My most difficult adoption

[Zara12345]

Hi. This post is not about a kitty who has crossed the bridge but rather a kitten that I had to adopt out.
Milo came to me as a foster and the moment I saw him I decided he's ours. He's a gorgeous kitten but he has an extremely shy personality. At first he refused to interact with any of us and only stuck to "hanging out" with the cats. He was always quite scared of humans but he was more of a mother to my foster kittens and even let then suckle on him.

It took about a month for him to warm up to us during which time his personality really developed and he was a truly wonderful cat.

But recently it started getting difficult to manage with the financial expenses of our fosters as adoption fees barely even contribute to cost of fostering these guys. So after a lot of thought (and not much of a choice in the matter) I decided to adopt him out. I did my best to find him a good home but throughout the whole process my only concern was if he would manage in his new home.

The owners love him but I just can't seem to get over his presence in the house. It's the little things that just make it really emotional for me like the way he would tug at my shirt with his paw when I'd prepare his meals in an attempt to say "hurry up" or the way he would react in the cutest way when I'd call his name; he would practically come running and screaming in this little cute voice when I called. But most of all I keep thinking about how betrayed he probably feeling right now coz he was so attached to all of us including my resident cats and would practically follow them around like they were his big brothers.

I thought I'd be ok but I am not and I just want to get him back and hug him and tell him that I am sorry for giving him away and promise to never do it again but there's no way his owners will comply. And he is 5 hours away so I can't visit him that easily.

I started fostering 3 months ago and I have adopted out 10 cats but I have never been this upset about an adoption. I keep telling myself that its ok and that sometimes in life we have to make a sacrifice: we can't always get what we want but then i think back to how Milo is probably feeling right now and the sorrow just drowns me all over again. I feel completely spent and have no idea how to cope. Has anyone gone through a similar experience? Please help

 

[Mia6]

I am so sorry. Are you absolutely certain they won't give him back?

 

[Alldara]

Have you talked to the new owners about how Milo is adjusting? Sometimes, we really build up how we think our pets will feel about something in our minds.

Calcifer's foster was really worried about how he would settle in. He was the only one adopted out on his own, he was very attached to his mother (and if we could have afforded 4 cats she'd be here with us the sweet girl).

But honestly, Cal has loved having more to himself..more attention, space, toys. He took to his humans and cat family so quickly. Magnus loved us quickly, but it took him a long time to settle in and feel calm and not anxious about being given away again. Calcifer was more, "Hi. I'm here. I'm home. This is my space and my family."

When you work with something that needs so much of your time, attention and love, there will always be ones that leave impressions on you, like what you're feeling now. But you're doing good work, and letting them go is how you help more..it's a hard reality that we have to remind our hearts.

 

[Zara12345]

I am so sorry. Are you absolutely certain they won't give him back?

It seems that way coz they did travel all the way to come and get him. And they wanted him real bad when I put him up for adoption so I am hesitant to ask

 

[Zara12345]

Have you talked to the new owners about how Milo is adjusting? Sometimes, we really build up how we think our pets will feel about something in our minds.

Calcifer's foster was really worried about how he would settle in. He was the only one adopted out on his own, he was very attached to his mother (and if we could have afforded 4 cats she'd be here with us the sweet girl).

But honestly, Cal has loved having more to himself..more attention, space, toys. He took to his humans and cat family so quickly. Magnus loved us quickly, but it took him a long time to settle in and feel calm and not anxious about being given away again. Calcifer was more, "Hi. I'm here. I'm home. This is my space and my family."

When you work with something that needs so much of your time, attention and love, there will always be ones that leave impressions on you, like what you're feeling now. But you're doing good work, and letting them go is how you help more..it's a hard reality that we have to remind our hearts.

You have no idea how much your reply has comforted me. Honestly everything that you said is what I keep saying to myself but to hear it from someone else is so much more comforting. And reassuring.

Its what I keep telling myself... there's more out there that need me so I need to let him go but boy I miss him so bad.

 

[Zara12345]

Another thing is that I have a 2 month old kitten that's missing him. Milo was here before we got her when she was just 3 weeks old and she bonded with Milo immediately. He was kind of like her mother in a way and now that he's gone she keeps looking for him, searching everywhere... the cat room, kitchen and even ran out. I feel so guilty and for separating them.
She does have a bit of a weak immune system so we have decided to keep her... at least for now

 

[Alldara]

Zara12345 You are doing wonderful work, but it is very hard work that is emotionally draining. It's such a unique experience raising something and then passing it on to someone else. Especially the hard cases.

This has some advertising, but Hannah talks about emotional health and fostering during this video. I'm sure she's had many emotional goodbyes just like your current one.

Seeing some videos or photos may comfort you. Do you exchange Instagram or Facebook information with some of your fosters new owners? You could do an online group even where people can share photos and updates. Seeing the good, end result could be very uplifting to you.

You're doing an excellent job. You can see if this little kitten will bond to another cat and you can adopt them out as a pair if you wish! (Once health is stable of course) A new friend can be the best thing to support a sad kitten.

 

[Zara12345]

Zara12345 You are doing wonderful work, but it is very hard work that is emotionally draining. It's such a unique experience raising something and then passing it on to someone else. Especially the hard cases.

This has some advertising, but Hannah talks about emotional health and fostering during this video. I'm sure she's had many emotional goodbyes just like your current one.

Seeing some videos or photos may comfort you. Do you exchange Instagram or Facebook information with some of your fosters new owners? You could do an online group even where people can share photos and updates. Seeing the good, end result could be very uplifting to you.

You're doing an excellent job. You can see if this little kitten will bond to another cat and you can adopt them out as a pair if you wish! (Once health is stable of course) A new friend can be the best thing to support a sad kitten.

Thank you for your kind words and encouragement. That is my hope for this kitten.

 

[Margot Lane]

I agree: maybe at least exchange Christmas cards w/ photos of the little guy? You are doing incredible work. Whenever I think of great fosters such as yourself, I think of one small kitten I saw in a country I won’t name (b/c I like the country): shivering, flea ridden, one paw missing, nictating membranes showing, mange, etc. One breath more and this kitten was a no go, I just had 3 seconds to see it before having to move on. It has haunted me all my life. Every time I think of this poor wee one, with no one to love it, I think of ALL the strays that have found warm and loving homes, thanks to the generous spirit of people like you.

 

[Zara12345]

I agree: maybe at least exchange Christmas cards w/ photos of the little guy? You are doing incredible work. Whenever I think of great fosters such as yourself, I think of one small kitten I saw in a country I won’t name (b/c I like the country): shivering, flea ridden, one paw missing, nictating membranes showing, mange, etc. One breath more and this kitten was a no go, I just had 3 seconds to see it before having to move on. It has haunted me all my life. Every time I think of this poor wee one, with no one to love it, I think of ALL the strays that have found warm and loving homes, thanks to the generous spirit of people like you.

I will definitely try to keep in touch but the owners are not very interactive especially after getting the kitten. Its almost like they are trying to cut ties with us after adopting him which just makes it even more heartbreaking because it makes me wonder how he's doing, if he's eating properly and everything.
As per our adoption contract there is a policy that we have the right to cancel the adoption if there is a necessity but I don't want to go that route because they really did want the kitten. And I have hope that they will take care of him. So for now I am just trying to keep myself strong for the remaining babies that need me. I am hopeful that the days ahead will be brighter for both all of us.

A lot of stray babies out there really do need our help. So sad that poor baby had to go through that... Unfortunately we can't help them all but we can try to do our best for the ones that we can help. I have been in a situation where I have literally had to choose which kittens to foster because of the limited quarantine space that I have. That's why we need more people to do this kind of work; its definitely a lot of hard work and can take you on an emotional roller coaster but it's an unexplainable sort of joy to see the babies that you helped thriving and doing well in their new homes.

 

[Zara12345]

Thank you so much for all the love and support I have recieved today. It really means more than I can even put into words. There's not a lot of people that are capable of understanding the situation that I am in but all your words of encouragement have truly helped me. Forever grateful.. thank you

 

[Mamanyt1953]

There is this...cats are very Zen creatures, living in the now. Although Milo will never forget you, he will set about making a new place for himself, and if his adopters are kind and loving (and they seemed that way to you), they will quickly become his "now." I had to rehome my wonderful Berry, whom I had had for seven years, when my younger son, his wife, and my VERY allergic grandchild had to move in with me. She went to a good friend, who adored her. I did not go to the friend's house for several weeks, to allow Berry to adapt. When I did go, I sat down and called to her. She ran in, climbed on my lap for some loves, and shortly thereafter, hopped down and went back to play with my friend's son. And my heart was at peace.

 

[di and bob]

You did right coming here, because you suffered a loss, and that is what this forum is for. I adopted out one cat years ago, and have regretted it ever since. Not in the way of wanting her back, but for what COULD have been. I did inquire about her off and on for about a year after she went to her new home, and that DID make me feel better because the family obviously loved her and the pictures of her looked happy and content. She deserved a wonderful, loving, safe, home and that is what she got. Here she was getting beat up daily by the other cats and ran to us for safety. We couldn't even bring her in because the inside cats beat her up too!
Every so often a certain cat will touch you in a special way. You have to believe you did what was right for HER, not for you. Get in touch with the people, just to enquire how she is doing, it may surprise you that she is happy. Though remind them it definitely takes a while before cats warm up to new situations, sometimes it takes months. Please believe you did what you could for her, and that finding her a special family to devote their love on her is the very best gift you could ever give her!

 

[epona]

It takes a very special person to be able to look after foster animals temporarily and then give them up to a forever home.
I know you were wanting to keep this particular one, which makes it so much more difficult as you got more attached, but you are such a strong person to be able to do what you do. I would not be able to do that. I am sorry that you have found this particular one so difficult and upsetting, wishing you much love and strength.

 

[Zara12345]

There is this...cats are very Zen creatures, living in the now. Although Milo will never forget you, he will set about making a new place for himself, and if his adopters are kind and loving (and they seemed that way to you), they will quickly become his "now." I had to rehome my wonderful Berry, whom I had had for seven years, when my younger son, his wife, and my VERY allergic grandchild had to move in with me. She went to a good friend, who adored her. I did not go to the friend's house for several weeks, to allow Berry to adapt. When I did go, I sat down and called to her. She ran in, climbed on my lap for some loves, and shortly thereafter, hopped down and went back to play with my friend's son. And my heart was at peace.

That's so touching. Glad she found a good home and so glad you got the reassurance that you need. It's all we ever want for our babies right

 

[Zara12345]

You did right coming here, because you suffered a loss, and that is what this forum is for. I adopted out one cat years ago, and have regretted it ever since. Not in the way of wanting her back, but for what COULD have been. I did inquire about her off and on for about a year after she went to her new home, and that DID make me feel better because the family obviously loved her and the pictures of her looked happy and content. She deserved a wonderful, loving, safe, home and that is what she got. Here she was getting beat up daily by the other cats and ran to us for safety. We couldn't even bring her in because the inside cats beat her up too!
Every so often a certain cat will touch you in a special way. You have to believe you did what was right for HER, not for you. Get in touch with the people, just to enquire how she is doing, it may surprise you that she is happy. Though remind them it definitely takes a while before cats warm up to new situations, sometimes it takes months. Please believe you did what you could for her, and that finding her a special family to devote their love on her is the very best gift you could ever give her!

You couldn't have said it better That's exactly why I gave Milo away and posting in this site has definitely helped me see things from a more positive perspective. I also just talked to his owners and apparently he's adjusting well to the new place so I am a bit more at ease now.

 

[Zara12345]

It takes a very special person to be able to look after foster animals temporarily and then give them up to a forever home.
I know you were wanting to keep this particular one, which makes it so much more difficult as you got more attached, but you are such a strong person to be able to do what you do. I would not be able to do that. I am sorry that you have found this particular one so difficult and upsetting, wishing you much love and strength.

Thank you

 

[Furballsmom]

I also just talked to his owners and apparently he's adjusting well to the new place so I am a bit more at ease now.

I'm so very glad to hear this

 

[merlinsmom]

I know this is an old post, but I am getting ready to go through with this. I have four of my own already, but I am fostering 4 babies right now that will be going to the shelter to adopt this week. I had 5 and one has gone to his home and is so happy and getting all the pets and attention. There are two that are pretty attached to me and one is very quiet and reserved. I am not an official cat foster mom. These were kittens that were born in my back yard and I've been in their lives almost since they were big enough to walk up to us. I keep getting mixed signals from those around me. My husband would be ok with a new face or two, but I don't know about my other cats and my father (he doesn't live with us) things I"m nuts. Luckily my husband will take them for me, so I can say goodbye at home. I am just a mess and keep crying at work. Ugh, I'm not made for this for sure.

 

[Furballsmom]

Oh, hon, I'm sorry