Neighbour's cat…

zoes

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If you haven't given the note yet, I might add a little more about how much you love him just to be crystal clear you aren't complaining and this is about you, not them - though I think the note is fine as-is, as is the edited version. Please keep us posted :)
 

Mamanyt1953

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This cat is a professional (other cats to).
Yeah, he probably knows just what he's doing, and part of it is looking for somewhere that isn't QUITE as busy. But he knows. LOL, my neighbor came over yesterday evening to show me a picture of the "poor, starving feral" she fed. His name is Scamper, I've known him since he was old enough for his feral mama to bring him to the feeding station, and he eats at my house ALWAYS twice a day, and another 3-4 when he sees me outside and can cadge it. He'll also try to walk right in like he owns the place, but Miss Hekitty is having NONE of that! If she would, I'd have two cats!
 
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  • #24

gtw1980

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Sorry for the delay everyone. Things settled into a rhythm once we started letting him in at night. He runs up the stairs to bed when we go up, and curls up on a blanket at the end of the bed, barely moving an inch until about 5/6am, when he'll sometimes let me know with little head bumps and the loudest purring that he wants to go downstairs. Some days he sleeps through the night and the following morning until lunchtime! We have to wake him. As we don't have a cat flap, I've been getting up at 5/6 every morning and letting him out so he can do his business. He goes home for an hour or two each day we think, but other than that he's with us 24/7 and seems to be absolutely loving life. We still don't feed him, though.

We've been chickening out of going round to have the conversation because we're quiet people and keep ourselves to ourselves (OK, we're socially averse), and we rarely see his owner. However, today workmen had been spraying the path outside our house and the poor little guy came in with paws covered in black bitumen-type stuff. I tried to wash it off using warm soapy water and then olive oil, but he was very upset and nervous about the whole thing (very unlike him, he loves a cuddle), so I plucked up my courage and carried him home and knocked on the door to let them know he needed a bath, as this stuff can be poisonous to cats.

I spoke to his owners' daughter, and she explained he's been doing this for years, at multiple houses. They try to lock him in at night but he's skilled at unhooking the flap and escaping. They're relaxed about him coming to see us, although I don't think they realise he spends 18-22 hours a day here! I assured them we hadn't been feeding him but that denying him entry at night is unworkable - unless we want to go back to seven hours of him crying his heart out and us not sleeping every night. They understand he's a wanderer and seem happy enough with the way things are, and I told them that if they're ever worried where he is, just to come and knock on our door, as the chances are he'll be here. So that's where it's been left for now, civil, friendly, but not entirely settled from his point of view. Unfortunately, they didn't seem ready to suggest we adopt him. I guess he'll remain a nomad with two homes, and we'll keep letting him in at night until they ask us not to.
 

moxiewild

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Sorry for the delay everyone. Things settled into a rhythm once we started letting him in at night. He runs up the stairs to bed when we go up, and curls up on a blanket at the end of the bed, barely moving an inch until about 5/6am, when he'll sometimes let me know with little head bumps and the loudest purring that he wants to go downstairs. Some days he sleeps through the night and the following morning until lunchtime! We have to wake him. As we don't have a cat flap, I've been getting up at 5/6 every morning and letting him out so he can do his business. He goes home for an hour or two each day we think, but other than that he's with us 24/7 and seems to be absolutely loving life. We still don't feed him, though.

We've been chickening out of going round to have the conversation because we're quiet people and keep ourselves to ourselves (OK, we're socially averse), and we rarely see his owner. However, today workmen had been spraying the path outside our house and the poor little guy came in with paws covered in black bitumen-type stuff. I tried to wash it off using warm soapy water and then olive oil, but he was very upset and nervous about the whole thing (very unlike him, he loves a cuddle), so I plucked up my courage and carried him home and knocked on the door to let them know he needed a bath, as this stuff can be poisonous to cats.

I spoke to his owners' daughter, and she explained he's been doing this for years, at multiple houses. They try to lock him in at night but he's skilled at unhooking the flap and escaping. They're relaxed about him coming to see us, although I don't think they realise he spends 18-22 hours a day here! I assured them we hadn't been feeding him but that denying him entry at night is unworkable - unless we want to go back to seven hours of him crying his heart out and us not sleeping every night. They understand he's a wanderer and seem happy enough with the way things are, and I told them that if they're ever worried where he is, just to come and knock on our door, as the chances are he'll be here. So that's where it's been left for now, civil, friendly, but not entirely settled from his point of view. Unfortunately, they didn't seem ready to suggest we adopt him. I guess he'll remain a nomad with two homes, and we'll keep letting him in at night until they ask us not to.
That’s great they didn’t seem upset about anything!

But I still think you might want to consider broaching the topic of adopting him, in a “just putting it out there that we’d love to adopt him” sort of way. It’s a lot to ask on their part that you take full ownership and the financial implications of it without knowing how you feel about it.

Like you said, they don’t even realize how much time you’re allowing him to spend at your house! They likely think it’s a far more casual relationship than it actually is.

And if he’s spending 18-22 hours a day with you, let’s be honest - they aren’t very attached to him and are buying food for none of the “payoff” that people usually want in a pet.

I’m deeply non-confrontational, and relatively asocial too, so I get it! But there certainly are “no pressure” ways to just casually put your openness to adopting him on the table to see how they respond!
 
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gtw1980

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He hasn't been tonight 💔 First time in months. Guess after our chat, they've decided to lock him in. From seeing him every single day for three years and waking up this morning with him gently licking at my cheek and purring profusely, begging to get under the covers, to him not being here tonight feels so weird and heartbreaking, even though he's not our cat. Have I lost the plot?
 

Bolts

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You gotta have that conversation even if it’s light hearted..my neighbours cat used to hang out in my garden, I befriended him over the months and he just moved in one day. I casually said to my neighbour oh btw your cats moved in with me. They had a hoard of kids, more pets and all they said was aww I’m glad he’s found a nice home! Now I’m sure these people should never have pets, maybe your neighbours would be quite happy for your kitty to stay with you, just be upfront with them.
 
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gtw1980

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So this had a happy ending! We had the conversation, they were very understanding and pleased that he's happy here. They still continue to feed him, but he sleeps right in the middle of the bed with us every night and spends all of his time hanging out with us. We had a cat flap put in, which he uses happily most of the time, although occasionally forgets and returns to crying outside the windows and doors. We have a Whats App group now with his family, and when he got sick with a tooth problem, they brought his pain relief medication and food to us so he could recuperate away from the other cats and dog with us.

It's got to the point now, where we notify the neighbours if we're going away for a weekend so they can keep watch out for him and make sure he's not lonely, and when we go on a two-week holiday to the US and Canada next year, we're going to have to consider what to do - probably get a cat sitter to be in our house but not feed him! He's such a social, friendly bonded cat that I don't think he'd react well to being left for two weeks - even though he has food at his other house.

One thing that has developed, is when he comes in at 1/2am after his adventures he comes through the cat flap and then sits downstairs miaowing his heart out until we call him up. Once we've called out to him, he comes up and jumps on the bed and cuddles with us. We can't work out why he's started doing this and he's otherwise very confident and sociable. It means we get woken up at 1/2am every night. We've got some relatives with a baby staying the night soon, and it's probably going to wake the baby, but hey ho, he's our baby :). Any theories on what's going on here?
 

fionasmom

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This is a wonderful ending to the story! I agree that he is asking to come upstairs unless you suspect that he is hungry in which case leaving a little bit of food for him might help. Thank you for posting the update.
 
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