Need reassurance

[njtom]

A few days ago, we put our Maggie down. She was nearly ten, an FIV+ rescue cat who lived almost all her life in good health. A few months ago, she started throwing up food. Once 11-12 pounds, she was down to 8. We went to one vet, then another, and just got medications to help with nausea. Finally, 5-6 weeks ago, we went to a third vet who suggested an ultrasound -- which showed a couple of tumors on Maggie's liver and pancreas. I didn't have it biopsied which I regret, but they said it was likely lymphoma or mast cell. The vet listed all the things that protocol would dictate: surgical exploration, chemo, steroids. It would be far too expensive for us, so we decided to just let her be and give her prednisolone if needed.

Maggie was OK for a while, but little by little she started eating less. A week ago, she stopped eating her regular food completely. She'd eat treats but that's it. And she was starting to be less sociable (she's normally very friendly.) One day, she actually hid under our bed, which she never does unless she was coming back from a stressful vet visit. It seemed to me that she was going downhill, so I made the appointment for Lap of Love to come to the house. The day before, just to help her feel better, I finally gave her some prednisolone, and of course it perked her up a bit. We went ahead with the appointment, and now she is gone.

My head tells me that she obviously had a serious disease, and she wasn't going to get better, and the prednisolone was only a temporary palliative. I've heard that a week too soon is better than a day too late. Maybe we could have continued with the prednosolone and gotten a little more time, but that would not have lasted. With humans, we're used to people being in hospital beds or nursing homes (at best), and eventually losing consciousness. And I've dealt with that in my family, more than once. This is a whole different level: choosing to put down a put who is still walking around, eating a bit, and meowing. It is devastating.

I think I did the right thing, but of course I feel horrible. Maggie got nearly 10 years of life as a FIV+ cat, and for that I am grateful. I guess it's normal to feel guilty. What if we had her tested sooner? But chemo, besides the money, would have been difficult. Maggie was notoriously difficult to bring to the vet, and good luck trying to give her medicine at home.

Maggie was a very pretty cat. Here is a picture of her in her "prime":

 

[Furballsmom]

It is the hardest thing to do, and the most compassionate, unselfish and loving thing to do. She was lovely .

RIP sweet baby girl

 

[di and bob]

Of course you did the right thing, the vets and Maggie herself were telling you she did not have long to go before she began existing, not truly living. You couldn't let her suffer. She had something that was incurable, prednisolone masks symptoms but is not a cure. These should haves, could haves, always come with grieving because none of us are perfect. We will always have something we regret, even in a perfect world. Try to concentrate on those wonderful years you shared your life with that precious girl, do not dwell on her end which is something you cannot change. Don't let that mar her beautiful life and the love she shared with you.
Love is spiritual, so eternal. She will forever be as close as your thoughts and prayers. Her love will live on, permanently bonded to your soul, and will grow even more special with any love added throughout the years. Go forward into your future and live it as you would have wanted her to go on if you were the first to go, that is the meaning of love.
The love you shared with her is YOUR love, a personal unique thing that no one else can understand. We can empathize with you because we have stood where you are standing now, we are here for you when you need us. Please know I will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers, may you be blessed for loving that little girl so much and giving her such a wonderful home.....RIP sweet Maggie. You will be dearly missed, you will always have a secure place in loving hearts. May the good Lord bless and keep you, until you meet again!

 

[betsygee]

Aww, sweet girl. We've lost a couple of kitties to lymphoma. It's a terrible thing and at a certain point, there's nothing more that can be done. You did everything right. You gave her the best medical attention you could, and all the love in the world, and then you released her from further suffering. She couldn't have asked for better human parents.

Rest in peace, little Maggie.

 

[njtom]

Maggie was our first pet and we couldn't have done any better. She didn't scratch furniture (or us), or pee on someone's bed, or get into "trouble." She was extraordinarily friendly. She'd walk up to any stranger in our house and wait to be petted. Her entire life was deciding which bed or sofa to nap on, sitting in the sun, getting fed, sitting on the sofa with us at night, and getting a lot of attention. At the SPCA, nine years ago, all ther FIV+ cats were in a large enclosure that you could walk into. Maggie walked right up to my daughter. I always said that that was the best thing she ever did - for her and for us. I am not going to forget her any time soon. And when we're ready for another cat (probably two siblings this time), they'll be special in their own way.

Thank you all, this has been a huge help.

 

[Furballsmom]

You're wonderful

 

[aurorabee]

I am so sorry for your loss. That's quite an amazing chunk of time for FIV+ cat.

There's no guarantee how much extra time those medications can bring anyways - and at what cost, if the cat's temprament hates taking pills? And with more invasive options comes general anesthesia and it's own set of risks with an older cat. Heck, I know human people who don't like the pill burden either.

Anyways, she's beautiful and our brain is always going to put us through this awful guilt/what ifs as a means to process.

Wishing you peace.

 

[njtom]

Thank you. This thread has really helped me today.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Rest you gentle, Maggie, dream you deep. Your pawprints are on someone's heart forever.

Now you have done the hardest thing we ever do for our pets...you put her well-being above your own heartbreak, and gently guided her first steps through the Gate between This Adventure and our Next Great Adventure, sending your love with her to light her way. Now, from her home in That Place Where All Things Are Known, she blesses you. Not just for your care at the end, but for a life lived wrapped in your love. Her love, translated and purified into Love, she sends back to you now, to walk beside you down through all your days. Because Love abides. Always, forever, Love abides.

Guilt is, indeed, normal. As humans, it is one of the things we do best. In this case, it is misplaced. Your Maggie was hiding away, she was hurting. You did not leave her to continue declining slowly. You let her go while there was still some bit of joy, and what a gift that is!

 

[les26]

You did the best albeit hardest thing that you could do for her, you eased her pain when the future looked very bleak and painful for her, you gave her a WONDERFUL life by taking her in many years ago, and it IS normal for your mind to dwell on the "I should've seen this sooner" and the "what if I did this instead?" and all of those other thoughts that go through our heads when this sort of thing happens, but it is the grief talking, it has gotten ahold of you and will play mental and physical games with you until with time it slowly starts to fade away and loses it's power over you.

We just went through this 2 weeks ago with Sabrina, she had been losing weight and then had breathing issues and when we took her to the vet she had cardiac arrest and died, and I asked the vet if we had brought her in months ago would it have made any difference and she said "no, you did nothing wrong, she was a very sick cat" as we never could hold her, she would only let us scratch her neck and head and pet her a bit and that wasn't until about a year or so ago, so we had no idea that she had a mass tumor on her chest, and even had we known that it would've been horrible to have them operate, she might not have lived through the operation, or had bad quality of life on chemo and drugs, so you did the right thing making that horrible decision, but she has no regrets or bad feelings about it, I am sure she as well as Sabrina knew she was sick but is much better now, just fine, and we will all meet again one day and it will be wonderful.

We feel 100% resposnible for their health and well being because we are, and when they pass we sometimes feel that we failed them, it is so hard to have to "play God" and decide to put them down, so so hard, but I think we usually make the right choice based on the situation and what we have to work with.

"Their last breath on Earth is their first breath in Heaven"

I am sorry for your loss, I hope that your heart heals a bit more each day, God Bless......