holding my breath though  lol. Thanks everyone!

Julia & Bunny

 

[msbedelia]

I want to say thank you to you txcatmom, msbedelia, and everyone else for your advice and input. Bunny has not eaten since yesterday morning and is in hiding under my bed now for 2 days. I put her food, water, and her favorite blankie under there but it appears she still hasn't eaten. I don't have it in me to continue this introduction any further..... seeing her this way has stressed me completely out. I called baby Jax's foster Mom and let her know the 3 week trial ends here even though it's only been 4 days. I can't do it. She'll be getting baby Jax tomorrow evening after work. This was a good lesson for me in more ways than 1. I said to myself "self, you didn't only want a friend for Bunny... you wanted a kitty that would be the type of kitty that did all the things YOU want him to do and be" Lap kitty, snuggler, etc..   NOT that there's anything wrong with wanting that in your cat......  but the fact is that Bunny just isn't a lap or a pick me up type kitty. So. it's over... Bunny won and I have no regrets other than I'll miss sweet Jax's squeaks and kisses. Life goes on, and maybe one day in one or 10 years she'll surprise me and plop down on my lap or snuggle into bed... not holding my breath though  lol. Thanks everyone!

Julia & Bunny

Julia,

I am sorry to hear about Jax. I can only imagine how stressed I would be if one of my babies were hiding under the bed and not eating like that, so I can understand why you would make that decision.

Thank you for being so gracious with all of us; we can be somewhat overbearing with at times!

I don't think it was at all selfish to get another cat, and I hope you're not beating yourself up about it. Cuddly cats are a joy, and I can relate to the challenges of having a non-cuddler. (Graaaaaacie....) I think you do a wonderful job loving and accepting Bunny just the way she is. You are obviously very dedicated to her.

All the best to you and B! And I hope Jax gets a good home soon.

 

[dragulescugirl]

You know it does happen! My Sasha is now 4 and while friendly was never one to initiate contact even as a kitten. She would purr and roll over for belly rubs when you caught her but she just had a general disinterest in the humans and often seemed aloof. But about a year ago everything started to change and now she is just the sweetest love bug. She will follow me around, climb in my lap, nuzzle, sleep on my chest, etc. So they can change after awhile! Don't give up hope!

 

[jb521]

Julia,

I am sorry to hear about Jax. I can only imagine how stressed I would be if one of my babies were hiding under the bed and not eating like that, so I can understand why you would make that decision.

Thank you for being so gracious with all of us; we can be somewhat overbearing with at times!

I don't think it was at all selfish to get another cat, and I hope you're not beating yourself up about it. Cuddly cats are a joy, and I can relate to the challenges of having a non-cuddler. (Graaaaaacie....) I think you do a wonderful job loving and accepting Bunny just the way she is. You are obviously very dedicated to her.

All the best to you and B! And I hope Jax gets a good home soon.

Tanks MsB. One shred of good news is that my best friend, Paul, came over to meet little Jax before he was picked up. Paul FLIPPED when he saw the baby and stayed to play with him for an hour or so.  I told him how totally sad I feel for having to send him back to foster-care and how sick I feel over Bunny's withdrawal from me. Paul called Jax' foster Mom and did a phone interview; she's going to Paul's house to scope out the environment and give him a 3 week trial 

 

[jb521]

You know it does happen! My Sasha is now 4 and while friendly was never one to initiate contact even as a kitten. She would purr and roll over for belly rubs when you caught her but she just had a general disinterest in the humans and often seemed aloof. But about a year ago everything started to change and now she is just the sweetest love bug. She will follow me around, climb in my lap, nuzzle, sleep on my chest, etc. So they can change after awhile! Don't give up hope!

Wow.. that's really something! Bunny does follow me from room to room and flops down to be petted.. then aftrer 5 mins of petting she yawns at me and walks away.. lolol

 

[jb521]

Wow, you guys.. it's been 3 weeks now since Jax has been gone (my friend Paul has him and he's doing great and has grown so much in just 3 weeks!) And Bunny has gotten completely back to herself... it was amazing that it was just the day after Jax left here  and she was walking around and looking in every room and looking inside of any closet doors that were open and would repeat the search again... she did that for the entire morning... lol  It was only in the afternoon that she talked to me with a soft little "meow" and then she plopped her chunky self down at my feet on her side and demanded that I pet her (of course I got down on the floor and pet her and talked to her explaining everything about Jax and how I thought she would have wanted a little brother, etc..) Anyway, I was really happy that she came back around to me so quickly.... it really bothered me how she was not talking at all (only hissing and growling and spitting at baby Jax) she had not spoken to me or came near me in 5 long days!!! Not to mention that she stopped eating and went into hiding under my bed. So, I have been really happy to have my Bunny back   The point, however, of this update is to tell you guys that MIRACLES do happen! My Bunny started to jump up on the arm of my office chair last week and just sit quietly! Then that went from the arm of my chair to my desk... (blocking me from doing work, of course, she was blocking the screen)... then 3 times now she has jumped down to my lap!!!!! I gave her a treat when she jumped to the arm of my chair, gave her a treat when she sat and stared at me on my desk, and gave her a treat when she came to my lap   Granted, she only stayed on my lap for like 5 minutes while I pet her (I wasn't holding onto her tightly and just released her as soon as she let me know she was done). But I am SO HAPPY!!! She still has her routine of sleeping on her own bed in my room (a twin that is right across from my bed) but that's fine... I'm just happy that there's hope that my little snot may become more of a snuggle-kitty...  or at least come to my lap once in a while!!!!  Thanks everyone, I just wanted to tell you guys about this

 

[katluver4life]

That's great news!

Thanks for the update.