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Discussion in 'Crossing the Bridge' started by Antonio65, Apr 6, 2017.
That's so beautiful!
Thanks @meelasmom, you too are in my thoughts.
THere were some TCS members who went through hell in the same moment I was, I can't forget them, I can't forget you!
Yes, this board was a Godsend, I think I would have gone mad if it wasn't for it!
My Dear Friend,
Have you thought about adopting a rescue kitten? You have so much love to give.
I know Lola and Pallina would approve.
Antonio you should make yourself a priority. BrxaBec you were and are the whole world of your beloved angel cats. They worry about you when they see you so sad and not caring for yourself.
I was so devastated to lose each one of my precious pets. Losing Inky after working so hard to tame him and bonding and getting him so healthy and beautiful after the stupid oncologist abandoned him after telling me his cancer was 90 percent curable and wouldnt return broke my heart.
I was so angry the hospital manager banned me from there.
Losing my last dog was literally like losing my soul that dog was part of me. With inky and the dog and lovey I felt like I could literally read their minds and had a psychic connection with them.
I understand what you said about not wanting anyone to handle or touch your animals. Lovey was the only one I brought home and it was right to do so.
There are do many days where it's hard to get up and function. Where I barely eat or don't care about showering or want yo go anywhere. I go to the dog park daily for my current dog so he's a lifesaver.
I have even been working enough so I need to change that quickly.
I haven't had any recent signs from lovey. He must have had to back off.
I signed up to be on adoption list for a young cat or kitten from a shelter. It's what my other cat needs. He's never been the only cat before and he's too dependent on me. It's not healthy and he needs to be a happy cat.
Taking in a rescue kitten or two might be very healthy for you. Taking in my current shelter dog saved me . There's no replacing any of my beautiful pets .I still miss my last dog every day and this dog is very different. No cat will replace any of the ones ice lost, each was unique.
But each one taught me something new and gave me gifts of love unique to that one. And there's so many homeless animals that need loving people to care for them.
Think about it
right after the death of Pallina 8 months ago today, I had found two abandoned kittens in a desperate state of health. I had taken care of them, I spent lots of money to make them healthy again, but I didn't bond to them because it was way too early. I rehomed them both, and they are fine.
In early October I adopted a kitten from my colony and a kitten from a rescue. I couldn't bond with them, though, I kept thinking they weren't my previous cats. The kittens felt my mood and thoughts, and had issues between them, and one of the two had physical stress who showed up as a continuous diarrhea.
I had to rehome them both, again.
In mid February I found a stray senior cat along the road
(see this thread I've Found A Sick Cat - What Would You Do? ) and I took care of her for the few days she lived. It was the closest thing I had to feeling happy again since I had lost Pallina.
I had to take much care of her, she was sick, she needed lots of attention dawn till dusk, I devoted to her completely, and it was just like when I had to take care for Lola in her last days. I felt myself useful, complete, again.
This senior cat lived 9 days with me, but filled my heart like she had lived 9 years... and broke my heart likewise...
Despite these experiences, I don't feel myself ready for a cat at the moment, I would keep making comparisons with what I have lost, and I am sure I would keep living in the past, not being able to devote all myself to the new cat. This would be very unfair...
I'm so sorry to read how you're coping with your loss, I think we feel the same way.
I received lots from my Lola and Pallina, they gave much more than I gave them.
With them I lived incredible expriences, and had feelings that I didn't thought they were possible. My life has changed, thanks to them, I will always be grateful to them for what they made of my life.
Unfortunately, what they gave me is so strong, deep, rooted in my soul and heart, that I fear that any other cat could only be less than them, I fear that I could only always compare the new cat with what the others were. Or, if the new cat were the same sweet cat as Lola and Pallina were, I would keep telling that he/she is "like the ones I had"... It could never be "it", it could be "like Lola and Pallina", or "less than them"...
The cat I saved from the road in February ( I've Found A Sick Cat - What Would You Do? ) was with us only 9 days, but she used to do things as she had been with us for all her life. But mainly she would do the same things that Lola would, like tapping on my leg before jumping on my lap, or like curling on my legs the same way Lola would, or like following me around like a shadow.
But I didn't say "hey, this cat does amazing things", I would say "hey, she does like Lola did"...
It's hard to explain, but what my life has been in the last 18 years has changed how my life will be in the future.
I can understand how you feel in many ways. Maybe you didn't give yourself enough time to bond with the kittens, or maybe you're meant to take in adult cats. Kittens aren't for everyone.
Maybe you're meant to take in a dog, an animal that will make you go out every day.
Maybe your beautiful Lola sent you that senior cat to show you that you are capable of loving another animal.
I don't know, I'm not trying to be pushy, I just feel bad that you're having such sadness and want to help.
I know that when my first horse died, I got a new horse a few months later. I've told the story how I had a dream with my first horse leading me on the road to meet my current horse. I feel he picked her for me and I have occasional dreams with him and feel like he's watching over me.
It took me over a year to bond with that horse, and now 22 years later the bond we have is so strong two vets told me I singlehandedly saved her life and got her to want to live again when she was days away from dying almost two years ago. We have an unimaginable bond.
Same with my current dog. I got him a month after my last dog died because I really feel safer having a large protective dog living in the city and being out late at night working and looking for parking. I didn't feel ready for a dog but kept seeing my dog on the shelter internet listing. After a strange man followed me to my car one night and tried to open the door to get in, I went to the shelter and adopted my current dog.
It took me a good year to feel any bond with him too. Many times I wanted to return him to the shelter but I knew it would traumatize him and I couldn't do it. He drove me nuts with so many bad behaviors and I constantly compared him to my perfect last dog. Then he started listening to me. Then I started reading about dog behavior and realized a lot of things he did were him trying to ask for attention and showing affection in subtle ways. I started to realize how sensitive he really is and how he'd run and hide if I just cursed because I dropped something. He took every mood I had personally and was in tune to my every thought and worrying all the time. Once I learned to understand and read his behaviors better we bonded. He'll never do the endearing special things my last dog did. But he does his own endearing special unique things. It took me a long time to realize that.
If I had let grief for my first two special cats keep me from having more cats, I'd never have known my angels Inky or Lovey. Or Mandy or my other cats that died since 2015. And I'd never have Ruby who's sweet and follows me everywhere and bonded only to me.
My childhood cats died two months apart of cancer in 11/2004 and 1/2005 at ages 12 and 20 respectively. The twenty year old I had from when I was 11 to when I was 31. She went everywhere with me, even my college dorm because she and my mom hated each other and when I left for college she peed all over my mom's work clothes. My other cat I found one summer when I was in college and those two cats lived in every apartment I did, went to graduate school with me and we were a little family.
When twelve year old pepper got squamous cell carcinoma in his jaw and died at only twelve, I was completely devastated. Then my twenty year old cat started declining fast and died two months later. I had no cats, just my mom's young cat who was devastated without pepper and an 17 year old cat also from my childhood who'd hated my old cat and they always fought.
That's how I got Lovey and Mandy. I went to the shelter to get a kitten to cheer up the other cats who weren't eating. My mom was disabled and living with me then and she noticed 5 year old Mandy who was the sweetest cat ever. Lovey was five months old and in the same cage as his brother and they were so hyper they'd chewed off each other's whiskers.
The minute I picked up Lovey he purred and cuddled close to me even while being hyper and wanting to run. He was born the same month as my twenty year old had been. I just felt that she was sending me this crazy kitten to bring laughter again. I always called Lovey my little gift from the angels and that's what he was. It's inscribed on his plaque on his cremation box.
If I'd let grief keep me from getting any more animals, I'd never have had my amazing Inky, Lovey, mandy, Ruby, my dog or horses, fawn, or Tigey who found my Mom's cancer and gave me three years with her. And all those animals wouldn't have had a loving home. Inky and fawn would have died alone and suffering on the street many years ago with no comfort or love.
The time will come when you find another cat - you will look into it's eyes and know it belongs with you. I just know it. I didn't mention this in the other thread, but just over a month ago, close to 2 months, there was this beautiful black cat running around our street. My daughter who lives down the road said she had seen it come out from under her porch and I had seen it on our back patio.
One day i was pulling in the driveway after work and he was sitting at the end of it. So I got out of the car and followed him to my patio. I talked to him and after a few minutes he finally came to me. He was thin, so I brought some food out for him. He was quite happy to be fed.
He had beautiful big green eyes, black fur and one white toe and patch on his chest. He started coming around at night, so I put food out for him. My daughter asked me if I had seen him recently because he was at her door and the neighbors doors the night before, scratching at them trying to get inside.
We realized quickly that he had been dropped off and was homeless. My son saw him on the porch after a couple days and brought him to his room. It went down to the teens that night and he felt like he should be inside. He stayed with him a couple days and then went back outside. He disappeared for almost 24 hours but came back again. This time I let him in the house. My other cats were curious, but were not happy that he was there.
He has gotten outside 3 more times since then and each time he comes back and waits to be let in. I know I shouldn't take another cat with the 4 I have, but there was something about this guy that I just couldn't turn him away or take him to the shelter.
When I pet him, he always reaches up and touches my face with is paw and then he licks me. I have fallen in love with another cat! But like I said, there is something about him and picturing him trying get into all of those houses, looking for his own home was heartbreaking. My others have finally accepted him and while Ivy is the Princess Brat, she will slap at him once in a while, but he just walks away.
So anyway, my friend, you will one day run across a cat that will tell you that you need to be his/her dad. You will realize it and hesitantly, you will finally love another one again. I promise!
I had Lola and Pallina since they were kittens (Lola was just 10 days old, Pallina was around 8 months old), so it's not about the kittens, I would love it, it's about not being able to take any pet in...
I'm more of a cat person. Though I love every animal, I feel that cats are what suit me the most.
I and cats are kindred spirits. I, myself, feel like I'm a cat inside, I think like they do, my life follows the same philosophy.
Yes, as a matter of fact we thought the best thing is to let things happen, not pushing ourselves into having a cat at all costs, it wouldn't work.
The right cat will be sent to us, just like Lola and pallina were sent.
It is said the Baba Lion has a Soul that is much longer than his body, measured from nose to tale. So the Soul reaches the mtoto Simba (lions cub) foreheads long before Lion's paws can touch them.
So no matter where the bodies are, Father Lion and the cubs always share their Souls.
But the cubs cant share their Souls without Father Lion, because their Souls are so small.
To save the Souls of his cubs, Baba Simba always take care of himself first, before the cubs. That is because if he returns to the Home Cloud, cubs could no longer share Souls and they eventually die from missing Love.
That is said.
Awe...pretty girl..my condolences....
Thanks so much, @Jwa.
Antonio, of course you would compare any future cat, any future love, to Lola and Pallina, and to all the others in your life. Because once you let them enter your heart they ALL become one big family, entertwined and mingled. Each and every one will have their own secure space in your heart, you just have to change your way of thinking to not compare them to each other, but to love them for who and what they are. Little individuals that bring something different into your life because that is what you and they need at that particular time. Like I have always said, each is like a beloved child born to loving parents. All share the love of the parents, none the same, each one different and holding a special place. Some more treasured for traits and what they achieve as acceptable by the parents, some for personality, and yes, there are always the 'favorites', but that doesn't mean the others are loved any less, just differently. And just like some parents don't expect another child, none the less it is joyously welcomed and accepted into the family and they adjust and learn to accept what fate has blessed them with.
What Pallina and Lola have brought to your life is beyond compare. And it will always be so. You will always have that so now just enjoy what fate brings to your door. There will always be more heartache, but there will always be joy there too. Que sera, sera, whatever will be, will be.......
Happy 19th birthday, my sweet dear Lola!
May my kisses and hugs reach you wherever you are. The pain for losing you is still unbearable, you were the perfect cat, the sweetest creature on Earth, you were pure love.
I love you, I will always love you, till the end of my days.
And I miss you, you don't know how I miss you...