My resident cat won't accept the new Kitty

Kali10

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Greetings to all cat fellows,
We have a ten year old spayed Kitty(Kali) and recently we rescued another female kitten(Dinkle). When we found her she was about one month old.
When the kitten first came home we had them separated and tried to introduce them gradually.
I have tried the introduction steps but they don't apply that much to Kali.
I tried letting them eat near each other on each side of the door, by Kali only sometimes accepted to eat near her.
Now I let her eat far from the kitten because sometimes when she gets stressed she vomits after eating.
We also tried to play with them one person with each cat, but Kali still feels uncomfortable with the kitten being in the room.
One the other hand, when the kitten is in the same room because she really wants to play with her she goes towards Kali and Kali gets annoyed, mewos in a different way to warn her to not approach her, if the kittens does approach her she hisses and from time to time she swats.
Also, Kali has access to the balcony and the neighbor's house, so she just prefers to leave in general. She does like to be out, but now with the kitten she prefers to stay in the balcony or be next door more.
In general, she doesn't really want to do anything with the kitten. I don't want to force her do anything she doesn't want, but there's been one and a half month already, so I do try now to not let her go out that fast. Since she hasn't really attacked her I started thinking that maybe they need to spend a bit more time in the same space, so Kali sees she's not a thread. They are always supervised, I talk a lot to Kali, I give her some treats, and in general I give her a lot of attention.

In general Kali loves people, but doesn't like cats or dogs much. Although before when she lived my mom she went out a lot and she had an adult female friend cat, but they respected each other's space. When we fed the other cat outside the door though, Kali would get annoyed.
Also when she is with us and the kitten is not present she is very relaxed.
The kitten at night sleeps in her crate in a room where Kali can't see her, but I also tried for a couple of nights to leave the crate in our bedroom. I wanted to see if Kali sees her sleeping and not being "annoying" will still hiss at her. Both times I woke up by her annoyed meow and a bit of hissing. I called on the bed and gave her some treat to helo her relax. The first night she slept on the bed for a while with me, but the second night she preferred to go away after the treat.
My impression in general is that:
1.she is quite territorial
2. She fears the kitten
3. She hasn't lived with another cat for a long time, so she feels discomfort
4. The kitten hasn't learned how to be around another cat and doesn't understand boundaries between them

I am trying to this right, but I am a bit lost. All the articles I read and videos I watched make it seem easy, but in our case it seems quite difficult, and to be honest it's quite tiring and worrysome for me.
Soon we will travel with both of them for the summer and I worry even more.

Any advice or constructive criticism is welcome.

Oh, I forgot to mention, I tried feliway, but it didn't work much. Recently my vet also gave me Kalmvet for the trip and she adviced me to keep giving the pills to Kali for some time, since it can work as an anti- anxiety pill, too.
 
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Kali10

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Kali chilling when the kitten is not around
IMG_20220719_001805.jpg
 

FeebysOwner

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Hi. For a 10 yo cat, this introduction process could take months, so 1 1/2 months is a very short time, tbh. I would take a couple of steps back, and let Kali get more relaxed and hopefully stay home more as she apparently used to do. I guess the goal is to ensure she doesn't continue to spend more time away, as it could get to be longer and longer periods of time.

The adage on the introduction process is that you can only progress through the steps at the pace of the slowest adapting cat. What introduction process are you using? If not the TCS versions, see if they might help any.
How To Introduce A Kitten To An Older Cat – TheCatSite Articles
How To Successfully Introduce Cats: The Ultimate Guide – TheCatSite Articles
 

Mamanyt1953

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And remember, Kali is senior, and may not have much to do with a young kitten until Dinkle "wears the fidgets out." That's a lot of energy for an older gal to adjust to!
 
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Kali10

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Thanks for your fast replies😀.
It makes sense to me too for Kali not being able to adjust to the kiddo. I just read and watched all these videos and they were mostly saying that it normally takes two three weeks, so I got a bit disappointed.
Regarding the introduction method I used:
Starting from Day 1:
Kindle was an unplanned rescue, so we hadn't prepared anything. We brought her home one night, put her immediately at Kali's travel carrier and being complete ignorant of the whole process we left her for a couple of minutes in the living room where Kali could see her. She immediately hissed and growled.
Then I asked what to do,and was advised to put her in the bathroom for the night. I put her there, in the carrier and left the door open so I could hear her. She stayed there for two nights. She cried the first night, but the second one she was very quiet. I am not sure what Kali did these two nights, but when I was getting up during the night to check on the little one, Kali seemed more curious, rather than aggressive.
Then I took her to the vet, bought her own things, and we started leaving her in my partner's office in her crate.By then I got more informed about the process, so I didn't let them see each other(Although they saw each other accidentally when the door was open for a couple of minutes). Kali wasn't hissing much from the other side of the door, but when she saw her she did hiss.
I started feeding Kali near the office, trying to get her a bit closer to the door every time. She wasn't that fond of that, and most times wouldn't finish her food. She vomited too a couple of times. When I was next to her talking to her she felt more comfortable. By that time the kiddo spent more time in our bedroom too, and when Kali was not around I let her explore the rest of the house. I also let her play with Kali's toys.
It should be about the 2nd week, when we tried to let them interact with each other. We did this by me playing with Kali and my partner playing with Dinkle. It didn't go bad, but usually after 5ish minutes kali would leave. In the meantime if the kitten was closer to her she complained and hissed. She didn't attack, but swatted if the kitten went to her. Dinkle being a baby, and really energetic would mostly run to her, but now she is more careful and shows submission to Kali. She really wants to play with her though.
Although Kali seemed relaxed, chilling with her toy, when she saw the other one playing and being crazy as a young Kitty would do, she loses focus on her toy, and wants to leave. Because of that what we did a couple of times was me play in my office with Kali, and my partner with Dinkle in the living room. Kali was more relaxed, but she couldn't see what was going on in the other room, so I started wondering whether what we did was helping.
For a week now we stopped playing with Dinkle that much when she was in the room with Kali hopping that she wouldn't scare Kali much. We let her just be in the living room where Kali is and explore or play a bit on her own.
I try to have Kali's focus by playing with her a bit, but it's not working. Kali stays longer in the room, but then when Dinkle approaches her she gets really pissed. Although in the beginning I never saw her pin her ears, now I saw her doing it a couple of times because Dinkle wouldn't get the message.
Last Saturday, on one of their encounters they touched noses for the first time. But then Kali swatted at her.
In general they have never had a real fight, and that's why I try to let them spend some time together two three times a day.
As for feeding time, I let Kali eat far from Dinkle now, because I saw that it caused her discomfort. They also have their own litter box, both for hygiene reasons, and for Kali not feeling stressed about that.
I see that she has adjusted more on Dinkle's scent, but she still smells some of the places she has been. This doesn't make her not play with her toys though, or sleep in her favorite place, even if it has Dinkle's scent.
Now we are on the 7the week, and soon going on a trip, in a smaller house.
They are both taking kalmvet for the trip, but I haven't noticed any of them being that different. I was hoping that they would be a bit more relaxed. And I worry, because they're going to be in my mom's house for a month, where Kali feels perfectly fine there, but it's smaller, and we don't want to let her go out anymore(She did before, when she was living there).
So I worry about how things are going to be.
Sorry for the long reply, I just want to give as much information as possible
 
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Kali10

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One thing I forgot to mention is that Kali is also a very playful cat, although now it's too hot, and she prefers to chill more
 
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Kali10

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IMG_20220719_103811.jpg
and this is the baby
 

Mamanyt1953

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AWWWWWWWWWW! Just keep on keeping on! So far, so good. The videos make it look far easier than it usually is, in my experience! 2-3 weeks is WAY fast. The most important thing is to relax and let the process happen on Kali's time, since she's the more reluctant cat.

OK, I've seen Kitten's name typed as Dinkle AND as Kindle. LOL, which one is right? I kinda hope it is Dinkle, myself!
 
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Kali10

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AWWWWWWWWWW! Just keep on keeping on! So far, so good. The videos make it look far easier than it usually is, in my experience! 2-3 weeks is WAY fast. The most important thing is to relax and let the process happen on Kali's time, since she's the more reluctant cat.

OK, I've seen Kitten's name typed as Dinkle AND as Kindle. LOL, which one is right? I kinda hope it is Dinkle, myself!
Hahaha, it's actually Daisy Dinkle after a lovely cartoon we've watched. I do confuse it sometimes though, because I normally just call her kiddo or kitty, plus because of the kindle reader it comes first in mind 😝.
I am so glad to hear that it does take more time, because seeing all these videos and articles I started worrying that I'm doing something wrong.
I will keep you guys updated on our progress 😀😀
 

Mamanyt1953

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You're doing fine! And with two adult cats, I've seen an introduction take MONTHS, and be very successful! With one of them being a youngish kitten, they're going to eventually get along, and sooner than months!

I'm happy to meet BOTH your babies! Kali is a lovely name, and I love Dinkle's name!
 

ArtNJ

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I agree that it takes time, and there is hope for more, but with these ages the usual end point is not friendship. Rather, the older cat gets to the point where they are chill with the kitten unless being actively bothered in that particular moment. That is the realistic goal.
 
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Kali10

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I agree that it takes time, and there is hope for more, but with these ages the usual end point is not friendship. Rather, the older cat gets to the point where they are chill with the kitten unless being actively bothered in that particular moment. That is the realistic goal.
It makes sense. I would love to see them spend some time together one day, but as long as they can coexist without annoying causing discomfort to each other is already enough for me.
 

Alldara

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Chiming in that it sounds like it's going excellently.

It took about 6 months to get our 14 year old cat to like our kitten.

Some tips that aren't always included in the introduction things:

1. Skip the food if it's causing one of the cats stress. Use treats if you can, but don't force it. Feed them in a stress free way.

2. Let the cat watch the kitten play through a barrier if possible. This lets the cat get used to and observe the kitten's play body language.

3. Play with and keep kitten busy if possible so it's not focused on the cat.

4. Smelling the kitten's smell and being fully relaxed during separation are EXCELLENT signs. You should be proud of yourselves. Consider buying two of anything that causes jealousy.

5. Just keep being patient, celebrating the little milestones and rewarding good behaviour. With that, they might only tolerate one another but I hope your older cat with end up as happy as mine. (Larger orange cat with white in photo)

PS. Cat calming music with purring was super helpful
IMG_20220728_165542210_HDR.jpg
 
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