Need Some Closure.

[Rein]

Hey everyone! I’m new here and just wanted to come on here and put my thoughts down since one of the ferals my family takes care of was found dead in our yard

We have a small family (all of them TNR’d) of around 6 cats (3 of them around 5+ months old) and we love them to bits. The oldest (Plomita) is a girl around 2-3 years old and is the mother of 2 cats, Ojitos and Blacky. She’s also starting to slowly separate herself from the others, so we rarely see her. But earlier this year an unknown feral male came and she had another 3 kittens. Blacky also had kittens (from the same feral), but only one survived out of 5. We took that one in to be our first indoors cat. The ones living outdoors are Blacky, Ojitos, and 3 other kittens (Leo, Ceos, and Yoshi). They’re all siblings.

But just a month ago we saw a new cat join in on their mealtime. He (we assume a he, we never got a chance to look) looked so scruffy and dirty that we fell in love with him. He was pretty hostile to the other kittens but soon he started joining the kittens and Ojitos (the father figure of the kittens). He’d let himself be cleaned by them and even played with the toys we set up outside. He looked so happy to be essentially adopted into this small family.

But this weekend we noticed he never showed up with the the rest of them in their morning meal. It wasn’t until today that we found him dead. We found him outside in our backyard just lying there... My mother is still in tears and I’m very heartbroken. We have no idea how he died but it pains me to think about what he went through. He was around the same age as the kittens, so who knows what happened before we met him. It just breaks my heart... I know I should be happy that we gave him an enjoyable life until his death, and that he wasn’t out alone with no family, but the fact that it was so short makes my heart hurt. I’m starting to cry as I’m typing this...

Ugh, this is the worst. I’m sorry if this post is unnecessary, I just needed to write my thoughts down since if I didn’t I wouldn’t be able to cry as I am right now.

 

[Furballsmom]

Hello -
I'm so glad you came here and shared your, and his, stories.
You did give him love, warmth, food, other kitties around him, happiness, contentment, and more love, which is an enormous thing.
If you hadn't been there for him, he would have had none of these wonderful things.
It's so hard when they pass.
RIP darling cat - you weren't an unknown, you were loved.

 

[les26]

I am so sorry to read of this, we too had fed and taken care of many outdoor cats over the years (most of which have been inside with us for years now) but when something bad happened we too felt just awful...but people said to us "you can't save them all" and although that saying is true it still sounds cold and doesn't help much, but it is true, we cannot save them all but as Furballsmom said you gave him love and a "family", something he didn't have albeit for a short while, and he will carry that into the next life where he has a WONDERFUL family and new life and is just fine now, just fine.....

It is wonderful of you to be so caring, God and St. Francis and St. Gertrude are smiling because you do.

"Their last breath on Earth is their first breath in Heaven"

I hope that your heart heals a bit more each day, Lord Bless you.....

 

[Rein]

Thanks for all the kind words everyone! My mother is probably feeling the worst of us all. We’ve had ferals go missing, like the father of the first kittens (Ojitos/Blacky) and even their sibling, but we’ve never found one dead in our yard after they went missing. It was just as bad as finding the remains of a kitten after a raccoon attacked Blacky’s kittens. She cried for all of them. It was a miracle our new kitten was left alone. I’m just so sad that we couldn’t give more to the litttle feral and those kittens...

Thanks again for the kind words. I don’t ever show emotion at the heat of the moment, that allowed me to calmly collect his body, but looking back and writing all this down really allowed me to properly grieve.

Speaking of our new kitten. His name is Yuki and he’s such a good boy! He healed my mothers heart and really livened up our house. I never expected cats to leave such an impact on us since he whole family are dog people. But I’m so glad to have met all these cats, they’re all so wonderful and really allowed my entire family to heal after certain traumatic events in the past.

 

[Furballsmom]

 

[di and bob]

Cat's love is earned, and most are so grateful for someone to feed and care for them it is warming to the soul. Most are also so scared and abused it is heartbreaking. I, too, take care of my neighborhood. I TNR the ones I can, i feed and love them all. Many do have homes, they are a little better cared for, a little tamer. All are welcome to the love and food they are not receiving elsewhere. I have had so many die on the road, die from disease and predators, it goes on and on. And each and everyone I mourn for, I bury, and I remember, so they are not just a nameless lost soul.
You are doing the same. You have big hearts. You will be blessed for making that sweet little one's life more comfortable, for letting him be a part of your little family, for no matter how short a time. It meant everything to him. For him to be remembered is a tribute he longed for, and he received. Thank you for letting us know of this precious little one, he will be thought of by many at this site, because we love them all, all are a part of our extended family.
He knew happiness in his life, you gave him comfort and offered him a place in your world for a while. He thanks you. He would never want to bring sadness to that world, so remember him as he was in life, as you would want if you were the first to go. Above all, just keep a little spot in your heart for him, and he will be at peace.....I'll keep you all in my thoughts and prayers...... RIP precious little one. You touched hearts and will be forever remembered. You left a mark on this earth and will be missed, may your journey to the rainbow Bridge be a swift one. May the good Lord bless and keep you, until you meet again!

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Rest you gentle, Sweet Boy, dream you deep. You walk in someone's heart forever.

Darlin, I know you are heartbroken for what happened to him before he came to you, but take strength from the fact that he knew home, and family, and love. He knew the cat-joy of siblings who groom you, and napping in sunpuddles unafraid. He knew all of this because of your family. And he knew, when he realized that his time was near, that he wanted to be close to those his little wild heart held dear. And so he was. And now, he dances on sunlight, whole and healthy, and secure in knowing that he was LOVED in this life and is loved still.

 

[solomonar]

Remember we are part of Nature, either humans, cats or any other Creature.

But as humans, we are no longer aware about primordial Rules of Nature. Our love is human love, no matter to what is directed.

It is natural for us to cry and is natural to feel so sad whenever the Nature calls home our beloved Creature.

But what you feel when coming home? Are you happy for resting after struggling one long day with the entire World? Do you feel peace and warmness of home?

That is the same for all Creatures getting back Home: they are happy. They remember the lovely companions from their life on Earth, how they loved them, how they smiled to them and how they went together to the great battle of Life.

Life is about great encounters, so we take the chance to be happy for experiencing a bit of Cat's love, which is a lifetime memory.

My tears and respect to the wanderer Cat, now on his home cloud.