Need Helping Deciding If It's Time

[TheFloofAbides]

Hey folks. I've posted on here a couple times before regarding my kitty's health but in the last couple weeks it's become clear that there's not much else we can do and I will just be watching my baby waste away.

The quick rundown is Lita is a 16 yo CKD/IBD kitty. She's been treated for CKD for about 5 years, the IBD not quite as long but it has likely developed into cancer. I am opting not to put her through the ultrasounds/surgery/etc necessary for diagnosing and treating the cancer as I don't believe her frail little body can handle it and she's already been through so much (had mammary tumor removed two years ago).

She's on anti-nausea meds, appetite stimulants and steroids but we cannot get her the slightest bit interested in food. She is being syringe fed but still can't seem to keep the weight on. She's wasting away and it's so hard to watch. She has been to two vets and both admitted that short of surgery there's not much else that can be done.

Friday I had a hospice vet come out and do a quality of life assessment on her. She ranked just above the threshold for euthanasia, but after taking a look at her the vet said it was only going to get worse from here, and sooner would be better than later. I scheduled *tentative* appointment for an at-home euthanasia for Monday and took the long weekend to be with her.

But now as she's cuddled up on my lap and I'm sobbing, I don't know if I can do it. She still wants to be around us a fair portion of the time and does not seem to be in acute pain (vet agreed on this). However, as I mentioned, she does not eat and now doesn't even drink (just dips her nose in the water or hangs her head over it) and her motor skills are deteriorating rapidly. She also looks uncomfortable a lot of time, sitting in the 'meatloaf' position with her head down.

Overall I feel it may be too soon to end her life, but I am also desperately afraid she will die alone while I'm at work or end up injuring herself by trying to jump up on something or etc while I'm not around.

I can't figure out if it's more selfish to end her life due to these concerns or to keep her around in spite of them. I've been analyzing my feelings all day and I just don't know which are coming from a genuine concern for her wellbeing, from my guilt/fear, or from my exhaustion if watching her decline.

Please, any help is greatly appreciated. I know every person and cat is different but I just feel like I can't work this out on my own and my partner is deferring to me since she is my cat. And of course other people don't really understand...

 

[Kieka]

I am so sorry for what you're going through. There is no easy answer and no clear cut "this is the sign". I think you made the right choice to bring in someone to evaluate her situation and advise you. I can't say if Monday is the right time or not, that is a choice only you and your family can make. I know when I've been there, there is a moment when I just knew it was time. I had doubts of course and second guessed myself but it was a look in my cats eyes and just a feeling. I've always gone with it when that moment happened and I've never regretted or doubted the choice.

Love and support with you through this.

 

[di and bob]

You sound exactly like me, I went through pretty much the same with my beloved Burt. If your little one is starting to pull away, sleeping apart, no eating or drinking, it is time. I too went through the agonizing decision to keep him at home, we promised him no vet, no more tests, because there was no cure, only more pain, and more suffering in the future. Even with the most expensive treatments, with the very best, it only buys a little time, and look what it puts them through. If they could talk they would say no more. When the living and enjoying life has ended, when you see the physical wasting away, it is existing now.
Your sweet baby will get weaker and weaker, just like Burt, the jumps will miss, the walk will stumble. Like someone said on this site, it is better a day too early than a day too late. The physical decline is relentless. It is heartbreaking, it is pain that takes your breath away.
No matter what you decide, and when, the pain will be there. No matter which way you go there will be those should haves, could haves. It is called grief. We are here, we will help you through it. You are not alone, we are legion and know the pain too well. It is time to decide what is best for your little one, to end a future full of pain and suffering, and to find the strength to do so through your love.
I'll pray for you both, my heart goes out to you. Give that precious head a kiss for me and give that frail little girl a hug. Tell her you will be with her and you will always love her. That the new path she will take will always keep her near and the love you have for each other will never die. Because that is what love is, wanting only the best for the one in your heart.......

 

[betsygee]

I am so sorry for what you're going through. There is no easy answer and no clear cut "this is the sign". I think you made the right choice to bring in someone to evaluate her situation and advise you. I can't say if Monday is the right time or not, that is a choice only you and your family can make. I know when I've been there, there is a moment when I just knew it was time. I had doubts of course and second guessed myself but it was a look in my cats eyes and just a feeling. I've always gone with it when that moment happened and I've never regretted or doubted the choice.

Love and support with you through this.

I second this. I've lost a few cats and with each one of them, there was a point when I just 'knew' it was time. I'm so sorry you're having to make this decision.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

I am so sorry. From what you have described, I think that di and bob has it right, and she is saying "good-bye" to you. A very wise and loving vet once told me, "It is better for them to err on the side of the Angels, and help them go sooner rather than later," but that MUST be your decision. I know your heart is breaking, and I am with you now. Both of you.

 

[kgos]

We just recently went through this with our Tigger earlier this month. Tigger was almost 16, and had hyperthyroidism, but due to the meds developed CKD. She displayed a lot of the behavior that your Lita is displaying. If they aren't eating, or drinking...it is time. Our Tigger also would sit over the water bowl as well, and I knew it was time when she stopped grooming herself (she was such a groomer), wouldn't cover her urine the last few times she went to the litter box, and stopped eating, drinking and purring as well. We were told that there was nothing they could do on a Thursday, and we scheduled her last visit on a Monday. We took the weekend (Easter weekend, of course) to say our goodbyes. It was the most heartbreaking thing I've ever had to endure, and still I miss her everyday. But, they are suffering...even if it doesn't seem like they are, they are hurting, and you are giving them a gift of relieving that suffering. The best thought I heard was on this site, you will be transferring their pain onto you, but it is the best gift you can give them. Hugs to you. The road is hard, but you will get through it.

 

[greycat2]

Its never an easy choice when its time to say goodbye and we always second guess ourselves if its time and if there was anything else to do.

Sounds like she is letting you know it is okay to let her go. I went through this late last year with 2 of my oldest cats within 3 weeks of each other. 1 had Kidney Failure (He was 17 years old) and the other was 15 years old and had both nasal cancer and kidney failure. They both kept hanging in there but they also stopped eating and drinking at the end despite everything being done to support them.

The pain will always be a presence even with all we can and have done. Take any comfort in that many have been there as you are going through and will support you when the time comes.

 

[TheFloofAbides]

We made the decision to let Lita go this week. It's even harder than I imagined, I didn't know it was possible to cry so much. I don't think I'll ever be ok. :'(

 

[TheFloofAbides]

This is my baby, my daughter, my sweet floof. She was the light of my life, my soul mate. I will miss her forever.

 

[tara g]

I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful Lita. She will always remain in your heart, and the memories of the love you shared will one day be stronger than the excruciating pain you feel right now.

I know letting my boys go was so so hard. I wished so much that their time was not here, but I knew in my heart it was. Absolute hardest decisions I ever made in my life, and I had to do it twice, about 2 months apart.

Sounds like she is letting you know it is okay to let her go. I went through this late last year with 2 of my oldest cats within 3 weeks of each other. 1 had Kidney Failure (He was 17 years old) and the other was 15 years old and had both nasal cancer and kidney failure. They both kept hanging in there but they also stopped eating and drinking at the end despite everything being done to support them.

How terrible the kidney failure and nasal cancer is ... that is what took both my boys late last year - Neko with kidney failure, Nero with nasal cancer, about 2 months apart. They also stopped eating and drinking at the end, after everything I and the vets could do, and that's when I knew it was time.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Rest you gentle, Lita, dream you deep. Your pawprints are on your mama's heart forever.

You will survive this, and be happy again. You will not get "over" it, but you will get "through" it. Very slowly, the happy memories will take over the sad ones, if you allow them to. I really hope that you will, for the best way to honor Lita is to remember her with joy. Love does not die. It changes form, and continues, it remains Love. Lita is, in a very real way, with you always. Love abides.

 

[greycat2]

RIP sweet beautiful Lita. Our loved ones leave their paw prints on our hearts. She will be missed and never forgotten.

Take your time to grieve for her and cherish all of the times you had together. In time the pain will ease and be replaced with the fond memories. There will be times to where the tears may fall though hopefully they will be fond tears. You will be okay in time. She wouldn't want you to not be okay. She'd want to have you remember her fondly as a sweet loved one forever in your heart and also to be able to give that same love to another when its time.

It has been almost 14 years since I had the help my 1st cat over the Bridge (He is the one in my Avatar) due to cancer and liver failure. I still miss him though what I have learned with him has been a gift from him in order to help out others. Perhaps you and Lita can do the same.

She is gorgeous.

Here's my two gray cats that have crossed over out if 6 that I have had to help cross over).
Sphinx

Dancing Bear

 

[greycat2]

tara g
You are so right that its terrible on the cancer and kidney failure (and all of the other types of illnesses our loved ones get). You are kind to help them out when it was time.

 

[solomonar]

I believe every Creature is endowed by Soul.

I believe the Realm of Love has no beginning and no End and is for us to feel but not to know.

Our decision is not really ours, we are just play the Arm of the Nature. Nature has no tears, but humans do. Earth is like a big flower nourished by tears. So cats help us to feed the Earth and make us feel the warm of caring.

Have a peaceful trip over the rainbow, Rita! And all your "whiskers a tail" companions!