My Sweet Lola is at the Rainbow Bridge

[kittylove53]

Antonio!As the days go forward I find myself grieving for Omelette more and more!I feel guilty that she suffered so much until her end!I could not let her go either!Everything reminds me of her.The kitten I have now is a grey beige Tortie.She now claws the paper I have under the litter boxes like Omelette used to do.Perhaps some part of Omelette lives on in this kitty!She will be eight months old on Feb 22.Her name is Smynx!Every time I look at her it reminds me of Omelette!I say Omelette's name several times each day.I talk to her!She will always be on my mind!I have come to realize that this is how it is going to be!I would never want to have her only as a distant memory!This new kitty keeps me very busy with all the silly things that only kittens can provide.I feel for the little kitten you are caring for,and I hope you find her a loving home,if not perhaps she would be a special kitty for you!I know the excellent care she is getting from you!Let me know if you find her a home!I hope one day we can find some peace for our broken hearts.Lots of hugs to you!

 

[di and bob]

Antonio, embrace what Lola is sending you. You went through SO much with caring for her and loving her, it doesn't just end when the physical body does.
Her soul is a part of you now. This 'essence' of what Lola was is as much a part of you as anything else you have loved in your life. She will never leave you because she IS a part of what makes you now.
You will feel the pain, the anguish,the guilt, it is inevitable. Because you loved her, so you will grieve. But until you can make her life more important than her death it will bring pain and tears. What she gave you, her love, the happiness, the pure joy in your life far outweighs the pain. But first you have to to get through the death. Step by step we have to muddle through the pain and anguish. Over and over again. You will always miss her, you will always have that ache in your heart when your mind goes to those dark final days. That traumatic time is HUGE and overpowers everything right now you remember that is pure and sweet and good, what Lola brought to you as her gift for your love. Concentrate on finding something that is good in your life right now. You can do nothing about the past but you can make your future better. You are so good with kittens and the ill, keep on fostering, keep on loving, and eventually you'll find a way to bring the sunshine back into your life. These times will become more and more prominent in time, until you can push that darkness back into a hole where it belongs and bring forth the happiness that Lola meant you to have. That she still wants you to have because she loves you so much. And THAT will never change!

 

[Antonio65]

I feel for the little kitten you are caring for,and I hope you find her a loving home,if not perhaps she would be a special kitty for you!I know the excellent care she is getting from you!Let me know if you find her a home!I hope one day we can find some peace for our broken hearts.Lots of hugs to you!

kittylove53 ,
Yes, Bianca, the kitten I was caring for, has found a new home twelve days ago. Bianca settled quickly and is already queen of her new kingdom
She brought lots of distraction in my home while I had to take care of her, but my mind was never totally free from memories of Lola, and it never will.

I do hope you are feeling better than I am.

 

[meelasmom]

Thinking of you and Lola as these anniversaries are so hard to get through.

 

[momto4kitties]

I’m crying as I read Lola’s story and your love and dedication to her, feels so familiar, because that is what I feel, I feel that my life is not the same, we miss them sooo much! I love the way you Loved Lola and all you did for her. You were amazing. We willmiss them and love them forever

 

[Antonio65]

Thinking of you and Lola as these anniversaries are so hard to get through.

Thanks M meelasmom , I do appreciate your thoughts as the anniversary draws near.

 

[Antonio65]

I’m crying as I read Lola’s story and your love and dedication to her, feels so familiar, because that is what I feel, I feel that my life is not the same, we miss them sooo much! I love the way you Loved Lola and all you did for her. You were amazing. We willmiss them and love them forever

Thanks momto4kitties , thanks for taking the time to read Lola's story.
Yes, I dedicated my whole time to her and I'd do the same again.
You did for your wonderful Lucas as much and you'd do over again if you had the chance, that is the meaning of Love. You were amazing too!
Hugs!

 

[Loving Mickey]

I know the pain you are still feeling over the loss of your sweet Lola. I wish with all my heart that I knew the right words to ease your pain. I followed your journey with Lola , just like many others here , and your love and dedication to that precious baby was amazing. You two had a special bond that will last for eternity.
You are a great comfort to many here on this site. You always have such comforting words to say to others who are mourning a loss. We all know the pain of losing a beloved one. It is so devastating!
Just know that we are all here for you as well.
Many hugs to you!

 

[Antonio65]

Loving Mickey , your words brought tears to my eyes
Thanks for your kind and heartwarming post, I truly appreciated it, you don't know how I did.
Thanks for taking the time to follow Lola's story, it means a lot to me.
Hugs to you!

 

[Antonio65]

Lola left me this time, 4:33 pm CET, one year ago. She left me after a long course of sufferings.

But she faced her fate with bravery and strength. Probably she was stronger than me and I took from her the strength to fight for her, everyday, every minute, every second.
She fought to live since she was born, when her mother abandoned Lola and her brother at 10-15 days of age. She was tiny and defenceless, with her eyes still closed, but she struggled to survive and she managed to live despite my clumsiness.
At first she was a bit clueless about life, her brother Romeo was her guide everyday. She was lost without him. But after Romeo's sudden death, she had to wake up and face the world on her own.

I've been suggested to remember Lola through some of her skills or ability.

Well, Lola had the wonderful ability to shoo other cats out from our courtyard without chasing them or openly threatening them. She would just look at them in their eyes, no need to play aggressive or angry, just a proud look from her to them and they would run away. She was tiny even when she was adult. The fact that she grew up without a mom, bottle fed, left her slight and slender, but she had a hidden strength inside. That strength was enough for her to stay away from all fights, yet win them all anyway. I know she was very proud of this ability, as I was proud of her.

She was clever, and though it might sound absolutely crazy, she knew a lot of things. There was a time when we used to watch "Who wants to be a millionaire?" on TV. I consider myself rather cultured and I like quiz shows, I challenge myself with those questions.
When the quiz host asked the contestant a question, I would ask Lola "Is the correct answer A, B, C, or D?" When right after one of those letters she would meow, then she was saying to me that it was the right answer. And she guessed right more often than me! I think, I am sure, she could understand every single word of what people were saying around her. Another thing of her I was proud of.

But what I was, am, proud about her of is her courage at facing the diseases she had and the treatments she received. She proved to me she was ready to go on with all therapies.
I would ask her "Lola, are your ready and prepared to go through this? Will you do it?" and she would answer "Yes!" It was easy to talk each other.
She was very communicative, I always knew what she wanted, needed, asked for.

The bond we had was so deep that people would be amazed. Some people were even envious. The bond we had was so strong that I was even able to wake her up from a coma she fell into, just with me whispering her name in her ears. The doctors at the clinic, who were sure she was going to die after a surgery two years ago, were shocked to see her waking up and then standing up, meowing ad purring at me! This bond, too, is what I am truly proud of!
She would trust me blindly. She would let me do to her anything, because she knew that whatever I was doing, was for her own good. She never fought a pill, an injection or any other medicine, because what harm might have come from me?
She would walk in the neighborhood on a leash. This trust that she had is what I am proud of!

Also, the way we had to communicate is what I am proud of! It was always clear, never a doubt.
And even in her last day, one year ago, I asked her if she was tired and wanted to go. She clearly told me she was tired and ready. I asked her this several times, she always replied "Yes!".
I also asked her if she wanted to stay and fight further, I asked her this several times, she always answered "No!".

I will never forget her last minutes, when she asked me to go to the back of the house, where the sun was at that time of the day. It was a lovely sunny and warm afternoon. She just sat in the sun, with the faces turned to receive the warm rays. The birds around us were singing. I asked her "Lola, hear the birds?", she said "Yes, I like them".
She was blind, she couldn't see them, she couldn't see the sun, but heard them and felt it.
Then, after a couple of minutes, she laid on her side and let me know she was not feeling well and wanted to go back inside, but hadn't the strength to walk back, so I took her in my arms and together we went back inside, where we waited for the vet that I had called one hour before.
She was brave and valiant till the end, she didn't fear the vet next to her, on the couch. After the first shot she looked at me, said a weak "Meow" that I understood as "Thank you for everything, we'll see on the other side", then she closed her eyes.

My heart shattered, exploded, crashed in thousands pieces.
I have never been able to put all those pieces together again since, many of them were lost.
I cry everyday. God is my witness, not a single day I woke up and went to sleep without that Lola was my first and last thought of the day. Not a single day has gone by without me thinking of her at least 10 times. Not a single day has gone by without a tear for her. I pronounce her name at least once a day.
I will never find another soul like hers. She was the light of my eyes, my reason for living, the beat of my heart. Since she's gone I am nothing, and I will be nothing for the rest of my life.

Lola, I have loved you, and I will love you always, forever!

I truly wish to thank everybody of you who supported me during Lola's last days, and the days after she passed.
I truly wish to thank those who kept supporting me during this year, with posts and private messages, you don't know how precious you have been to me.
And I truly wish to send a special thank you to B babiesmom5 , Mia6 , M meelasmom , di and bob , 2Cats4everLoved for your continuous support and love, you deserve a medal!

 

[meelasmom]

Your post brought me to tears. Thank you for being there for me too!

 

[babiesmom5]

What a beautifully moving and eloquent tribute to your beloved Lola! This brought tears.

You and Lola's souls are now intertwined. This brings to mind the words of Helen Keller, who I greatly admire and respect;

"What we once enjoyed and deeply loved
We can never lose.
For all that we love deeply
Becomes a part of us".

Your dear Lola is now a part of you.

Thank you for caring and sharing your sweet Lola with us through her eyes.

 

[di and bob]

You can't be nothing because you will always have a part of Lola within you and she was everything to you. You will always have the love you shared, the grief is just overshadowing all that was good right now. You could be writing the story of many of us, we are legion, joined together through our sorrow. You cared for and loved that precious little girl so much, she had the world, definitely everything she ever wanted.
I remember crying an ocean that first couple of years, I lost all joy in everything I held dear. But eventually I concentrated on the good I remembered, not the bad. On the pure joy she found in living, her sassy little ways, her tail up strut, her ruling over the boys with her iron paw. And slowly, over time, it brought joy back into my heart. I pay for the adoption of the cat that has been in the shelter for the longest. It makes me feel good that I may find a forever home and give a life and love to another little one, and I do it all in her name. I feel in my heart she would approve. I strived to make something good out of something so tragic, so soul crushing.
Of course the pain will always be there. But like the love we have tucked away in our very souls,we can choose how to use it. I don't ever want it to be bigger than my love for her, and for so long it was. I concentrated on how the pain was affecting me, not thinking on what it was doing to our love. Making it somehow less important because it was all I thought of, and that I could not do. But all this takes time,time is all we have. One day I hope and pray that you can bring what was good and endearing in Lola's life to your own life once more. That you will understand you will always have Lola near, because she is a part of you. A good part. You will always miss her, but you will never lose the love that she so willingly gave you. She is your soul mate, and one day you will allow the love she sends you to replace the pain that resides there now. Seh would never want it any different. Take care, and may God bless you both.

 

[Mia6]

Oh Antonio,

Please try to be happy again. That is what darling Lola wants.
Thank you so very much for sharing her with us. She is always
in my heart.

Hugs,

Mia

 

[2Cats4everLoved]

Antonio,

I'm so sorry to read your heart is still broken. I wish you could find some comfort in knowing that you gave Lola the best life she could have had. The bond between you both was so special I hope soon you can find happiness knowing that you gave Lola the selfless gift of love, trust, food, shelter and most important the comfort of your arms.

If lucky, 1 out of millions of kitties get to experience this type of life.

It's easy to be on TCS and think all cats are loved and cared for as much as we members write about, but the reality is there is an estimated 80 million cats alone in the US who are out on the streets fending for themselves. When you think about that - it's got to be fate that brings our "special" kittens/cats to our attention. I really believe that these Special Bonds are created out in the Universe long before we ourselves know it in our hearts only for us to stumble upon them at the exact moment in our lives when we (for whatever reason) need each other.

When we first meet our purrballs no one starts thinking about what may happen down the road. I think about that when thinking of my sweet boy Simon. I think about how lost my husband and I were in his personality and loving ways, time passed so quickly while having fun, it never crossed my mind that cancer of all things would kill him.

What gets me through is knowing how rare these bonds are makes me realize I had something truly special.

It was you Antonio who made me realize in your PM, how rare these bonds are. These Special Bonds are to be celebrated and remembered with great fondness, not sadness. I know it's easier said than done, but in time you will be able to move forward and be able to think back with happy thoughts. I know you don't have the option to adopt, but, is there a shelter you can visit regularly and perhaps volunteer at. Even a visit once a week to pet and talk to the older cats, I'm sure they would feel your love and pain and I'm sure you can help each other to feel less lonely.

You remain in my prayers.

Warm regards, Hope

 

[artiemom]

Oh, Antonio,
You are so eloquent with your words and feelings.. You made me shed a few tears..
Sorry I am late getting to this..
((hugs))

The bond/love you have with Lola will extend past time itself.. Such a special love...

The love we share, with our babies; will endure forever. You have that special love with Lola... one of a kind..

Please be good to yourself.. Lola would want that. She is looking over you--never leaving your side.. she wants you to be happy. She is free from pain; Lola wants you to be also..

a very teary, ((Hugs)) from me....

 

[Antonio65]

Happy 18th birthday, my sweet, beloved and unforgettable Lola!

I'm still thinking of you every single day, dawn till dusk. I love you!

 

[artiemom]

Happy Birthday Baby Lola!!! Daddy and his friends are sending b-day wishes and love up to you...

 

[babiesmom5]

The sun is shining, the birds are singing...what a purr-fect way to celebrate the day the world was graced with Lola!

Today, all here will celebrate the love, joy and happiness sweet Lola brought to all who knew and loved her...and especially to you!

 

[Antonio65]

Happy Birthday Baby Lola!!! Daddy and his friends are sending b-day wishes and love up to you...

The sun is shining, the birds are singing...what a purr-fect way to celebrate the day the world was graced with Lola!

Today, all here will celebrate the love, joy and happiness sweet Lola brought to all who knew and loved her...and especially to you!

Your words brought me to some tears!
It's amazing how many friends Lola did have, even without meeting them.
Thanks a lot, you are so dear, everybody!