My Kitten Just Crossed The Bridge

[Rini]

This morning. He had FIP and I knew he didn't have forever but I am still so devastated.

Last night when I got home from work he seemed a little more lethargic than usual and I had to coax him to eat. He tried to jump up on the couch to sit with me but he missed, poor thing, so I picked up and we got into bed. He slept beside me on the pillow with his cheek resting against mine. I woke up in the middle of the night and he was sitting on my chest.

He gave me the look. I am sure some of you know.

"Mommy, I love you and I know you tried. It's okay. I am ready to go."

I told him okay. I told him I would make the appointment in the morning.

But I never got the chance. I woke up a few more times to find him sleeping at my ankles and wetting on the bed (this has been happening since he became ill, I thought nothing of it).

I vaguely heard him leave the bed. A little while later my alarm went off and I got up to find him just lying sprawled out on the floor, totally limp.

I picked him up and I cradled him in my arms. For a few minutes, I allowed us to get back in the bed. I knew it was the end. He purred and I gave him kisses and told him how much I loved him.

I put him in the carrier and took him to our regular vet who is just around the corner but there was no one there. The receptionist said no vet would be there until 10. I knew he didn't have that much time and I didn't want him to suffer, so I took him to another vet a few blocks up.

He only cried once in his carrier. I stopped, knelt down so he could see that I was still there.

When I got to the other vet, they were very kind but told me there was nothing they could do now and I needed to say goodbye.

They took him away to put the IV in and then they brought him back wrapped up in a blanket. I held him in my arms and gave him kisses, told him how much I loved him, thank you for letting me be your mommy and thank you for being my only true friend.

His name was Lux and he was a beautiful silver Bengal, just six months old.

I am heartbroken. I don't know how to be okay.

 

[Feral Cat Mom]

I'm so sorry for your loss! I know how heartbreaking it is to lose your cat.I felt so depressed and lonely when I lost my first cat. A few years later when two of my kittens disappeared ( for some reason it seems harder to lose kittens than full grown cats) I threw myself into helping feral and stray cats which helped me heal. I did consider volunteering at our Humane society which is a option that may help you cope with his loss. Hang in there!

 

[les26]

I am so very sorry to hear of this, I can tell how much you meant to each other by your words, and it is just so so sad, so young, but for some reasons these horrific things happen and we probably will never know the reason why. But the nice thing is that you got to say goodbye, I know that doesn't mean much but down the line it will, but yes it is so heartbreaking, you feel just devastated and feel as if you too will die and don't half care if you do, but as the days go by things will slowly get a bit more normal, never the same but the intense hurt won't be as strong, but it does take very much time. Please continue to post on here and let us know how you are doing, we all understand and some have been through it many times and many more to come, it doesn't make it any easier no matter how many times we endure this, but it helps to be able to talk with others who know and care.

"Their last breath on Earth is their first breath in Heaven"

I hope that your heart heals a bit more each day, Lord Bless you.....

 

[Rini]

Thank you both.

I am so full of guilt but I try to tell myself I did everything. I took him to the vet once a week every week since he was diagnosed in Jan., after getting a second and third opinion. And I am grateful that when the end came, I was here with him. That was always my biggest fear.

He was my first kitten I got as an adult. I just feel as if I have failed.

 

[les26]

Thank you both.

I am so full of guilt but I try to tell myself I did everything. I took him to the vet once a week every week since he was diagnosed in Jan., after getting a second and third opinion. And I am grateful that when the end came, I was here with him. That was always my biggest fear.

He was my first kitten I got as an adult. I just feel as if I have failed.

No you did not fail, it is just the grief talking, sometimes no matter how much we try to help them no amount of care or money or advice can save them, if it is their time to go they must go, but we feel responsible for their every little thing, so when they pass we feel that "I should have done this" or "I should have seen this coming" but we always can't, I know I felt that way with a few of them, tried everything I could from vets to vitamins to whatever, but when they must go they must go and we cannot change that plan.

It is just the grief talking, it is quite normal and with time it will fade away, take care.....

 

[tarasgirl06]

This morning. He had FIP and I knew he didn't have forever but I am still so devastated.

Last night when I got home from work he seemed a little more lethargic than usual and I had to coax him to eat. He tried to jump up on the couch to sit with me but he missed, poor thing, so I picked up and we got into bed. He slept beside me on the pillow with his cheek resting against mine. I woke up in the middle of the night and he was sitting on my chest.

He gave me the look. I am sure some of you know.

"Mommy, I love you and I know you tried. It's okay. I am ready to go."

I told him okay. I told him I would make the appointment in the morning.

But I never got the chance. I woke up a few more times to find him sleeping at my ankles and wetting on the bed (this has been happening since he became ill, I thought nothing of it).

I vaguely heard him leave the bed. A little while later my alarm went off and I got up to find him just lying sprawled out on the floor, totally limp.

I picked him up and I cradled him in my arms. For a few minutes, I allowed us to get back in the bed. I knew it was the end. He purred and I gave him kisses and told him how much I loved him.

I put him in the carrier and took him to our regular vet who is just around the corner but there was no one there. The receptionist said no vet would be there until 10. I knew he didn't have that much time and I didn't want him to suffer, so I took him to another vet a few blocks up.

He only cried once in his carrier. I stopped, knelt down so he could see that I was still there.

When I got to the other vet, they were very kind but told me there was nothing they could do now and I needed to say goodbye.

They took him away to put the IV in and then they brought him back wrapped up in a blanket. I held him in my arms and gave him kisses, told him how much I loved him, thank you for letting me be your mommy and thank you for being my only true friend.

His name was Lux and he was a beautiful silver Bengal, just six months old.

I am heartbroken. I don't know how to be okay.

Rini My heartfelt condolences for your loss of precious Lux. No words can bring comfort at this time, I know, but I do have a few thoughts.
We lost a precious kitten to wet-form FIP a few years ago. She was around 3 months old. A friend had rescued her from the streets but couldn't offer her all the care she needed, so I adopted her. She seemed absolutely healthy when we took her in for her checkup and first innoculations. I had lost a beloved cat to dry form FIP some years earlier and was absolutely at war with this scourge, so I got the vax for this little girl, believing it was the right thing to do. In no time, she developed all the symptoms of wet-form FIP. She was due to go back to the doctor the very next morning, but when I got up and checked on her, she was gone.
Since my little man, Sunny, had an almost unheard-of longevity with dry-form FIP, living to almost 16, I have been very aware of this horrible disease. Recently, I have read of a kitten being in remission with it. So there may be hope.
I hope you share my knowledge that your beloved one watches over you now, until you are reunited in due time, and that his soul, like yours, is eternal. He is in the very best of Care, and though you miss his physical form and sharing life with him that way, he IS with you and in time, the wonderful memories you have will be of comfort to you. Right now, though, there is nothing that can be said that can do that, I know. Just know that he is very near, and he always will be.

RIP, precious Lux.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Rest you gentle, Lux, dream you deep. Your pawprints are on someone's heart forever.

SIGH...knowing that the time will be short, and preparing for the time to be short is so very different from being ready. We never are, are we? He sought you out, not only to receive comfort, but to offer it, as well. Remember this. Love does not die. It changes form, and then it abides, always with us. He is with you still, although you will sorely miss his sweet, warm physical presences. My heart to yours.

 

[foxden]

I'm so very sorry. You did everything possible to help him.
In the end, you allowed him to leave you so he would not be in pain.
However, your grief and pain is just beginning. All of my cats needed help crossing the bridge, but it is the most difficult thing I have done for my girls

 

[di and bob]

My heart breaks for your pain. The bond you developed with that sweet boy will be with you for eternity. He needed you, and you were there. He loved you and you loved him back. When it was time for him to go, you somehow found the strength to give him one more act of love, one born out of compassion and agony.
You did not fail, he came into your life for a reason. Although it is never as long as we want, it is for as long as they need. You were chosen to love him, to help him through this, to give him the one thing he treasured above all else....your love.
He took a part of your heart with him when he went, but he left you a piece of his to fill the void that is impossible to escape. The emptiness you feel right now will eventually fade as time helps to dull the loss to your soul. As your happy memories replace the sad, your life will brighten once more when you realize what he gave you, what he brought to your life. Knowing his love and sharing your life with him will be one of your greatest treasures. That can never be taken from you.
Lux would be the last one to want you so sad because of him. Just as you would want for him if you were the first to go, embrace life, go forward and enjoy what it offers. He will always be nearby,sending you his love, his new path will forever follow yours. Because that is what love is, eternal, and all consuming.
Take care, I will pray for you both to find peace. I will cry with you for the loss of one so innocent and so loved, but I will celebrate the love you shared. My sincere condolences......RIP sweet Lux. May the good Lord bless and keep you until you meet again.Goodnight, sleep tight, little angel!

 

[Rini]

Your replies have touched me so deeply--people in real life have said things like "Well, now you can move on, you were spending all your time at home with your kitten"....how rude of them.

Thank you all.

 

[les26]

Your replies have touched me so deeply--people in real life have said things like "Well, now you can move on, you were spending all your time at home with your kitten"....how rude of them.

Thank you all.

They truly do not understand, and I feel sad for them because they are missing out on a lot; but trying to convince them or change their way of thinking is impossible, the best we can hope for is that someday they get involved with a pet that really breaks through and touches their heart, then they will know how it is.

 

[Antonio65]

I picked him up and I cradled him in my arms. For a few minutes, I allowed us to get back in the bed. I knew it was the end. He purred and I gave him kisses and told him how much I loved him.
...[cut]...
They took him away to put the IV in and then they brought him back wrapped up in a blanket. I held him in my arms and gave him kisses, told him how much I loved him, thank you for letting me be your mommy and thank you for being my only true friend.

His name was Lux and he was a beautiful silver Bengal, just six months old.

I cried throughout your post, but these lines really get me.
My cat Lola left me nearly one year ago and I remember that I told her the same words you did in the minutes before she died.

But I also remember my cat Tom who died from FIP and I have relived most of his nightmare through your posts.

RIP Lux, your name means "Light" in Latin, and I'm sure you're enlighting the whole Bridge with your beautiful eyes!

 

[Antonio65]

Your replies have touched me so deeply--people in real life have said things like "Well, now you can move on, you were spending all your time at home with your kitten"....how rude of them.

Thank you all.

Now you know more about those people, now you know they do NOT have a heart, and they never will!

 

[tarasgirl06]

Now you know more about those people, now you know they do NOT have a heart, and they never will!

We will pray that they will. Someday. Because

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Your replies have touched me so deeply--people in real life have said things like "Well, now you can move on, you were spending all your time at home with your kitten"....how rude of them.

Thank you all.

Those people live in an "It" world. "It's a cat, a dog, a tree, heck, a chair, for that matter. We live in a "Thou" world, where all things, especially living things, have meaning. Those who live in a world full of "its" are missing so very much. I'd rather be here, with my "thous" and the pain of loss than to miss the richness found here. We are the better for it.

 

[tarasgirl06]

Those people live in an "It" world. "It's a cat, a dog, a tree, heck, a chair, for that matter. We live in a "Thou" world, where all things, especially living things, have meaning. Those who live in a world full of "its" are missing so very much. I'd rather be here, with my "thous" and the pain of loss than to miss the richness found here. We are the better for it.

OH, me too, bigtime! I have had many relationships, have friends all over the world, and am intensely social, but the bonds that have always been most treasured are with my feline family members.

 

[Rini]

I miss him so very much. I was eerily calm after it happened, I sobbed through out but once I got home I went on auto pilot and just started cleaning up all the chaos from the morning...but last night I washed my sheets and I caught a whiff of him...and I was just bawling. I bawled myself to sleep also because my bed is so empty now, there are no little kitten footsteps or purring as he climbs up onto my neck to suffocate me as he sleeps...

I have known many kittens but he was by far the most affectionate, clever, playful little soul. He was my soul kitty. As a Christian and a spiritual person, I have such a hard time understanding why something so cruel as FIP would even exist.

 

[tarasgirl06]

I miss him so very much. I was eerily calm after it happened, I sobbed through out but once I got home I went on auto pilot and just started cleaning up all the chaos from the morning...but last night I washed my sheets and I caught a whiff of him...and I was just bawling. I bawled myself to sleep also because my bed is so empty now, there are no little kitten footsteps or purring as he climbs up onto my neck to suffocate me as he sleeps...

I have known many kittens but he was by far the most affectionate, clever, playful little soul. He was my soul kitty. As a Christian and a spiritual person, I have such a hard time understanding why something so cruel as FIP would even exist.

There are so many things that are mysterious to us, things we do not understand and which seem to us to be very unjust or unexplainable. Why do bad things happen to the most innocent and blameless? We do not know, except that I would say that mankind has certainly veered far off the path which is best for us, and as a result, everything is in turmoil and many are negatively impacted, including, tragically, the most innocent and blameless, who have the fewest defenses. Beyond that, of course, we are all mortal -- we spend the time given to us here on earth, and then, in your belief system and also in mine, we know that we continue on to something far, far better, which we can have no inkling of in our lives here on earth. We would never wish pain on anyone we love! but now the pain is gone forever, and your little light is with the Eternal Light. It hurts you now more than you can even express, missing him. But he is in a so much better place! and he is watching over you. He does not want you to hurt and he does want you to know that he is by your side always.
Things I do when I lose a beloved one, to make myself feel a little better, have helped me. If I can, I plant a tree or plant as a living memorial. I make a photo album to revisit our time together. If I can, I make a donation to a group that helps cats. And in time, I adopt another cat in need, never to "replace" because each of us is unique, but to share the love and care that I have had for my loved one with another who also needs it. May these things, some or all of them, be of help to you in time. Right now, there is only missing him, and no one can change that.

 

[les26]

I miss him so very much. I was eerily calm after it happened, I sobbed through out but once I got home I went on auto pilot and just started cleaning up all the chaos from the morning...but last night I washed my sheets and I caught a whiff of him...and I was just bawling. I bawled myself to sleep also because my bed is so empty now, there are no little kitten footsteps or purring as he climbs up onto my neck to suffocate me as he sleeps...

I have known many kittens but he was by far the most affectionate, clever, playful little soul. He was my soul kitty. As a Christian and a spiritual person, I have such a hard time understanding why something so cruel as FIP would even exist.

We all react differently when we lose our little friends, I guess it depends on many factors. When our first kitty Smoke died after a sudden heart attack, I remember sobbing, a grown man crying his eyes out, she was the first stray that we got after we had to put our Cockapoo Rusty down, she was blind in one eye thanks to what looked like a bb shot and losing her really touched me hard. When Sassy, Serenity and Skipper passed, I shed some tears but was just more dejected and downhearted for some reasons, and when Simon and Sebastian died (both in my arms) I cried some more than the others but also was more heartbroken and suffered anxiety and panic attacks after Simon passed, I could not stand to be alone in the shower, I felt like I was suffocating and closed in, and could not stand to be in the dark, again, a grown 57 year old 225 lb. man with a big heart, I hated it because I guess I felt it was closing in on me, but that slowly passed. When I came home from work 11/23/15 and Sebastian (who had been somewhat sick) died in my arms I was stunned at first but as time went on also had weird anxiety issues, thought something was wrong with my heart, then thought something wrong with my lungs, but it eventually passed too, I learned all of these symptoms are just the grief trying to come out, and also learned to just let it happen, it is natural to try to surpress it but that only delays the healing, it is like poison that has to work out of our systems, and takes some time unfortunately. So you will go through all kinds of emotions with this, just go with them, if you want to cry do it, if you are sad be sad, if you are mad be mad, just go with the flow and with time you will slowly feel better.

I surely understand, little things can be powerful triggers and make you cry your eyes out, he was so close to you and your best friend, but he is still with you spirit wise and always will be. And I dread the day that Sylvester passes, I will be a wreck even though I know the day will come and know what I told you is true and to expect it, but I hope that day is a long way off because I KNOW I will be a train wreck, he is my little buddy and is so special to me as he looks like a perfect combination of Simon and Sebastian, my Angel boy, so I hope he sticks with me for a long time yet but we never know, we can just take care of them the best that we know how and hope for the best....

 

[catwoman707]

I am so saddened and sorry for your loss.....ugh so many of us here know that heartache.
You gave him all the love and care a kitty could ever want, and gave him your comfort, security and safety. A warm full tummy and love.
You spared as much suffering as you possibly could. He knew this too.
FIP is relentless and so random, nothing you could do or did to change this at all. The guilt is all part of the grieving.
Don't hold on to that, it's clear and I know you know in your heart you tried what you could, and know he was kept comfortable while this awful illness took over. You made it possible for him to leave with dignity.

While he may not be there in body, he is all around you in spirit, free from suffering. Resting in peace.